Posts Tagged With: cuisine

Tukasu (Stewed Beef With Dates) From Niger

Nigerien Entree

TUKASU
(Stewed Beef with Dates)

INGREDIENTS

½ tablespoon yeast
½ cup warm water
1¾ cups flour
¼ teaspoon salt (1 teaspoon more later)
1 pound beef chuck, round roast, or rump roast
2 garlic cloves
2 medium onions
9 dates. (If fresh, remove pits)
4 tomatoes
2 tablespoons vegetable oil (2 tablespoons more later)
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 tablespoons tomato paste
1 cup tomato sauce
¼ teaspoon aniseed
1 bay leaf
¼ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon cumin
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1⅔ cups water

Serves 5. Takes 2 hours 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add yeast and ½ cup water to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until yeast dissolves. Let sit for 15 minutes. Add flour and ¼ teaspoon salt to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork. Make a small depression in the middle of the flour. Pour yeasty water into depression. Knead flour/yeasty water until you get a big, non-sticky dough ball. Cover medium mixing bowl and let dough sit for 1 hour.

While dough sits, cut beef into 1″ cubes. Mince garlic cloves and onions. Dice dates and tomatoes. Add beef and 2 tablespoons oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until beef is completely browned. Stir enough to ensure even browning. Remove beef from heat.

Add 2 tablespoons oil, garlic, and onion to pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add tomato paste and return beef. Reduce heat to medium and cook for 2 minutes. Stir frequently. Add tomato sauce, aniseed, bay leaf, cinnamon, cumin, pepper, 1 teaspoon salt, and 1⅔ cups water to pot. Stir. Add diced dates and tomatoes. Cover stew and simmer on low heat for 25 minutes.

While stew simmers, divide the dough into 8 small dough balls. Cover with damp cloth and let sit for 30 minutes. Gently add small dough balls to pot. Simmer at low heat for another 40 minutes. Stir occasionally and gently. Remove bay leaf and serve.

TIDBITS

1) Tukasu is a stew.

2) “Stew” is an anagram for “wets.”

3) It is also as anagram for “west.”

4) Culinary anagramists will note that stew can be rearranged to form the word “stwe.”

5) Stwe is rarely used in normal conversation.

6) Oh my gosh, there’s a bunny outside my office window.

7) Bunny wants me to tell you there’s no such word in the English. Not even in medical terminology. Which is why none of the medical TV shows even say, “stwe.”

8) Bunny also says it not a French word, a Dutch word, nor even one in Latin.

9) Why did Bunny help me with this information? Because I feed him carrots and raisins.

10) My fair city, Poway, is justly proud of its multilingual rabbits.

11) Another arrangement of stwe is “twes.”

12) Twes is the plural form of twe.

13) As in, “Shall I take two twes or just one twe to the party?

14) My word! I forget the anagram “stew.”

15) Every word is its own anagram.

16) Like “onion” is an anagram for “onion.”

17) Oh sure it’s blindingly obvious now, but did you know that before you got to tidbit 16?

18) If you know of any real anagrams for “stwe” existing in other languages, please inform me.

21) And I’ll pass on your discovery to Bunny. Bunnies devote nearly all of theirs life searching for rabbit and watching out for hawks. The only real pleasure rabbits indulge in their rare leisure moments is creating new anagrams or finding out about new ones. Bunny and I thank you in advance for your help and consideration.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

I Am a Fashion Model – Spring Sock Wear

 

The very latest fashions from France! Socks are in for men. Socks are chic. Socks are now. And what socks are the stylish man man wearing? Food themed socks. Men are wearing socks that shout, “I will seduce you with my food.”  Mais oui, buns of steel are out, buns on socks are in.

Above, we see sexy socks from straight from the prestigious La Maison de la Nourriture. Your sweetheart will want to eat you up after feasting her eyes on this handsome hosiery

Why not make yourself a six-course dinner for your lovely lady with socks affirming: fantastic fresh fish, lively lobster, stunning shrimp, tasty tacos, spectacular SPAM(tm), and beautiful breakfasts? Certainement, turn yourself into a meal that your date will always remember with inspiring food socks from La Maison de la Nourriture. Bon appétit.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., fashionisto

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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I Am a Fashion Model – Spring Wear

 

The very latest fashions from France!

On the left, we have trend-setting dinner pajamas. This delightful, matching ensemble comes from Chez Ours and sports bear silhouettes on an avant-garde white background. Your date won’t be able to take her eyes off you whether you’re stepping out at an after-Oscars(tm) party or planning a candlelit conquest at home. Ooh, la, la.

