Posts Tagged With: American

Pralines

American Dessert

PRALINES

INGREDIENTSPralines-

1 1/4 cups white sugar
1 1/4 cups packed brown sugar
1 cup heavy cream
3/4 cup butter
2 cups pecan halves
2 tablespoons vanilla extract

SPECIAL UTENSILS

candy thermometer
cookie sheet
waxed paper

Makes 23 squares. It should make more but the family keeps nibbling before I can get them all wrapped in waxed-paper squares.  (The squares, not the family. Goodness sake, you didn’t think you were going to get an exciting admission, did you?)

PREPARATION

Add all ingredients to large pot. Cook on medium heat until temperature of syrup reaches 234-to-240 degrees or until a drop of syrup forms a soft ball that can be flattened when dropped in cold water. Watch carefully and stir constantly.

As soon as syrup is ready, use large spoon to quickly and carefully drop syrup onto cookie sheet. Try to make praline patties about 2″ across and ½” high. (Be careful, hot praline syrup will burn like molten lava if it gets on you.) Let syrup cool. While dessert cools, cut waxed paper into 6″ squares. Wrap each praline patty in waxed-paper squares. Tie at top with rubber band.

Makes a great gift. Great for yourself as well.

TIDBITS

1) Pecans help a man’s sex life. Pecans have a lot of zinc. Zinc helps men produce more testostone.

2) Chocolates make women feel slightly more romantic.

3) Chocolate-covered pecans make for a night of whoopie.

4) The pecan tree is the state tree of Texas. There are a lot of Texans. Need I say more?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Caramel Corn and Staying Alive at the Movies

American Dessert

CARAMEL CORN

INGREDIENTSCaramelCorn-

6 tablespoons popcorn kernels
1/2 cup butter
1cup packed brown sugar
1/4 cup light-colored corn syrup
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

SPECIAL UTENSIL

popcorn popper

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 200 degrees. Pop popcorn according to instruction on bag or from popcorn popper. Remove all unpopped popcorn. (Peter Piper popped a peck of popcorn.) Put popcorn in large mixing bowl.

Add butter, sugar, corn syrup, and salt to skillet. Cook on medium heat for 5 minutes or until mixture boils. Stir occasionally. Add baking soda and vanilla. Stir this syrup until well blended. Add popcorn evenly to baking pan. Pour syrup over popcorn. Bake in oven for 1 hour. Stir popcorn/syrup every 15 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) Everybody loves caramel corn, hard-working people and politicians too. However, not everyone likes to hear popcorn being eaten. In 2011, a Latvian movie goer was arrested for shooting another man dead for eating his popcorn too loudly during the film Black Swan. The dead man would have been safer eating caramel popcorn as it’s not nearly as crunchy as regular popcorn.

2) Or if you don’t wish to get shot during movies but still wish to munch on regular popcorn, may I suggest going to a comedy? The film goers’ laughter will mask the sound of your popcorn chomping.

3) As a public service to you popcorn lovers, here are my favorite all-time gun-shot-free-funny movies: Bananas, The Bank Dick, Bringing Up Baby, A Christmas Story, The Court Jester, Duck Soup, Father of the Bride, A Hard Day’s Night, It’s a Gift, Miracle of Morgan’s Creek, One, Two, Three, The President’s Analyst, She Done Him Wrong, A Shot in the Dark, Tight Little Island, Tootsie, and Unfaithfully Yours.

4) There, I am bringing peace to the world. I shall certainly be getting the Nobel Peace Prize soon. Taps foot.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Bean and Bacon Soup

American Soup

BEAN AND BACON SOUP

INGREDIENTSBean&BaconSoup-

1 pound dry navy beans (4 cups)
4 cups water
1 pound bacon
1 medium carrot
1 celery stalk
1 yellow onion
1 garlic clove
1 pound tomatoes
1 bay leaf
½ teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon thyme
3 cups chicken broth
1/4 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

Makes 6 bowls.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Put navy beans and water in large pot. Bring to boil on high heat. Turn off heat, cover, and let beans stand in hot water for 1 hour.

