Posts Tagged With: election

We Need Fresh Produce Trucks

We were told in a recent election that electing a certain presidential candidate would result in taco trucks on every corner. Fantastic! This great news decided me. I voted for the taco-truck party. But they lost. America didn’t get all those trucks selling yummy tacos. Life is hard.

But this visionary idea got me to thinking. We need fresh-produce trucks. I mean how many times had nine of ten ingredients needed for an elegant meal? And that missing item was produce. It could be an herb, a tomato, two green onion, etc. But the thing is, you’re usually missing a bit of produce. Then you have to drive to the supermarket and back. This takes 40 minutes. By the time you get back, you no longer feel like cooking. Or if you had already started to cook before discovering you needed an herb, your meal will have been ruined.

No, we all need fresh-produce trucks. And why can’t we buy produce in smaller amounts? I mean, how many times do we needed to buy an entire head of lettuce, 20 green onions, or even four cups of fresh parsley? Never.

If I had my way, we’d be able to buy only the amount of produce we want and from a door-to-door truck.

I might even run for president on this platform.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, you need to get | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bacon & Chocolate’s Concession Speech

Dear Americans,button2

The voters have spoken. Ms. Clinton won the majority of the vote. Mr. Trump won the majority of the electoral votes. He will be our nation’s next president. We wish him well and hope that he will have success in helping this country. I, the presidential candidate for the Bacon & Chocolate Party, would have conceded earlier but I went into shock when the election results came pouring in. I went on a near-bear and root-beer bender. I am just now coming out of this funk.

How did this shattering loss occur? Poll after poll after poll of people typing this blog or ever the more widespread poll of B&C voters had us winning it all by a comfortable margin. There is, alas, the possibility of widespread rigging in this election. I mean after all, how can anyone explain how we were not on the ballot in any state or the District of Columbia. How easy it would be the raise the divisive howl of, “Fraud, fraud, fraud.” However, we must do all we can to avoid tearing our great nation apart even more. Therefore, B&C will not contest the election result, preferring instead to drown our sorrow by watching old reruns of “Get Smart” and drinking root beer.

What can Bacon & Chocolate’s supporters do for the future? Well, we can make sure that we turn in those sheets chock full of signatures to the state electoral commissions. Did this happen? Was there voter fraud? Who can say? Did we even collect signatures at all? It’s all very cloudy. We must be vigilant and diligent in the future.

On a more serious note, Bacon & Chocolate Party started as a joke. As the election dragged on and on, it became less and less of a laugh and more of a real alternative to the shrill politics of hate. B&C never put out anything hateful. On the main, we were a consistent island of decency out there. I personally feel that one candidate and party and one set of supporters stirred up more hate than did the others. Many of my supporters in the B&C would no doubt disagree. And that was the glory and beauty of Bacon & Chocolate. It was for everyone. Everyone was valued by B&C. There was a place for every American.

Bacon & Chocolate party only took stands of a few things. We wanted to promote bacon and chocolate and to protect the supply and protection of the same. We wanted to save our bees. We took up the cause of the taco truck owners. I mean, tacos are wonderful. For the most part though, we would have looked at what the majority of Americans wanted on any issue and adopted that as our policy. What other political party in America can say that?

I am sad that Bacon & Chocolate Party was the only party that could bridge the divisiveness that is the current America. We were the only party that liked and embraced everyone. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to eat a chocolate doughnut.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Bacon & Chocolate Party Wants You to Head Your Own Federal Department

How often has this happened to you?posterpp

You: Gah! I wish we had enough money to buy yogurt-covered pretzels.
Spouse: We can’t. You have a lousy job.
You: I wish I could find a better one.
Me: Well now you can. With Republican candidates dropping by the wayside, and the Democratic rivals in a fight to the end, the time has come for the Bacon & Chocolate Party to sweep to victory. With his imminent landslide election I, President Paul De Lancey, am going to need lots of help running the government. It’s a big thing. Heck, I hope I don’t get lost in the White House. Hee! Hee!

Anyway, dozens of federal agencies and departments are going to need new secretaries to lead them. Why not claim your spot? The pay is good. You won’t have to do much. Simply promote bacon and chocolate and save our bees. And take naps. Where else can you get paid for taking naps? C’mon, what are you waiting for? Be the first on your block to head a federal department. And don’t forget, we have plum ambassadorships around the world. Simply respond, “I want to head this department and give your name.” You’ll be glad you did.

Note: The following positions are taken.

President: Paul R. De Lancey
Vice President: Candace C. Bowen
Speaker of the House: John Rucker

Agriculture: Launa McNeilly
Avoiding Labor: Stephen Parrish
Crisper: Michelle Hickman
Education: Jan Buckner
Event Organizer: Christine Olewiler
Extraterrestrial Welcoming Committee: Denise Hemphill
Food and Drug: Lee Diogeneia
Health Human Services And Cooking: Shauna Roberts
Interior: Kathi Gorecki Voskuil
State: Mark Kennet
Secret Service: Mike Allsopp
Treasury: Betty Ponterio
Tsar of Holidays: Kathleen Smiley

Ambassadorships:

Cuba: Daphne Anne Humphrey
Fiji: Amy Buckheister Gettinger
Luxembourg: Donna Cavanagh
Switzerland: Elizabeth Dickinson

– Paul R. De Lancey
Future president of the United States of America.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dental Visit Delays Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Iowa Caucus Results

B&CtastyHi! Bacon & Chocolate Party’s top election official here. I was at the dentist all day  and am in no mood to count the huge amount of votes.  I am however pleased to report high levels of civility, patience, and kindness among B&C’s Iowan caucusers and its party officials. Don’t forget to vote Bacon & Chocolate Party in November. Bacon & Chocolate party, this is the dawning of the Age of Tastiness.

 

– Paul De Lancey, presidential candidate and nice guy.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Los Candidatos Need Your Votes

Candace C. Bowen and I really need your votes if Bacon & Chocolate is to win today in Venezuela’s election. Do not let trifles such as wrong citizenship or the nearest polling booth being thousands of miles away deter you. Vote often! Excelsior! Cowabunga!

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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Official Dinner Invitation For President Obama

Dear Mr. President,

I am officially inviting you and whomever you wish to come with you to have a gourmet five-course meal at my humble abode in Poway, California. My wonderful wife, kids, and many friends eagerly await your appearance. As you know, Mr. President, Poway is the hot point of all political campaigns. The saying runs, “As goes Poway, so does the Presidency. ”

You will have have a great time in Poway with its many streets, walking trails, two live theaters, the proposed Candyland Museum,  cinemaplex, a library. So, please come. It will help your chances of winning the election. Lord knows you need help with that. And heck you’ll have fun chowing down on home-style gourmet cooking.

Sincerely,

Paul De Lancey

P.S. May I suggest you invite your wife to come along with you. You don’t want to get in trouble.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: food, obsevations | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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