Posts Tagged With: Following Good Food Around the World

Banana Meatloaf

Posted on March 9, 2017 by pauldelancey

Bermudan Entree

BANANA MEATLOAF

INGREDIENTS

½ cup bread crumbs
2 eggs
1 banana
1 small onion
1 pound ground beef
1 teaspoon ground mustard
¼ teaspoon paprika
⅛ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons ketchup
6 strips bacon (3 on bottom and 3 on top)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

9″-x-5″ loaf pan
x-ray goggles

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add bread crumbs and eggs to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Mash banana with fork. Mince onion. Add banana, onion, and all remaining ingredients except bacon to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Place 3 bacon strips in loaf pan. Add banana/meat mix. Smooth with fork or spatula. Place 3 bacon strips on top. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes or until meatloaf is no longer pink in center. (This is easier to ascertain if you have x-ray goggles. Alternatively, lift up a tiny bit of the meatloaf with a fork and peek.)

TIDBITS

1) Again, this recipe is much easier with x-ray goggles. However, such goggles are expensive. Have you tried to buy one? I mean when you check out at WalMartTM and the checker asks you, “Did you find everything you need?” and you respond with, “No, I couldn’t find the x-ray goggles,” people will look at you askance. So you drive home sad, with your head between your knees. Wait, don’t drive like that! Not safe. Develop super-hero powers instead.

2) Here’s a list of super powers that would make preparing meatloaf a snap:
A) Flying: easier and less stressful than driving to the store for ingredients. (Like SupermanTM.)
B) X-ray vision: to see inside the loaf. (Again like Superman.)
C) Heat-impervious hands: oven mitts can never be found when you need them. (Like ???)
D) Super speed: Super fast hands blend the ingredients in no time. (like FlashTM.)
Is there a comic-book hero with all those powers? If not, create one and make big bucks.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Brisket With Onions

Posted on February 25, 2017 by pauldelancey

American Entree

BRISKET WITH ONIONS

INGREDIENTSbeefbrisket

2 large onions
4 pounds beef brisket (first or flat cut with fat trimmed to ¼”)
4 garlic cloves
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
½ tablespoon thyme
2 cups beef broth
2 teaspoons parsley

Serves 8. Takes 7 hours.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

mandoline
slow cooker

PREPARATION

Cut onions into ¼” slices with mandoline or knife. Dice garlic cloves. Rub pepper, salt, and thyme onto brisket. Add onion slices, garlic, brisket, and beef broth to slow cooker. Cook and cook on high for 6 hours or until brisket is tender to the fork. Cut brisket against grain into 8 or 16 slices. Add brisket to bowls. Ladle liquid from slow cooker over brisket. Garnish with parsley.

TIDBITS

1) No one has ever found the buried treasure of Pierre le Fou, The Terror of the Caribbean.

2) Many historians and treasure hunters have combed dusty books found in nautical libraries. Ambitious souls have prowled bazaars, estate sales, and abandoned castles in search of le Fou’s maps. Still others have surfed the internet for clues before getting distracted by pictures of kittens and even hamster-powered model railroads.

3) However culinary historians believe that the path to Le Fou’s gold and pearls lies through the reading of recipes, this one in particular.

4) First of all, what about the title of this recipe, “Brisket with Onions?” I mean how likely was it that this dish was chosen out of thousands upon thousands of choices. Clearly, this recipe holds the clue to the French pirate’s loot. Indeed, the two nouns in the title, brisket and onions is an anagram for “Be No Skirt Ions.” If that isn’t pirate talk, then I don’t know what is. And “Be No Skirt Ions” clearly means gold. That’s proof you can deny. Now, all you have to do is decipher the hidden code in this recipe for the location of unimaginable wealth. Go for it!

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Texas Chili

Posted on February 16, 2017 by pauldelancey

American Entree

TEXAS CHILI

INGREDIENTStexaschili

3 pounds beef chuck or sirloin
2 tablespoons lard or vegetable oil
3 garlic cloves
1 medium onion
1 jalapeno pepper
2 tomatoes
1 7-ounce can green chile peppers
½ cup chili powder
½ teaspoon coriander
1 tablespoon cumin
½ tablespoon oregano
2 tablespoons masa harina or cornmeal                                                                                                                                       This chili is kept in place by gravity.
2 teaspoons brown sugar

SPECIAL UTENSIL

slow cooker

Serves 8. Takes 1 hour preparation plus 4 hours in the slow cooker.

PREPARATION

Cut beef into 1″ cubes. Add lard and enough beef to make a single layer to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until beef starts to brown. Remove beef when browned and add it to slow cooker. Keep lard in pan. You will need to cook in batches.

While beef browns, dice garlic and onion. Seed and dice jalapeno pepper. Dice tomatoes. Add garlic, onion, and jalapeno to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes of until garlic and onion soften. Add tomato, green chiles, chili powder, coriander, cumin, oregano, masa harina, and brown sugar. Cook on low-medium heat for 3 minutes. Stir until well blended and occasionally after that. Transfer all contents in pan to slow cook. Cover slow cooker. Cover and cook on high for 4 hours or until meat is tender to the fork.

TIDBITS

1) The four forces of the universe are: gravitational, molecular, atomic, and electrical. I might be remembering this wrong. You don’t me running the universe. Anyway, gravity is important. It keeps the chili in your bowl from floating. Molecular forces keep the meat in your chili from vaporizing into billions and billions of beef-chuck atoms. Atomic forces keep the beef-chuck atoms ripping themselves apart in a nuclear explosion; no chili is worth that. Finally, the electrical forces in chili are weak. That’s why the electrical wires in your homes are made from copper, not chili.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Spaghetti Omelette From Cameroon

Posted on February 10, 2017 by pauldelancey

Cameroonian Breakfast

SPAGHETTI OMELETTE

INGREDIENTSspaghettiomelette

2 eggs
½ cup cooked spaghetti
1 stalk green onion
¼ small onion
1 small tomato
⅛ teaspoon white pepper or black pepper
⅛ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon vegetable oil

Makes 1 omelette. Takes 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add eggs to mixing bowl. Beat eggs with whisk until blended. Cut green onion into ¼” slices. Dice onion and tomato. Add spaghetti, green onion, onion, tomato, white pepper, salt, and oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until veggies soften and spaghetti starts getting crispy. Stir occasionally.

Pour beaten eggs over veggies. Cook at medium for 3 minutes or until eggs become hard enough to flip over. Flip egg mixture. Cook at medium heat for 2 minutes or until omelette is done to your desired level of doneness. Goes well inside ½ baguette as a sandwich filler.

Isn’t the very idea of a spaghetti omelette way cool?

TIDBITS

1) China invented spaghetti. They built Great Spaghetti Wall of China in 1155 to keep out the Mongol barbarians. It worked. The wall was too high to scale, too thick to batter through.

2) However, in the summer of 1213, Mongols under Genghis Khan approached the wall. Khan’s engineers studied and studied their obstacle. No use. The frustrated warriors threw tomatoes, one of their more non-lethal weapons, at the wall before turning away to head home. Suddenly hot rain, it was summer, deluged and penetrated the Great Spaghetti Wall for ten minutes. The pasta softened. So did the tomatoes. The Mongol horde, tired of endless yogurt meals, attacked the wall with two-tined forks. The cooked spaghetti was great. and so they ate their way through the wall. The Mongols poured into China and devastated the land.

3) The French built the Maginot Line in the 1930s to keep out the spaghetti-hating German army. Unfortunately, the French didn’t have enough pasta to build a wall along their entire northern border. The Germans, in 1940, simply sent their forces around the wall and defeated France. No nation has tried building a spaghetti wall since.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Soul by Darth Vader, Armor by American Standard

Posted on February 8, 2017 by pauldelancey

Look at the photos below.

stormtroopertoilet

 

The armor and the toilet are made of the same stuff. Are storm troopers really transformers that can turn themselves into toilets as the need arises? Or did American StandardTM or KohlerTM submit the lowest bid when the Imperial armor order come up? Was Darth Vader that cost conscious? Why do storm troopers always miss? Might it have something to do with men and toilets?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Shrimp Creole

