cuisine

Greek Hamburgers

Posted on August 6, 2012 by pauldelancey

Greek Entree

GREEK HAMBURGER

INGREDIENTS

3/4 pounds ground beef
2 tablespoons feta cheese
1/4 teaspoon oregano
1/4 teaspoon parsley
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1/3 cup bread crumbs

1/4 cucumber
1/4 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup plain yogurt
1 garlic clove

4 hamburger buns

PREPARATION

Crumble the feta cheese. Mix beef, cheese, oregano, parsley, pepper, salt, egg, and bread crumbs. Make four patties. Cook on grill until meat is no longer pink.

Mince cucumber and garlic clove and add to yogurt and mayonnaise. Mix with whisk to make sauce.

Toast the hamburger buns. Put patties in buns. Top patties with sauce. Yum.

TIDBITS

1) As far as I know, Greek hamburgers might be an invention of Greek Americans.

2) Florida leads America in cucumber production.

3) Cucumbers are 95 percent water.

4) Feta is a bad word in Western Sweden.

5) Garlic gloves hung around the neck are supposed to ward off vampires. We have no vampires in Poway, California, so I don’t wear them.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Breakfast Sandwich

Posted on August 4, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Breakfast

BREAKFAST SANDWICH

INGREDIENTS

6 sesame-seed hamburger buns

1 pound of sliced bacon

10 eggs
1 1/2 cups four Mexican cheeses
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/4 teaspoon Beef MagicTM spice

PREPARATION OF BACON

Fry bacon in pan at medium-to-high temperatures. Stir with pan tilted away from you to avoid hot-grease splattering on you. Wear an apron. (Or a Naval Constellation Class defense shield if you can find and afford this item.)

After grease starts to form on sauce pan, add the cumin and beef allocated for the bacon. Stir frequently to avoid burning. Stop when bacon is done to the desired level of crispiness.

Remove the bacon, preferably using a spoon with holes in it. Place in a bowl with a paper towel already in it so as to absorb grease. Tamp down on top with another towel to absorb even more.

PREPARATION OF EGGS

In my house, my nine-year-old sous chef does all the scrambled eggs. (Oh geez, now he’s ten. Hurry, Paul, get this cookbook out, it’s aging him.) Cook the eggs at no more than medium heat. Add in the cheese and the spices for the eggs while scrambling constantly. Cook eggs to desired level of doneness.

FINAL PREPARATION

Put the buns in the pans. Cook only for a few seconds. This gives the buns warmth and taste while preserving their softness.

Cover the bottom bun with scrambled eggs. Add two slices of crispy bacon. Add the top bun. Pretend this tasty dish took a lot of effort when serving it to guests.

TIDBITS

1) People have been preserving and salting pork bellies for over 3,000 years, but have only been freezing packaged White CastleTM hamburgers for a few decades.

2) Bacon was rediscovered by Lewis and Clark on their epic journey. I am grateful.

3) Canadians call Canadian bacon, “back bacon.”

4) There is an institute called The Canadian Institute For The Advancement Of Bacon Studies.

5) Bacon has been used as a cure for warts.

6) The actor, Kevin Bacon, starred in the movie, A Few Good Men. I like the movie and his acting.

7) Kevin Bacon doesn’t know me.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Bacon and Spicy Fried Eggs

Posted on August 2, 2012 by pauldelancey

American Breakfast

BACON AND SPICY FRIED EGGS

INGREDIENTS

1 pound bacon
8 eggs
1 cup grated four-cheese mix
1 tablespoon Prudhomme’s Poultry MagicTM spice
1/4 teaspoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon tarragon

UTENSILS

Apron or at least reasonably protective clothes

PREPARING THE BACON

Bacon! Everyone loves bacon. Bacon!

After coming down from your bacon high, separate the delectable meaty strips from each other. This helps the bacon fry at the same rate.

Cook bacon at medium high. Bacon can go from golden crispness to ashy black in seconds. So turn over the bacon strips constantly. Do you have to worry about bacon splattering you? Yes, that is why one hand should protect you by holding the pan’s lid while you turn over the bacon. Alternatively, tilt the pan away from you while stirring.

