Posts Tagged With: Wisconsin

Mumu From Papua New Guinea

Papua New Guinean Entree

MUMU

INGREDIENTSMumu-

8 ounces carrots or 2 medium
8 ounces sweet potatoes or 1 large
8 ounces banana or 1½ medium
8 ounces papaya or ½ medium
4 ounces spinach
12 ounces pork
6 ounces peas or similar green vegetable
12 ounces chicken
1 or 2 banana leaves or cabbage leaves* (enough to cover pot)
20 ounces coconut cream total (5 times at ¼ cup) or 2 14-ounces cans coconut milk.

Makes 6 bowls. Takes 2 hours.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

outdoor grill
grill-safe pot and lid

PREPARATION – COCONUT CREAM (If you can’t find it in stores.)

Chill coconut milk cans in refrigerator for 24 hours. Open cans and scoop out the thick cream on the top. Keep 20 ounces, or 2½ cups, of coconut cream. Use the rest of the coconut cream and the liquid in the bottom of the cans to make coconut-based smoothies

PREPARATION – ONCE YOU HAVE COCONUT CREAM.

Wash and peel carrots, sweet potatoes, banana, and papaya. Remove papaya seeds. Chop carrots, sweet potatoes, pork, bananas, papaya, peas, and chicken into 1″ cubes.

This dish is made with 5 layers. Spread ingredients evenly for each layer. Top each layer with ¼ cup of coconut cream. Make the first layer by adding carrot and sweet potato to pot. Make the second layer by adding pork. Make the third layer by adding banana and papaya. Make the fourth layer by adding chicken. Make the fifth layer by adding peas and spinach. Top everything with banana leaves.

Cover pot and place on grill. Never stir ingredients. Grill on medium heat for 15 minutes or until you see juices bubble. Reduce heat on grill to low and simmer for 1-to-1½ hours or until everything is done to your liking. Okay, okay, you’ll to take a fork and peek and the doneness of the various layers, but no stirring.

TIDBITS

1) The stability of the entire world is threatened by an emerging superpower, Papua New Guinea. Hah, you say. Where is Papua New Guinea? North of Australia. What does it produce? Rain and mud, according to Allied soldiers fighting there in World II. What could such a country do? Buy a lot of SPAM or … conquer the Pacific Ocean.

How? I’m glad you asked. Culinary historians know the best mud for beauty care comes from Papua New Guinea, or PNG. The demand for this mud in American and European spas grows fantastically every year. Soon, PNG will be awash with the world’s money. PNG can then allocate its new billions to buy used aircraft carriers, fighter planes, bombers, tanks, and landing craft listed irresponsibly on eBay.

2) This is where the nightmare starts PNG has a population of 4,600,000. (I counted them twice last Tuesday.) Even if the country puts just 10% of its people in the military, it will have a striking force of 460,000. Who has the population, the might to stop them? Not neighboring Nauru with its tiny population of 11,000 and maybe soldiers.

3) Emboldened by this easy conquest, Tuvalu, Palau, Marshall Islands, Kiribati, and Tonga, with their combined population of 260,000 will fall like leaves in a Wisconsin autumn. This disaster will have worldwide ramifications. Does anyone doubt the Palauan contingent keeping the peace in The Land of Oz will remain under such dire circumstances? No, they will go home to fight a war of liberation. The whole idea of UN peace-keeping forces will unravel. Minor skirmishes will become full fledged regional wars. So it goes.

4) Soon, Micronesia and Vanuatu will topple. I don’t know much about them so let’s move onto the Solomon Islands and Fiji–biggish but still smaller than PNG. We cannot let these two nations fall. We cannot let PNG monopolize the best snorkeling sites in the world. Have you snorkeled at Key Largo? Well, let me tell you, the snorkeling at Fiji is much better. And by the way, conquest of these countries would enable PNG to block all airborne and seaborne trade across the Pacific. The snorkeling industry and the world economy would collapse.

5) What can Americans do? Simple. Use local mud! Cut off the funds for PNG’s drive for conquest. Insist on backyard mud whenever your toddler makes you a mud pie. Be sure to ask for good ol’ American mud when getting a mud treatment at your spa. It’s good for your face. It’s good for the world.

6) Use the blank space at the bottom of this page to make a mud drawing. Do other cookbooks let you do this? No, I don’t think so.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Advertisements
Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Noodles With Poppy Seeds

Polish Dessert

NOODLES WITH POPPY SEEDS

INGREDIENTSPoppyPasta-

8-ounce bag egg noodles
¼ cup poppy seeds
2 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons honey

Takes 15 minutes. Makes 4 bowls.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

spice grinder

PREPARATION

Cook egg noodles according to instructions on bag. While noodles cook, melt butter. Grind poppy seeds thoroughly with spice grinder. Drain noodles. Add ground poppy seeds, melted butter, and honey to noodles. Mix ingredients with fork until well blended.

TIDBITS

1) I was tempted to write, “Toss ingredients,” but I recently saw a football movie and I kept picturing someone tossing the poppy pasta down the length on the kitchen.

2) Pasta football almost caught on during World War II. Real football production had ceased in 1942 due to wartime restrictions. Real footballs became harder and harder to find.

3) Professional football merged to conserve the nation’s dwindling supply of real footballs.

4) But the fans in the cities that lost their teams still wanted to see professional football. Patriotic Polish-American chefs came up with the poppy pasta football. It was enough for the football starved fans. In 1944, the PPPFL, Polish Poppy Pasta Football League was formed.

5) The league was comprised of franchises from: St. Louis, Poway, California, Keokuk, Illinois, Madison, Wisconsin, Taos, New Mexico, and Biloxi, Mississippi. The league did not thrive. The poppy pasta football kept disintegrating in the rain.

6) Then on November 17, 1944 with Keokuk losing to Poway 44 to 13 and three minutes left, Keokuk quarterback, Chris Gashud ate the last football. No football, no more playing. There were no rules to cover this. The game was considered to be the same as a rainout. Losing teams took their cue from this incidents and ate the pasta ball in the final minutes of game after game. The league folded in late December.

7) Isn’t Gashud Swedish for “gooseflesh?” Yes, it is.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Nepali Pizza (chatamari)

Nepali Entree

NEPALI PIZZA
(chatamari)

INGREDIENTSchatamari-

1 cup black lentils (matpe beans)
3 cups water

1 cup water (about, check for consistency of batter as you add.)
½ cup ghee or butter (1 additional cup later.)
6 garlic cloves
½ tablespoon ginger
1 large onion
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
6 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 Roma tomatoes
2 chicken breasts or substitute with 1 egg per chatamari

INGREDIENTS – BASE

3 cups rice flour
1 cup ghee or butter
½ teaspoon salt

makes 12 chatamaris. Soaks overnight, then takes about 1½ hours.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

food processor

Soak black lentils in water overnight or until lentil skins become loose. Rinse lentils with water. Drain. Add lentils, 1 cup water, and ½ cup ghee to food processor. Blend until you get a smooth paste. Dice garlic, ginger, onion, and tomato. Thoroughly mince chicken. Add garlic, ginger, onion, pepper, salt, and oil to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Add tomato, lower heat to medium and sauté for 1 minute.

Add rice flour, lentil paste, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with hands until you get a cake-like batter. Gradually add about 1 cup water until you get the right consistency. Add ghee to pan. Melt ghee using medium heat. Add 3 tablespoons ghee to the pan for the first chatamari and then add more later as necessary. Add ⅓ cup batter. Make base by spreading batter evenly and thinly with spatula until it’s 8″ in diameter. Cover base with equal amounts of minced chicken and sautéed garlicc/onion. Cook using medium heat for 3-to-5 minutes or until chicken/garlic/onion.is done. Chicken should be completely white. Cooking times tend to go down for each chatamari.

TIDBITS

1) There is no I in team or Nepal, but there is an I in victory and Nepali.

2) Nepali is an anagram for Alpine, which is cool. The Alps and Nepal are also cool from their tall mountains.

3) There is a lot of Snow, gratuitously capitalized, in the Alps and in Nepal.

4) Snow is an anagram for swon.

5) The plural form of swon is also swon, just like the plural of moose is moose.

6) The swon is the natural enemy of the moose.

7) The exciting swon festival is held every year or so in Crebano, Ruritania. Come early to see to the exploding cabbage competition.

8) If you are having trouble finding Ruritania on your map, may I suggest heading to Nepal for Holi, or the Festival of Colors, to celebrate the end of winter. However, it’s held in March and you’ll be in the Himalayan Mountains. It’s kinda like going to Wisconsin for your spring break. However, you do get paint yourself with various dyes. Again, like going to Madison, Wisconsin to see the Badgers play football. The one true difference between Nepal and Wisconsin is that the Nepali like to eat chatamari while the Wisconsinites prefer to munch on bratwursts. Your call.

9) If you happen to be Asia a month earlier, you might wish to see the Naked Man Festival in Japan. The best one is reportedly held in Okayama, although how they decided this is difficult to measure. The men, clad only in loincloths race toward Saldaji Temple to collect lucky sticks. I can just see a naked man saying, “Honestly officer, I’m not fleeing an enraged husband. I’m participating in the Naked Man Festival.” The officer will roll his eyes. “Like I haven’t heard that one before.”

10) After participating in the Naked Man Festival in Japan and having gotten drunk for two months, missed your flight home, and having your wallet and ID stolen, why not take in the Penis Festival held the first Sunday of April? People head to the Kanayama shrine to see giant penises, made, I hope, from paper maché or wood. Appreciate the many penis drawings and costumes.

11) Lovers or bamboo and buns will not want to miss the Cheng Chau Ben Festival held every May in Hong Kong. Contestants climb a giant bamboo covered in Chinese steamed buns. Um, okay, it’s not entirely clear whether the tower is covered in Chinese steamed buns or the climbers are covered in them. Either way, it’s pretty darn exciting. Anway, buns picked from the top of the bamboo tower or taken on the backs of the contestants to the top are consider luckier than ones at the bottom. People there go vegetarian during this festival. It’s not clear why. Maybe I would too if I had to climb a tall tower with steamed buns all over me.

13) Meat lovers will want to savor the Pig Parade held in Malolos, Philippines in mid September. Watch pigs dressed in all sorts of costumes and wearing makeup. See if you agree with the judges’ decision of the best dressed pig. But win or lose, it doesn’t matter in this egalitarian contest as winners and losers alike get roasted for the magnificent feast.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The New Global Threat

The stability of the entire world is threatened by an emerging superpower, Papua New Guinea.PapuaNewGuinea1

Hah, you say. Where is Papua New Guinea? North of Australia. What does it produce? Rain, mud, and documentaries about newly discovered stone-age tribes within its borders.

What could such a country do? Buy a lot of SPAM or … conquer the Pacific Ocean.

How? I’m glad you asked. Everyone knows the best mud for beauty care comes from Papua New Guinea, or PNG. The demand for this mud in American and European spas grows fantastically every year. Soon, PNG will be awash with the world’s money. PNG can then allocate its new billions to buy used aircraft carriers, fighter planes, bombers, tanks, and landing craft listed irresponsibly on eBay.

This is where the nightmare starts PNG has a population of 4,600,000. (I counted them twice.) Even if it puts just 10% of its people in the military, it will have a striking force of 460,000. Who has the population, the might to stop them? Not neighboring Nauru with its tiny population of 11,000 and maybe soldiers.

