Posts Tagged With: drunk

Barbajuan From Monaco

Monegasque (Monaco) Entree

BARBAJUAN

INGREDIENTS – DOUGH

2¼ cups flour (3 more tablespoons later)
1 tablespoon olive oil (1 tablespoon and 3 more cups later)
½ cup water

INGREDIENTS – FILLING

1 bunch chard leaves (maybe ¾ pound)
enough water to cover chard leaves
1 small white onion
1 tablespoon olive oil (3 more cups later)
⅔ cup grated Parmesan cheese
2 eggs (1 more egg later)

INGREDIENTS – ASSEMBLY

1 egg
3 tablespoons flour
3 cups olive oil

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – DOUGH

Add 2¼ cups flour to large mixing bowl. Gradually add oil and water. Knead by hand with each addition. Stop adding water when you form a dough ball that isn’t sticky. Put in refrigerator for 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – FILLING

Remove chard leaves from stems. Slice chard leaves into ½” squares. Add enough water to cover chard to large pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Add chard to pot. Blanch chard for 5 minutes. Drain. Mince onion. Add onion and 1 tablespoon olive oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minute or until onion softens. Add chard leaves, onion, Parmesan, and 2 eggs to 2nd large mixing bowl. Mix with fork, or by hand until thoroughly mixed.

PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY

Add 1 egg to cup. Beat egg with whisk. Dust flat surface with 3 tablespoons flour. Roll dough out on flat surface to 0.1″ thickness. Make 3″-wide circles from dough. (A glass cup works well for this.) Add 1 teaspoon filling to the middle of each circle. Fold dough circles in half to make half moons. Brush edges with egg. Press down on edges to seal half moons. Add 3 cups olive oil to deep, large pot. Heat oil using medium-high heat. Oil is hot enough when a bit of dough dances in the oil. Carefully add half moons to pot. Fry half moons until they turn brown and blister. Flip half moons enough to prevent burning. Drain on paper towels.

TIDBITS

1) The little known opera, The Barber Juan, also known as Barbajuan, opened and closed on May 5, 1795,

2) The great opera, The Barber of Seville, by Rossini, premiered in 1815.

3) Europe’s decades long, Napoleonic Wars ended in 1815.

4) Coincidence?

5) Perhaps.

6) Look! Look! Two one-word tidbits in a row.

7) Alas, the single-word tidbit streak was broken by the tidbit immediately above.

8) Let this be a lesson to us all. Think before you type.

9) Think before you drink and drive.

10) If you really must do something after getting pickled to the gills, may I suggest drinking and typing?

11) The great American novelist, Ernest Hemingway was supposed to have said, “Write drunk. Edit Sober.”

12) But, in fact, he never said that. Indeed, he always wrote while he was sober.

13) Why?

14) He probably knew that if he wrote while drunk, the quality of his writing would plummet.

15) How far would his prose fall?

16) Probably to the point where he’d be writing such memorable lines as, “Iggy piggy poo. Q1c3 4fvt, 7jmk, UIo97*.”

17) It is worth nothing that any human could type the bon mots, “Iggy piggy poo, and the illustrious Hemingway certainly thought he could write better than any human.”

18) But even more damning to Hemingway’s literary soul was the undeniable fact that all the words after “Iggy piggy poo” could have been made by one of his cats walking from left to right across his typewriter. And Papa Hemingway was certainly vain enough to want to out write his cats. So, he always wrote sober. Now you know.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Hot Pickled Carrots

Mexican Appetizer

HOT PICKLED CARROTS

INGREDIENTS

1 pound carrots
1 small onion
2 jalapeno peppers or 6 ounces sliced
3 cloves garlic
1 teaspoon Mexican oregano or oregano
1 cup white vinegar or cider vinegar
1 cup water
2 bay leaves
½ tablespoon sea salt or salt
1 teaspoon sugar

SPECIAL UTENSILS

mandoline (optional, but so helpful)
2 3-cup Mason jars

Makes 4 cups. Takes 40 minutes preparation, 1 hour 30 minutes cooling to room temperature, and up to 1 day in refrigerator.

PREPARATION

Use mandoline to cut carrots into ¼”-to-½” thick diagonal slices. Use julienne blade, if possible. Use mandoline or knife to slice jalapenos into rings ¼”-to-½” thick.. Use mandoline to cut onion into ⅛” thick slices. Cut each garlic clove into 4 pieces.

Add vinegar and water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Add all other ingredients to pot. Let boil for 5 minutes. Stir until sugar dissolves, then enough to prevent burning. Remove pot from heat. Let cool for 1 hour 30 minutes or until contents, hot pickled carrots, reach room temperature.
Pour everything into Mason jars. Let sit in refrigerator for 1 day for best taste. They should keep for 1 week.

