Posts Tagged With: meteorite

Shrimp Po’ Boys

Cajun Entree

SHRIMP PO’ BOYS

INGREDIENTS – REMOULADE

1 tablespoon capers
1½ tablespoons flat-leaf parsley or parsley
1 garlic clove
2 tablespoons Creole mustard or French coarse-grained mustard.
2 tablespoons lemon juice
¾ cup mayonnaise
½ tablespoon paprika (½ teaspoon more later)
¼ teaspoon pepper (¼ teaspoon more later)
¾ teaspoon TabascoTM or CrystalTM hot sauce

INGREDIENTS – SHRIMP

1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined.
¼ teaspoon cayenne pepper
¼ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon paprika
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1 egg
¾ cup cornmeal
⅓ cup peanut oil or oil

INGREDIENTS – FINAL

⅓ head lettuce, iceberg or romaine
1 tomato
4 French rolls or 4 quarters of a baguette

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric skillet

Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes

PREPARATION – REMOULADE

Dice capers, flat-leaf parsley, and garlic clove. Add all remoulade ingredients to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Chill in refrigerator.

PREPARATION – SHRIMP

Add shrimp, cayenne pepper, garlic powder, paprika, pepper, and salt to 1st small mixing bowl. Toss shrimp until well coated. Add egg to 2nd small bowl. Beat egg with whisk or fork. Add shrimp to beaten egg. Toss shrimp until well coated. Add cornflour to 3rd small bowl. Add egg-coated shrimp to cornflour. Dredge shrimp through cornflour until well coated.

Add oil to electric skillet. Heat oil to 350 degrees. Add coated shrimp to skillet. (Do not let shrimp touch. You might have to cook in batches.) Fry at 350 for 3 minutes or until dredged shrimp turn golden brown. Carefully flip shrimp once. Remove and drain on plate covered with paper towels.

PREPARATION – FINAL

Shred lettuce. Cut tomato into 8 slices. Slice rolls almost all the way through, leaving enough for a hinge. Spread remoulade over all roll tops and bottoms. Sprinkle shredded lettuce equally over all roll bottoms. Arrange shrimp equally over all roll bottoms. Top the shrimp on each sandwich with 2 tomato slices. Close rolls. Serve hot.

TIDBITS

1) The famed Edgar Allan Poe was born on January 19, 1809. A lesser known Edgar Allan Poe (LKEAP) was born on March 30, 1833. Interesting enough, 33 totally unimportant Edgar Allan Poe have been on February 29. Of course, that has statistical clustering written all over it.

2) Our Edgar Allan Poe (OEAP) was never totally adopted and had a constant need for income due to gambling losses. Never draw to an inside straight, never. Indeed, you need to know when to fold and to know when to walk away. Unfortunately, Kenny Rogers hadn’t written his great song, “The Gambler,” by 1822., so OEAP was bereft of this potentially life-improving advice.

3) The indebted Poe turned to writing menus. They were pure literary magic. As Thomas Jefferson penned, “Edgar Allan Poe’s descriptions of the tempting dishes to be had by the discerning dinner are pure culinary genius. Undoubtedly, if he’d been around in 1776, he’d have been invited to write the Declaration of Independence.”

4) Inspired by his success, Poe turned to writing novels. We now hold his first effort, The Elephant’s Tusks to be the greatest novel of all time. Unfortunately, the letter “e” on his typewriter was broken and the published text of lphant’s Tusks was absolutely unreadable.

5) Distraught, Poe turned to drugs for solace. (Hey, I spelled that word correctly on the first try!) His drug habit drove him deeper into debt.