What will you be wearing to celebrate Cinco  de Mayo? Why the bold affirmation of Mexican cuisine seen on the right. It’s straight from the renowned designers at La Maison de Taco. This bright-yellow shirt shouts, “Look at me! Look at me!”  People will indeed see you, whether you’re crossing an unlit street at night or simply acting as a part-time strobe light at a Tex-Mex disco. And you won’t even need to know Spanish when dining in Mexico. When the waiter comes by to take your order, simply point to the desired food on your shirt. Olé.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., fashionisto

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

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Emperor Paul I

The picture to the right shows what I would look like were I to become emperor. And why not? I’m a nice guy. Also, according to long standing family belief, I am the fifth generation, direct descendant of Emperor Napoleon I. So you can see I have a valid claim to be the ruler of France. And I’m quite up on French history as well as being aware of French politics. Also, I have spent time in France on multiple occasions, I’ve bicycled from one end of France to another, love French cuisine, am adept at cooking French dishes. At my peak, I could speak fluent French at a third-grade level. What more do you want? Anyway, the country is a total mess, I am less so. Time to make me leader of France. My slogan is, “Take naps. Do no harm.” Aux armes, citoyens.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., Paul I

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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I Invite Syria’s Assad Over For Dinner and Root Beers

RootBe1-

Bashar al-Assad, president and dictator of Syria is getting way too cranky and needs to step down. And if the only thing that’s making him cling so tenaciously to power is the lack of a good retirement dinner, I, the Powegian Chef, am hereby offering it to him at my humble home.

So, Bashar, do you like Greek cuisine? I have fresh grape leaves growing in my front yard. Or would you prefer a fine Cuban sandwich? I’ll leave the menu to you. Just let me know.

We could watch reruns of Gunsmoke after dinner. We have a fold-out sofa bed if you’d care to stay the night. For the first ten minutes of the next day we could visit the cultural sites of Poway, twenty if we’re lucky enough to see street repair.

My wife could expertly cut your hair. Just a trim, of course, your hair always looks great. And just how do you find time to go to barbers when you’re always so busy killing off your people? Some of those victims surely must be barbers and that means it’s even tougher to get that haircut-to-kill for look . Yep, it can’t be easy being a maniacal dictator. But I’m being uncharitable. We all have our faults. Me, I’m constantly losing my car keys.

But I digress. We were talking about dinner. Frankly, a person as odious as yourself deserves to be fed lutefisk. But in the spirit of live and let live, I’ll serve you any other meal you’d might want. We’ll even have ice cold root beers. If that doesn’t make you warm and fuzzy enough to call off your civil war, I don’t know what will. C’mon over Bashar!

– Paul De Lancey, concerned world citizen

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Tex Mex T Rex

Cretaceous Entree

TEX MEX T REX

INGREDIENTSTRex-

1 medium tyrannosaurus rex
300 garlic cloves
1,500 medium yellow onions
2,999 jars (18 ounces) barbecue sauce
1 15 ounce bottle organic ketchup
200 pounds chili powder
100 pounds cumin
25 pounds thyme
1/4 teaspoon salt (or to taste)
40 gallons lemon juice
120 gallons Worcestershire sauce
12,000 hamburger buns

Note: Getting the amounts exact is critical. If your sums are off you just have to recount.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

1 time machine
1 sonic obliterator (not sold in Oregon as of publication)
1 culinary chainsaw (I recommend the Bushnell 303TM model)
1,500 crock pots
1 multi-story mixing bowl
1 24,000-hole toaster
1 deluxe surge protector

PREPARATION

Set time machine to Wednesday, June 3rd, 3 p.m., 65,403,002 B.C.. (For goodness sake, don’t push things and try to get yourself a T-Rex minutes before that giant meteorite slams into the Earth killing nearly everything. If you die in this cataclysm and don’t come back, your guests will never talk to you. You don’t need this social awkwardness.)

But it does remind me, to make Tex Mex T Rex you really need to kill a T Rex. For this job, you’ll want to get a premium sonic obliterator. One with a T-Rex rating. Don’t expect to waltz into a WalMartTM and buy the first sonic obliterator you see. You’ll be sorry. Indeed, you’ll be dead when the feeble sonic vibration from your off-the-shelves obliterator merely angers the T Rex into charging you. Always, always buy quality kitchen utensils.

Do not forget to kill the T-Rex. Be sure to slice up the T Rex into the various cuts of meat at the site and the time of the killing. This takes a long time and culinary chainsaws are noisy. You don’t want to annoy your current time, human neighbors. But in the Cretaceous period the chainsaw noise will scare off all those pesky predators who’d want to eat you. Take all your T-Rex cuts back with you. Don’t drop any. No one likes a litterbug.

Mince garlic cloves and onions. This should take no time at all as you have a time machine. Put T-Rex bits in crock pots. Add garlic, onion, barbecue sauce, organic ketchup, chili powder, cumin, salt, thyme, lemon juice, and Worcestershire sauce.

Set crock pots to high and cover them. Cook for 6 hours or until meat is tender. Remove T-Rex meat. Shred meat and return meat to crock pots for 30 minutes. Toast buns. Serve meat on buns. Note, this is a big meal. May I suggest serving it picnic style with plastic utensils and cardboard plates?

TIDBITS

1) Until the invention of the time machine, Cretaceous cuisine was impossible,

2) We have, of course, always had Cretan cuisine. However, food from the island of Crete is usually considered to be indistinguishable from the rest of Greek cuisine.

