Posts Tagged With: ketchup

Sailor’s Beef (sjömansbiff)

Swedish Entree

SAILOR’S BEEF
(sjömansbiff)

INGREDIENTSSailorsBeef-

1¼ pounds round steak (½” thick or 8 slices)
2 yellow onions
1½ pounds brown potatoes
1½ tablespoons butter (1½ tablespoons more later)
½ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt
1 bay leaf
1 cup beef broth
12 ounces dark beer
1 teaspoon parsley

SPECIAL UTENSIL

kitchen mallet
casserole dish

makes 8 bowls

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Pound steak slices until they are ¼” thick. Cut onions into thin slices. Peel and cut potatoes into THICK slices. Add 1½ tablespoons butter and onion slices to large pan. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until onion softens. Remove onions and set aside. Add 1½ tablespoons butter and steak slices to large pan. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until steak slices brown on both sides.

Add an initial layer of potato slices to casserole dish. Add steak slice. Add a layer of onion slices, then a layer of potato slices. Add some pepper and salt. Repeat steak/onion/potato sequence until all steak slices are used. (Note: there should be an equal amount of potatoes, onion, pepper, and salt above each steak slice. The topmost layer should be potatoes.) Add bay leaf. Pour beef broth and beer over top layer. Sprinkle parsley on top.

Cover and bake in oven at 375 degrees for about 1 hour or until meat is tender.

TIDBITS

1) There’s a museum in Stockholm, Sweden that houses a ship, the Vassa, that sunk in the 1600s. The shp didn’t get very far, sinking in the town’s harbor on its maiden voyage.

2) There is not, however, a muesli museum. I love how muesli museum is so alliterative.

3) But there is a Mooseum in Alabama. It’s Alabama’s only children’s museum to extol the cattle industry. And it’s interactive. Are there more children’s interactive cattle museums?

6) Swedes interact with cattle by eating hamburgers. Ketchup goes well with burgers . Swedes consume more ketchup per capita than any other nation.

7) Ystad, Sweden hosts the Cow Bingo festival. A cow gets led to a 9-by-9 field of squares. You bet on one of the 81 squares. If the cow poops on your square, you win. Watch out Las Vegas!

8) Sweden had a thirty-day February in 1712. Any cow born on February 30, 1712 would never have had another birthday.

9) Cows aren’t the only important critters in Sweden. Heck no! For years, the medieval town of Hurdenburg let a specially selected louse pick its mayor. If the louse crawled into your bread and stayed there, you were the town’s new leader.

10) Town chroniclers are frustatingly mute on how the Hurdenburgers picked the louse that would anoint their mayor. Maybe they had a better political system than our current one.

11) But maybe not. Maybe the louse-selecting system could have been corrupted. After all, any man wishing to be mayor could have stuffed his beard with all sorts of louse delicacies. That certainly given the candidate an advantage over his rivals.

12) Also, the system is inherently unfair to those civic-minded individuals who can’t grow a beard.

13) Today we vote to select our mayors, senators, and president.

14) Voting is not without its faults. It’s long, expensive, and prone to deceiving partisans ads on T.V..

15) The louse, however, cannot be influenced money, no matter how many millions you have.

16) The louse picks the mayor, etc., within minutes, a vast improvement over our apparently never-ending electioneering.

16) But way back when, Sweden’s Queen Christina, had a miniature cannon made, which fired tiny cannonballs at fleas. Resentful at this royal treatment to its insect brethren, lice everywhere immediately forever gave up all political participation.

17) Lice still like to crawl into people’s beards. Old habits die hard.

18) Drinking coffee is a fun habit. Swedes drink more of the caffeinated beverage than any other people.

18) If you ever go to Sweden for its ketchup and coffee, don’t forget to sample the country’s surströmming, fermented herring. The first day for selling this dish is the third Thursday in August. So mark your calendars and start planning that vacation.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Tuna Melt

American Entree

TUNA MELT

INGREDIENTSTunaMelt-

2 5-ounce cans albacore tuna
1/3 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup diced celery
2, tablespoons minced yellow, brown, or red onon
1 teaspoon dill weed
1/8,teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup shredded cheddar or mozzarella cheese
1 medium, ripe avocado (optional)
2 hamburger buns on 4 bread slices

PREPARATION

Drain water from tuna cans. Preheat broiler to 375 degrees. Toast bread for 2 minutes. While bread toasts, become a whirlwind and add tuna, mayonnaise, celery, onion, dill weed, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk.

Top the bread slices equally with tuna/mayonnaise mix. Put slices in broiler and broil at 375 for 2 to 3 minutes. Remove tuna/mayonnaise/bread slices from broiler and top equally with shredded cheese. Return slices to broiler and broil at 375 degrees for about 2 minutes or until cheese melts. Remove from oven. Carefully combine two slices together. (You might wish to use a spatula.)