6) Poe’s life had to pick up, and in a hurry, as I am running out of space on this page. Poe went back to menus. His typewriter still had occasional trouble with the letter “e.” Then brilliance struck his brow like a tiny meteorite made of kitty fur; why not substitute an apostrophe for “e?.” His creation the Shrimp Poe Boy could now be written up as the Shrimp Po’ Boy. Elated, Poe felt confident enough to write a short book chock full of wrote a short book entitled, “Simple and Tasty Treats to Eat After Taking Heroin.” This wildly successful work provided him with the financial success he’d always craved. Poe would become a literary giants. Menus, however, would once again be boring. They still are. It’s a tradeoff.

Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Shrimp Creole

Cajun Entree

SHRIMP CREOLE

INGREDIENTSshrimpcreole

⅔ cup rice
1½ pounds shrimp will shells on
1⅓ cups water
1 stalk celery
2 garlic cloves
1 green bell pepper
1 large onion
3 tablespoons butter
½ teaspoon basil
1 bay leaf
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon thyme
1 14-ounce can diced, undrained tomatoes

Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on package. While rice cooks, shell and devein shrimp. KEEP SHELLS. Add shrimp shells and water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Reduce heat to warm and simmer until needed.

Mince celery, garlic, green bell pepper, and onion. Add minced veggies and butter to Dutch oven. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until ingredients soften. Stir frequently. Add basil, bay leaf, cayenne pepper, pepper, salt, and thyme. Stir.

Remove and discard shrimp shells from pot. Add ¼ cup of the shrimp-shell flavored water to Dutch oven. (Keep the rest of this flavored water.) Reduce heat to Dutch oven to medium. Cook for 5 minutes on medium heat. Stir frequently enough to keep mixture from burning on bottom. Add diced tomatoes with its liquid and the remaining shrimp-shell flavored water. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes or until liquid thickens. Stir frequently enough to keep mixture from burning on bottom. Remove bay leaf. Add shrimp. Cook on medium heat for 3 minutes or until the shrimp turn pink or orange. Stir frequently. Serve over rice.

TIDBITS

1) The shrimp in the above photo are on the plate because they are subject to the laws of gravity.

2) When they want to be.

3) Shrimp have the ability to turn off gravity by clicking their dozen little red shoes together and saying, “There’s no place like Mars. There’s no place like Mars.”

4) And whoosh, off they float to Mars.

5) Whenever you see a meteorite streaking away from Earth, that’s really a shrimp going home to Mars. They’re not burning up, rather they are traveling so fast they give off a red shift.

6) NASA would dearly love to know how shrimp can negate gravity and float across space at near light speed.

7) NASA has determined that the shrimp’s shell is impervious to friction-generated heat, so that the little crustaceans can zip back and forth through the Earth’s atmosphere with impunity.

8) OK, NASA also wants to build a spaceship as durable as shrimp shells.

9) This is why the NASA cafeteria serves shrimp creole every single meal. Every single day. They are saving the shrimp shells for structural analysis. They also hope to gather enough shrimp shells to make a space shuttle.

10) Unfortunately, shrimp creole tastes better if you boil the shrimp shells. So, they go into the shrimp creole. This is bad, while shrimp shells resist the heat of speeding through the atmosphere and they stand up to the wetness of water, become too pliable when boiled in water. As we know, flimsy shrimps shells are useless for the rigors of intergalactic travel. Thus, the scientists can never get enough shrimp shells.

11) Now you know why shrimp are so worried about global warming. Global warming means hotter oceans. Hotter oceans cause flimsier shells. Softer shells will make it easier for sharks to eat them. Sharks particularly love jumbo shrimp.

12) It takes time for sharks to crunch their way through shrimp shells; submarine fleets around the world are studying these study shells. While the sharks attempt their futile munching, the shrimp say, “There’s no place like Mars. There’s no place like Mars.”

13) And whoosh, the shark is taken along at near-light speeds through the atmosphere. Where they die. This is why there are not more sharks in the oceans. It’s always why aquariums occasionally misplace a shark.

14) But all this will change when the oceans get too hot for the shrimp shells. So, the shrimp have been migrating back to Mars.

15) Those canals you see on Mars have all been built by shrimp. They need places to swim.

Chef Paulcookbookhunks

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with 180 wonderful recipes is available on amazon.com. My newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, is also available on amazon.com

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Tex Mex T Rex

Cretaceous Entree

TEX MEX T REX

INGREDIENTSTRex-

1 medium tyrannosaurus rex
300 garlic cloves
1,500 medium yellow onions
2,999 jars (18 ounces) barbecue sauce
1 15 ounce bottle organic ketchup
200 pounds chili powder
100 pounds cumin
25 pounds thyme
1/4 teaspoon salt (or to taste)
40 gallons lemon juice
120 gallons Worcestershire sauce
12,000 hamburger buns

Note: Getting the amounts exact is critical. If your sums are off you just have to recount.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

1 time machine
1 sonic obliterator (not sold in Oregon as of publication)
1 culinary chainsaw (I recommend the Bushnell 303TM model)
1,500 crock pots
1 multi-story mixing bowl
1 24,000-hole toaster
1 deluxe surge protector

PREPARATION

Set time machine to Wednesday, June 3rd, 3 p.m., 65,403,002 B.C.. (For goodness sake, don’t push things and try to get yourself a T-Rex minutes before that giant meteorite slams into the Earth killing nearly everything. If you die in this cataclysm and don’t come back, your guests will never talk to you. You don’t need this social awkwardness.)

But it does remind me, to make Tex Mex T Rex you really need to kill a T Rex. For this job, you’ll want to get a premium sonic obliterator. One with a T-Rex rating. Don’t expect to waltz into a WalMartTM and buy the first sonic obliterator you see. You’ll be sorry. Indeed, you’ll be dead when the feeble sonic vibration from your off-the-shelves obliterator merely angers the T Rex into charging you. Always, always buy quality kitchen utensils.

Do not forget to kill the T-Rex. Be sure to slice up the T Rex into the various cuts of meat at the site and the time of the killing. This takes a long time and culinary chainsaws are noisy. You don’t want to annoy your current time, human neighbors. But in the Cretaceous period the chainsaw noise will scare off all those pesky predators who’d want to eat you. Take all your T-Rex cuts back with you. Don’t drop any. No one likes a litterbug.

Mince garlic cloves and onions. This should take no time at all as you have a time machine. Put T-Rex bits in crock pots. Add garlic, onion, barbecue sauce, organic ketchup, chili powder, cumin, salt, thyme, lemon juice, and Worcestershire sauce.

Set crock pots to high and cover them. Cook for 6 hours or until meat is tender. Remove T-Rex meat. Shred meat and return meat to crock pots for 30 minutes. Toast buns. Serve meat on buns. Note, this is a big meal. May I suggest serving it picnic style with plastic utensils and cardboard plates?

TIDBITS

1) Until the invention of the time machine, Cretaceous cuisine was impossible,

2) We have, of course, always had Cretan cuisine. However, food from the island of Crete is usually considered to be indistinguishable from the rest of Greek cuisine.

3) However, things would change dramatically if a Cretan restaurateur were to successfully transport T-Rex meat back to the current time. Crowds would certainly flock to Kronos’ Cretan Cretaceous Crudités.

4) This development would certainly provide a challenge to the Tex Mex T Rex cuisine of southwest Texas.

5) As of press time, 43% of all Tex Mex T Rex sandwiches are served in El Paso, Texas.

6) There are lots of non-culinary things to do in El Paso, Texas.

7) Be sure to take in the town’s T-Rex processing plant. Tours cost $20 person if you book now. However, the cost conscious can always go back in time, deposit a dollar in the bank, and gather enough interest to pay for the tour.

8) For an alternative experience, go to Hueco Tanks State Park and scale its huge boulders.

9) Those in your group who survive this experience will want to take in the Museum of Art and see American and Mexican colonial art.

10) Stargazing is quite popular here, especially at night.

11) So is sleeping.

12) Pleasant dreams.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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