humor

Tex Mex T Rex

Posted on May 23, 2014 by pauldelancey

Cretaceous Entree

TEX MEX T REX

INGREDIENTS

1 medium tyrannosaurus rex
300 garlic cloves
1,500 medium yellow onions
2,999 jars (18 ounces) barbecue sauce
1 15 ounce bottle organic ketchup
200 pounds chili powder
100 pounds cumin
25 pounds thyme
1/4 teaspoon salt (or to taste)
40 gallons lemon juice
120 gallons Worcestershire sauce
12,000 hamburger buns

Note: Getting the amounts exact is critical. If your sums are off you just have to recount.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

1 time machine
1 sonic obliterator (not sold in Oregon as of publication)
1 culinary chainsaw (I recommend the Bushnell 303TM model)
1,500 crock pots
1 multi-story mixing bowl
1 24,000-hole toaster
1 deluxe surge protector

PREPARATION

Set time machine to Wednesday, June 3rd, 3 p.m., 65,403,002 B.C.. (For goodness sake, don’t push things and try to get yourself a T-Rex minutes before that giant meteorite slams into the Earth killing nearly everything. If you die in this cataclysm and don’t come back, your guests will never talk to you. You don’t need this social awkwardness.)

But it does remind me, to make Tex Mex T Rex you really need to kill a T Rex. For this job, you’ll want to get a premium sonic obliterator. One with a T-Rex rating. Don’t expect to waltz into a WalMartTM and buy the first sonic obliterator you see. You’ll be sorry. Indeed, you’ll be dead when the feeble sonic vibration from your off-the-shelves obliterator merely angers the T Rex into charging you. Always, always buy quality kitchen utensils.

Do not forget to kill the T-Rex. Be sure to slice up the T Rex into the various cuts of meat at the site and the time of the killing. This takes a long time and culinary chainsaws are noisy. You don’t want to annoy your current time, human neighbors. But in the Cretaceous period the chainsaw noise will scare off all those pesky predators who’d want to eat you. Take all your T-Rex cuts back with you. Don’t drop any. No one likes a litterbug.

Mince garlic cloves and onions. This should take no time at all as you have a time machine. Put T-Rex bits in crock pots. Add garlic, onion, barbecue sauce, organic ketchup, chili powder, cumin, salt, thyme, lemon juice, and Worcestershire sauce.

Set crock pots to high and cover them. Cook for 6 hours or until meat is tender. Remove T-Rex meat. Shred meat and return meat to crock pots for 30 minutes. Toast buns. Serve meat on buns. Note, this is a big meal. May I suggest serving it picnic style with plastic utensils and cardboard plates?

TIDBITS

1) Until the invention of the time machine, Cretaceous cuisine was impossible,

2) We have, of course, always had Cretan cuisine. However, food from the island of Crete is usually considered to be indistinguishable from the rest of Greek cuisine.

3) However, things would change dramatically if a Cretan restaurateur were to successfully transport T-Rex meat back to the current time. Crowds would certainly flock to Kronos’ Cretan Cretaceous Crudités.

4) This development would certainly provide a challenge to the Tex Mex T Rex cuisine of southwest Texas.

5) As of press time, 43% of all Tex Mex T Rex sandwiches are served in El Paso, Texas.

6) There are lots of non-culinary things to do in El Paso, Texas.

7) Be sure to take in the town’s T-Rex processing plant. Tours cost $20 person if you book now. However, the cost conscious can always go back in time, deposit a dollar in the bank, and gather enough interest to pay for the tour.

8) For an alternative experience, go to Hueco Tanks State Park and scale its huge boulders.

9) Those in your group who survive this experience will want to take in the Museum of Art and see American and Mexican colonial art.

10) Stargazing is quite popular here, especially at night.

11) So is sleeping.

