Posts Tagged With: Switzerland

Swiss Steak

American Entree

SWISS STEAK

INGREDIENTS

1 garlic clove
½ green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
1 large onion
1 pound round or cube steak
½ cup flour
½ teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
½ teaspoon oregano
½ teaspoon paprika
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¼ cup vegetable oil
½ tablespoon Worcestershire Sauce
3/4 cup beef broth
1 14.5 cans diced tomato
½ tablespoon tomato paste

SPECIAL UTENSILS

Meat tenderizer or mallet
Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Mince garlic. Take out the innards of the green and red bell peppers. Slice bell peppers and onion into rings.

Take your meat mallet, unleash your anger, and tenderize the steak until it is ¼-inch thick. (Show this to your daughter’s date when you tell him to have her back by ten.)

Mix flour, Meat MagicTM spice, oregano, paprika, pepper, and salt in large bowl with fork or whisk. Take steak and turn it over in the bowl until it is thoroughly covered on both sides with flour. Set aside. Repeat for more than one round or cube steak.

Pour ¼ cup vegetable oil into Dutch oven. Cook at medium-high heat. Once oil starts to show currents or bubble, reduce to medium heat and add a steak. May I suggest using a spatula or tongs, so that your hand is far away from the hot oil? Or holding the lid in your other hand? (Don’t want the kids to learn new words.)

Cook the steak for 2 minutes on each side or until the sides are golden brown. Remove the steak and repeat until all steaks are cooked.

Using the same Dutch oven combine onion, bell peppers, and garlic. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Stir in diced tomatoes, tomato paste, Worcestershire sauce, and beef broth. Add tenderized steak(s).

Cover Dutch oven and put in middle rack of oven. Bake at 325 degrees for 90 minutes to 2 hours or until meat is tender or is falling apart. (Falling apart is not necessarily an allusion to the author.)

TIDBITS

1) Swiss steak does not come from Switzerland anymore than does Enchiladas Suiza.

2) Instead, it is the name of the method for pounding meat or running it through rollers to soften it.

3) Swiss steak is not as popular as it used to be as people became more able to buy better cuts of meat, had less time for cooking, or became vegetarians.

4) All supermarkets have sections full of expensive meat substitutes ranging in quality from “Not bad, tasting like meat,” to “Ugh, I didn’t know soap could be made edible.”

5) Fortunately, chocolate makes meat eaters and vegetarians alike happy.

6) Which is why Switzerland remained at peace during both World Wars. Whenever armies sidled up to the Swiss borders, the Swiss would give their would-be foes bars upon bars of the finest Swiss chocolate and the warriors would go away happy.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Steak Chili

American Entree

STEAK CHILI

INGREDIENTS

1½ pounds steak
1 jalapeno pepper
1 yellow onion
1 green bell pepper
3 stalks green onion
1 ripe red tomato
4 garlic cloves
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 16 ounce can red kidney beans
1 8 ounce can tomato sauce
3 teaspoons chili powder
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon basil
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon cilantro
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon oregano
½ cup barbecue sauce
½ cup sour cream
½ pound shredded cheddar or Four Mexican cheeses

SPECIAL UTENSILS

Dutch oven
Sufficient gas in your car so you can go to the store if you don’t have all the ingredients. Always be prepared!

PREPARATION

Cut steak into ½-inch cubes. Remove stem and innards from jalapeno pepper. Dice jalapeno, yellow onion, green bell pepper, green onion, tomato, and garlic cloves.

Put olive oil and steak cubes into Dutch oven. Cook for 3 to 5 minutes on medium heat or until steak cubes turn brown. Add jalapeno, yellow onion, bell pepper, green onion, tomato, garlic, kidney beans, tomato sauce, chili powder, Dijon mustard, basil, cayenne, pepper, cilantro, cumin, oregano, barbecue sauce, and sour cream.

Set temperature between off and warm. For best results, simmer with lid on for 2 hours. The chili will, however, still taste great if you cook it on medium heat for 20 to 30 minutes. Sprinkle cheese on top 3 minutes before serving.

Life is good.

 

TIDBITS

1) People going on long trips in America in the early 1800s sometimes carried chili in the form of dried bricks. It consisted of beef, chili peppers, salt, and suet.