3) However, things would change dramatically if a Cretan restaurateur were to successfully transport T-Rex meat back to the current time. Crowds would certainly flock to Kronos’ Cretan Cretaceous Crudités.

4) This development would certainly provide a challenge to the Tex Mex T Rex cuisine of southwest Texas.

5) As of press time, 43% of all Tex Mex T Rex sandwiches are served in El Paso, Texas.

6) There are lots of non-culinary things to do in El Paso, Texas.

7) Be sure to take in the town’s T-Rex processing plant. Tours cost $20 person if you book now. However, the cost conscious can always go back in time, deposit a dollar in the bank, and gather enough interest to pay for the tour.

8) For an alternative experience, go to Hueco Tanks State Park and scale its huge boulders.

9) Those in your group who survive this experience will want to take in the Museum of Art and see American and Mexican colonial art.

10) Stargazing is quite popular here, especially at night.

11) So is sleeping.

12) Pleasant dreams.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Caprese

Italian Entree

CAPRESE

INGREDIENTSCaprese-

1 pound mozzarella cheese
4 vine-ripened tomatoes
1/4 teaspoon peppercorns (or black pepper)
3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1/3 cup fresh basil
1/4 teaspoon sea salt

PREPARATION

There aren’t many ingredients in this dish, so fresh ingredients are especially important. Slice mozzarella into 1/4″ slabs. Slice tomatoes 1/4″ thick. Grind peppercorns. Put alternating layers of mozzarella and tomato slices on serving plate until they are all used. Drizzle olive oil over everything and evenly sprinkle your creation with basil, pepper, and salt.

TIDBITS

1) The ancient Greeks and Romans believed basil was the devil’s herb. Put basil leaves in an urn and presto chango, basil becomes scorpions.

2) Basil helps to ease gas pains and nausea. The ancient Romans and Greeks had trouble farting as they refused to add basil to their cuisine. This bloating made them crabby, made them want to make war, made them want to destroy their tooting neighbors. Indeed, most of the wars of conquest through the centuries have been waged by basil-hating cultures.

3) Basil’s strong flavor rebuffs garden pests. It even repels insects wanting to attack neighboring plants. What a nice herb! Don’t you wish you had neighbors like basil?

4) Haitians believe basil protects their country. Indeed, basil was the first country in the French colonial empire to gain independence. However as Haiti has suffered extensive domestic turmoil since then, there seems to be a limit to its magical properties.

5) William Gaines, the founder of Mad Magazine, once flew to Haiti to get the nation’s one subscriber to order issues for another year.

6) Basil works wonders in Italy as well, where it is a token of love in Italy. Italians love basil. They have a reputation for being great lovers. Coincidence? Who can say?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Blackened Potato Crisps From Ghana

Ghanian Entree

BLACKENED POTATO CRISPS

INGREDIENTSBlackPotatoCr-

2 brown potatoes
3 clove garlic
2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon cayenne
3 tablespoons fresh ground ginger
1 tablespoon salt
3 cups oil

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric skillet
food processor with thinnest slicing disk

PREPARATION

Wash potatoes. Use food processor to make thinnest possible potato slices. Dice garlic. Put potato slices, garlic, honey, cayenne, ginger,and salt into mixing bowl. Mix ingredients with hands until spices coat potato slices.

Put oil in skillet. There should be enough to cover potato slices. Heat skillet to 375 degrees. Put one potato slice in skillet. Oil is hot enough when the slice starts to dance around. Carefully put potato slices in hot oil. (Getting splattered by hot oil hurts quite a bit. May I suggest using the skillet lid as a shield between yourself and the oil?) To ensure even and crispy cooking, make sure none of the potato slices touch each other. You will most likely need to cook the potato slices in batches.

Fry each batch at 375 degrees for 7 minutes or until the slices become crispy. Remove slices with spoon with holes in it. Put slices in bowl. Remove remaining oil with paper towel. Repeat for each batch.

Promote world peace with this bit of culinary diplomacy.

TIDBITS

1) Nanotechnology is the latest rage in science.

2) Scientists hope to use nanotechnology to solve all sorts of tiny problems using tiny devices that are maybe a nanometer, one-billionth, meter wide.

3) I am going to make my culinary name with nanocuisine. Entrees, such as, coq au vin, would be made as small as a nanometer wide.

4) Nanocuisine would provide great opportunities for fusion cuisine. I could create a fish taco/cheese-egg salad/ salad Niçoise/paella/sauerkraut/ ham and cheese omelette,suaasat/lasagna,kung pao chicken/doro wat dinner with ease.

5) Indeed with nanocuisine most dishes would be mere molecules wide. I could easily make a dish that combined every appetizer, every soup, every salad, every entree, and every dessert.

6) So, I will cook the first truly global fusion dish.

7) The Nobel Cuisine prize cannot be far behind.

8) I just need to find a food processor that makes nanometer-thick slices.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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