Posts Tagged With: life

You Need to See an Island Getaway

Life is stressful. Sometimes the stress can overwhelm us. We need to plant a happy, peaceful image in our mind. Something that reminds us that blissful serenity still exists in our hectic world.  Look at the picture below. Picture yourself in your own little hut, cut off from the hustle and bustle of city. Gaze on the clear, blue water. Picture your cares being washed away as you wade into the lagoon. The mostly clear, blue sky reminds us that for the moment, our cares are in the distance. And even those small clouds shall soon blow away.

Relax. Enjoy. Refresh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Motivational Poster #13, Be a Customer Service Rep

Give callers a purpose in life. Leave work feeling refreshed. Work as a Customer Service Rep. Claim your dream job. And start napping!

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: motivational | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Where and Why There is Life in the Solar System

Planet: Mercury

Does it have tacos? No.

Does it have life? No.

Weight of two hypothetical tacos:  0.38 pound

 

 

Planet: Venus

Does it have tacos? No. Looks like an overcooked egg yolk. That doesn’t count.

Does it have life: No.

Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.91 pound

 

 

 

 

 

 

Planet: Earth

Does it have tacos? Yes. Billions and billions

Does it have life? Yes. Billions and billions of people. Lots of other living thingies.

Weight of two tacos: 1.00 pound

 

 

 

 

 

Planet: Mars

Do it have tacos? No. It does have Mars Bars(tm), but those are not tacos.

Does it have life? No.

Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.38 pound

 

 

 

 

Planet: Jupiter

Does it have tacos? No.

Does it have life? No.

Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 2.36 pounds (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Planet: Saturn

Does it have tacos? No.

Does it have life? No.

Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 1.06 pounds (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)

 

Planet: Uranus

Does it have tacos? No.

Does it have life?: No.

Was it once named George?: Yes

Weight of two hypothetical tacos:  .89 pound (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)

 

 

Planet: Neptune

Does it have tacos? No.

Does it have life? No.

Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 1.13 pounds (This is gaseous planet. Your tacos would fall all the way to the planet’s center.)

 

 

 

 

Planet*: Pluto

Does it have tacos?: No.

Does it have life?: No.

Weight of two hypothetical tacos: 0.08 pound

Did this plucky celestial orbiter have its planetary status callously stripped in 2006 and only given reluctantly given back the wienie status of dwarf planet soon afterward because of widespread outcry?: Yes.

 

 

MAJOR CONCLUSIONS

1) Life only exists on planets with tacos.

2) Don’t drop your tacos on Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, or Neptune. They will continue to fall until they reach the planet’s center.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., and astronomer

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, humor, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Today’s Zombie Carrot Apocalypse

In a startling turn of events, our carrots have turned into zombies. Now, zombie apocalypses normally give us cause to pause and reflect. What makes this zombification especially interesting is that it is happening with carrots. This is unprecedented.

But wait, there’s more. These zombified carrots have the power to walk. How will we be able to make carrot salad if all our carrots up and walk away? That would be a darned nuisance, really.

What makes the carrots’ newfound ambulatory power truly troubling, is that they have become carnivorous. We are meat. This development presents vegetarians and vegans with a poser. Are flesh-eating carrots still vegetables or have they now become meat? The Grand Vegetarian Council is even now meeting in Basel, Switzerland to discuss this matter.

This is one other item. They might be able to eat us into extinction as more and more carnivorous carrots pop out of gardens every hour.

We must not let this happen! We must start eating all the carrots we possibly can. Of course, make the tastiest carrot dishes you can. A possible end of human life on Earth is no excuse to forgo eat eating well. Buy cookbooks. Make those carrot dishes.

Paul De Lancey, on the front lines

* LATE BREAKING NEWS *

I have just learned that the bunnies just formed an alliance with us and will attack the zombified, carnivorous carrots whenever they see them. Brave, brave bunnies, I tip my hat to you.

 

Paul De Lancey, concerned citizen and Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

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Motivational Poster #2, You Can Do Anything

Me, during my grad school days at the University of Wisconsin.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Motivational Poster #1, Goals

Dear Reader,

Life is hard. But if we don’t try to achieve anything, we will be become listless and depressed. We can do little things, sure. However, if we accept these minor achievements as the limit of what we will do, we will end up accepting small deeds as the limit of what we CAN do.

We must attempt things we thought we could never do. Our reach must exceed our grasp. We must set ourselves spectacular goals. We must do things that make our heart race.

We must be able to shout to the heavens, “I live for adrenaline.”

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Swedish Raspberry Cave Cookies

Swedish Dessert

SWEDISH RASPBERRY CAVE COOKIES
(Hallongrottor)

INGREDIENTS

1¼ cups butter, softened
⅔ cup sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 cups flour
½ cup potato starch or corn starch
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
½ cup raspberry jam (or your choice of jam)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

24 paper cookie cups
baking sheet
cooling rack

Makes 24 cookies. Takes 1 hour plus 30 minutes to cool..

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Add butter and sugar to 1st large mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set at medium until soft and well blended. Add baking powder, flour, potato starch. and vanilla to 2nd large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended.

Gradually add baking powder/flour/potato starch mixture to bowl with butter/sugar. Mix with electric beater set at medium until you get a fluffy dough.. Roll out dough until becomes a 12″-long log. Cut dough log every ½” to get 24 even circles.

Place dough circles into paper cookie cups. Press finger in middle of each dough circle to make a little indentation. Carefully fill each indentation with 1 teaspoon raspberry jam. Place filled paper cups on baking sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 15 minutes or until the cookies just begin to turn golden brown. (These cookies should remain fairly pale.)

TIDBITS

1) Billions of year ago, the Earth was just seething seas and voluminous volcanoes. Yes, the elements of life existed, but nothing actually came into being, not even the simplest of telemarketers. There was just no animating catalyst.

2) The week after that, microscopic cave cookies appeared. These microscops were themselves inert, but any element of life attaching itself to a cave cookie became alive. Hooray for life! As thecookie micrcoscops naturally enlarged, so did the number of life elements that could attach to it. So, life forms became bigger and bigger. Eventually we would we would have life on Earth as we know it.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., Paul I

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chicken and Hearts of Palm Pie

Brazilian Entree

CHICKEN AND HEARTS OF PALM PIE

INGREDIENTS – DOUGH

4 cups flour (3 tablespoons more later)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1½ cups lard or butter
1 egg

INGREDIENTS – FILLING

1½ pounds chicken breast
3 garlic cloves
1 large onion
1 pound hearts of palm
3 tomatoes
¼ cup vegetable oil
2 teaspoons parsley
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – ASSEMBLY

2 tablespoons flour (1 more tablespoon flour later)
no-stick spray
1 tablespoon flour
1 egg yolk

SPECIAL UTENSIL

8″ x 8″ casserole dish
Serves 9. Takes 2 hours.

PREPARATION – DOUGH

Add 4 cups flour, baking powder, and salt to large mixing bowl. Blend together with whisk. Add lard and egg. Moosh together, or knead, with hands until dough is well blended. Separate dough into 2 balls. One ball should be almost twice as big as the smaller one. Cover dough balls and refrigerate for 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – FILING

While dough refrigerates, cut chicken breast into ½” cubes. Mince garlic cloves and onion. Dice heart of palm and tomatoes. Add garlic, onion, and vegetable oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic and onion soften. Stir frequently. Add chicken cubes. Sauté for 10 minutes or until chicken starts to brown. Stir frequently. Add hearts of palm, tomatoes, parsley, pepper, and salt. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium heat. Stir occasionally. Remove from heat and let cool for 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY

While filling cools. preheat oven to 350 degrees. Dust flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour. Flatten larger flour ball until you get a square that is 12″ wide or large enough to cover the bottom of the casserole both and its sides . Spray casserole dish with no-stick spray. Carefully place 12″ dough square into pie pan. Remove any dough hanging over the edge with a knife. Ladle filing into pie pan. Smooth filling with spoon.

Dust flat surface with 1 tablespoon flour. Flatten remaining, small dough ball until you get a square that is 8″ wide or large enough to cover the filling. Carefully place 8″ dough square on top of filling. Remove any dough hanging over the edge with a knife. Add egg yolk to small bowl. Beat egg yolk with whisk. Brush egg yolk onto top crust. Poke 4 holes crust with toothpick or fork. This will let steam escape. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes or until golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) Some stores carry hearts of palm.

2) Others do not.

3) Mine didn’t. When I went to pay for my groceries the checker asked, “Did you find everything you were looking for?” I answered no, I had been looking for hearts of palm.

4) The checker favored me with a deer in the headlights look.

5) They called over a box boy to help me look. He couldn’t find it. I think we were all happy when I left.

6) The same thing occurred even when I was looking for galangal, Thai basil, or dandelions.

7) Also, don’t even think of asking for a type of radish that is found only in Northwest China and then only occasionally.

8) So the next time the checkers ask you, “Did you find everything?” answer yes.

9) I know we thought the supermarkets had everything when we were little. But they don’t. It’s disillusioning I know.

10) Kinda like finding out Santa Claus didn’t exist.

11) Life is hard.

12) But I have bunnies living in my front yard and that’s way cool.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

You’re Grounded For Life by Tim Jones – Book Review

TimCover

Finally, a book about raising kids that makes no attempt to help us. The author, Tim Jones, repeatedly tells us he has no answers. I find that enormously reassuring. I’m not the reason my kids turned out the way they did. I feel so grateful to Tim that I feel the need to father another child just to name it after him. Oh wait, the book reminds us there are no truly good parenting strategies. So I won’t have another kid. Thanks, Tim, you saved me again. This book is really, really, really, really, really funny and I’ve never before rated a book with more than three reallys. Now if you’ll excuse me, Tim, has advised me to come up with a million dollars for my kid’s education. Time to look under those sofa cushions for loose change.

See his book on Amazon.

– Paul R. De Lancey, reviewer

Categories: book reviews and excerpts | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Words To Live By

Ducks31) Do what you can do. If you can do it, then you can do it.

2) Don’t do what you can’t do. If you can’t do it, then you can’t do it.

3) Not everything you can do should be done. Mixing root beer with a pint of Scotch bonnet sauce comes to mind.

4) Turn off the burners on your stove when your done.

5) Run from rabid ducks.

 

– Paul De Lancey, Life Counselor

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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