(Does hot bacon grease hurt? My goodness, yes! Put the splattered part of your body immediately under the kitchen faucet and turn on that cold water. Don’t be proud about pouring water onto that splattered part if it can’t be put under the faucet; for example, if you were cooking in the nude–-never do this–-or cooking in a thin pajama bottom. Oh sure, cooking this way might be exciting to your partner, but getting splattered down there with scalding grease is a mood dampener.)

Put paper towels in a bowl, the cooked bacon next, then another towel. Press down on the top towel. Grease sure makes meat and other things taste great, but your stomach will hate it and your heart will want medical specialists standing by.

COOKING THE EGGS

Fried eggs taste best when cooked in bacon grease. The best alternative is butter. When cooking with butter, it is a good idea to spray the pan first with a non-stick spray. This will save minutes of pan scrubbing afterwards.

Crack eggs into frying pan. Sprinkle poultry spice, parsley, and tarragon on top of eggs. Start cooking the eggs on medium high and within a few seconds go down to medium. There is a range of opinion on how long to cook the yolk. This is a matter of taste, unless you’re like me and have an allergic reaction to any yolk that isn’t thoroughly cooked.

Make fried eggs exciting. Add grated-four cheese to it when it is nearly done. A crispy, gold cheese crust looks great and tastes fantastic too. Meat dishes can be spiced. Why not spice your eggs, too, to your liking? Salsa, anyone?

Be VERY CAREFUL about cooking eggs in the bacon grease from your wonderful bacon made just minutes ago. It is already seething with hot and agitated bacon-grease molecules. Fried eggs don’t need to be turned over, once if you prefer, so you don’t need to watch constantly. But you will need to make sure they don’t burn. So, wear that apron, hold that lid, and tilt that pan. And when scooping the eggs out of the pan, use a spatula with holes in it so the grease stays in the pan on not on the eggs.

And it all tastes great. Bacon and eggs served to your sweetheart in bed makes a wonderful morning.

TIDBITS

1) The great film director Alfred Hitchcock loathed eggs. He directed a scene where an actress put out her cigarette in a runny egg yolk.

2) A hard-boiled egg spins faster than one that is not.

3) Presumably, the Earth would spin faster if it were hard boiled.

4) You’d need a large pan to hard-boil the Earth. And a really big stove as well.

5) Eggs age faster at room temperature than in the fridge. They also age slower if left in the carton.

6) Similarly, people keep quite well if put them in a refrigerator. Consult your local law enforcement when attempting this experiment. You’ll be pleased how quickly they’ll come over.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Egg Foo Young

Posted on August 1, 2012 by pauldelancey

Chinese Entree

EGG FOO YOUNG

INGREDIENTS 

VEGGIE-CHICKEN MIX

1 small chicken breast
1 medium white onion
2 stalks green onions
1 stalk celery
1 garlic clove
1 cup bean sprouts
2 teaspoons sesame oil
1/2 teaspoon cornstarch (2 tablespoons more later)
1 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce (1/4 cup more later)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon white pepper

2 tablespoons peanut oil
8 eggs (2 at a time)

no-stick spray

SAUCE

1/4 cup soy sauce
1 tablespoon dry sherry
1 tablespoon water
2 tablespoons cornstarch

PREPARATION

Dice chicken breast, white onion, green onion, celery, and garlic clove. Put sesame oil in frying pan or skillet. Add onion, green onion, celery, clove, and sprouts. Heat on medium for about 5 minutes or until veggies are tender. Stir frequently.

Add chicken breast, 1/2 teaspoon cornstarch, 1 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce, salt, and white pepper. Cook for about 3 minutes on medium or until chicken bits have all changed color. Remove veggie-chicken mixture from frying pan and set aside.

Beat eggs. (This should be easy as your grasp of mixed-martial arts exceeds that of the genial egg.) Spray pan with no-stick spray. Heat peanut oil on medium. Add 2 eggs and cook on medium until eggs begin to set. Flip over egg patty. (You might want to use two spatulas. I wonder if any chefs use crossed spatulas as their coats of arms.) Or could use a spatula to cut the big patty into four manageable patties each time you add a layer of eggs.

