food

Horchata From Mexico

Mexican Dessert

HORCHATA

INGREDIENTSHorchata-

2 cups uncooked long-grain rice (white is best)
2 cups water
3 1/2 cups milk
1 tablespoon cinnamon (freshly ground is best)
1 1/4 cups sugar
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

PREPARATION

Put rice and water in blender. Blend using highest setting for 2 minutes. Put blender container in refrigerator overnight.

Add cinnamon, sugar, and vanilla extract to rice/water in blender. Blend at highest setting for 5 minutes. Pour mixture into large pitcher. Add milk. Stir with long wooden spoon. This goes well served over ice. Olé

TIDBITS

1) The director for the middle school near my home loves the song, “Tequila.” However, he and the school disapprove of alcohol, so the band changed the word in the song to “horchata.”

2) “Horchata” is an anagram for “CAA, Thor.” The initials for the Canadian Automobile Association is CAA. Thor was a powerful Norse god. I think this means Thor drives a car and is a naturalized Canadian.

3) What types of car would Thor drive? A Thunderbird.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Maschi (Stuffed tomato) from Sudan

Sudanese Entree

MASCHI
(Stuffed Tomato)

INGREDIENTSMaschi-

1/2 cup rice
1 cup water
2 cloves garlic (2 more cloves later)
1 medium onion
1 1/2 pounds beef (round, steak, or ground beef)
1/4 teaspoon allspice
1 tablespoon dill
1/2 teaspoon salt (1/4 more teaspoon later)
2 tablespoons vegetable oil (2 more tablespoons later)
2 tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
8 large tomatoes

2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 cup water
2 6-ounce cans tomato paste
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 teaspoon cinnamon
2 cloves garlic

Makes 8 stuffed tomatoes. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cook rice and water according to instructions on package or rice cooker. While rice cooks, mince 2 garlic cloves and onion. Shred beef, if not using ground beef.

Add cooked rice, minced garlic from two cloves , onion, beef, allspice, dill, salt, 2 tablespoons vegetable oil, and 2 tablespoons lemon juice to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until beef browns and onion becomes soft.

Cut off the middle top part of a tomato. Scoop out the insides of the tomato with a spoon or your finger. (If you’re wondering if you should marry, ask your sweetheart to use the finger methods to help you hollow out these tomatoes. If this exercise goes well, by all means, propose.) Fill tomato with sautéed beef mixture. Close the tomato with a middle-tomato top. Repeat for the other tomatoes.

Put tomatoes in large skillet. Add 2 tablespoons vegetable oil. Roll the tomatoes gently in the oil.  Add butter. Sauté at medium-high heat until tomatoes turn dark red on the outside. Remove pan from burner.

Mince 2 garlic cloves. Combine 2 tablespoons lemon juice, water, tomato paste, salt, cinnamon,  and minced garlic from two cloves in mixing bowl. Pour this sauce over tomatoes. Put skillet back on burner. Reduce heat to low. Simmer for 10 minutes or until sauce is done.

TIDBITS

1) Colonel John Garang led South Sudan’s long struggle for independence. Sudanese forces looked for Garang’s headquarters every day, hoping to decapitate the independence movement. Garang maintained radio silence unless he need to transmit critical information to his platoons.

2) Except when he radioed his congratulations to the Minnesota Twins for winning the World Series. Colonel Garang was a lifelong Twins fan.

3) Bombo Rivera was a mediocre but popular outfielder for the Twins. His popularity derived mainly from his cool sounding name. A song was even written about him. Here is a link to the lyrics, http://coffeyvillewhirlwind.wordpress.com/2007/07/05/the-ballad-of-bombo-rivera/

4) The movie, La Bamba, was made in 1987. It was not about the life of Bombo Rivera and didn’t star Bombo Rivera. Indeed, as far as I can tell Bombo Rivera did not even have a bit role in the movie.

5) The movie, La Bamba, is in English. There is no Spanish version of it, not even one in Esperanto.