12) Pleasant dreams.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: art, barbecue, chainsaw, cookbook, Cretan, crock pot, cuisine, Earth, Eat Me, El Paso, entree, garlic, Hueco Tanks, ketchup.chili, Kronos, meteorite, museum, Oregon, organic, recipes, rex, salt, sauce, sonic obliterator, stargazing, State Park, surge protector, T-Rex, Tex-Mex, Texas, thyme, time machine, toaster, tyrannosaurus, Walmart, Worcestershire | Leave a comment

Peanut Sauce (pinda saus)

Posted on May 15, 2014 by pauldelancey

Dutch appetizer

PEANUT SAUCE
(pinda saus)

INGREDIENTS

1 garlic clove
½ teaspoon lemon juice
¼ teaspoon lemongrass
¾ cup milk
¾ cup smooth peanut butter
4 tablespoons soy sauce
¼ teaspoon brown sugar
¼ teaspoon sambal oelek (omit if you can’t find it or desire a less spicy sauce)

PREPARATION

Mince garlic clove. Add garlic, lemon juice, and lemongrass to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for about 3 minutes or until garlic softens. Stir frequently. Add milk, peanut butter, soy sauce, brown sugar, and sambal oelek. Cook on medium heat for 5 minutes or until it just starts to boil. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 3 minutes until mixture thickens. Stir frequently.

Goes well with: sticky rice, satays, bami goreng, egg rolls, and loempias.

TIDBITS

1) The Netherlands supplies 70% of the world’s bacon. Yay!

2) The Spanish Inquistion sentenced everyone in the Netherlands to death in 1568 . Tough love, you bet.

3) The Netherlands supplies 70% of the world’s bacon. Woot!

4) Amsterdam is home to the greatest number of museums in any one city, including ones dedicated to sex museums. Honey, I’m just going to the museum to improve my mind.

5) The Netherlands supplies 70% of the world’s bacon. Thank you, Netherlands.

7) Amsterdam’s coffee shops can sell you up to 5 grams of cannabis. And then you’ll be hungry for … bacon!

8) The Netherlands supplies 70% of the world’s bacon. Satisfy your bacon munchies here.

9) When not producing bacon, the Dutch are known to indulge in engineering marvels and the arts.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: Amsterdam, appetizer, arts, bacon, brown sugar, coffee, cookbook, Dutch, engineering, Inquisiton, lemongrass, munchies, museums, Netherlands, peanut, peanut butter, peanut sauce, pinda saus, recipes, sambal oelek, sex, sex museums, soy sauce, Spanish, Spanish Inquisition | Leave a comment

Bubble and Squeak

Posted on April 5, 2014 by pauldelancey

British Entree

BUBBLE AND SQUEAK

INGREDIENTS

4 potatoes
2 tablespoons butter (2 more teaspoons later)
½ head cabbage
2 celery stalks
1 onion
2 tablespoons butter
4 ounces bacon
¼ teaspoon pepper
¼ teaspoon salt

PREPARATION

Peel potatoes. Cut each potato into eight pieces. Put potato pieces into large pot. Add enough water to cover potato bits. Bring water to boil on high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 minutes or until potato is tender. Drain potatoes. Add 2 tablespoons butter to pot with potato pieces. Mash potatoes with potato masher.

While potatoes simmer, thinly slice cabbage. Put cabbage with enough water to cover and cook on medium heat for 5 minutes or until cabbage is tender. Dice celery, and onion. Add onion, celery, and 2 tablespoons butter to large skillet. Sauté onion and celery for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Add bacon to frying pan. Fry bacon on medium-high heat or until bacon starts to turn crispy. Remove bacon and press with paper towels to remove grease. Cut bacon into 1″ squares.

Add mashed potato, cabbage, bacon, celery, onion, pepper, and salt to large skillet. Cook on medium heat for 5 minutes or until bottom (The mixture in the skillet, not your bottom. Goodness.) turns golden brown. Turn mixture over and cook for another 5 minutes or until it browns again on the bottom.

TIDBITS

1) This traditional British dish is named after the bubbling and squeaking sounds it makes while being cooked. The earliest known recipe comes from Maria Rundell, who made it in 1806. No, I do not know what she did in 1805. Still, knowing this fact will give you an advantage over the other contests in JeopardyTM when the Bubble and Squeak category comes up.

2) Bubble and squeak is also Cockney rhyming slang for Greek. Just like fashion and fad is Cockney for iPad. Similarly, Pow and socko for taco, Sang froid and calm for A-bomb, symphonies and coda for soda, large rat and busy bee for reality TV, Jeb and Jethro for cilantro, grovel and beg for nutmeg, mite and midge for fridge, bondsman and post bail for junk mail, and, of course, tasty and new for chicken cordon bleu.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: a-bomb, bottom, British, bubble, bubble and squeak, cabbage, celery, Cockney, entree, Jeopardy, junk mail, Maria Rundell, potatoes, rat, rhyming slang, squeak, taco | Leave a comment

Almond Pork Stir Fry

Posted on March 27, 2014 by pauldelancey

Chinese Entree

ALMOND PORK STIR FRY

INGREDIENTS

1 pound pork loins
½ red onion
2 scallions
½ cup blanched, silvered almonds
2 tablespoons soy sauce
2 ½ tablespoons chicken stock
1 tablespoon sherry
1 teaspoon sugar
1 pound bean sprouts
1 teaspoon Chinese five spices
1/2 tablespoon freshly grated ginger

PREPARATION

Cut pork into ½” cubes. Dice red onion and scallions. Rinse bean sprouts. Add almond, red onion, scallion, and soy sauce to wok or pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently.

Add pork, chicken stock, sherry, sugar, bean sprouts, Chinese five spices, and ginger to pan. Cook for 5 minutes on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until pork is no longer pink inside. (X-ray vision would be useful here. If you aren’t a super hero, it’s okay to slice open a pork cube and look.)

TIDBITS

1) In 1764, Spain worried about Russian encroachment on the west coast of America planted almond trees along El Camino Real (The Royal Road) from San Diego to San Francisco.

2) These trees did not significantly deter the Russian military which was generally equipped with ships, horses, cannon, and muskets.

3) The Spanish then tried planting all manner of cacti in Arizona. This failed as well. The Russians weren’t interested in Arizona and the cacti proved remarkably vulnerable to flanking maneuvers.

4) In 1769, the governor of California, Don Antonio Pico de Gallo, came up with the happy idea of building missions along El Camino and staffing them with priests and soldiers. The Russians saw that the price of conquering the Golden State would be too high and left.

5) President Clinton ate almonds at both his inaugurations. Some say he did this to send a message to the Russians, but it is more likely he just like to eat them.

6) Eat the almonds, not the Russians, for goodness sake.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: almond, almonds, America, Arizona, bean sprouts, cacti, California, cannon, Chinese, El Camino Real, entree, five spices, ginger, military, muskets, Pico, pico de gallon, pork, President Clinton, Russian, San Diego, San Francisco, soy sauce, Spain, Spanish, stir fry | Leave a comment

Chicken Pot Pie

Posted on March 6, 2014 by pauldelancey

American Entree

CHICKEN POT PIE

INGREDIENTS – FILLING

3 chicken breasts
3 medium carrots
2 stalks celery
1 onion
1 white potato
1/3 cup butter
1/3 cup flour (6 more cups later)
1/4 teaspoon celery seed
1/4 teaspoon marjoram
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt (3/4 more teaspoons later)
1/2 teaspoon thyme
2 cups chicken broth
1 cup milk (1 tablespoon more later)

INGREDIENTS – PASTRY

6 cups flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup butter (softened)
1 pint water

1 tablespoon milk
1 egg

SPECIAL UTENSILS

Dutch oven
6 meat-pie pans (5″ diameter is best)

PREPARATION – FILLING

Cut chicken into ½” cubes. Dice carrots, celery, onion, and potato. Add onion and butter to Dutch oven. Sauté onion on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add 1/3 cup flour, celery seed, marjoram, pepper, salt, and thyme. Stir until well blended. Add broth and 1 cup milk. Bring to boil on high heat. Stir frequently. Add chicken, carrot, celery, and potato. Reduce heat to lower and simmer for 40 minutes or until carrots are soft. Stir occasionally. Remove.

PREPARATION – PASTRY

While filling is simmering, add 6 cups flour, salt, and butter to a second mixing bowl. Blend ingredients with whisk. Add water. Remove dough and knead on surface dusted with flour.

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Let dough sit for 20 minutes. Divide dough into 12 balls. Use rolling pin on dough balls–A large can of soup will do. A stick of dynamite is way too risky–to make 6 circles with 8″ inch diameters. Flatten the remaining dough balls to make 6″ wide circles.