Add about 1/3 of the veggie-chicken mix to the top of the patty. Add 2 more eggs and cook on medium until eggs on top begin to set. Flip over the whole patty. You should now have 2 layers of eggs and one mix. Repeat this step 2 more times until you have 4 layers of eggs and 3 of the mix. Watch the egg layer each time you flip the whole patty. Be careful that they don’t burn. Lower the heat, if at any time, the egg layer browns.

Remove the patty, or patties, from the pan and set on serving plate.

SAUCE

Put1/4 cup soy sauce, dry sherry, and water in frying pan. Bring to boil then immediately turn off heat. Add 2 tablespoons cornstarch and mix until sauce thickens. The sauce add flavor, texture, and enhances the appearance of this entree.

(This is especially true if you went the “one big patty” route and it fell apart during cooking. Refrain from cussing in Swahili. Simply cover the broken patty completely with sauce. Nobody will ever know there’s a break in the patty after you’ve divided the patty into two, three, or four pieces.)

Just smile and serve.

TIDBITS

1) Untying knots becomes easier when you sprinkle it with cornstarch.

2) While Alexander the Great was busy conquering the Persian empire he came across a two ropes tied together at Gordian. A prophet told him if could separate the ropes he would win many victories. People pooh poohed the idea that anyone could untie the intricate knot, but Alexander simply slashed the knot into two with one mighty sweep of his sword. To this day, the Gordian knot is a metaphor for not having cornstarch on ones person.

3) Alexander did indeed conquer quite a few exotic lands, even unto India. But he never quite reached China.

4) So, the Great one never got to taste egg foo young.

5) Did China have egg foo young in the time of Alexander the Great, some 2,300 years ago? Would he have like it?

6) We just don’t know. There just weren’t any many alternative military cuisinal historians around.

7)Is “cuisinal” even a word?

4) See above for 4).

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Stir Fry Chicken

Posted on July 30, 2012 by pauldelancey

Chinese Entree

CHICKEN STIR FRY

INGREDIENTS

2 chicken breasts
2 cloves garlic
1 yellow bell pepper
2 teaspoons peanut oil
2 teaspoons sesame oil

3 tablespoons honey
2 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce
1/8 teaspoon white pepper
1/2 teaspoon ginger
6 ounces bean sprouts
2 large carrots
2 teaspoons cornstarch

1 cup rice
2 cup water

PREPARATION

Cut chicken into 1/2-inch cubes or dice with food processor. (Chicken cubes make poor ear plugs.) Scrape off skin from carrots with knife and remove tops and bottoms. Dice garlic, bell pepper, and carrots.

Put chicken, garlic, bell pepper, sesame oil, and peanut oil in large no-stick frying pan or wok. Cook on medium heat until chicken is lightly browned. Stir occasionally.

Add honey, soy sauce, white pepper, ginger, sprouts, and carrots. Cook on medium heat until all is hot. Stir occasionally. Add cornstarch. Stir in cooked rice (cooked according to instructions on bag) and serve.

Simple and tasty.

TIDBITS

1) Rice is much more popular in Asia than in the United States.

2) However, Sam Rice, of the 1924 Washington Senators, was very popular in Washington, D.C. It is doubtful many in Asia had ever heard of him.

3) 1924 was the only year the Senators won the World Series.

4) In the 1960s, some losers of the World Series later toured and played in Japan.

5) Japanese samurais of the 10th to 16th centuries were famous for their swordsmanship.

6) So naturally, samurai trading cards were all the rage in Australia in 1965. There was even a well-watched t.v. show called Shintaro.

7) I had an outfit just like Shintaro and a genuine toy sword, too.