6) The only movie made in Esperanto is Incubus. It starred William Shatner.

7) Within a year of that, he landed the role of Captain James T. Kirk in the television series, Star Trek.

8) So knowing Esperanto is useful.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Lachuch Bread From Yemen

Yemeni Appetizer

LACHUCH BREAD

INGREDIENTSlachuch-

1 1/2 slices white bread
1 1/2 teaspoons dry yeast
3 cups warm water
3 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 tablespoon sugar
3 tablespoons vegetable oil (or 1 teaspoon per bread)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric skillet

Makes about 9 lachuch breads

PREPARATION

Soak bread in small bowl of warm water. Pour water out of bowl. Press your fish against bread to squeeze out water. Again, pour water out of bowl. Squeeze soggy bread with hands to form bread paste. (This is a bad time to caress your sweetheart’s hair.)

Add yeast and warm water to large mixing bowl. Stir until yeast dissolves. Add flour, salt and sugar. Mix with fork until batter forms. Add bread paste to mixing bowl. Form batter by mixing all ingredients with whisk or fork.

Cover mixing bowl. Let batter rise for 2 hours or until it doubles in size.

Put 1 teaspoon of oil in skillet. Heat skillet to 350 degrees. Pour in 1 ladle of batter. Fry for 4-to-5 minutes until batter is golden brown on the bottom and the top is covered with bubble holes. Do not turn over. It is a no no. Repeat until batter is used up. Use 1 teaspoon of oil per ladle.

Lachuch bread goes well with Yemeni chicken soup.

TIDBITS

1) “Bread” is an anagram for “bread.”

2) Okay, that was an easy anagram. Here’s another: red ab. You get red abs by sitting at the beach too long without sunscreen.

3) It’s also an anagram for “ad reb,” as in, “Hey man, what type of ‘reb’ are you?” “Oh, I’m ‘ad reb,’ man.”

4) More traditionally, “bread” is an anagram for “beard.”

5) At one point the CIA debated making Fidel Castro’s beard fall out. Some thought the Cuban people would be so disillusioned with him if walked around with a hairless face that they would rise up and overthrow the dictator.

6) I don’t sport a beard. I have no chance of being dictator of Cuba.

5 Ancient Egyptian men and women wore fake metallic beards to mark special occasions, such as solar eclipses. I have no idea why. Maybe they had it all wrong. Maybe wearing fake metallic beards cause solar eclipses.

6) I’m not wearing a fake metallic beard as I type this. There is no solar eclipse going on.

7) See?

8) And what does “Fake metallic beards” mean? Do people grow “real metallic beards?”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Yemeni Chicken Soup

Yemeni Soup

CHICKEN SOUP

INGREDIENTSChickenNoo-

3 chicken breasts
2 carrots
4 brown potatoes
2 cloves garlic
1 tomato
2 tablespoons hawaij (See recipe for hawaij)
1/2 bunch fresh parsley or 1 cup
1 quart chicken stock

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breasts into 1″ cubes. Peel and cut carrots into 1″ wide slices. Peel and cut potatoes into eighths. Dice garlic cloves. Dice tomatoes.

Add all ingredients to large pot. Cook on high heat until soup boils, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 45 minutes. Stir occasionally.

TIDBITS

1) Hawaij is quite close to being spelled Hawaii.

2) Hawaii is the 50th state admitted to the United States of America.

3) In 1950, the New York Yankees swept the Philadelphia Phillies in the World Series.

4) The Philly cheesesteak is a deservedly famous sandwich.

5) Vampires are killed by a stake to the heart.

6) Garlic, though, keeps vampires at bay while being much smaller and cheaper.

7) There is no garlic in my recipe for hawaij. So there is none is this soup.