Posted on February 7, 2017 by pauldelancey

Cajun Entree

SHRIMP CREOLE

INGREDIENTSshrimpcreole

⅔ cup rice
1½ pounds shrimp will shells on
1⅓ cups water
1 stalk celery
2 garlic cloves
1 green bell pepper
1 large onion
3 tablespoons butter
½ teaspoon basil
1 bay leaf
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon thyme
1 14-ounce can diced, undrained tomatoes

Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on package. While rice cooks, shell and devein shrimp. KEEP SHELLS. Add shrimp shells and water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Reduce heat to warm and simmer until needed.

Mince celery, garlic, green bell pepper, and onion. Add minced veggies and butter to Dutch oven. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until ingredients soften. Stir frequently. Add basil, bay leaf, cayenne pepper, pepper, salt, and thyme. Stir.

Remove and discard shrimp shells from pot. Add ¼ cup of the shrimp-shell flavored water to Dutch oven. (Keep the rest of this flavored water.) Reduce heat to Dutch oven to medium. Cook for 5 minutes on medium heat. Stir frequently enough to keep mixture from burning on bottom. Add diced tomatoes with its liquid and the remaining shrimp-shell flavored water. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes or until liquid thickens. Stir frequently enough to keep mixture from burning on bottom. Remove bay leaf. Add shrimp. Cook on medium heat for 3 minutes or until the shrimp turn pink or orange. Stir frequently. Serve over rice.

TIDBITS

1) The shrimp in the above photo are on the plate because they are subject to the laws of gravity.

2) When they want to be.

3) Shrimp have the ability to turn off gravity by clicking their dozen little red shoes together and saying, “There’s no place like Mars. There’s no place like Mars.”

4) And whoosh, off they float to Mars.

5) Whenever you see a meteorite streaking away from Earth, that’s really a shrimp going home to Mars. They’re not burning up, rather they are traveling so fast they give off a red shift.

6) NASA would dearly love to know how shrimp can negate gravity and float across space at near light speed.

7) NASA has determined that the shrimp’s shell is impervious to friction-generated heat, so that the little crustaceans can zip back and forth through the Earth’s atmosphere with impunity.

8) OK, NASA also wants to build a spaceship as durable as shrimp shells.

9) This is why the NASA cafeteria serves shrimp creole every single meal. Every single day. They are saving the shrimp shells for structural analysis. They also hope to gather enough shrimp shells to make a space shuttle.

10) Unfortunately, shrimp creole tastes better if you boil the shrimp shells. So, they go into the shrimp creole. This is bad, while shrimp shells resist the heat of speeding through the atmosphere and they stand up to the wetness of water, become too pliable when boiled in water. As we know, flimsy shrimps shells are useless for the rigors of intergalactic travel. Thus, the scientists can never get enough shrimp shells.

11) Now you know why shrimp are so worried about global warming. Global warming means hotter oceans. Hotter oceans cause flimsier shells. Softer shells will make it easier for sharks to eat them. Sharks particularly love jumbo shrimp.

12) It takes time for sharks to crunch their way through shrimp shells; submarine fleets around the world are studying these study shells. While the sharks attempt their futile munching, the shrimp say, “There’s no place like Mars. There’s no place like Mars.”

13) And whoosh, the shark is taken along at near-light speeds through the atmosphere. Where they die. This is why there are not more sharks in the oceans. It’s always why aquariums occasionally misplace a shark.

14) But all this will change when the oceans get too hot for the shrimp shells. So, the shrimp have been migrating back to Mars.

15) Those canals you see on Mars have all been built by shrimp. They need places to swim.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Tacos de Rajas con Crema

Posted on February 6, 2017 by pauldelancey

Mexican Entree

TACOS DE RAJAS CON CREMA

INGREDIENTStacosderajas

2 tablespoons vegetable oil (2 tablespoons more later)
4 poblano or Anaheim chiles
1 garlic clove
1 medium onion
½ pound Oaxacan cheese or queso fresco
1½ cups crema Mexicana or sour cream
12 8″ corn tortillas

Makes 12 tacos. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add 2 tablespoons oil to pan. Heat oil
on high heat until a tiny bit of tortilla starts to (We once thought the Earth looked like this.)
dance. Add poblano chiles. Stir the chiles
occasionally until the chiles blister and blacken all over. (Be careful when frying or sautéing at high heat. When stirring, hold a lid between you and the hot oil when stirring or tilt the pan away from you.) Put poblanos in plastic bags and let steam for 20 minutes. Remove from bags and rub skin off chiles. Discard skins. Seed poblano chiles and cut them into ½” wide strips.

While chiles steam, mince garlic clove and onion. Shred cheese. Add 2 tablespoons oil to, garlic, and onion to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion and garlic soften. Stir frequently. Add poblano strips. Sauté for 2 minutes. Stir frequently. Add crema Mexicana. Reduce heat to medium and cook for 4 minutes or until crema thickens. Stir frequently. Add cheese, Reduce heat to low and simmer for 3 minutes or until cheese melts completely. Stir frequently.

Warm tortillas in pan on high for a few seconds or wrap them in a wet towel and microwave for 1 minute. Warming the tortillas makes them pliable enough to roll. Ladle 1/12th of the poblano/cheese sauce, about 2 tablespoons, onto each warmed tortilla. Roll up tortillas and serve.

TIDBITS

1) Before 1492, many believed the Earth was flat like a tortilla. Others, folks who ate oatmeal all day long, did not care. Then lost spice merchants from India accidentally showed up in Venice carrying peppercorns and basil. It was now possible to make the appetizer, caprese. Life was worth living.

2) Unfortunately, the land route to spice-laden India was blocked by meanies. Columbus, in the world’s first version of The Shark Tank, convinced Queen Isabella to sponsor his historic voyage of discovery. He and his brother Mercator had told her the Earth was round like a cylinder. Later Benedictine monks asserted our planet was rounded like the egg. Finally Peary, explorer and diner, after reaching the North Pole in 1909, concluded our planet is really shaped like a stuffed tomato.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Coconut Pepper Steak

Posted on February 2, 2017 by pauldelancey

Mauretanian Entree

COCONUT PEPPER STEAK

INGREDIENTScoconutpeppersteak

2 cups rice
3 tablespoons cornstarch
¼ cup dry white wine
3 green bell peppers
3 garlic cloves
3 pounds beef tenderloin
2 cubes beef bouillon
⅓ cup peanut oil or vegetable oil
¼ teaspoon chili powder
¾ teaspoon pepper
½ tablespoon salt
⅔ cup coconut milk

SPECIAL UTENSILS

Fist of Doom, kitchen mallet, or heavy can
Dutch oven

Serves 8. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cook rice according to instructions on package. Add cornstarch and dry white wine to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk until cornstarch dissolves. Seed bell peppers. Mince garlic cloves. Slice bell peppers and beef into strips 1″ and up to 3″ long. Smash bouillon cubes with Fist of Doom.

Add peanut oil, bell-pepper strips, garlic, chili powder, pepper, and salt to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 2 minutes. Stir frequently. Add beef strips. Sauté for 3 minutes on medium-high heat. Stir occasionally. Add coconut milk and smashed bouillon cubes. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Add dissolved cornstarch in wine to pan. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes or until sauce thickens. Stir occasionally. Ladle beef strips, bell-strips, and sauce over rice.

TIDBITS

1) This and nearly all other recipes employ fractional amounts of ingredients, such as ½ teaspoon. Fractions are learned in grammar school. This is why there are no kindergarten chefs.

2) There are precious few recipes that list “x teaspoons” and then challenge you to solve for x. There’s been some speculation that Xavier Cougat once wrote a cookbook for algebra lovers, but there’s evidence for it.

3) The letter x is a palindrome. This is why mathematicians love to use it.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

La Bouillie (Hot Cereal from Chad)

Posted on January 31, 2017 by pauldelancey

Chadian Breakfeast

LA BOUILLIE
(Hot Cereal)

INGREDIENTSlabouillie

4 cups water (1 additional cup later)
1 cup ground rice or wheat flour
3 tablespoons smooth peanut butter
1 tablespoon corn flour, wheat flour, or rice
1 cup water
⅓ cup milk
1½ tablespoons lemon juice
2 tablespoons sugar

Makes 4 bowls. Takes 12 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add 4 cups water to pot. Bring water to boil using high heat. Gradually add rice, stirring all the while. While 4 cups water comes to boil, add peanut butter, corn flour, and 1 cup water to mixing bowl. Mix with fork until blended. Once 4 cups water are boiling, add peanut butter/corn flour mix to pot. Mix with fork or whisk until completely blended and the cereal has reached your desired level of thickness. Stir frequently. Remove from heat. Add milk, lemon juice and sugar. Stir with whisk until completely blended.

TIDBITS

1) Abba “Willie” Aouzou, a prosperous date merchant in Abademi, Chad, loved American country music. His one, true dream was to perform at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville, Tennessee. While his fellow tribesmen sang traditional songs of their camel caravaning days, Abba sang the songs of Willie Nelson. While his neighbors ate couscous and quaffed hibiscus, Abba “Willie” Aouzou ate Texas chili and drank beer. The only thing he had in common with the folks around him was the Arabic language and a love of hot breakfast cereal.

2) Still, Abba’s love of beer proved an endless source of friction. “Willie, our beliefs forbid us to the drink alcohol.” Willie always replied, “But I have to drink beer. How else can I write a song about how my wife stole my pickup truck to run off with my best friend, the whiskey salesmen.”

3) In 1972, “Willie” Aouzou wrote about sharing a big bowl of chili with Willie Nelson. The song shot to the top of the North African country music charts. The Grand Ole Opry invited him to perform. He got a standing ovation. Secure in his success, Abba gave up beer and began writing twangy songs that fused honky tonk with the spirit of the Saharan caravans. Nashville went wild for him. A rising Swedish pop band named itself Abba in homage to him. His home town of Fi’ad, Chad went crazy as well, naming a hot breakfast cereal after him, “La Bouillie.” La Bouillie is nearly an anagram for his first hit, “Willie’s Bowl.” because there are a lot of wordsmiths in Fi’ad.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pork Loin With Sherry and Red Onions

Posted on January 30, 2017 by pauldelancey

American Entree

PORK LOIN WITH SHERRY AND RED ONIONS

INGREDIENTSporkloinwithsherry

4 garlic cloves
9 pearl onions
2 tablespoons fresh parsley or 2 teaspoons dried
2 red onions
¼ cup butter
2 pounds pork tenderloin
1 cup sherry or red wine
½ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon rosemary
½ teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSILS

crock pot
mandoline

Serves 6. Takes 5 hours 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Dice garlic gloves, pearl onions, and parsley. Use mandoline or knife to cut red onion into ¼” slices. Add butter, garlic, pearl onion, and red onion to one or more pans. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic, pearl onion, and red onion soften. Stir frequently.

Add garlic, pearl onion, red onion, parsley, pork tenderloin, sherry, pepper, rosemary, and salt to crock pot. Cover and cook on high setting for 5 hours. Remove pork and gently tear along grain with knife and fork into ½” slices. Put pork slices on plates. Ladle liquid and onions on and alongside pork.

TIDBITS

1) Sherry and Red Onions were a song and dance team in the MGM studio during the 30s and 40s. While never quite achieving the same fame as Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire, many film critics rhapsodize wistfully over their love duet, “I Love You More Than Meatballs” in the unforgettable film, Dinner at Half Past Eight.

2) Tragedy struck the talented couple at the on-Broadway premier of the musical, A Second Piece of Pie. The audience loved it. Gallant gentlemen threw hundreds of rose bouquets at the lovely, but allergic Sherry who sneezed her way into the Guinness Book of RecordsTM. Adoring ladies threw red onions on stage in honor of the male star’s name. Unfortunately some of them swooned and this affected their aim adversely. Red “Twenty Bumps” Onions retired the very next day. So did the singer Cactus Bob Henderson as soon as he heard the news.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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