TIDBITS

1) “December 7, 1941–a date which will live in infamy…” – President Roosevelt on the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor.

2) “December 23, 1941, a date which will live in culinary glory…” – me, today. For this is the date of the first recorded sighting of the word, “cheeseburger.” This wondrous event happened at a small restaurant in Burbank, California.

3) The first six months of the war in the Pacific went poorly for America. Some culinary historians speculate that the invention of the cheeseburger was the only thing that prevented defeatism spreading throughout America.

4) Moreover, the humble cheeseburger provided American soldiers, marines, and sailors the energy to keep up the good fight when their Japanese counterparts flagged from a want of calories. Now, Japan and America are friends, because we both eat cheeseburgers. May I suggest a Japanese cheeseburger with wasabi ketchup?

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Russian Dressing

American Appetizer

RUSSIAN DRESSING

INGREDIENTSRussianDressing-

1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/2 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper

PREPARATION

Add all ingredients to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until well blended. May be stored in air-tight jars for up to two weeks. Woo hoo! This is so easy. You’ll lots of time after this to do crossword puzzles or plot worldwide domination, whichever you prefer.

TIDBITS

1) Lake Baikal is in Russia. Its depth reaches from the surface to the bottom and contains around 20% of the world’s unfrozen fresh water. You could make a lot of ice from the water in Lake Baikal. That ice could chill a lot of mugs filled with blessed, soothing root beer.

2) The Russians have always known this. This is why America and Russia faced off for decades in the Cold War. The United States in particular, worried then that the Soviets would restrict the supply of ice cubes. Indeed, Brezhnev in 1968, severely curtailed the export of ice from Lake Baikal.

5) It is no coincidence that riots broke out in one American city after another that year. Crime spiked. Did things suddenly worsen from 1967? No, but without ice from Lake Baikal, Americans could not properly ice their root beers. Problems that people shrugged off easily with the aid of ice-cold root beers, suddenly became insurmountable, maddening even.

8) The United States wasn’t the only country to face disintegration in 1968. Russia invaded Czechoslovakia to put an end to the ice riots that ravaged the country. Millions perished in China’s cultural revolution. We now know Mao launched this horrific plan to hide the even more hideous fact from his countrymen; there weren’t enough ice cubes in the country to cool all the root beer.

9) But President Johnson knew the Russia’s Achilles heel. He threatened to ban exports of root beer to Russia. The root-beerless Soviets backed down and ice flowed, not quite the right verb, to all corners of the world. Tensions between nations diminished considerably and people hugged each other everywhere. The New York Mets even won the World Series next year. And bluebirds sang.

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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More Mostly Highway Culinary Mishaps

Molasses spill in ocean off Honolulu, Hawaii. http://www.cnn.com/2013/09/10/us/hawaii-molasses-spill/

In 2006 truck carrying frozen Steak-umms flipped on Eisenhower Blvd. in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

Massive Lego Spill closes West Virginia highway,  

Bee spill in Georgia covers road with honey;  closes highway.

Ketchup spill closes freeway in Reno, Nevada.

Soup spill closes freeway ramp in Racine, Wisconsin.

Tomato spill near Campbell’s soup factory causes road to be covered in tomato-slurry.

 

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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La Mitraillette (Belgian Sandwich)

Belgian Entree

LA MITRAILLETTE

INGREDIENTSLaMitraillette-

1 yellow onion
1 tablespoon butter (2 more tablespoons later)
2 pounds ground beef
5 Yukon gold potatoes or medium potatoes (if you wish to make your own French fries)
1 cup French fries (if you don’t wish to make your own French fries)
2 baguettes
2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup ketchup
1/4 cup mayonnaise

PREPARATION OF FRENCH FRIES (or used already made French Fries)

Cut potatoes into strips 1/4″ to 1/2″ wide. Soak potato strips in cold water for 30 minutes. Drain. Pat strips dry. Put oil in deep fryer. Heat oil to 340 degrees. Put potato strips in fryer. Fry strips at 340 degrees for 5-to-10 minutes or until they become crisp and turn golden brown. You will most likely need to cook in batches. Remove fries. Put fries on paper towels to remove grease. If you are using already-made fries, put fries in pan and fry on medium heat for 5 minutes or until thoroughly heated. Stir occasionally.

PREPARATION OF SANDWICH

Dice onion. Put onion and 1 tablespoon butter in frying pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion is tender. Stir frequently. Remove onion. Make 8 small beef patties. Fry patties on medium high-heat for 5 minutes or until meat is no longer pink. Flip patties occasionally.

While beef is cooking, cut baguettes in two along their width. Cut open demi-baguettes. Spread 2 tablespoons butter on the inside of the baguette pieces. Toast the baguettes pieces butter side down in frying pan on medium-high heat for 2 minutes. Assemble sandwiches with bottom halves of baguettes, onion, ground beef, French fries, ketchup, mustard, and top halves of baguettes .
TIDBITS

1) “La mitraillette” means “the machine gun” in French. Machine Gun Kelly was a famous gangster. Gene Kelly was a renowned dancer. Gene Krupa was a great band leader from the Big Band Era.

2) E.R.A. stands for Earned Run Average and equals (earned runs/innings pitched) * 9. Yay!

3) You should make sure your ground beef turns brown in this recipe. The ground is beneath your feet. Most people and tyrannosaurus rexes have two feet. And so it goes.

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Zapiekanka, Polish Sandwich

Polish Entree

ZAPIEKANKA

INGREDIENTSZapiekanka-

1 baguette
1/3 onion
1 red bell pepper
1 tablespoon butter
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 pound sliced ham or deli-meat of choice
1 cup grated cheese of choice
1/4 cup ketchup
1/4 cup mayonnaise
no-stick spray

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Cut baguette in half and slice each half open. Cut onion and red bell pepper into thin slices. Add onion, bell pepper, turmeric, pepper, and butter to frying pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion is soft.

Add onion/bell pepper mixture, ham to baguette pieces. Top pieces with grated cheese. Spray baking tray with no-stick spray. Put tray in oven. Bake at 325 degrees for 5 minutes or until bread is crispy and cheese is melted. Remove tray from oven. Squirt, or spread, ketchup and mayonnaise over each piece.

TIDBITS

1) In 1857, native Indian soldiers, sepoys, in the British army believed the new gunpowder cartridges were greased with cow fat and pig fat. This grease insulted the religious beliefs of the Hindu and Muslim soldiers who had to bite the cartridges before using them. This mistake in greasing by the British sparked a major native rebellion.

2) The rebellion resulted in the deaths of thousands of people, embittered the Indians toward the British, and greatly widened the rift between Hindus and Muslims. This gulf persisted resulting in the bloody religious riots of 1947 and three wars between India and Pakistan. Today, these two countries have nuclear weapons pointed at each other.

3) If only Britain had greased its cartridges with olive oil. Today, we also have vegetable oil. A fragile peace prevails over the world.

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Exciting Headlines

Headlines can be quite exciting as the following collection shows. Many are based on memory and others are from tabloids. But they are all great fun. Enjoy!

1) Ten New Ways to talk to the dead.

2) Woman steals three-headed baby.

3) Satan’s Skull Found in New Mexico: Biblical Experts Call It the Find of the Century.

4) Tap the Amazing Healing Properties of Ketchup

5) White House Ducks Report …

6)  Bat Boy is real!

7) A mental patient attacked women in a laundrette and escaped on foot. Headline:- NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS.

8) Daughter Gives Birth to Own Mother

9) Mule elected Mayor…

10) Camper Beats Off Naked Slasher…

11)  Eighty-year-old spends her 80th wedding anniversary in jail for accidentally smashing her husband’s head in with a cast iron frying pan.

2)  Moon to Explode in 6 Months! – Weekly World News July 18, 2005

13) Abraham Lincoln was a Woman! Shocking pix found in White House basement … plus, Was John Wilkes Booth Her Jilted Lover” – Weekly World News – January 2002

13) Dewey Wins!

14) Girls Schools Still Offering ‘Something Special’ – head
– Gloucestershire something, February 2, 2011

Please feel free to submit your favorite headlines.

– Paul R. De Lancey

cover

My novel We’re French and You’re Not, is available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Great Culinary Mishaps Along The World’s Roads

“All the pig carcasses and the 86 live pigs were carried off, while the local police reportedly declined to intervene.”
.
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Read about how thousands of gallons of pancake syrup spilled on Buttermilk Pass in Kentucky. Puts me in the mood for buttermilk pancakes with syrup. Yum!
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Ketchup spill near Reno, Nevada
coverMy cookbookEat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Bacon-Wrapped Hot Dogs

American Entree

BACON-WRAPPED HOT DOGS

INGREDIENTSBaconWrapHD-

1 onion
1 tomato
1 green bell pepper
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
8 hot dogs
8 bacon slices
1 jalapeno pepper
2 tablespoons ketchup
2 tablespoons mayonnaise
2 tablespoons yellow mustard
8 buns
no-stick spray

PREPARATION

Dice onion, tomato, bell pepper, and jalapeno pepper. Put vegetable oil, onion, bell pepper, and jalapeno in skillet. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Set aside.

