Posts Tagged With: Romney

The Vice President Doesn’t Like Me

 

Some time ago*, Joe Biden, the Vice President, of this august land sent me a post titled, “I’ve had it up to here.” I don’t know what I’ve could have done to upset him. I’ve never even met him. If someone teepeed his house, all I can say is that I didn’t do it. Sure I ran for the presidency back in 2012, as part of the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Sure I could have won. Sure, I could have taken enough votes away from the democrats for the republicans to have elected Romney. But I didn’t. Obama’s president and Biden’s vice president and I’m not and Candace Bowen isn’t the VP, and that’s that. We got over the election. I thought Obama and Biden could do the same.

And just when I thought it had all calmed down, I got the following post from the Vice President:

“Dig Deep, Paul”

Again, Joe, I protest. I didn’t do anything. If someone sent you a pizza to your home, I’m not paying for it. This is a typical college prank. I’m not digging deep.

My I suggest you calm down with a nice, cold root beer. Life’s too short.

* = I have no idea when. Indeed, the sequence of events might be off. Having a poor memory could be a good thing if I ever have to deny knowing anything.

– Paul R. De Lancey,  presidential candidate for the Bacon & Chocolate Party.

 

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How Bacon & Chocolate Will Win The Election

Remember Bacon & Chocolate’s slogan:

“If you’re going to waste your vote, why not waste it on Bacon & Chocolate?”

Now take the case of California. President Obama is set to win by California and its fifty plus electoral votes by a huge number of votes. There is no reasonable scenario having Romney win this state. So, all Romney supporters will feel free to waste their votes on Bacon & Chocolate because well, they like Bacon & Chocolate. All the Obama supporters, certain in their knowledge of an insurmountable lead over the Republican candidate will also feel at liberty to caste wasted ballots for me, Paul De Lancey, the candidate for Bacon & Chocolate.

This reasoning will result in darn near 97% of all voters wasting their ballots on Bacon & Chocolate. I will carry California in a landslide. I will win ever state that is not a swing state. People will vote me and Bacon & Chocolate into the White House in one of the greatest thumpings of all time.

This is the dawning of the Bacon & Chocolate Era.

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Candidate De Lancey Is Thrashing Obama and Romney in On-line Debate.

.Candidates Obama, Romney, and De Lancey are at this very moment debating in Helsingor, Denmark Join the debate by logging in at Facebook and friending Paul De Lancey. So far, De Lancey’s verbal jabs are leaving Obama and Romney speechless.

Note: This debate was supposed to have been held on Halloween, but I typed in the wrong date. Sorry.

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Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Blueprint For Campaign reform

It’s all so simple. Everyone, and I mean everyone, goes to the polling booth on Election Day in
November armed with a die. You can get a die from an old game of Risk or backgammon. Roll the die inside your election booth. If it comes up 1 or 2, vote for President Obama. If the result is 3 0r 4, vote for Romney. However, if you get a 5 or 6 vote for Bacon & Chocolate.

No matter how much money the Democrats or the Republicans spend on the presidential election they cannot affect the roll of the die. They will have no reason to raise an obscene number of millions to spend on misleading and omnipresent campaign ads. Billionaires will have no reason to give money to presidential candidates. Presidential candidates will have no reason to listen to billionaires. No matter, whom we elect when we roll our dice on Election Tuesday, our voice will be heard just as loud to the elected President as any
other.

And we’ll have a 1/3 chance of electing Bacon & Chocolate for  president.

Vote Bacon & Chocolate for a tasty tomorrow.

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Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Affordable Care Act

First there was Governor Romney’s health-care legislation.

Then there was President Obama’s health-care act.

Now great news! Here’s

BACON & CHOCOLATE PARTY’S

Comprehensive AFFORDABLE CARE ACT >>>>>>>

Vote Bacon & Chocolate in November

For a Tasty  Tomorrow

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Bacon & Chocolate Party Forms Superpac

Dear Bacon & Chocolate supporters, the sad fact remains despite our best non-existent efforts,
our glorious party hasn’t been able to raise vast sums of money for our campaign. Indeed, we’ve raised the negligible sum of $0.00. So, we are forming our own superpac.

B&C hopes to raise just as many millions as our main competitors, Mr. Romney and President Obama. As one of our brilliant cabinet members said,  “Why not ask the pork producers?” Indeed, it is in their best interest to get us elected. Same goes for the chocolate makers.

I can hear you saying, “But won’t you beholden to the bacon & chocolate interests?”

We certainly will. But with cheap bacon & chocolate spreading o’er the land, who cares? With millions and millions behind us, Bacon & Chocolate cannot lose in November. Vote Bacon & Chocolate for a tasty tomorrow.

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Paul De Lancey Set To Debate Barack Obama And Mitt Romney

I’m throwing down the gauntlet. On July 5, I will debate my two closest contenders for the presidency. The debate will be at my place in Poway, gem of east San Diego County. Greek egg flower soup, tzatziki sauce with gyros,  la daube Provencale, and doro wat will be the main courses. With Obama and Romney sleepy from the feast the debate will begin. The topic for the first part of the debate will be the role of bacon and chocolate in economic recovery. I should shine in this segment.

The second part of the debate will include lying, cussing, and name calling. I expect to finish a distant third to the professional politicians.

Post-debate refreshments will include root-beer floats-nectar of the gods, vanilla ice-cream malts, and with a touch of impishness to the politicians, Fijian orange fool.

The whole world will be watching.

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Presidential Primer

The presidential campaign is heating up with PACs and super-PACS throwing untold millions in inflammatory ads. But what is the real story about Romney and Obama? He are some facts really should absorb:

You should considered voting against Romney as:

1) he insulted someone’s doughnuts at her home. These doughnuts were made from a legendary bakery. Double crime.

2) his hair appears appears to be floating above the rest of his face in a newspaper photo.

 

You should consider voting against Obama as:

1) he has never even replied to my many Facebook and blog  invitations to have dinner at my home.

2) he has never replied to my kind offer to do a guest blog.

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