2) From the 1880s to the 1930s Hispanic women sold hot chili to the passers by of San Antonio. People called them “Chili Queens.”

3) One of my favorite baseball players was called Chili Davis because his fellow Jamaican kids once thought his haircut looked like a “chili bowl.”

4) Chill Wills, the actor, starred in many fine Western movies.

5) Chi Chi Rodriguez was a great golfer.

6) “CH” stands for, in French, Switzerland

7) “C” is the symbol for the element Carbon and the basis for all life on Earth.

8) “ ” is what a mime says.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Roast Beef with Yorkshire Pudding

British Entree

ROAST BEEF WITH YORKSHIRE PUDDING

INGREDIENTS – ROAST BEEF

3½ pounds top sirloin or rib roast
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt (¼ teaspoon more later)
2 garlic cloves
3 tablespoons olive oil
½ tablespoon rosemary

INGREDIENTS – YORKSHIRE PUDDING

4 eggs
1 cup flour
¼ teaspoon salt
1 cup milk

SPECIAL UTENSILS

wire rack
roasting pan
cooking thermometer
aluminum foil
8″ * 8″ casserole dish

MEAT DONENESS

This recipe assumes that the center cut will be medium-rare and the end cuts more well done. But you can roast to your desired level of doneness. A rule of thumb has the following meat temperatures for the following cuts: Rare = 125, medium rare =135, medium = 145, medium well =155, and well done = 160.

Serves 8. Takes 2 hours 15 minutes.

PREPARATION – ROAST BEEF

Preheat oven to 475 degrees. Rub sirloin with pepper and 1 teaspoon salt. Mince garlic cloves. Add garlic, olive oil, and rosemary to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork. Rub sirloin with olive oil/garlic mixture.

Put wire rack in roasting pan. Put sirloin on wire rack. Roast at 475 degrees for 20 minutes. (Roasting is similar to baking but at a higher temperature.) Reduce heat to 375 degrees and roast
until meat thermometer in middle of sirloin registers your desired level, about 1 hour. (Please note that different ovens and different thicknesses of meat will make roasting time vary. Pay attention to the meat thermometer.) Place roasted sirloin on plate and cover with aluminum foil. Save drippings.

PREPARATION – YORKSHIRE PUDDING

After you put sirloin to oven, add eggs to cup. Beat eggs with whisk. Add flour and ¼ teaspoon salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk. Add eggs. Mix with whisk until well blended. Gradually pour in milk, whisking while doing so until you get a smooth batter with the thickness of heavy cream. Let sit until roast beef needs to be removed from oven.

After removing roast beef from oven, raise oven temperature to 425 degrees. Add ¼ cup reserved drippings to casserole dish. Put casserole dish in oven. Heat drippings for 15 minutes or until drippings start to smoke. (Save drippings remaining after this step. Put casserole dish on stove top. (Carefully! The casserole dish contains hot oil.) Ladle batter to casserole dish. (Again, do this carefully.) Bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes or until batter puffs up and becomes golden brown.

PREPARATION – FINAL

Ladle any remaining drippings over roast beef. Carve the roast beef. (End cuts should be more well done than the center cuts.) Serve roast beef and Yorkshire pudding right away.

TIDBITS

1) The above picture shows a corner piece of the Yorkshire pudding. Notice how two edges of this piece puff up way higher than the rest of the pudding. In fact, doesn’t the entire corner piece look like a meadow full of golden wheat ripe for harvesting all set against two majestic mountains?

2) This is no accident. People have want to know what different places of the world looked like. Before the age of cameras, the only real way to depict landscapes and mountains was to paint them. But painting was slow and laborious. Making pigments for the paint colors cost lots of money. Finding the proper clays and pigment bases proved daunting as well.

3) By the time the client who’d commissioned a field of grain swishing in the wind before the Alps, he could already traveled to the Alps. Alps painting languished. Travel to Switzerland fell to zero.

4) Then in 1777, Chef Hans Gasthaus made Yorkshire Pudding for some British nobility. Hans noticed his pudding looked exactly like the wheat field and Alps outside the kitchen window. Hans journeyed from Alpine town to Alpine town skillfully making Yorkshire pudding that looked exactly like the local fields and mountain. He ‘dlet these creation dry out and send them to British tour guides.