Get busy while beans are standing. Cook, fry bacon on medium-high heat in Dutch oven until crispy. (Contemplate image of beans standing at attention.) Remove bacon and put on paper towels. Remove all but ¼ cup grease from Dutch oven. When cool, crumble bacon or cut it into ½” squares.

Dice carrot,  celery, onion, and garlic clove. Puree tomatoes. Sauté carrot, onion and garlic at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Add bay leaf, celery, tomato puree, paprika, salt, thyme, chicken broth, and Worcestershire sauce to Dutch oven. Drain beans. Add beans to Dutch oven. Bring to boil on high heat. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 2 hours or until beans are tender. Ladle soup into bowls and sprinkle with bacon.

TIDBITS

1) According to culinary lore, Lord Sandys once asked two chemists from Worcestershire to recreate an Indian sauce. Why Lord Sandys didn’t ask two cooks instead is a mystery. Anyway, the two great men’s effort resulted in a particularly malodorous liquid; it might have stunk worse than lutefisk. The chemists moved the stinky sauce to the basement. Why didn’t they just throw it out? Years later, they tasted it again. These men truly did not fear death. But it tasted great.

2) Okay.

3) Worcestershire sauce is made from fermented fish. Fish contains glutamates. Glutamates improve your mood.

4) Beer is made from fermented grain. Fermented grain improves your mood.

5) There are lot more establishments selling beer than ones offering fermented fish.

6) Or even lutefisk.

7) Oh my gosh, further research suggests that tidbit 1) is actually true and that L&P still make their sauce that way. I guess fermenting fish is pretty much like aging wine. Who knew?

8) In 1919, Worcestershire sauce was advertised as a way to grow beautiful hair.

9) I would think rubbing Worcestershire sauce on your head would make you smell like steak. Dogs would love you.

10) A famous photo from 1938, shows dictator Benito Mussolini and Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain alongside one of Lea & Perrin’s bottles.

11) It’s quite unlikely Mussolini rubbed the steak sauce on his head. The despot was entirely bald.

12) For Worcestershire sauce rubbed onto a man with a full head of hair isn’t visible. Oh sure, you can smell it, but you’re never quite sure if you’ve pinpointed the location to the right person.

13) On the other hand, Worcestershire sauce, or any other brown sauce for that matter, would have been quite evident on Mussolini’s bald dome.

14) One can imagine the rulers of Ethiopia and Albania pointing at the Italian dictator’s sauce-smeared head and laughing.

15) Mussolini would have wanted revenge for these insults. As a dictator, he could get it too. So, Benito had his armies conquer these countries.

16) Hitler saw how easy these conquests were and in 1939 invaded Poland. Great Britain and France declared war in response. And so, World War II began.

17) This is a cautionary tale. Always use good manners. Never make fun of people. The welfare of the world is at stake.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Chicken Pot Pie

American Entree

CHICKEN POT PIE

INGREDIENTS – FILLINGChickenPotPie-

3 chicken breasts
3 medium carrots
2 stalks celery
1 onion
1 white potato
1/3 cup butter
1/3 cup flour (6 more cups later)
1/4 teaspoon celery seed
1/4 teaspoon marjoram
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt (3/4 more teaspoons later)
1/2 teaspoon thyme
2 cups chicken broth
1 cup milk (1 tablespoon more later)

INGREDIENTS – PASTRY

6 cups flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup butter (softened)
1 pint water

1 tablespoon milk
1 egg

SPECIAL UTENSILS

Dutch oven
6 meat-pie pans (5″ diameter is best)

PREPARATION – FILLING

Cut chicken into ½” cubes. Dice carrots, celery, onion, and potato. Add onion and butter to Dutch oven. Sauté onion on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add 1/3 cup flour, celery seed, marjoram, pepper, salt, and thyme. Stir until well blended. Add broth and 1 cup milk. Bring to boil on high heat. Stir frequently. Add chicken, carrot, celery, and potato. Reduce heat to lower and simmer for 40 minutes or until carrots are soft. Stir occasionally. Remove.

PREPARATION – PASTRY

While filling is simmering, add 6 cups flour, salt, and butter to a second mixing bowl. Blend ingredients with whisk. Add water. Remove dough and knead on surface dusted with flour.

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Let dough sit for 20 minutes. Divide dough into 12 balls. Use rolling pin on dough balls–A large can of soup will do. A stick of dynamite is way too risky–to make 6 circles with 8″ inch diameters. Flatten the remaining dough balls to make 6″ wide circles.

PREPARATION – PIE

Line each pie pan with an 8″ dough circle. Add filling to each pan. Moisten rims of pies with 1 tablespoon milk. (This helps to tops stick with the bottom pastry.) Place a 6″ dough circle on top of each pie. Trim away the excess puff pastry. Press edges of puff pastry onto rims of bottom pastry with fork. Beat egg with whisk or fork. Glaze tops evenly with egg.

Put pies in over. Bake at 425 degrees for 15-to-20 minutes or until golden brown. Spread ketchup over each pie. Have a nice cooling refreshment and enjoy. Press gang the least appreciative guest into cleaning up.

TIDBITS

1) H. G. Wells wrote the culinary-sci fi novel, The Thyme Machine, in 1903. It fared poorly, selling only three copies. Two of those copies were used to keep open windows during London’s August heat weaves. Some historians believe the third copy was placed under the short leg of an otherwise unstable table at a pub called The Copper Penny. The pub’s owner allowed customers to read The Thyme Machine with the understanding they replaced it before leaving the establishment.

2) The distraught novelist chucked his writing career and went to culinary school. He thrived there. He became a spice-using genius. In 1905, he opened up an upscale restaurant in one of London’s ritzy districts. It specialized in French cuisine and was called, Food of the Gods.

3) The wealthy soon flocked to the Food of the Gods. Everyone had to taste its scrumptious entrees, its divine desserts. It became so renowned that giant lines formed outside the restaurant’s doors. In 1907, Chef H.G. instituted a reservations only policy. This left thousands of aristocratic food lovers out in the culinary cold, to subsist on fish and chips. Just getting a reservation provided immense social prestige. In 1911, Charles Witherham garned a baronetcy from George V when he gave his time to the British monarch.

4) Tragedy struck in June, 1914, when the German nobleman, Hans von Frikadellen, stole the French ambassador’s 8 o’clock reservation at The Food of the Gods. The ambassador said German food was one boring pork dish after another. Frikadellen said the French didn’t know how to spice. Things went downhill after that and by July the two nations were at war.

5) Lots of nations joined in the kerfuffle. Millions perished during World War I . Naturally, H.G. Wells felt bad about that and invented a time machine and went back to 1895 long before his havoc creating restaurant opened.

6) Wells renounced cooking and went back to writing. He excised all culinary references in The Thyme Machine which became the more tighter, page-turning masterpiece, The Time Machine. The world would still go to war in 1914, but it wouldn’t be his fault.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Macaroni and Cheese

American Entree

MACARONI AND CHEESE

INGREDIENTSMacaroni&Cheese-

1 pound elbow macaroni
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup flour
4 cups milk
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
8 ounces shredded cheddar cheese
8 ounces shredded American cheese

SPECIAL UTENSIL

3-quart casserole dish

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 360 degrees. Cook macaroni according to directions on package. While macaroni is cooking, melt butter in pan using medium heat. Add flour, milk, pepper, and salt.. Cook over medium heat for about 10 minutes or until mixture thickens and bubbles. Stir frequently to keep milk from burning. Remove pan from heat.

Transfer mixture to casserole dish. Add cheddar cheese, American cheese, and elbow macaroni. Stir. Put casserole dish in oven. Bake uncovered at 360 degrees for 30 minutes or until bubbly.

This dish is simple and wonderful. You will feel at peace with the universe. You won’t even mind calling your insurance company after dining on this.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe uses elbow macaroni. Americans use their elbows to eat macaroni and cheese. This dish also has American cheese, the primary ingredient in nacho cheese sauce.

3) A big virtue of American cheese is its low melting point. Be careful, though, of making nacho cheese sauce atop Mount Everest. The boiling point of American cheese is much lower there than at sea level. So it’s not that hard to let your American cheese start boiling if you’re not paying attention; say if you’re taking a group photo to celebrate your success in climbing the world’s tallest mountain.

4) Then when someone takes the lid off the pot, everyone gets splattered with molten nacho cheese sauce. People yell out in pain. The loud noise causes an avalanche. People panic. People jump in crevasses. The Nepalese army gets called in. It takes them hours to retrieve everyone. The Nepalese government protests to your government. The world inches closer to war. Cooler heads eventually prevail, but it is a near thing. So, always employ culinary caution wherever you go.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pretzels

American Appetizer

PRETZELS

INGREDIENTSPretzel-

3/4 cup warm water
2 cups bread flour or plain flour
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon brown sugar
1/2 tablespoon dry active yeast

1 egg
no-stick spray
1/2 tablespoon coarse salt
(coarse salt is not a crude sailor)

makes 12 pretzels

SPECIAL UTENSIL

bread maker

PREPARATION

Put water, flour, sugar, salt, brown sugar, and yeast in bread maker. Follow instructions for dough setting. Take a nice relaxing bath for about 45 minutes before summoning courage to beat egg.

Beat egg. Preheat oven to 450 degrees. When bread maker is done, separate dough into 12 pieces. Roll each piece into a 15″ log. Fold each log into a pretzel shape. Spray cookie sheet with no-stick spray. Place pretzels on cookie sheet. Brush pretzels with egg. Sprinkle pretzels with coarse salt. Bake at 450 degrees for 10-to-15 minutes or until pretzels are golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) Pretzels were invented by Christian monks around the start of the seventeenth century. They were given to children for learning their devotions and resembled arms crossing the chest in prayer.

2) Italians, Spanish, and French have always claimed to have invented the pretzel. This disagreement grew so heated that they fought each other constantly from 1494 to 1525. The Spanish eventually prevailed, winning the right to rule Italy and claim ownership of the pretzels for 200 years. Deprived of pretzel bragging rights, the Italians lost interest in the Renaissance. Indeed, arts languished everywhere for hundreds of years until the Richard Wagner’s operas and Jim Henson’s Muppets Show. It is no coincidence that German Wagner and American Henson hail from the two greatest pretzel making countries in the world.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Corned Beef Hash and Hornswoggling

American Breakfast

CORNED BEEF HASH

INGREDIENTSCornedBeefHash-

3 medium brown potatoes
1 pound corned beef
1 onion
2 tablespoons butter
2 teaspoons parsley
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 cup beef broth or broth from cooking corned beef

PREPARATION

Bake potatoes, keep skins on, at 400 degrees for 40 minutes or until potatoes are soft. Remove potatoes. While potatoes cool, dice corned beef and mince onion. Put onion and butter in large skillet. Sauté onion at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until it softens. Stir frequently.

Cut potatoes into 1/2″ cubes. Add potato, corned beef, parsley, Worcestershire sauce, pepper, and broth to skillet. Cook on medium heat for 10 minutes or until potato turns golden brown. Stir occasionally. Add broth and cook for another 3 minutes. Stir occasionally.

TIDBITS

1) Reporters once ridiculed Vice President Dan Quayle for misspelling potato. Thank goodness for him he didn’t need to write the word “heteroskedasticity.” Indeed how many reporters can spell that word? Can you spell “heteroskedasticity?” Okay, without looking at this tidbit? Of course, if you weren’t looking at this, you wouldn’t be challenged to spell “hetero…” Oh never mind.

2) Potatoes are used to make French fries at baseball games. However, corned beef hash is not served at any baseball stadium, not even at the single A level. Caviar-and-filet mignon hash might be served at ball parks located in the ritziest of neighborhoods, but I’ve never heard of it.