8) You won’t be able to ward off vampires by showing it this soup. Better to throw the soup at the vampire. Look for your stake and hammer while it’s wiping off its face. Good luck.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Hawaij, Spice Mix from Yemen

Yemeni Appetizer

HAWAIJ
(spice mix)

INGREDIENTSHawaij-

2 tablespoons black peppercorns
3/4 teaspoon whole cloves
1/2 teaspoon caraway seeds
1 teaspoon cardamom
2 teaspoons coriander
2 1/2 teaspoons cumin
1 tablespoon turmeric

SPECIAL UTENSIL

spice grinder

PREPARATION

Grind peppercorns, cloves, and caraway seeds in spice grinder. Use fork to mix peppercorn, cloves, caraway, cardamom, coriander, cumin, and turmeric in small mixing bowl. Store mixture in airtight jar.

TIDBITS

1) According to Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, cardamom is “the spice of Paradise.” It’s not clear how he knew that. Perhaps he had an Ouija board.

2) Since Ouija boards weren’t invented until the twentieth century, it’s clear Chaucer had a time machine. I would have read Canterbury Tales in High School with much more interest if I had known that.

3) According to some vague, unspecified, nebulous people, cardamom was the most popular spice in ancient Rome. Rome conquered Gaul. Gauls did not spice with cardamom. The frightening implication is clear.

4) Cardamom coffee is popular in the Arab world. The Arabs overran North Africa, the Fertile Crescent, the Spanish peninsula, Sicily, and Southern France in only 100 years. The conquering qualities of cardamom explains why it costs more than oil per ounce. Oil fuels countries’ economies, but cardamom is necessary for sheer national survival.

5) Cardamom is more popular in Sweden than any other spice. Sweden has never been conquered by a non-Nordic nation. Even nations with powerful armies respect countries with large cardamom stockpiles.

6) Cardamom is the world’s second most expensive spice. Only saffron cost more. I don’t even want to think what a global conflict over saffron would be like.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Meatloaf Provençale

French Entree

MEATLOAF PROVENÇALE

INGREDIENTSMeatloafPro-

1/2 white onion
1/2 red onion
3 cloves garlic
1 green bell pepper
1 carrot
1/2 cup spinach
1 Roma tomato
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 cups bread crumbs
1/4 cup shredded cheese (Gruyère or Doubs, if you can find it)
1 1/2 pounds beef
3 eggs
1 tablespoon herbes de Provence
1 tablespoon parsley
1/2 teaspoon pepper (mignonette if you can find it)
1 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/4 cup red wine

SPECIAL UTENSIL

8″ x 8″ casserole dish
no-stick spray.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Mince white onion, red onion, and garlic. Seed bell pepper. Mince bell pepper, carrot, spinach, and tomato. Add olive oil, white onion, red onion, and garlic to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes. Stir frequently.

Put all ingredients in large mixing bowl. Combine everything with hands. Is this messy? Yes, it is. Spray casserole dish with no-stick spray. Put mixture in casserole dish. Put casserole dish in oven. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour.

TIDBITS

1) The ancient Greeks believed mustard soothed sore muscle, and cured toothaches.

2) Being so much smarter, we now think mustard stimulates the appetite, improves digestion, clears sinuses, and increases blood circulation.

3) Sprinkle mustard flour in your socks to prevent frostbite.

4) Throwing mustard seeds over your right shoulder at your clothes washer and dryer will prevent them from stealing one sock from every pair.

5) Some Danes and Indians think you can ward off evil spirits by scattering mustard seeds around your home’s perimeter.

6) Lutefisk placed all around your home repels all evil spirits, people, and indeed every organism on this Earth.

7) Extraterrestrials will not visit our planet as long as we make lutefisk.

8) There is not a single nation in the world that even considers using lutefisk as a weapon of war.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Tunisian Meshwiya (relish) on Baguettes

Tunisian Appetizer

MESHWIYA ON BAGUETTES
(relish)

INGREDIENTSMeshwiya-

2 eggs
5 Roma tomatoes
1 green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
2 cloves garlic
4 tablespoons lemon juice
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
1 tablespoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons parsley

1 baguette

PREPARATION

Boil eggs in water. (6 minutes for soft-boiled or 12 minutes for hard-boiled.) While eggs are boiling, also boil tomato, green bell pepper, and red bell pepper on high heat for 1 minute. Remove tomato, green bell pepper, and red-bell pepper and put in cold water. Their skins should peel off easily. (The skin of the tomato is the easiest to peel, then the red bell pepper, while the hardest to peel is the green bell pepper.

Dice boiled eggs. Cut tomatoes, green bell pepper, and red bell pepper into small bits. Mince garlic. Combine all ingredients except baguette in large mixing bowl with fork or whisk. Cut baguette into 1″ wide slices.

Top baguette slices with tomatp/bell pepper/spice mixture from mixing bowl. Also spoon liquid from mixing bowl onto baguette slices. Enjoy while you can. They go fast.

TIDBITS

1) About 1920 the French banned bakers from working before 4am. This didn’t give the bakers enough time to make loaves for the breakfast crowd. So they made the thinner baguettes which baked quicker.

2) In 2009, a bird dropped a piece of baguette into the Large Hadron Collider at Cern in Switzerland, causing a shut-down of the system. The NASDAQ stock exchange was twice shut down by squirrels chewing through cable insulation.

3) “Baguette” is derived from the Latin word “baculum,” meaning wand or staff. Baculum is also the name for a mammal’s penis bone.

4) Baguettes are sometimes used as swords in slapstick scenes in American movies. The French don’t appreciate this. But come on, I bet they have baguette sword fights on the sly.

5) In Baguette sword fights, you win if you stab your opponent with your baguette or you break your opponent’s baguette. Baguettes costs money and a shattered one sprays small crumbs all over the floor, making this game somewhat unpopular with mothers everywhere.

6) You can use the baguette as an old-fashioned fountain pen. Simply dip one end of the baguette in chocolate syrup. Again, permission from mother is recommended.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Banana Chutney From Zaire

Zairean Appetizer

BANANA CHUTNEY

INGREDIENTSBananChut-

6 ripe bananas
1 medium stick or 4 teaspoons cinnamon
5 tablespoons lemon juice
1 1/2 tablespoons lemon zest
1/4 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves

PREPARATION

Peel and mash bananas with fork. Grind cinnamon with spice grinder. Combine all ingredients in sauce pan. Cook for 10-to-15 minutes using low-medium heat until it reaches your desired level of consistency. Stir frequently.

Let cool. Put in jar and refrigerate. This will keep there for about 2 weeks.

TIDBITS

1) I searched for “fun facts about Zaire” on the internet. Learn-French-Help.com’s first Zairean fun fact is, “Formerly Zaire, the Democratic Republic of the Congo has since 1997 been torn by civil strife, internal turmoil and ethnic and intertribal war, ignited off by a large influx of refugees 1994 fleeing the bloodshed in Rwanda and Burundi.”

2) Whew! Too much fun for me.

3) While Zaire has been in turmoil, the humble banana has quietly been making the world a better place. The banana helps with: low energy levels, depression, PMS, anemia, blood pressure, stroke, brain power, constipation, hangovers, heartburn, morning sickness, mosquito bites, nerves, ulcers, seasonal affective disorder, tobacco addiction, stress, warts, protein deficiency, carbohydrate deficiency, low phosphorous levels, vitamin A needs, iron deficiency, and insufficient potassium.

4) Yay! Bananas, not just a slapstick prop.

5) Bananeros, “Banana Men,” – were Americans who tamed the Central American jungle and made it safe to grow bananas.

6) I still think drovers in the cattle drives of the Old West were more impressive. Herding cattle had to have been harder than herding bananas.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Greek Lemon Potatoes

Greek Entree

LEMON POTATOES

INGREDIENTSLemonPotato-

6 potatoes
3 garlic cloves
4 tablespoons lemon juice
1 1/2 tablespoons olive oil
1 bay leaf
1/2 teaspoon oregano
2 teaspoons lemon zest
1 parsley
1/4 pepper
1 teaspoon rosemary
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 thyme
1/2 cup chicken broth

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.