PREPARATION – PIE

Line each pie pan with an 8″ dough circle. Add filling to each pan. Moisten rims of pies with 1 tablespoon milk. (This helps to tops stick with the bottom pastry.) Place a 6″ dough circle on top of each pie. Trim away the excess puff pastry. Press edges of puff pastry onto rims of bottom pastry with fork. Beat egg with whisk or fork. Glaze tops evenly with egg.

Put pies in over. Bake at 425 degrees for 15-to-20 minutes or until golden brown. Spread ketchup over each pie. Have a nice cooling refreshment and enjoy. Press gang the least appreciative guest into cleaning up.

TIDBITS

1) H. G. Wells wrote the culinary-sci fi novel, The Thyme Machine, in 1903. It fared poorly, selling only three copies. Two of those copies were used to keep open windows during London’s August heat weaves. Some historians believe the third copy was placed under the short leg of an otherwise unstable table at a pub called The Copper Penny. The pub’s owner allowed customers to read The Thyme Machine with the understanding they replaced it before leaving the establishment.

2) The distraught novelist chucked his writing career and went to culinary school. He thrived there. He became a spice-using genius. In 1905, he opened up an upscale restaurant in one of London’s ritzy districts. It specialized in French cuisine and was called, Food of the Gods.

3) The wealthy soon flocked to the Food of the Gods. Everyone had to taste its scrumptious entrees, its divine desserts. It became so renowned that giant lines formed outside the restaurant’s doors. In 1907, Chef H.G. instituted a reservations only policy. This left thousands of aristocratic food lovers out in the culinary cold, to subsist on fish and chips. Just getting a reservation provided immense social prestige. In 1911, Charles Witherham garned a baronetcy from George V when he gave his time to the British monarch.

4) Tragedy struck in June, 1914, when the German nobleman, Hans von Frikadellen, stole the French ambassador’s 8 o’clock reservation at The Food of the Gods. The ambassador said German food was one boring pork dish after another. Frikadellen said the French didn’t know how to spice. Things went downhill after that and by July the two nations were at war.

5) Lots of nations joined in the kerfuffle. Millions perished during World War I . Naturally, H.G. Wells felt bad about that and invented a time machine and went back to 1895 long before his havoc creating restaurant opened.

6) Wells renounced cooking and went back to writing. He excised all culinary references in The Thyme Machine which became the more tighter, page-turning masterpiece, The Time Machine. The world would still go to war in 1914, but it wouldn’t be his fault.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, history, humor | Tags: American, breasts, butter, carrots, celery seed, Chef Paul, chicken, chicken pot pie, cookbook, De Lancey, entree, Food of the Gods, French, German, H.G. Wells, King George V, marjoram, pork, pot pie, potato, recipes, The Time Machine, thyme, war, World War I | Leave a comment

Lay’s Lutefisk and Liver Potato Chips

Posted on February 25, 2014 by pauldelancey

I will become a millionaire. I have entered the most scathingly brilliant flavor idea for Lay’s potato chip contest – lutefisk and liver. How could it lose? It can’t. Everybody loves lutefisk. Only the people who can taste, smell, or see don’t. And liver well … is incredibly healthy for you. Don’t forget the Vikings ate lutefisk and nearly conquered the world. Eat lutefisk and liver potato chips, for the healthy Viking in all of us.

Notice even Lay’s says, “Lutefisk and Liver? That does sound yummy as a chip!”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: humor | Tags: contest, healthy, Lay's, liver, lordsoffun, lutefisk, millionaire, Paul De Lancey, potato chips, Vikings, yummy | 1 Comment

National Stereotypes on Google

Posted on February 5, 2014 by pauldelancey

Here is how Google completes your search question when you type in the words, “Why is (some country) . . .?” Presumably the first completed choice by Google mirrors peoples’ stereotypes about particular nation.

The following stereotypes garnered more than one country:

Poor countries were: Indonesia, Mexico, Mozambique, Nicaragua, Nigeria, Romania, Vietnam
Expensive countries were: Argentina, Brazil, Britain, Fiji
Happy countries were: Denmark, Sweden
Rich countries were: Germany, Norway, Switzerland
Dry countries were: Australia, Peru, Turkey
Big countries were: Greenland, Russia
Why so important countries? were: Afghanistan, Cuba, Egypt, Greece
Violent and dangerous countries were: Colombia, Iraq, Pakistan, South Africa

And now, stereotypes for the first fifty countries that popped into my mind. Okay, many of the following countries were chosen because I love their cuisine. or I enjoyed traveling there. My favorite is, “Why is Greenland so big?”

Country Stereotype
——— ————
Afghanistan – important
America – fat
Argentia – expensive
Australia – dry
Brazil – expensive

Britain – expensive
Canada – nice
China – polluted
Colombia – violent
Cuba – important

Denmark – happy
Egypt – important
Fiji – expensive
France – gay
Germany – rich

Greece – important
Greenland – big
Iceland – peaceful
India – poor
Indonesia – poor

Iraq – violent
Ireland – green
Israel – important to us
Italy – racist
Jamaica – violent

Japan – clean
Kenya – good at running
Mexico – poor
Mozambique – poor
Netherlands – liberal

Nicaragua – poor
New Zealand – free
Nigeria – poor
North Korea – bad
Norway – rich

Pakistan – dangerous
Peru – dry
Poland – weak
Romania – poor
Russia – big

Saudi Arabia – stupid
Scotland – cold
South Africa – violent
Spain – empty
Switzerland – rich

Tibet – important to China
Turkey – dry
Sweden – happy
Vatican City – small
Vietnam – poor

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: humor, international | Tags: Afghanistan, Argentina, Australia, Brazil, Britain, Denmark, Egypt, Fji, Germany, Google, Greece, Greenland, Israel, Kenya, national, Netherlands, Norway, Russia, Scotland, Spain, stereotypes, Sweden, Switzerland, Tibet, turkey, Vietnam | Leave a comment

Coleslaw

Posted on February 3, 2014 by pauldelancey

American Entree

COLESLAW

INGREDIENTS

1 head green cabbage
2 medium carrots
1/2 sweet onion (Vidalia or Walla Walla)
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1/2 tablespoon red wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon celery seeds
1/2 teaspoon dill weed
1/4 teaspoon lemon pepper
1/2 teaspoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSIL

food processor

PREPARATION

Use food processor to grate half of the cabbage head. Thinly slice the other half. Grate carrots and onion. Add all ingredients to mixing bowl and mix thoroughly. Serve first to the person who offers to clean up.

TIDBITS

1) Please relax a bit and enjoy the best song I know about coleslaw, “Coleslaw,” by Jesse Stone.

American Entree

COLESLAW

INGREDIENTS

SPECIAL UTENSIL

food processor

PREPARATION

TIDBITS

1) Please relax a bit and enjoy the best song I know about coleslaw, “Coleslaw,” by Jesse Stone.

2) There are no fun facts about coleslaw. It’s best to talk about something other than coleslaw at parties if you wish to get invited again.

3) But people will think urbane and witty if you expound eloquently on the brilliant songwriter, Cole Porter. Cole Porter wrote the song, “Anything Goes.” It manages to be absolutely wonderful without even mentioning coleslaw once.

4) There is no coleslaw museum anywhere, so Cole Porter isn’t the only one to ignore this noble dish.

5) But if there were a coleslaw museum, I’m sure Jess Stone would have a place of honor.

6) Coleslaw does get mentioned in the classic song, “Ghost Chickens in the Sky” by Leroy Troy. The cause of culinary music marches on.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: American, Anything Goes, cabbage, celery seeds, Cole Porter, coleslaw, dill weed, entree, Ghost Chickens in the Sky, Jess Sone, mayonnaise, Vidalia, vinegar, Walla Walla | Leave a comment

Cannibal Rat Cruises Announces New One-Way Voyages

Posted on January 29, 2014 by pauldelancey

Do you have an annoying neighbor who blasts Justin Bieber until five in the morning? Do you have a tyrannical boss? And how do you simultaneously reward your nagging spouse and collect on that rather large insurance policy you thoughtfully took out yesterday?

Well, Cannibal Rats Cruises has the perfect thing for you. We are proud to have taken possession of the Lyubov Orlova. The previous owner’s bankruptcy is in our gain. Left abandoned in Newfoundland for two years, it rapidly became one of a kind, a floating zoo, except for the lack of lions, tigers, bears, and many other creatures. Okay, this floating zoo consists entirely of rats. But how many cruise ships can claim a rat zoo?

Originally sold to the Dominican Republic, a nation proud of its rat-free cuisine, the Lyubov Orlova never made it there. The vessel broke loose from the tow ship the very first day at sea. This fact was never noticed.

“Hey, Pedro, have you seen that cruise ship we’re towing?”

“No, Pablo, but I haven’t been looking for it”

The Canadian authorities recaptured the wandering ship a little later. But the tow line snapped again. “In retrospect, using a Slinky to connect our tug to the Lyubov Orlova seems insufficient says an imagined Captain Amos Keeto of the Canadian Icy Ocean Patrol.

The cruise was then left to drift unmanned in the Arctic waters. Says Captain Keeto, “It’s no big deal.”

No big deal until now! Salvagers from Cannibal Rats Cruises, CRC, boarded the ship armed with cannister after cannister of rat poison. Within a scant two days the surviving boarders managed to get the rat population down to a comfortable level.

And that’s where you come in. Hee! Hee! No not you, your neighbor from hell, your cheating spouse, your local lutefisk vendor will be ushered into there spacious staterooms. Meal times are flexible. The rats’ moods set the time. Yes, CRC, is the perfect way for your fiends to lose all those extra pounds.

And best of all, the cost of sending your unloved one on this one-way adventure? Only $77 for an interior room to just $277 for a mini-suite! Expire in a garden villa for a mere $477. How does CRC keep it rates so low?

No overhead. No crew!

Treat those special people to a voyage with Cannibal Rats Cruises. They’ll remember it to the end of their days.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: humor | Tags: annoying neighbor, cannibal rats, Dominican Repulbic, Justin Bieber, Lyubov Orlova, Newfoundland, unmanned, zoo | Leave a comment

Hot Chocolate

Posted on January 13, 2014 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

HOT CHOCOLATE

INGREDIENTS

4 ounces semisweet chocolate (chips or squares)
4cups milk
1/2 cup sugar

PREPARATION

Add all ingredients to saucepan. Heat with medium heat. (Whoa! Heating with heat. That’s just crazy enough to work.) Cook until chocolate has completely melted and liquid is just ready to boil. Stir frequently.

Use an electric or hand beater on hot chocolate if you wish to make it frothy. Mini marshmallows and whipped cream make excellent toppings.

TIDBITS

1) If it weren’t for chocolate, we probably wouldn’t have microwaves. Decades ago, the chocolate bar in Percy Spencer’s pocket melted when he got close to the microwaves of a magnetron. Instead of saying yuck, Percy got excited. He placed an egg next to the magnetron. The egg cooked so fast that it exploded. The synapses in Percy’s brain fired at a prodigious rate. The research on the kitchen microwave began.

2) The good feelings to your brain and body from eating chocolate last four times longer than from an amorous kiss. Indeed, pollsters in Britain found that 50% of women love chocolate more than sex. This guys, is why you give your dates a box of chocolates rather than a package of lutefisk.

3) Eating chocolate multiple times a week greatly reduces the risk of fatal heart disease.

4) Chocolate is a natural antidepressant.

5) A milk chocolate bar has ten fewer calories than a bag of potato chips.

5) So chocolate gave a boost to the advancement of science, provides for an enhanced love life, protects your health, keeps you from being sad, and is better for your figure than potato chips. What more do you want? Why can’t our government be more like chocolate?

6) It can. It can. The Bacon & Chocolate Party was formed in 2012 and is dedicated to promoting the health giving properties of chocolate and bacon and to ensure ample supplies of these wonderful foods.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: American, amorous, antidepressant, appetizer, bacon, Bacon & Chocolate, Britain, Chef Paul, chocolate, cookbook, De Lancey, government, heart disease, hot chocolate, kiss, magnetron, microwave, milk, natural, Percy Spencer, recipes, sugar | Leave a comment

humor

Tex Mex T Rex

Peanut Sauce (pinda saus)

Bubble and Squeak

Almond Pork Stir Fry

Chicken Pot Pie

Lay’s Lutefisk and Liver Potato Chips

National Stereotypes on Google

Coleslaw

Cannibal Rat Cruises Announces New One-Way Voyages

Hot Chocolate

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