TIDBITS

1) To be “pickled” is slang for “to be drunk.” So, pickled carrots are drunken carrots. How do we know when carrots are drunk? Culinary patrolmen will tell you weaving while driving is a sure sign of an inebriation. Fortunately, drunk carrot driving remains quite rare as hardly any carrots attain the minimum driving age of 16.. Indeed, most carrots get eaten within days of being plucked from the ground. Another sign of a soused carrot is slurred speech. However, you really do need to listen carefully for this as carrots have tiny voices. Mostly, though, a drunken carrot resorts to giving people the silent treatment, which has proved to be a feeble defense against being eaten. And anyway, surly carrots are annoying. Just eat them. Show them you’re the boss.

 

Paul De Lancey, concerned citizen and Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Cheese Souffle

French Dessert

CHEESE SOUFFLE

INGREDIENTS

1 tablespoon butter (3 tablespoons more later)
1 tablespoon grated Parmesan cheese (¾ cup more later)
3 tablespoons butter
¼ cup flour
1¼ cups milk
1 cup grated gruyère cheese
¾ cup grated Parmesan cheese
4 egg yolks
¼ teaspoon paprika
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
6 egg whites
¼ teaspoon cream of tartar

SPECIAL UTENSILS

4 ramekins or 1 souffle dish
electric beater with whisk attachments, if available
baking sheet
flying monkeys, just in case

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Butter each ramekin with an equal part of 1 tablespoon butter. Coat each ramekin with an equal part of 1 tablespoon Parmesan cheese. (This is a good time to separate egg yolks and whites if you haven’t already done so.)

Add 3 tablespoons butter to pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Add flour. Stir flour constantly until you get a flour paste. Gradually add milk, stirring constantly with whisk until mixture is smooth. Bring to boil using medium heat. Stir constantly. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 3 minutes or until you get a thick white sauce. Remove from heat.

Add gruyère and Parmesan to pan. Stir until well blended. Add eggs yolks, paprika, pepper, and salt. Stir gently until well blended. Transfer flour/egg/cheese mixture to 1st large mixing bowl and let cool.

Add egg whites and cream or tartar to 2nd large mixing bowl. Beat egg whites with electric beater set on low. Beat until egg whites become foamy and form peaks. Gently fold in ¼ of the egg whites into the flour/egg/mixture. Then gently fold in the remaining egg whites until well blended. Pour this blended souffle equally into the ramekins. Gently smooth souffles with spoon. Place ramekins on baking sheet and bake at 375 degrees for 30 minutes or until souffles puff up and turn golden brown.

Do not open the oven the door while baking the souffles. NO, NOT EVEN ONCE! OPENING THE OVEN DOOR WILL MAKE THE SOUFFLES COLLAPSE. YOU WILL FALL SOBBING TO THE FLOOR. NOT ONLY THAT, YOU WILL RELEASE VICIOUS FLYING MONKEYS ALL OVER THE WORLD.

Serve immediately to adoring guests. If they’re unappreciative or late to table, by all means, release the flying monkeys. Those critters need exercise.

TIDBITS

1) With the proper type of internal combustion engine, cars can run on cheese souffle.

2) This actually happened from 1937 to 1940.

3) For on July 14th, Bastille Day, 1937 a very inebriated Chef Auguste Oeuf accidentally staggered to his Renault, unscrewed its gas cap, staggered back to his restaurant, grabbed a tray of cheese souffles, staggered back to his car, and one by one threw the souffles into his gas tank.

4) What are the odds are doing all those things while drunk? And in that order?

5) Small.

6) Less than half.

7) Any way, Chef Oeuf needed to go to the market and buy some chickens for his plat du jour. He turned the ignition. The engine roared into action. He used the newly untamed fury of his Renault to make to the market in record time.

8) He would make trip after trip for ingredients. His customers loved the unparalleled freshness of his cuisine. Ouef’s restaurant, Le Chaton D’or became the most popular restaurant of all Paris. Other chefs of the city noticed this. They too would get rip-roaring drunk and whip up a batch of cheese souffles for their cars. The culinary reputation of Parisian food reigned supreme.

9) The secret of drunken chefs feeding souffles to their cars soon spread to every corner of France.

10) There was though a distressing period, though. when some chefs didn’t get sufficiently soused. Miles per souffle (MPS) suffered. And in consequence, so did the vital culinary/automotive industry.

11) As a result, an anagramist in French government required all cheese-souffle chefs to enter the Fuels Of Cheese (FOC) association.

12) Mais zut alors, in 1940, the Germans conquered France. The long horrors of the occupation permanently sobered up all the country’s chefs. The dried-up cooks retained no memory of how to make souffle fuel. This is why our cars now run of gas.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: