Posts Tagged With: Clinton

Bacon & Chocolate’s Concession Speech

Dear Americans,button2

The voters have spoken. Ms. Clinton won the majority of the vote. Mr. Trump won the majority of the electoral votes. He will be our nation’s next president. We wish him well and hope that he will have success in helping this country. I, the presidential candidate for the Bacon & Chocolate Party, would have conceded earlier but I went into shock when the election results came pouring in. I went on a near-bear and root-beer bender. I am just now coming out of this funk.

How did this shattering loss occur? Poll after poll after poll of people typing this blog or ever the more widespread poll of B&C voters had us winning it all by a comfortable margin. There is, alas, the possibility of widespread rigging in this election. I mean after all, how can anyone explain how we were not on the ballot in any state or the District of Columbia. How easy it would be the raise the divisive howl of, “Fraud, fraud, fraud.” However, we must do all we can to avoid tearing our great nation apart even more. Therefore, B&C will not contest the election result, preferring instead to drown our sorrow by watching old reruns of “Get Smart” and drinking root beer.

What can Bacon & Chocolate’s supporters do for the future? Well, we can make sure that we turn in those sheets chock full of signatures to the state electoral commissions. Did this happen? Was there voter fraud? Who can say? Did we even collect signatures at all? It’s all very cloudy. We must be vigilant and diligent in the future.

On a more serious note, Bacon & Chocolate Party started as a joke. As the election dragged on and on, it became less and less of a laugh and more of a real alternative to the shrill politics of hate. B&C never put out anything hateful. On the main, we were a consistent island of decency out there. I personally feel that one candidate and party and one set of supporters stirred up more hate than did the others. Many of my supporters in the B&C would no doubt disagree. And that was the glory and beauty of Bacon & Chocolate. It was for everyone. Everyone was valued by B&C. There was a place for every American.

Bacon & Chocolate party only took stands of a few things. We wanted to promote bacon and chocolate and to protect the supply and protection of the same. We wanted to save our bees. We took up the cause of the taco truck owners. I mean, tacos are wonderful. For the most part though, we would have looked at what the majority of Americans wanted on any issue and adopted that as our policy. What other political party in America can say that?

I am sad that Bacon & Chocolate Party was the only party that could bridge the divisiveness that is the current America. We were the only party that liked and embraced everyone. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to eat a chocolate doughnut.

Presidential candidate, Paul R. De Lanceycookbookhunks

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World,  with 180 wonderful recipes will be available in just a few days. My newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, is already available on amazon.com

 

 

 

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Nice Things About All the Presidential Candidates

Candidate De Lancey
51M-YQmbjCL._UX250_

I’m tired of relentless attacks on the candidates. In the spirit of reconciliation and togetherness, here are positive things to be said about all the candidates.

Clinton: My father’s first name was Clinton.
Sanders: I love how Sanders made fried chicken popular and available across the nation:
Cruz: Nice, short, easy to spell last name. Cruz was a scrappy infielder for the Toronto Blue Jays.
Trump: I played some bridge in grad school. Trump cards are good in bridge.
O’Malley: Last name is similar to malted. I love malteds.
Rubio: Love his national chain of restaurants.
Carson: Just said no to arson, a crime by the way, by adding “C” for chocolate in front of arson. Everybody loves chocolate.
Fiorina: A great name for a nutritious breakfast cereal.
Jindal: That game with those wooden stick towers, has given millions of hours of fun to Americans. Jindal! Jindal! Jindal!
Christie: Last name is close enough to Krispies to associate him favorably with Rice Krispy squares.
Huckabee: The name ends with bee. Without bees polinating plants and flowers our entire food chain would disappear.
Kasich: He’s from Ohio. Without Ohio, there would be a dangerous void between Indiana and Pennsylvania. Would you like to fall all the way to the Earth’s molten nickel core? Not I!
Paul: Rand Paul’s last name is my first name. We have to stick together.
Santorum: The Inner Sanctum was a really cool radio show some years back.
De Lancey: Of the Bacon & Chocolate Party: What a sweetheart!

– Paul De Lancey, presidential candidate and nice guy.

CoverFrontFinal

Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: humor, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: