Posts Tagged With: Alabama

Khachapuri (Georgian cheese roll)

Georgian Entree

KHACHAPURI

INGREDIENTSKhacapuri-

¾ cup milk
1 teaspoon sugar
2½ teaspoons yeast
1 tablespoon olive oil
2⅔ cups flour (4 additional tablespoon later)
¾ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon flour (3 additional tablespoons later)
1 tablespoon butter (2 additional tablespoons later)
1 pound Muenster or mozzarella cheese
½ pound feta cheese
¼ pound ricotta cheese
2 eggs (2 additional eggs later)
2 tablespoons flour (1 additional tablespoon later)
1 tablespoon flour
2 eggs
2 tablespoons butter

SPECIAL UTENSILS

parchment paper or at least, no-stick spray
food processor
2 x 9″ pie tins
clothes dryer

Makes 2 loaves. Takes 2¾ hours.

PREPARATION

Add milk and sugar to small pot. Cook on low-medium heat until mixture is lukewarm. Stir constantly. Remove from heat and add yeast. Stir until well blended. Let cool for 10 minutes. Add olive oil, 2⅔ cups flour, and salt. Stir until mixture becomes a lumpy dough ball. Let sit for 30 minutes.

While dough ball sits, dust a flat surface with 1 tablespoon flour. Add dough ball to flat surface. Knead dough by hand until you are at peace with the world or 8 minutes. Grease large mixing bowl with 1 tablespoon butter. Add knead dough ball to greased, first mixing bowl. Turn dough ball around until it’s coated with butter. Cover bowl and let sit for 1 hour.

While dough rises, cut Muenster and feta cheeses into ½” cubes. Add grated Muenster, feta, and ricotta cheeses to food processor. Blend until only a few cubes remain. Add 2 eggs and 2 tablespoons flour. Blend until mixture is smooth. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

After dough has risen, dust flat surface with 1 tablespoon flour. Add dough ball to flat surface. Flatten dough ball with hands. Divide dough ball in half. Flatten dough halves until they are 11″ wide and about ⅛” thick. Add parchment paper or no-stick spray to pie tins. Add flattened dough halves to pie tins. Add half of cheese/egg/flour mixture to center of each dough half. Pull edges of dough to the center until there is only a round 1″ hole in the middle. Pinch edges together.

Bake for 15 minutes at 375 degrees or until bread loaves are starting to brown. Use spoon or shot glass to press a 3″ hole in the center of the loaves. Add an egg to each 3″ hole. Bake at 375 for 15 minutes or until loaves turn golden brown and eggs are slightly set. (The eggs will continue to cook after being removed from the oven.) Remove from oven and brush each loaf with 1 tablespoon butter.

Serve hot to adoring guests. Put pairs of unappreciative guests in pairs of matched socks. Put sock-clad guests in clothes drier. When one of the matching socks disappears, as often happens, it’ll take one of the complainers with it. Repeat until your home has only happy people in it.

TIDBITS

1) This entree is from the country called Georgia. This Georgia is near Russia and Iran. There is also a state in America called Georgia. It is near Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, and South Carolina.

2) Both Georgias are named after Madamoiselle Georgia Chat. We know little about Mlle. Mousse save that she was born in Tours, France about 708. She was also extraordinarily beautiful. Okay, we know that. Oh, she was also fabulously rich. All right, we know that as well. So, you’d think she’d be a hot marriage prospect for all the local barons. Why did she never marry?

3) Mademoiselle Georgia never considered giving up her independence and she had a giant, pet rabbit Snuggles to protect her. How gigantic? Sources yield varying heights from twelve feet tall to the preposterous sixty-seven feet. Given the fact that Snuggles was also a ninja, you can see why the local nobility thought twice before courting her. On it went. Georgia performed scientific experiments. She even invented the briquette for barbecuing while Snuggles swung his one-ton hammer. at local lords and door-to-door salesmen.

4) Then in 732, Abd Al-Raman with his Berber tribesmen invaded the Frankish kingdom. The Franks assembled their forces at Tours under Charles the Pippinid. The Muslim Berbers were famed for their cavalry. The Franks had the fiercest infantry in all of Europe. Unfortunately, the Franks at the time were notorious for their allergy to horses.

5) The Muslims should have won. Europe should now be eating koushry instead of croissants. What happened? Snuggles happened. He shoved his way past the sneezing Frankish infantry and swung his mighty hammer over and over again at the massed Berber cavalry. Soon, the overmatched Berbers fled, but not before one of them shot an arrow through Snuggles’ heart.