Emboldened by this easy conquest, Tuvalu, Palau, Marshall Islands, Kiribati, and Tonga, with their combined population of 260,000 will fall like leaves in a Wisconsin autumn. This disaster will have worldwide ramifications. Does anyone doubt the Palauan contingent keeping the peace in South Ruritania will remain under such dire circumstances? No, they will go home to fight a war of liberation. The whole idea of UN peace-keeping forces will unravel. Minor skirmishes will become full fledged regional wars. So it goes.

Soon, Micronesia and Vanuatu will topple. I don’t know much about them so let’s move onto the Solomon Islands and Fiji–biggish but still smaller than PNG. We cannot let these two nations fall. We cannot let PNG monopolize the best snorkeling sites in the world. Have you snorkeled at Key Largo? Well, let me tell you, the snorkeling at Fiji is much better. And by the way, conquest of these countries would enable PNG to block all airborne and seaborne trade across the Pacific. The snorkeling industry and the world economy would collapse.

What can Americans do? Simple. Cut off the funds for PNG’s drive for conquest. Whenever getting a mud treatment at your local spa, be sure to ask for good ol’ American mud. It’s good for your face. It’s good for world peace.

– Correspondent Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

More Mostly Highway Culinary Mishaps

Molasses spill in ocean off Honolulu, Hawaii. http://www.cnn.com/2013/09/10/us/hawaii-molasses-spill/

In 2006 truck carrying frozen Steak-umms flipped on Eisenhower Blvd. in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

Massive Lego Spill closes West Virginia highway,  

Bee spill in Georgia covers road with honey;  closes highway.

Ketchup spill closes freeway in Reno, Nevada.

Soup spill closes freeway ramp in Racine, Wisconsin.

Tomato spill near Campbell’s soup factory causes road to be covered in tomato-slurry.

 

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bosna (Austrian Sandwich)

Austrian Entree

BOSNA

INGREDIENTSBosna-

12 bratwursts
6 wide rolls
½ yellow onion
1 tablespoon curry
3 tablespoons Dijon mustard
3 tablespoons ketchup

PREPARATION

Grill bratwursts at low heat for about 5-to-10 minutes or until they start to brown. Turn once. Toast rolls in toaster or panini grill. Slice onion into rings. Place onion rings and sprinkle curry evenly over bottom halves of rolls. Spread mustard and ketchup evenly on top halves of rolls. Assemble roll bottom, 2 bratwursts, and roll top for each sandwich.

TIDBITS

1) For those people who always complain that family vacations are boring, that trips to the Grand Canyon are so old school, may I suggest an exciting tour based on the ingredients of this recipe?

The National Mustard Museum in Middleton, Wisconsin. Come visit the alluring world of mustard.

For the world’s best Dijon mustard, go to Dijon, France and take in the Amora Mustard Museum.

1st German Bratwurst Museum in Holzhausen, Germany. Bratwursts were first mentioned in 1404 and in 1432 became one of the first foods to be regulated. Save your money and fly there.

Vidalia Onion Museum in Vidalia, Georgia, where you can you learn the story of this illustrious sweet onion. “Please do not pick the onions.”

Currywurst Museum in Berlin, Germany. Germans love their currywurst. Indeed, Germany is a great place to do a food-museum trek.

National Bread Museum in Seia, Portugal, where you not only get to see the wonders of bread history, but you get to eat bread made at the museum’s fine restaurant. The museum even has a room dedicated to entertaining children. Does this mean food fights for the kids? They didn’t say.

See these museums without delay. The Yokohama Curry Museum closed its doors in 2007. Do you want to go through life regretting not seeing The National Mustard Museum or the National Bread Museum? I think not.

– Chef Paul

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com4novels

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Greek Gyros

Greek Entree

GREEK GYROS

 INGREDIENTSGyro-

8 Pita breads or Flat beads
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey meat
1/2 tablespoon Prudhomme Poultry MagicTM spice
lettuce
Greek cucumber sauce or tzatziki sauce from previous chapter

PREPARATION

Mix poultry spice with turkey meat. Cook meat until browned. You may wish to taste at this point. If under spiced, add more. Heat four pita breads in microwave for a minute.

Put meat in pita. Add lettuce. Spoon a liberal–-if that is a dirty word for you, substitute a generous–-amount of cucumber sauce on top. Enjoy.

Dish works well with chicken noodle soup.

Did you have a Mr. Potato Head when you were a kid? Just asking.

TIDBITS

1) The best Greek restaurant during my grad school days at the University of Wisconsin was Zorba the Greek. They had these giant, about four-feet tall columns of lamb-beef cooking all the time. Juice dripped down the sides and they would carve off succulent strips for your gyro. If you have a huge grill like this and can find gigantic columns of Greek meat, go for it!

2) The Greeks decisively defeated the Persian invaders at the battle of Plataea in 479 B.C. This battle saved Western philosophy, sense of the individual, and its nascent democratic ideals. It is comforting to think that this very recipe gave the Greek hoplites the courage to rout forever the Persian spearmen.

3) Ancient Greeks enjoyed food to go.
cover

My cookbookEat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cheese-Egg Salad

American Entree

CHEESE-EGG SALAD

INGREDIENTSChEgSal-

1 head iceberg lettuce
4 hard-boiled eggs
1 1/2 cups Four Mexican cheeses
1 cup ranch dressing

PREPARATION

Wash the head of lettuce. Peel off any wilted leaves.

Chop up the head of lettuce. (Can you “chop down” a head of lettuce?) This is one of the few times where chopping by hand is far preferred to a food processor. A salad shouldn’t have minuscule strips of lettuce.

Mash or dice the peeled hard-boiled eggs. Again, go for medium size bits. Add the egg bits to the lettuce while they are still warm. Mix in the cheese and dressing.

Simple and tasty.

TIDBITS

1) People from Wisconsin are called “cheese heads.”

2) Nowhere are folks known as “egg-salad heads.”

3) I used to bicycle from Madison, Wisconsin to the tiny town of Paoli to get fresh Swiss cheese.

4) Oh, and I bicycled back, too.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Kung Pao Recipe From Forthcoming Cookbook

This is what the inside of my soon-to-be published cookbook looks like.

kungpao

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Creamy-Zucchini Pita From Forthcoming Cookbook

Greek Entree

CREAMY-ZUCCHINI PITA

INGREDIENTS

1 huge zucchini
3 teaspoons olive oil
3 medium garlic cloves
1 teaspoon Vegetable MagicTM spice
1/2 teaspoon oregano
3 tablespoons plain nonfat yogurt
2 pita loaves
PREPARATION

Peel off the zucchini’s skin. It won’t feel a thing. Mince the zucchini in a food processor. Mince the garlic cloves as well.

Mix the zucchini, garlic, vegetable spice, and oregano. Heat the oil in a skillet at 350 degrees. Saute the zucchini mix. Cook for 7 to 8 minutes, stirring frequently, or until the zucchini is tender and green.

Put zucchini mix in a large bowl. Add in yogurt and stir. Break two pita loaves into two halves. Warm the pita halves. Put about 1/4 of the mix into each pita half.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe calls for one huge zucchini because a neighbor gave my wife a huge zucchini. (Oh behave! The neighbor was female and a “huge zucchini” is not a euphemism.) This sort of thing happens in California. In Wisconsin, I got tomatoes. Or we went out for a beer.

2) Synonyms for “creamy” are “curdled,” “coagulated,” and “grumous.” But I doubt many people would try “Coagulated Zucchini Pita.”

3) Cook at 350 degrees whenever you are not told the cooking temperature.

4) Yogurt is prepared by the fermentation of milk with added bacteria.

5) I once ordered milk in an Andorran village café. The waitress immediately came back with a big container of sugar. Uh oh. She later returned with a glass of the sourest milk that ever assaulted my taste buds. Lemons had nothing on this beverage. A half cup of sugar didn’t even help. I am a sadder but wiser man for this experience.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: