Posts Tagged With: peace

Betty Ponterio

Antarctic Appetizer

BETTY PONTERIO

INGREDIENTS

ice cubes
beverage

Serves 1. Takes 1 minute

PREPARATION

Add ice cubes to glass. Add beverage.

TIDBITS

1) The Shirley Temple beverage is named after the famous child actress. The Roy Rogers is named after the famous singing-cowboy actor.

2) So it was, the Betty Ponterio was named after the great woman who created this remarkable, versatile beverage.

3) For it was on an unseasonably warm October day that Betty the Antarctic Explorer uttered the fateful words, “Maybe drinks recipes with all that ice.”

4) It was all so blindingly obvious after she said it, but up until then no one in Antarctica had come up with a good use for all its ice.

5) Savvy British polar explorers brought back ice to the mother country. Soon all the British wanted ice in their drinks. No host or hostess would even consider throwing a party without plenty of ice.

6) Ice became more valuable than oil No government could hope to stay in power without an adequate ice stock pile. Nation after nation build up its navy to guard its ice transports. Land-locked countries, such as Austria, Paraguay, and Chad were screwed.

7) International tensions soared. We were on the precipice of a third world war.

8) Then Ms. Ponterio spoke up again, “Why not use the ice from your refrigerator’s ice makers? Why not buy bags of ice at your stores?”

9) The solution to world peace was that simple..Ice makers had been in fridges for years for no apparent reason. Same thing with ice sold at local supermarkets. People had never used that ice, so they never even saw it anymore. Thanks to Betty, we noticed the ice in our midst.. Easy ice at hand, we reduced our navies. We embraced peace. I expect a Noble Prize very soon for Ms. Ponterio.

Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Proof That Extraterrestrials Walk Among Us

SpaceAlien

For a number of days now, WordPress has been showing more visits to my blog than the sum of all visits from all countries and regions on our planet. If a visitor to my blog is not from Earth then he/she/it must be a SPACE ALIEN!

And the space aliens want to read my blog. My blog! MY GOSH! MY GOSH! The pressure! I’m hyperventilating! I’m ending all my sentences with exclamation points! Okay, calm down, Paul. You can do this.

Resolved, from now on, all my posts will be of the highest quality. They will be extremely interesting. They will so enthrall extraterrestrials that they will never entertain any thoughts of annihilating us. Indeed, I hope to make them so happy, to tickle their funny bone, wherever that may be, so much that they will reveal to us the ultimate secret of the universe; where do our socks go when then disappear from our clothes dryer?

I sense a Nobel Peace Prize in my future.

– Paul De Lancey, Intergalactic Man of Peace

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Salami and Eggs

American Entree

SALAMI AND EGGS

INGREDIENTSSalamiAndEggs-

3 ⅓” thick slices Hebrew NationalTM salami
2 eggs
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vegetable oil
1 teaspoon deli mustard (optional)

Makes 1 plate. Takes 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Make ¼”-long notches around the edges of each salami slice. (This help keeps the salami flat during cooking.) Add eggs and salt to mixing bowl. Blend well with whisk. Add salami slices and oil to pan. Sauté salami slices on medium for 1 minute, flipping once, or until both sides are only slightly browned.

Add blended eggs to pan. Gently lift the salami slices so that the blended eggs can flow underneath them. Cook on medium heat for 1½ minutes or until eggs are golden brown on the bottom. (You might need to lift up the eggs and salami with a spatula to take a look.) Flip eggs and salami over with a large spatula and cook for another 1½ minutes or until eggs are again golden brown on the bottom. Spread deli mustard on top of eggs and salami, if desired.

TIDBITS

1) This dish, salami and eggs, is round and mostly flat. UFOs are round and mostly flat.

2) The salami slices in this entree are clustered in the middle. The UFO’s aliens cluster in the life-support dome, located in the middle.

3) People do not love aliens. They fear them. This is why movies such as War of the Worlds, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Mars Need Women get made.

4) People love eggs. People love salami. This is why aliens from outer space make their spaceships look so much like salami and eggs. They want to be loved. The space creatures are also bashful and insecure. Which is why they don’t barge in with their massive, powerful death rays and obliterate us.

5) Why would they even consider invading Earth? Ironically, there are no eggs and salami on the aliens’ planets. We should take advantage of the aliens shyness and make the first gesture toward lasting galactic peace by offering them some of our eggs and salami. In return, they would tell us how to get rid of all our pollution and how to cook eggs without having them stick to our pans. How do the aliens know how to cook eggs if they don’t have them? They just do.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Modest Proposal for Peace in the Middle East

Shakshuka, a weapon for peace.

shakshu-

Things remain chronically unstable and unpleasant in the Middle East. The Arab nations and Israel just haven’t gotten along as well as one might have hoped. Indeed one cannot look at the following incidents: 1948, the war for statehood, the war in 1967, the war in 1973, more than one intifada, the bombing of Iraqi nuclear facilities, the suspicion of what does facilities were meant to do, the suspicion that Iran’s nuclear program is designed for use against Israel, hundreds and hundreds of rockets fired against Israeli population centers, Israeli incursions in Gaza to fight Hamas, suicide bombers, and more without concluding that ill feelings have persisted over the years.

Meanwhile El Salvador has had its own problems, a really nasty civil war comes to mind. Also, while most people can find Israel on a map, hardly anyone knows the location of El Salvador.

But there is a solution. According the CIA World Factbook, the population of Israel in 2008 was 7,112,000 while the inhabitants in El Salvador numbered 7,066,000. Darn close. The size of Israel is 20,770 square kilometers, while the land area of El Salvador is 21,040. Darn close again.

Why not have Israel and El Salvador switch places? It would be a new beginning for both peoples. We could have a one-to-one swap of homes. What could be simpler? The Israelis would lose hostile neighbors and gain instant access to some of the best coffee in the world. The El Salvadoreans would be surrounded with ample supplies of the best shaksuka and hummus in the world. Who doesn’t doesn’t like good, tasty shakshuka and hummus? Nobody.

So there you go. Peace in our time. And you would be able to find the new El Salvador on a map.

– Paul the peace maker

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: history, humor, international, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Belgian Apple Fritters

Belgian Dessert

APPLE FRITTERS

INGREDIENTSAppleFritters-

2⅓ cups flour
16 ounces beer
5 large apples
4 cups vegetable oil (or enough to cover apple slices)
½ cup confectionery sugar
1 tablespoon lemon juice

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric beater
electric skillet

makes 30 apple fritters

PREPARATION

Add flour and beer to large mixing bowl. Use electric beater on medium setting until there are no lumps and the mixture thickens in batter. If mixture is liquidy after lumps have disappeared, put mixture into refrigerator for 5 minutes. Peel and core apples. Cut into 6 rings each. Coat apple slices into flour/beer mixture.

Add oil to skillet. Heat electric skillet to 375 degrees. Add coated apple slices to skillet. The oil should cover the slices. Fry apple slices for about 2 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Remove fried slices, or fritters, and place on paper towels. Repeat until done. Sprinkle fritters with lemon juice and dust with confectionery sugar.

TIDBITS

1) Belgians believe eating cabbage on Shrove Tuesday will prevent Belgium’s cabbages from being devoured by caterpillars and flies. Works for me.

2) Shrove Tuesday occurs on Tuesday. Further research shows Shrove Tuesday occurring before Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent. Shrove Tuesday is also known as Mardi Gras, or Fat Tuesday. Traditionally, people would eats lots of high caloric foods on this day before giving up their tasty temptations for Lent.

4) Indeed, Shrove Tuesday is also known as Pancake Day in protestant Britain, New Zealand, and Canada and in catholic Ireland as inhabitants on those happy countries would traditionally eat pancakes and engage in run-on sentences on that day. It’s gratifying to know that food, pancakes in this case, brings amity, peace, and contentment to nations with histories of political and religious differences. All we are saying is give pancakes a chance.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Crispy Shredded Beef Tacos

Mexican Entree

CRISPY SHREDDED BEEF TACOS

INGREDIENTSCrispyShreddedBeefTacos-

1 medium yellow onion
2 pounds rump roast
½ tablespoon chili powder
½ tablespoon cumin
½ teaspoon salt
4 garlic cloves
4 ounces diced green chiles

5 green onion stalks
4 Roma tomatoes
¼ head lettuce
2 cups vegetable oil
12 corn tortillas
2 cups Four Mexican Cheeses
1 cup crema Mexicana
1 cup salsa

SPECIAL UTENSILS

crock pot or slow cooker
9″ loaf pan
electric skillet
Lazy Susan

takes about 7 hours

PREPARATION

Slice onion into thin rings. Rub rump roast with: chili powder, cumin, and salt. Dice garlic. Add ½ of onion slices to bottom of crock pot. Add rubbed rump roast, garlic, and green chiles. Top roast with remaining ½ onion slices. Add water to cover roast. Cover crock pot. Cook on low for about 7 hours or until roast is tender enough to be easily pulled apart by a pair of forks. Shred roast with forks. (Save liquid from crock pot, it makes a great broth.)

Dice green onion and tomatoes. Shred lettuce. Add vegetable oil to skillet. Heat oil to 375 degrees. The oil is hot enough if it sizzles when a tortilla is added. Add 1 tortilla at a time. Use tongs to sauté tortilla for 15 seconds on each side. The tortilla should be crispy but still flexible enough to be folded. Fold tortilla in half and place it upright in bread pan.. Put a paper towel on each side of tortilla to drain off grease. Repeat for 11 remaining tortillas.

Place tortillas, shredded beef, green onion, tomato, cheese, lettuce, cheese, crema Mexicana, and salsa in Lazy Susan. I love tacos. I always asked for it on my birthday. when I was a kid.

TIDBITS

1) Señor Pedro Lascuráin was president of Mexico for only fifteen minutes in 1913.

2) He did not accomplish much.

3) However, nearly all of Europe went to war in 1914. World War I lasted four years, involved many nations and resulted in millions of casualties. The unsettled conditions of World War I resulted in the Communist Revolution in Russia and the Nazi seizure of power in Germany. The communists shed much blood before and during World War II.

4) Makes Lascuráin’s administration look positively great in comparison.

5) I don’t think El Presidente Lascuráin shed much blood at all during his term in office, unless he gave himself a nasty paper cut while signing his acceptance or resignation papers.

6) Mexico has remained at peace ever since the end of the Mexican Revolution. I think it’s because of the peaceful example of President Lascuráin.

7) Poway, California, my fair town, has been at peace with all its neighbors even since I moved in.

8) My presidential term of office, zero minutes, is similar in length to President Lascuráin’s.

9) El Presidente Lascuráin probably had a paper cut. I’ve had paper cuts. Gentle reader, I’m guessing you’ve a paper cut as well. They hurt, don’t they?

10) Señor Lascuràin, the Great Man of Peace, often ate Mexican food. I love Mexican food. He had a Mexican grandmother. I had a Mexican grandmother. He was subject to the Laws of Physics. So am I.

11) It’s all uncanny. If Lascuràin had lived at the same time, people would have had trouble distinguishing between the two of us.

12) I wonder. I wonder.

13) I look at his picture on the internet. I run to the bathroom and look in the mirror.

14) Whew! Lascuràin and I are not the same person.

15) But Poway is at peace with all the neighboring towns. Can a Nobel Peace Prize for me be far behind?

16) I do hope I don’t get a paper cut while signing for my prize.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Danish Egg Cake (æggekage)

Danish Entree

EGG CAKE
(æggekage)

INGREDIENTSEggCake-

12 ounces bacon
1/2 small onion
¼ cup fresh basil
8 eggs
¼ cup flour
1½ cups milk
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
large oven-proof pan

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 430 degrees. Cut bacon into ½” squares. Mince onion. Dice basil. Fry bacon in an on medium-high heat until golden and crispy. Stir frequently. (Be careful. Use one hand to hold the lid between you and the bacon or tilt the pan away from you when you stir.) Remove bacon and set on paper towel to drain. Clean pan.

Add eggs, flour, milk, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater send on lowest setting until well blended and eggs begin to fluff. Spray oven-proof pan with no-stick spray. Add egg/flour mixture to pan. Reduce heat to medium. Cook for 4 minutes.

Place pan in oven Bake at 430 degrees for 15 minutes or until pancake becomes golden brown. Remove pancake from oven. Sprinkle bacon squares, onion, and basil on middle of egg pancake.

TIDBITS

1) Denmark in Danish is Danmark. Danmark was named after a man called Dan. Cool. When I become supreme ruler of the world, this planet will be known as Paul.

2) Rabbit jumping shows are popular in Denmark. These events have an even greater following in its birthplace, Sweden, where it is known as “Kaninhoppning”.

3) Rabbithopping-USA and the U.S. Rabbit Agility Association sponsor America’s rabbit jumping contests. It’s still much more popular in Sweden and Denmark. Sweden has been at peace since 1814; Denmark since 1945. America has fought multiple wars since then. Coincidence? Perhaps.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Swedish Spelt Pancakes (plattar)

Swedish Breakfast

SPELT PANCAKES
(plättar)

INGREDIENTSPancakes-

2 ½ tablespoons butter
2 cups spelt flour or all-purpose flour
½teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons sugar
3 eggs
3 cups milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 tablespoons butter
no-stick spray

Makes 60 pancakes

SPECIAL UTENSIL

plett pan or electric skillet (I’ve never seen a plett pan in the wild.)

PREPARATION

Melt butter or at least let it soften. Add flour, salt, and sugar to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk. Put eggs in second bowl. Beat with whisk. Add butter, milk, vanilla extract, and eggs to flour/salt/sugar mix. Mix ingredients with whisk until you get a smooth batter.

Set electric skillet to 350 degrees. Skillet will be hot enough when a drop of water on skillet starts to break up and dance. Spray skillet before each batch of pancakes. Add 1 ½ tablespoons at a time to skillet. (Do not let batter run together. Swedish pancakes should be the size of silver dollar pancakes.) Cook pancakes for about 1 ½ minutes or until golden brown on bottom on bottom then flip. Cook for another 1 ½ or until golden brown again. Goes well with lingonberry preserves, whipped cream, or confectionery sugar.

TIDBITS

1) March 19 is World Spelt Day. On this day, at eight in the morning, a lone runner sets out from Uppsala, Sweden, carrying the ingredients listed in this recipe. At dusk, he stops at the nearest house. The dwellers are bound by tradition and hospitality to let the runner in. Once inside the runner makes everyone spelt pancakes. The hosts adopt the runner into their family.

2) Next morning, a family member takes off with spelt-pancakes ingredients in her backpack, running until nightfall when she too makes pancakes for a lucky family. The spelt-pancake-baking relay continues until a spelt-pancakes runner returns to the original home in Uppsala, Sweden. Thousands of families around the world are made happy. This is Sweden’s contribution to world peace.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Caramel Corn and Staying Alive at the Movies

American Dessert

CARAMEL CORN

INGREDIENTSCaramelCorn-

6 tablespoons popcorn kernels
1/2 cup butter
1cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup light-colored corn syrup
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

SPECIAL UTENSIL

popcorn popper

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 200 degrees. Pop popcorn according to instruction on bag or from popcorn popper. Remove all unpopped popcorn. (Peter Piper popped a peck of popcorn.) Put popcorn in large mixing bowl.

Add butter, sugar, corn syrup, and salt to skillet. Cook on medium heat for 5 minutes or until mixture boils. Stir occasionally. Add baking soda and vanilla. Stir this syrup until well blended. Add popcorn evenly to baking pan. Pour syrup over popcorn. Bake in oven for 1 hour. Stir popcorn/syrup every 15 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) Everybody loves caramel corn, hard-working people and politicians too. However, not everyone likes to hear popcorn being eaten. In 2011, a Latvian movie goer was arrested for shooting another man dead for eating his popcorn too loudly during the film Black Swan. The dead man would have been safer eating caramel popcorn as it’s not nearly as crunchy as regular popcorn.

2) Or if you don’t wish to get shot during movies but still wish to munch on regular popcorn, may I suggest going to a comedy? The film goers’ laughter will mask the sound of your popcorn chomping.

3) As a public service to you popcorn lovers, here are my favorite all-time gun-shot-free-funny movies: Bananas, The Bank Dick, Bringing Up Baby, A Christmas Story, The Court Jester, Duck Soup, Father of the Bride, A Hard Day’s Night, It’s a Gift, Miracle of Morgan’s Creek, One, Two, Three, The President’s Analyst, She Done Him Wrong, A Shot in the Dark, Tight Little Island, Tootsie, and Unfaithfully Yours.

4) There, I am bringing peace to the world. I shall certainly be getting the Nobel Peace Prize soon. Taps foot.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Potato Ham Soup

American Soup

POTATO HAM SOUP

INGREDIENTSPotatoHamSoup-

6 Russet potatoes
1 pound ham
1 onion
1/2 teaspoon mustard
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup butter
1 cup milk
1/2 cup sour cream

PREPARATION

Cut potatoes and ham into 1/2″ cubes. Dice onion. Put potato, ham, and onion into large pot. Add just enough water to pot to cover potato, ham, and onion. Add mustard, paprika, pepper, and salt. Cook on high heat until water boils. Reduce heat to medium and cook for 20 minutes or until potato is tender. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to warm. Add butter, milk, and sour cream. Cook for 2 minutes or until soup is heated through. Stir frequently.

TIDBITS

1) Dom DeLuise starred in a movie called Silence of the Hams. It parodied the movie Silence of the Lambs. Silence of the Hams did not do well at the box office. So I’ll discuss potatoes instead..

2) The Inca Indians of Peru were the first known cultivators of potatoes. They harvested the first spud somewhere between 8,000 BC and 5,000 BC. That’s quite a wide range of years. It’s the same thing as saying your federal-income-tax check will be in the mail sometime from now until the year 5014. See how well the folks at the IRS accept that statement.

3) In 1536, the Spanish conquered the Incan Empire for its potatoes and gold. There are thousands of varieties of potato. There is only type of gold. Gold is an element. The potato is not; it is a tuber. Sure there are such things as white gold but that comes from mixing gold from something, well um, whitish. But just think of the dozens of herbs and spices that can be added to potatoes. Moreover, the mighty tuber is truly tasty, gold not so much. Potatoes beat gold by a technical knockout.

4) Many people believe the first real French fries were actually made in Belgium. If Belgium had thought of patenting French fries, it could have ruled the world and become fabulously wealthy. However, it’s doubtful Belgium’s powerful and envious neighbors: Germany, Britain, and France would have let tiny Belgium continue with this monopoly. It’s certain a long and bloody European war would have erupted. Thank good Belgians shared the recipe. The Great Global French Fry Peace broke out, marred only the interruptions of World War I and World War II. Yay, spuds.

– Chef Paul

cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

 

As an e-book on Nook

 

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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