6) Two bards saw the battle and would travel the world singing Snuggles’ praises. One settled in America, the other near Russia. Locals impressed by Snuggle’s deeds wanted to renamed their lands after him, but balked at his cutesy name. They settled on Georgia instead and there you have it.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sailor’s Beef (sjömansbiff)

Swedish Entree

SAILOR’S BEEF
(sjömansbiff)

INGREDIENTSSailorsBeef-

1¼ pounds round steak (½” thick or 8 slices)
2 yellow onions
1½ pounds brown potatoes
1½ tablespoons butter (1½ tablespoons more later)
½ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt
1 bay leaf
1 cup beef broth
12 ounces dark beer
1 teaspoon parsley

SPECIAL UTENSIL

kitchen mallet
casserole dish

makes 8 bowls

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Pound steak slices until they are ¼” thick. Cut onions into thin slices. Peel and cut potatoes into THICK slices. Add 1½ tablespoons butter and onion slices to large pan. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until onion softens. Remove onions and set aside. Add 1½ tablespoons butter and steak slices to large pan. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until steak slices brown on both sides.

Add an initial layer of potato slices to casserole dish. Add steak slice. Add a layer of onion slices, then a layer of potato slices. Add some pepper and salt. Repeat steak/onion/potato sequence until all steak slices are used. (Note: there should be an equal amount of potatoes, onion, pepper, and salt above each steak slice. The topmost layer should be potatoes.) Add bay leaf. Pour beef broth and beer over top layer. Sprinkle parsley on top.

Cover and bake in oven at 375 degrees for about 1 hour or until meat is tender.

TIDBITS

1) There’s a museum in Stockholm, Sweden that houses a ship, the Vassa, that sunk in the 1600s. The shp didn’t get very far, sinking in the town’s harbor on its maiden voyage.

2) There is not, however, a muesli museum. I love how muesli museum is so alliterative.

3) But there is a Mooseum in Alabama. It’s Alabama’s only children’s museum to extol the cattle industry. And it’s interactive. Are there more children’s interactive cattle museums?

6) Swedes interact with cattle by eating hamburgers. Ketchup goes well with burgers . Swedes consume more ketchup per capita than any other nation.

7) Ystad, Sweden hosts the Cow Bingo festival. A cow gets led to a 9-by-9 field of squares. You bet on one of the 81 squares. If the cow poops on your square, you win. Watch out Las Vegas!

8) Sweden had a thirty-day February in 1712. Any cow born on February 30, 1712 would never have had another birthday.

9) Cows aren’t the only important critters in Sweden. Heck no! For years, the medieval town of Hurdenburg let a specially selected louse pick its mayor. If the louse crawled into your bread and stayed there, you were the town’s new leader.

10) Town chroniclers are frustatingly mute on how the Hurdenburgers picked the louse that would anoint their mayor. Maybe they had a better political system than our current one.

11) But maybe not. Maybe the louse-selecting system could have been corrupted. After all, any man wishing to be mayor could have stuffed his beard with all sorts of louse delicacies. That certainly given the candidate an advantage over his rivals.

12) Also, the system is inherently unfair to those civic-minded individuals who can’t grow a beard.

13) Today we vote to select our mayors, senators, and president.

14) Voting is not without its faults. It’s long, expensive, and prone to deceiving partisans ads on T.V..

15) The louse, however, cannot be influenced money, no matter how many millions you have.

16) The louse picks the mayor, etc., within minutes, a vast improvement over our apparently never-ending electioneering.

16) But way back when, Sweden’s Queen Christina, had a miniature cannon made, which fired tiny cannonballs at fleas. Resentful at this royal treatment to its insect brethren, lice everywhere immediately forever gave up all political participation.

17) Lice still like to crawl into people’s beards. Old habits die hard.

18) Drinking coffee is a fun habit. Swedes drink more of the caffeinated beverage than any other people.

18) If you ever go to Sweden for its ketchup and coffee, don’t forget to sample the country’s surströmming, fermented herring. The first day for selling this dish is the third Thursday in August. So mark your calendars and start planning that vacation.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Banana Crunchies From New Caledonia

New Caledonian Dessert

BANANA CRUNCHIES

INGREDIENTSBananaCrunch-

12 tablespoons or 1 1/2 sticks butter
1/2 cup unsalted, raw peanuts
2 ripe bananas
1 3/4 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1 3/4 cups rolled oats
no-stick spray

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Let butter soften. Grind peanuts in food processor. Peel bananas. Mash bananas.

Use fork or whisk to mix flour, sugar, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt in large bowl. Add butter and eggs. Mix with fork. Add banana, rolled oats, and peanuts. Mix with fork until well blended

Drop 1 tablespoon of mixture from bowl onto sprayed cookie sheet. Use hands to roll mixture into a log. Repeat until mixture is used up. Makes about 4 dozen crunchy logs.

Bake crunchies in oven at 450 degrees for 12 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool on wire rack for 15 minutes.

TIDBITS

1)Nutmeg has a hallucinogenic effect if taken in large amounts.

2) This is why this recipe uses only 1/4 teaspoon. I want you to be able to drive safely.

3) But honestly officer, I only took a pinch of nutmeg.

4) Nutmeg loses its flavor and potency when ground. So if you must drive and nutmeg, please consume the ground variety. Think of your reputation. Think of your family.

5. Nutmeg goes well with desserts, fruit, spinach, cheese, pork, pumpkin, eggs, and cabbage. Sure, you’re just trying to get high. Pumpkin pie for dessert, a likely story.

6. Alabama cares about safe driving as well. You may not drive blindfolded there.
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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