5) Penurious British lords took to displaying their pudding art in their manors. After all, pudding art cost much less than a painting. Other chef painters turned out great pudding sceneries. It was the golden age of Yorkshire Pudding landscapes.

6) Alas, the French Revolution and the Napoleonic wars soon broke out. These bloody wars ruined everything. Flour, milk, and eggs which had powered the Yorkshire Pudding Landscape Revolution (YPLR) got diverted to feed the rampaging armies on the continent.

14) Yorkshire Pudding Art died forever. Our world became forever grayer. Hardly any (YPLR) examples remain. But if you can find an antique Yorkshire pudding, keep it. They’re worth millions.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Flags of the World – Red and White

How many times has this happened to you? You’ve been scrupulously observing quarantine regulations. But you’re finding abiding them harder and harder to take. You find yourself developing a serious case of cabin fever. Finally, you can stand it no longer, so you rush outside. But before you know it, you’ve somehow organized a massive military uprising. Your forces, armed men and women who were drawn to you by your animal magnetism, have conquered a large part of a large country.

You find yourself filled with rebellion remorse. You try to give back your conquered lands, but the brave lads and lasses who fought for you won’t have any of that. “Go back to school,” you say to them. They say, “We missed our deadlines for turning in our essays. No teacher is going to accept the excuse ‘I couldn’t get term paper done as I was participating in a rebellion. ‘Begone,” the teacher will say, ‘like I haven’t heard that one.’ So, we will all get Fs. Our GPAs will plummet. We’ll lose our scholarships. We’ll have to drop out of university. But we won’t be able to get a job anywhere because taking part in bloody insurrection is such a resume stain.”

So, there you have it. You’re stuck with your new country. But won’t the old country that still exists be angry at you? You betcha! Won’t they be chomping at the bit to reconquer their lost lands? Absolutely. Can they do it? No, you inadvertently overpowered their armed forces earlier. Remember? What happens if they ally with some powerful nation and attack you?

That is the nightmare scenario. The only way to stop this international coalition from forming against you is to fool the world into thinking your country isn’t a new, that it’s really part of an old and peaceful nation. How do we do this?

Simple, pick a flag that looks like the one from another country. How do I do that?

May I suggest limiting the colors of your new flag to red and white? There are simply scads of countries that use only red and white in their banners. Look at the Polish flag.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Poland is at peace with everyone. Adopt this flag and the foreign armies will think you’re at peace with everyone. If you don’t want to use the Polish flag, possibly for copyright reasons, you flip it on its side, like this. And add a little cross and you get . . . Malta.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Malta is a tiny and peaceful land. But choices for your flag still abound. Remove the cross and rotate the flag one more time and you get . . .  Monaco’s and Indonesia’s flags.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monaco is far too tiny to invade anyone and Indonesia hasn’t tried anything like that decades. And now, if you still want a flag that’s guaranteed to confuse your fledgling nation’s with those of more-established countries but is a little bit more stylish, may I suggest that your peruse the following red-and-white flags.

 

 

You don’t even have to draw your flagian, not really a word, from a real country’s banner. Look at the Swiss and Red Cross flags.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They’re almost the same flag! One of the two entities just switched colors with the other. Is this okay? And if you stare at the Swiss flag long enough will you see the Red Cross flag and vice versa? Something to think about.

Other countries have red-and-white flags, but didn’t make the cut for displaying their flags.  Anyway, honorable mention goes to:  Denmark, Georgia, and Japan.

So now you have many, many red-and-white flags to choose from. You new nation needn’t fear invasion, secure in the knowledge that the rest of the world will confuse your country with another. And that’s a good feeling.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

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Hibiscus Tea (Jus de Bissap)

Malian Appetizer

HIBISCUS TEA
(Jus de Bissap)

INGREDIENTShibiscustea

1 cup dried hibiscus flowers
6 cups water
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon fresh mint leaves

SPECIAL UTENSIL

colander

Makes 4½ cups. Takes 30 minutes

PREPARATION

Add water to lst large pot. Bring water to boil using high heat. Add hibiscus flowers Reduce heat to medium-high. Boil for 20 minutes or until water becomes aromatic and turns dark red. Strain red liquid through colander into 2nd large pot. Add sugar to red liquid. Stir with whisk or fork until sugar dissolves. Add vanilla extract. Stir with whisk or fork. Pour into tea cups. Garnish with mint leaves just before serving. Put tea in refrigerator, if you wish to serve it cold.

TIDBITS

1) Being buried by an avalanche is not fun, whether it happens in Switzerland or in the Saharan country of Mali.

2) Burial by avalanche is really, really dangerous. How dangerous? Really, really, really dangerous.

3) The downside of being buried in avalanche is death. See? Dangerous.

4) Legend has St. Bernard dogs seeeking–spelled with two “e”s outside of Switzerland–out avalanche victims and giving them brandy from a keg. What really happens is that rescue camels patrol the Saharan Dessert looking for victims of sand-dune avalanches. It can get cold under a mound of sand. The Sun’s heat can’t penetrate it. Neither can oxygen.

5) This why Malian rescues camels are proficient in CPR. After restoring the human’s breathing and heart beat, the camels serve the unlucky one a nice, hot cup of hibiscus tea. This wonderful restorative never fails, even with snow victims. The ever efficient Swiss have already tested this.

6) Indeed rescue camels are scheduled to start patrolling the Swiss Alps in late December. This will make cross-country skiing much safer. The Swiss Tourist Board expects a 37% increase in tourism.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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National Stereotypes on Google

Here is how Google completes your search question when you type in the words, “Why is (some country) . . .?” Presumably the first completed choice by Google mirrors peoples’ stereotypes about particular nation.

The following  stereotypes garnered more than one country:

Poor countries were: Indonesia, Mexico, Mozambique, Nicaragua, Nigeria, Romania, Vietnam
Expensive countries were: Argentina, Brazil, Britain, Fiji
Happy countries were: Denmark, Sweden
Rich countries were: Germany, Norway, Switzerland
Dry countries were: Australia, Peru, Turkey
Big countries were: Greenland, Russia
Why so important countries? were: Afghanistan, Cuba, Egypt, Greece
Violent and dangerous countries were: Colombia, Iraq, Pakistan, South Africa

And now, stereotypes for the first fifty countries that popped into my mind. Okay, many of the following countries were chosen because I love their cuisine. or I enjoyed traveling there. My favorite is, “Why is Greenland so big?”

Country      Stereotype
———      ————
Afghanistan – important
America – fat
Argentia – expensive
Australia – dry
Brazil – expensive

Britain – expensive
Canada – nice
China – polluted
Colombia – violent
Cuba – important

Denmark – happy
Egypt – important
Fiji – expensive
France – gay
Germany – rich

Greece – important
Greenland – big
Iceland – peaceful
India – poor
Indonesia – poor

Iraq – violent
Ireland – green
Israel – important to us
Italy – racist
Jamaica – violent

Japan – clean
Kenya – good at running
Mexico – poor
Mozambique – poor
Netherlands – liberal

Nicaragua – poor
New Zealand – free
Nigeria – poor
North Korea – bad
Norway – rich

Pakistan – dangerous
Peru  – dry
Poland – weak
Romania – poor
Russia – big

Saudi Arabia – stupid
Scotland – cold
South Africa – violent
Spain – empty
Switzerland – rich

Tibet – important to China
Turkey – dry
Sweden –  happy
Vatican City – small
Vietnam – poor

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Tunisian Meshwiya (relish) on Baguettes

Tunisian Appetizer

MESHWIYA ON BAGUETTES
(relish)

INGREDIENTSMeshwiya-

2 eggs
5 Roma tomatoes
1 green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
2 cloves garlic
4 tablespoons lemon juice
1/4 cup olive oil
1/4 teaspoon cayenne
1 tablespoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons parsley

1 baguette

PREPARATION

Boil eggs in water. (6 minutes for soft-boiled or 12 minutes for hard-boiled.) While eggs are boiling, also boil tomato, green bell pepper, and red bell pepper on high heat for 1 minute. Remove tomato, green bell pepper, and red-bell pepper and put in cold water. Their skins should peel off easily. (The skin of the tomato is the easiest to peel, then the red bell pepper, while the hardest to peel is the green bell pepper.

Dice boiled eggs. Cut tomatoes, green bell pepper, and red bell pepper into small bits. Mince garlic. Combine all ingredients except baguette in large mixing bowl with fork or whisk. Cut baguette into 1″ wide slices.

Top baguette slices with tomatp/bell pepper/spice mixture from mixing bowl. Also spoon liquid from mixing bowl onto baguette slices. Enjoy while you can. They go fast.

TIDBITS

1) About 1920 the French banned bakers from working before 4am. This didn’t give the bakers enough time to make loaves for the breakfast crowd. So they made the thinner baguettes which baked quicker.

2) In 2009, a bird dropped a piece of baguette into the Large Hadron Collider at Cern in Switzerland, causing a shut-down of the system. The NASDAQ stock exchange was twice shut down by squirrels chewing through cable insulation.

3) “Baguette” is derived from the Latin word “baculum,” meaning wand or staff. Baculum is also the name for a mammal’s penis bone.

4) Baguettes are sometimes used as swords in slapstick scenes in American movies. The French don’t appreciate this. But come on, I bet they have baguette sword fights on the sly.

5) In Baguette sword fights, you win if you stab your opponent with your baguette or you break your opponent’s baguette. Baguettes costs money and a shattered one sprays small crumbs all over the floor, making this game somewhat unpopular with mothers everywhere.

6) You can use the baguette as an old-fashioned fountain pen. Simply dip one end of the baguette in chocolate syrup. Again, permission from mother is recommended.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chocolate Cupcakes With Cream-Cheese Frosting & Sad Sack Comic

American Dessert

CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES WITH CREAM-CHEESE FROSTING

INGREDIENTSChocCup-

CUPCAKE

6 tablespoons butter
6 tablespoons confectionary sugar
3 tablespoons granular sugar
2 eggs
3 tablespoons milk
1/3 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa

FROSTING

1/2 cup white chocolate chips
6 ounces cream cheese

UTENSIL

cupcake pan
12 paper cups
electric beater or mixer

PREPARATION

Take butter out and let it soften. Beat eggs lightly. (They rarely ever beat you. They don’t even seem to try.) Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Put softened butter, eggs, confectionary sugar, and granular sugar in mixing bowl. Use beater set on mix until butter and sugars have blended. Add milk, chocolate chips, flour, baking powder, salt, and cocoa. Use same setting on beater to blend all the ingredients.

Spoon an equal amount of the batter into each paper cup. Put the cups onto the cupcake pan. Put cupcake pan on center rack and bake at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes or until toothpick stuck into cupcake comes out cleanly. Remove pan from oven and let cool for 15 minutes on wire rack.

Make frosting while cupcakes are cooling. Put white chocolate chips in small pot. Cook on low heat and stir constantly until all chips have melted. Remove from heat. Put cream cheese in mixing bowl. Add melted white chocolate chips. Blend with electric beater set to cream. (Some electric beaters have a “burst of power” button. It’s cool, like accelerating a FerrariTM. Well, maybe not. But a cool electric beater costs tens of thousands of dollars less.)

Spread an equal amount of the white frosting on top of cupcakes. Serve to joyous, clamoring guests.

TIDBITS

1) Chocolate comes from the Aztec word “xocolatl” meaning bitter water.

2) My spell checker does not recognize “xocolatl.” Perhaps this is fair as the Aztecs didn’t recognize what sugar could do for cocoa.

3) But the 15th century Spaniards did. So, the Spanish royalty sent conquistadors and chefs to the new land.

4) After a generation of bloody conquest of Mexico, the sugar isles of the Caribbean were safe for hot chocolate.

5) Lacking minimal amounts of No DozTM or even Red BullTM energy drinks, Napoleon carried chocolate with him on all his military campaigns.

6) Napoleon’s energized armies racked up victory after victory until his enemies starting carrying chocolate as well. Defeat for the French became certain when chocolate rich Switzerland defected from the Gallic side.

7) The world today remains in a state of precarious peace, based on equal access to chocolate for all nations.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

comic

 

 

 

 

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Chocolate Cupcakes With Cream-Cheese Frosting

American Dessert

CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES WITH CREAM-CHEESE FROSTING

INGREDIENTS

CUPCAKE

6 tablespoons butter
6 tablespoons confectionary sugar
3 tablespoons granular sugar
2 eggs
3 tablespoons milk
1/3 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa

FROSTING

1/2 cup white chocolate chips
3/4 cream cheese

UTENSIL

cookie sheet
12 paper cups
electric beater.

PREPARATION

Take butter out and let it soften. Beat eggs lightly. (After all, they rarely ever beat you. They don’t even seem to try.) Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Put softened butter, confectionary sugar, and granula. Use same r sugar in mixing bowl. Use beater set on mix until butter and sugars have blended. Add milk, chocolate chips, flour, baking powder, salt, and cocoasetting on beater to blend all the ingredients.

Spoon an equal amount of the batter into each paper cup. Put the cups onto the cookie sheet. Put cookie sheet on center rack and cook at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes or until fork stuck into cupcake comes out cleanly.

Put white chocolate chips in small pot. Cook on low heat until all chips have melted. Stir constantly. Put cream cheese in mixing bowl. Add melted white chocolate chips. Blend with electric beater set to cream. (Some electric beaters have a “burst of power” button. It’s cool, like accelerating a FerrariTM. Well, maybe not. But a cool electric beater costs tens of thousands of dollars less.)

Meanwhile, put an equal amount of the white frosting on top of cupcakes. Serve to deserving people.

TIDBITS

1) Chocolate comes from the Aztec word “xocolatl” meaning bitter water.

2) My spell checker does not recognize “xocolatl.” Perhaps this is fair as the Aztecs didn’t recognize what sugar could do for cocoa.

3) But the 15th century Spaniards did. So, the Spanish royalty sent conquistadors and chefs to the new land.

4) After a generation of bloody conquest of Mexico, the sugar isles of the Caribbean were safe for hot chocolate.

5) Lacking minimal amounts of No DozTM or even Red BullTM energy drinks, Napoleon carried chocolate with him on all his military campaigns.

6) Napoleon’s energized armies racked up victory after victory until his enemies starting carrying chocolate as well. Defeat for the French became certain when chocolate rich Switzerland defected from the Gallic side.

7) The world today remains in a state of precarious peace, based on equal access to chocolate for all nations.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Rice Onion Soup Provencale From Forthcoming Cookbook

French Soup

RICE ONION SOUP PROVENÇALE

INGREDIENTS

1 large onion
2 garlic cloves
1/2 cup brown rice
1 cup water
1 1/2 tablespoons butter
1 quarts beef broth
1/2 tablespoon red wine
1/3 cup Gruyère cheese
1/3 cup Swiss cheese
1/2 baguette
2 bay leaves
2 tablespoons herbes de Provence

(If you cannot find herbes Provence, use the following spices.)
1/2 teaspoon basil
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 teaspoons marjoram
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon parsley
1 teaspoon rosemary
1 teaspoon tarragon
1 teaspoons thyme

PREPARATION

Mince onions and garlic. Slice Gruyère and Swiss cheese into thin 1-inch squares. Cut baguette into slices no wider than 1-inch. Toast slices on cookie tray in toaster oven at 275 degrees for 5 minutes. Cook rice according to instructions shown on bag or heat rice and water in rice cooker.

Meanwhile back at the range, saute onions and garlic in butter in pot at low-medium heat for 15-to-20 minutes or until onions start to turn brown. Stir frequently

Add broth, red wine, and herbes de Provence to pot. Cook on low heat for 30 minutes. Add done rice to soup and cook on low heat for another 5 minutes. (Use this time to practice your Gallic shrug.)

Ladle soup into bowls. Top each bowl with 3 or 4 baguette slices. Sprinkle squares of Gruyère and Swiss cheese on top. Wait 1 minute and serve.

TIDBITS

1) Gruyère cheese costs over $16 a pound at my supermarket. Serve it only to people you like.

2) Gruyère cheese comes from Switzerland.

3) Switzerland was one of the few European countries that never got invaded by the Germans during World War II.

4)Gruyère cheese has more than 100 calories per ounce. An infantryman could get his daily allowance with far less food than the gruyèreless soldiers of The Third Reich. This enabled the Swiss soldier to carry more ammunition than his aggressive northern neighbor.

5) The earlier First and Second German Reichs also collapsed. Their soldiers didn’t eat Gruyère cheese either.

6) My family eats Gruyère cheese. We ate it today.

7) Do your part for your country. Eat Gruyère cheese often

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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