Posts Tagged With: squirrel

Llapingachos

Ecuadorian Entree

LLAPINGACHOS
(Potato Cheese Patties)

INGREDIENTS – POTATOES

½ small white onion (½ small onion more later)
2½ pounds russet or brown potatoes
2 tablespoons vegetable oil (additional ¼ cup vegetable oil later)
½ tablespoon achiote powder
3 green onions
¼ teaspoon salt (¼ teaspoon more later)
1 cup queso blanco, queso fresco, quesillo, or mozzarella cheese
¼ cup vegetable oil (or ¼ cup per batch)

INGREDIENTS – SALSA DE MANI

1¼ cups milk
½ small white onion (See? I told you it would show up again.)
1 cup smooth peanut butter
¼ teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSIL

potato masher

Serves 4. Takes 2 hours.

PREPARATION – POTATOES

Dice ½ small white onion. Peel potatoes. Cut each potato into eight pieces. Put potato pieces into large pot. Add enough water to cover potato bits. Bring water to boil on high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 20 minutes or until potato is tender. Remove potatoes and let cool.

While potatoes and then cool, add 2 tablespoons oil, onion, and achiote powder to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Drain potatoes Mash potatoes with potato masher. Mince green onions. Add white onion, green onion, and salt to mashed potatoes. Mix with fork until well blended.

Form mashed-potato mix into 16 balls. Insert 1 tablespoon queso blanco into center of each potato ball. Close hole in potato ball and flatten slightly to make llapingachos. Add ¼ cup oil and llapingachos to pan. Heat oil using low-medium heat. Do not let llapingachos touch. Sauté for 7 minutes or until golden brown. Gently turn over once. Repeat for each batch.

PREPARATION – SALSA DE MANI

While potatoes cook and then cool, slice ½ small white onion into 4 pieces. Add this white onion and milk to pan. Simmer on low for 10 minutes. Stir frequently to keep milk from burning. Remove onion and discard. Add peanut butter and salt. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 5 minutes or until peanut-butter sauce, salsa de mani thickens. Spread warm salsa de mani over llapingachos.

TIDBITS

1) Ever get deja vu? Like you read this recipe some twenty years ago? Or maybe you knew tonight’s dinner would be pot roast? Okay, maybe you knew that because today is Tuesday and you always have pot roast on Tuesday. But what about the time you saw Spiffy the Squirrel win the Boston Marathon and only you had known he’d win because you somehow had seen it happen a week ago?

2) Anagram scientists know now that deja vu is not merely a feeling but instead that alga, the stuff that grows on the surface on ponds, are trying to communicate to us from the future. It’s true! Fishermen, golfers, and politicians will tell you the same. Look at the name of this dish, Llapingachos” That word is an anagram for “alga phonics.”

3) In 2032, internet providers, locked in ever increasing competition search looked frantically for faster and faster ways of data transmission. On April 2nd , Timothy “Timothy” Harris, Ph.D and CEO. of Harris Labs dropped his cell phone in an alga-ridden pond. To his surprise, it still dried out instantly! It still worked! It even worked 38% faster than before! Timmy’s brain swirled with exclamations marks. He’d win a Nobel Prize! Then his phone stopped transmitting. The screen stayed on, but the wallpaper switched to pond scum. Dr. Harris slapped his forehead. But, of course, the alga now in his phone had dissolved and replaced its the precious metals. The phone would now only send forth images and concepts the alga understood.

4) Indeed the alga, relatively dim witted due to their single-cell existence and, to be frank, lack of any secondary education to speak of, couldn’t comprehend even the simplest text messages such, “lol” or “smh.” Clearly, alga needed to up their linguistic skills. But how to do this?

5) Timothy had another “aha” moment. Didn’t there, wasn’t there, a program called “Hooked on PhonicsTM? Did they ever make a version for alga? They had! It was still out there on EBayTM. Would this program work on specific single-celled organisms? It would! Harris Labs’ revolutionary cell phones took the communication world by storm. However, Dr. Harris feared industrial espionage and never wrote down the specifics of his invention. But how would he remember to process to make his phones? After all, he was scatter-brained after all.