Wrap a bacon slice around each hot dog. Tuck in the ends of the bacon slices so they don’t unwrap. (Or use toothpicks.) Spray new skillet. Add bacon-wrapped hot dogs to skillet. Fry on medium-high heat for 5-to-10 minutes or until bacon is crispy and hot dogs are done. Turn bacon-wrapped hot dogs frequently to ensure even cooking.

While hot dogs are frying, toast the buns. Spread ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard on buns.. Sprinkle buns with diced tomatoes. Add bacon-wrapped hot dogs. Close and eat. Yum!

TIDBITS

1) A chipotle is a ripe, smoked jalapeno. A salmon that has been smoked is a smoked salmon.

2) A jalapeno pepper went to outer space in 1982. I have never been to outer space. I have been bested by a jalapeno pepper. It’s quite humbling.

3) However, as far as I know smoked salmon has never been to the moon or on the Space Shuttle. Please don’t tell me if it has; I don’t think my ego could handle it.

4 ) Don’t drink water after eating jalapenos. The water merely spreads the heat around. Drink milk. Milk blocks the pain receptors in your mouth. Got milk?

5) Jalapeno-salmon burgers are a popular entree. Someday, you will be able to order them in space. Be sure to have a lid for your milk. Milk gets everywhere in zero-gravity.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Locro de Papa – cheesy potato soup

Ecuadorian Soup

LOCRO DE PAPA
(cheesy potato soup)

INGREDIENTSLocroDePapa-

AJI SAUCE

1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon aji amarillo pepper
2  green onions stalks (3 stalks more later)
1 tablespoon vegetable oil (1 1/2 tablespoons more later)
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup sour cream (1/2 cup more later)
1 tablespoon ketchup
1 1/2 tablespoons lime juice
1/2 teaspoon cumin (2 teaspoons more later)
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon sea salt (1/2 teaspoon more later)

SOUP

1 white onion
3 garlic cloves
1 scallion
6 medium potatoes
1 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 teaspoon achiote or annatto powder
1 teaspoon cilantro
2 teaspoons cumin
2 cups water
2 cups chicken broth
2/3 cups milk
1/2 cup sour cream
1/2 cup shredded mozzarella or Monterey jack cheese
1 egg
2/3 cup grated or crumbled queso fresco or Monterey jack cheese
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
2 avocados
2 aji peppers or cayenne peppers
3 green onion stalks
2 small tomatoes

PREPARATION AJI AMARILLO SAUCE

Mince green onions. Melt butter on medium heat in sauce pan. Add 2 green onion stalks, aji amarillo pepper, and oil. Sauté at medium-high heat for 2 minutes or until all ingredients are well blended. Stir frequently.

Put sautéed mixture in mixing bowl. Add mayonnaise, sour cream, ketchup, lime juice, cumin, black pepper, and sea salt. Whisk together.

PREPARATION OF SOUP

Peel potatoes. Cut potatoes into 1″ cubes. Dice avocado, 3 green onion stalks, tomatoes, and aji or cayenne peppers.

Mince onion, garlic, and scallion. Put aji amarillo sauce, onion, and 1 1/2 tablespoon vegetable oil in pot. Sauté at medium-high heat or until onion is tender. Stir frequently.

Add potato cubes to pot. Stir until spices coat potato cubes. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat. Add water, chicken broth, achiote, cilantro, cumin, and salt. Simmer soup on low heat for 20 minutes or until potatoes are tender. Mash the potatoes in pot with potato masher until only small bits remain. Soup should be creamy. Stir occasionally. (No turning back, you’re almost there. Excelsior!)

Add milk, sour cream, egg, and mozzarella cheese. Simmer on low for 5 minutes or until cheese melts. Garnish with avocado, green onion, aji peppers, tomatoes, and queso fresco.

Lavishly praise anyone who went to the store to get you all these ingredients. Serve and enjoy.

TIDBITS

1) Since 2001 the official currency in Ecuador has been the U.S dollar.

2) The exchange rate between the U.S. dollar in the United States and the U.S. dollar in Ecuador is 1:1. Hee! Sorry, that was the economist in me making a mad dash for supremacy.

3) The Ecuadorean flag is yellow for the nation’s diversity, blue for the sky and the sea, and red for the blood of those who fought in the war for independence.

4) There should be a Vulcan flag. Here goes. The Vulcan flag is yellow for the planet’s diversity, red for the sky, turquoise for the sea, and green for the blood of those who fought in the Federation’s Wars.

5) Ecuador was the first nation in 2008 to declare constitutional rights for nature. The Vulcan embassy is mute on this point despite numerous requests.

6) Wouldn’t it be way cool to have a contest to see who could visit the most embassies in Washington, DC? You’d have to get your contest book stamped by the embassy or pick up literature from the country about agriculture or something.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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