3) By the way, the word “hornswoggle,” meaning to “bamboozle,” comes from baseball as this excerpt from the novel The Fur West states,

“I loved baseball, too. Timmy played it and so did many of my other friends, Jeb, Bobby, Pete, and Josh, although I didn’t cotton to a sneaky Irish kid named Sean Hornswoggle. The redhead would hit the ball and run directly to second base if he thought he could get away with it. We soon took to calling any cheating “hornswoggling.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Coleslaw

American Entree

COLESLAW

INGREDIENTSColeslaw-

1 head green cabbage
2 medium carrots
1/2 sweet onion (Vidalia or Walla Walla)
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1/2 tablespoon red wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon celery seeds
1/2 teaspoon dill weed
1/4 teaspoon lemon pepper
1/2 teaspoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSIL

food processor

PREPARATION

Use food processor to grate half of the cabbage head. Thinly slice the other half. Grate carrots and onion. Add all ingredients to mixing bowl and mix thoroughly. Serve first to the person who offers to clean up.

TIDBITS

1) Please relax a bit and enjoy the best song I know about coleslaw, “Coleslaw,” by Jesse Stone.

American Entree

COLESLAW

INGREDIENTS

1 head green cabbage
2 medium carrots
1/2 sweet onion (Vidalia or Walla Walla)
1 cup mayonnaise
1/2 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1/2 tablespoon red wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon celery seeds
1/2 teaspoon dill weed
1/4 teaspoon lemon pepper
1/2 teaspoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSIL

food processor

PREPARATION

Use food processor to grate half of the cabbage head. Thinly slice the other half. Grate carrots and onion. Add all ingredients to mixing bowl and mix thoroughly. Serve first to the person who offers to clean up.

TIDBITS

1) Please relax a bit and enjoy the best song I know about coleslaw, “Coleslaw,” by Jesse Stone.

2) There are no fun facts about coleslaw. It’s best to talk about something other than coleslaw at parties if you wish to get invited again.

3) But people will think urbane and witty if you expound eloquently on the brilliant songwriter, Cole Porter. Cole Porter wrote the song, “Anything Goes.” It manages to be absolutely wonderful without even mentioning coleslaw once.

4) There is no coleslaw museum anywhere, so Cole Porter isn’t the only one to ignore this noble dish.

5) But if there were a coleslaw museum, I’m sure Jess Stone would have a place of honor.

6) Coleslaw does get mentioned in the classic song, “Ghost Chickens in the Sky” by Leroy Troy. The cause of culinary music marches on.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chocolate and Vanilla Sundae

American Dessert

CHOCOLATE AND VANILLA SUNDAE

INGREDIENTSSundae-

3/4 cup whipping cream
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/3 cup unsalted peanuts (or already ground)
2 pints chocolate ice cream
2 pints vanilla ice cream
nonpareils (optional)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

spice grinder or other grinder or quick hands with a knife

PREPARATION

Make chocolate sauce by adding whipping cream, chocolate chips, and vanilla extract to pot. Cook on low heat for about 5 minutes or until chocolate is completely melted or liquid becomes uniformly dark. Stir constantly.

Grind peanuts. Add large scoop (is there any other kind?) of chocolate ice cream and a large scoop of vanilla ice cream for each bowl you make. Drizzle chocolate sauce over each bowl, top with ground peanuts and nonpareils, if desired.

TIDBITS

1) Alexander the Great (356-323 B.C.) enjoyed snow flavored with nectar and honey. He was just a few steps away from inventing ice cream. But no, Alexander invaded the Persian Empire instead. His armies conquered land after land. However, these conquests never brought him the satisfaction that only a scope of ice cream could have given. Alexander came to realize how he had wasted his life by not coming up with ice cream and he drank himself to death.

2) The Roman Emperor Nero (54-68 A.D.) enjoyed ice and snow topped with fruit. He committed suicide rather than share this dessert with a jealous Roman mob

3) Marco Polo (1254-1324) is most famous for bringing the idea of ice cream from China to Italy. The Renaissance followed shortly.

4) Ice cream became readily available in seventeenth-century France. French literature flourished.

5) Ice cream came to America in the 1700s. and caused the birth of the American Republic in 1776.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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