6) Simple. For in 2033, he had a flash of insight. Could phonics-enabled alga send messages back in time to people’s brains if they were first coded in anagrams? Yes, yes, it proved to be so! Who knew? All you had to receive this message was to walk by a stagnant pond. So yes, whenever you experience deja vu, it is really coming from alga way into the future.

7) “Remember, alga phonics,” thought Dr. Harris. What was an anagram for “alga phonics?” Why no other than the Ecuadorian dish, llapingachos! The great scientist fed this word to his alga who keep forwarding the recipe back in time to us. This is why we keep hankering for this recipe.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Burmese Crepes

Burmese Entree

BURMESE CREPES

INGREDIENTS

¼ cup (drained and cooked) azuki beans, watana beans, red beans, or kidney beans*
⅓ cup shredded coconut*
½ teaspoon baking soda
2 cups rice flour
¾ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon sugar
2½ cups water
no-stick spray
no-stick pan (You really don’t want the batter to stick to the pan, heavens to Betsy.)

* = Diced green onion or soaked split peas that can also be used for the filling.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

kitchen mallet
trained squirrel with cannon

Serves 8. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Add beans to flat surface. Smash with fork or kitchen mallet until the beans become a paste. Add shredded coconut. Mix with hands until you get a bean/coconut paste.

Add baking soda, rice flour, salt, and sugar to large mixing bowl. Stir with fork until batter is well blended. Add water. Mix with fork until you get a runny batter. Spray pan with no-stick spray. Ladle ¼ cup of batter to pan. Tilt pan so that batter spreads over pan. Fry for 2 minutes at medium heat or until bubbles appear on the crepe’s surface. Sprinkle bean/coconut paste onto the crepe. Use spatula to fold crepe in half. Fry for 1 minute on each side until the outside turns golden brown. Repeat for each crepe.

Serve right away. If quests and family don’t scurry to the kitchen table, threaten them with the squirrel ready at the cannon.

TIDBITS

1) The squirrel to the right is Sergeant Bill Redtail. He’s quite fierce. Don’t disappoint him.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Peanut-Butter Ice Cream From Senegal

Senegalese Dessert

PEANUT-BUTTER ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTSPeanutButterIceCr-

1 14-ounce can condensed milk
1 12-ounce can evaporated milk
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup smooth peanut butter
1/4 cup milk

PREPARATION

Add condensed milk and evaporated milk to pot. Cook on medium heat for 10 minutes or until liquid begins to boil. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to warm and cook for about 25 minutes or until liquid thickens and turns toffee color. Stir frequently to avoid burning and boiling over.

Add milk, lemon juice, sugar, and peanut butter to pot. Simmer on warm for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Put the ice cream in covered bowl and chill in refrigerator for 2 hours.

TIDBITS

1) Senegalese medicine men care for madness with the roots of the wild custard apple. I hope this treatment works. There are a lot of mad politicians in my neck of the woods.

2) A hawk once plunged all Senegal into darkness for hours after colliding with a major power line.

3) On December 9. 1987, a hungry squirrel chewed into a power line and stopped all power to NASDAQ, National Association of Securities Dealer’s Automated Quotation service for 82 minutes. The effect of the stoppage cascaded into other stock exchanges, halting options trading for hours. The dead body of the squirrel was found. There is no information on its burial.

4) A ravenous squirrel again brought down NASDAQ on August 2, 1994. Trading halted for 34 minutes while power was rerouted. A spokesperson for the utility company delivering power to NASDAQ said it would be squirrel proofing its lines. No squirrel body was ever found.

5) Are some of America’s squirrels agents for foreign powers seeking to bring down America’s financial system? Are they out there lurking, waiting?

6) For a brief moment in the 1990s, Russia was completely unable to launch any of its nuclear missiles. Moscow Electric had cut off all power to the country’s launch center for non-payment.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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