Peel potatoes. Cut potatoes into 1″ cubes. Mince garlic cloves. Put all ingredients except potato cubes in mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk. Put spice/herb/mixture in casserole dish. Add potato cubes. Turn potato cubes around until coated with spice/herb mixture.

Put casserole dish in oven. Bake at 425 degree for 1 hour to 90 minutes or until potato is tender and starting to turn golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) Rosemary has long been held to improve memory.

2) Rosemary was sometimes worn at the wedding ceremony to remind the happy couple to always remember their wedding vows and to bring good luck. At funerals, it meant the living would always recall the dearly departed.

3) The Chinese used rosemary to get rid of headaches and cure baldness.

4) Rosemary has long been held to improve memory.

5) The Greeks thought rosemary could aid the liver and improve digestion.

6) In the wonderful British television series, “All Creatures Great and Small,” the main characters wax ecstatic over the prospect of having rosemary added to lamb. This is the only time out of more than a hundred episodes that they ever mention a spice or a herb.

7) Rosermary branches were used in Medieval Europe to combat the plague.

8) Rosemary is a safe herb for “brown thumbs” to grow.

9) Rosemary is connected with the Virgin Mary. Their flowers obtain their color from the shawl Mary placed over the shrub.

10) Rosemary is a happening herb.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Potato-Beef Flatcakes From Tanzania

Tanzanian Entree

POTATO BEEF FLATCAKES

INGREDIENTSPotBeefFlat-

3 large brown potatoes
3 large carrots
1 green bell pepper
1/2 ground beef
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon coriander
1/4 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon curry powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons sugar

2 or more tablespoons vegetable oil.

makes 12 flatcakes

SPECIALTY UTENSILS

food processor
electric skillet

PREPARATION

Peel and mince potatoes. (A food processor helps immensely. Remember this when your loved one gives you that appliance for your anniversary.) Peel and mince carrots. Remove seeds and mince bell pepper.

Combine all ingredients except vegetable oil in large mixing bowl. The best way to mix this is with your hands. Sorry. (But there is an upside to having messy hands. When your sweetheart asks you to answer the door or the telephone you can say, “Sorry, messy hands.”)

Make patties that are 1/2 cup big. Put 2 tablespoons vegetable oil in the electric skillet. Set the skillet to 350 degrees. Put as many patties as will fit into the skillet. Flatten them slightly with spatula. Cook with lid on for 5 minutes or until the patty browns. Remove lid. (Oil splatters, may I suggest wearing an apron?) Flip patties over and fry for another 5 minutes. Remove batch and start another. Add oil as needed.

And “tasty” in Swahili is “kitamu.”

TIDBITS

1) The carrot is one happening biennal plant of the umbel family.

2) Eating too many carrots will make your skin turn yellowish orange, especially on the palms or soles of the feet. This is called carotenemia. This goes away completely once you stop eating them.

3) Ancient Greeks and Romans ate carrots. No nation or tribe could stand up to Rome’s scary orange soldiers. That’s the Roman Empire grew so big and lasted so long.

4) Ancient Greeks believed eating carrots made men and women more amorous. “Hey, would like to have dinner at the Carrot Auctioneer?”

5) Seems silly, no? But rabbits love carrots and we all know how fast bunnies reproduce.

6) Hippocrates thought women could prevent pregnancy by eating carrot seeds.

7) Current scientific studies suggest this might be true after all.. Eating carrot seeds after intercourse might prevent the egg from implanting.

8) Whoa.

9) The orange carrot was invented by cross breeding yellow and red carrots. I wonder if you can turn yellow by eating too many yellow carrots. Don’t rob a bank after doing this. The police find  with yellow palms easy to find.

10) Yay, carrots!

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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