8) Where did they go?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Basil Pesto

Posted on July 28, 2012 by pauldelancey

Italian Appetizer

BASIL PESTO

INGREDIENTS

3 tablespoons ground walnuts
4 garlic cloves
3/4 cup Parmesan
3/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
6 tablespoons basil
1/4 teaspoon white pepper

PREPARATION

Dice garlic cloves. Put walnuts, garlic, Parmesan, basil, white pepper, and olive oil in sauce pan. Saute for about 5 minutes on medium high.

Put pesto sauce on pasta or on French bread.

Simple is good.

TIDBITS

1) Walnuts are the best non-fish source of omega-3.

2) Whatever happened to omega-1 and omega-2?

3) Can you get omega-3 by adding together omega-1 and omega-2?

4) Omega is a Greek letter.

5) Greek letters are used in really complicated mathematics.

6) I would like to see a Greek crossword puzzle.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Sandwich Cubano

Posted on July 27, 2012 by pauldelancey

Cuban Entree

SANDWICH CUBANO

INGREDIENTS

4 French rolls (Cuban bread if you can find it.)
1 pound sliced ham (sweet cured ham if possible)
1 pound sliced roast pork (see note*)
1/2 pound sliced Swiss cheese (baby Swiss if possible)
Dill Sandwich StackersTM Pickles
Yellow mustard
No mayonnaise (This is a Cuban no no.)
Butter

SPECIALTY ITEM

Sandwich maker or press.

PREPARATION

The order of preparation is quite important to aficianados of this dish. I present the following as the way I learned it. Spread butter over inside of bread half. Put on a light coating of mustard next. Top this with two pickle slices, 1/4 pound of roasted pork, 1/4 pound of sliced ham, and 2 ounces of Swiss cheese. Coat the inside of the other half of the French roll with butter and mustard. Assemble the sandwich.

Spray the sandwich maker with no-stick cooking spray. Put your sandwich in the sandwich maker. Cut into two or four pieces if necessary. Cook for about three minutes.

Your sandwich maker might cook faster or slower. (Stick around and stay alert for smoke smells or that billowing cloud issuing from the sandwich maker because you thought you could read another chapter of War and Peace.)

This tastes fantastic and is quite filling. It’s just the thing to eat.

* = Sad to say, many areas of the country do not sell sliced roast pork. You now have three choices: 1) Sneak into Cuba and smuggle out sliced roast pork, 2) marry a Cuban and have your spouse’s family airmail the delicacy in a sealed pouch, or 3) go to the supermarket and buy a package of sliced smoked pork chops. Remember, ask not what your cuisine can do for you, rather ask what you may do for your cuisine.

TIDBITS

1) Tidbit 1) did not survive editing.

2) Apparently the Cuban word for “sandwich” is “sandwich.” Who knew?

3) My older son made this sandwich and took it to school for a 4th grade project on Florida. He received 4 out of 4 on it. That’s my boy.

4) The United States and the Soviet Union almost had a nuclear war over missiles in Cuba. Thank goodness they didn’t. We would have lost the recipe for this tasty sandwich.

5) If you really don’t like to be told what to do and don’t want me to dictate that the order of putting the ingredients in the sandwich, then try this. Reverse the order and serve the sandwich upside down. Your guest will see the ingredients in the usual order and you will have been the rebel you’ve always wanted to be. It’s a win-win situation.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Creamy-Zucchini Pita From Forthcoming Cookbook

Posted on July 25, 2012 by pauldelancey

Greek Entree

CREAMY-ZUCCHINI PITA

INGREDIENTS

1 huge zucchini
3 teaspoons olive oil
3 medium garlic cloves
1 teaspoon Vegetable MagicTM spice
1/2 teaspoon oregano
3 tablespoons plain nonfat yogurt
2 pita loaves
PREPARATION

Peel off the zucchini’s skin. It won’t feel a thing. Mince the zucchini in a food processor. Mince the garlic cloves as well.

Mix the zucchini, garlic, vegetable spice, and oregano. Heat the oil in a skillet at 350 degrees. Saute the zucchini mix. Cook for 7 to 8 minutes, stirring frequently, or until the zucchini is tender and green.

Put zucchini mix in a large bowl. Add in yogurt and stir. Break two pita loaves into two halves. Warm the pita halves. Put about 1/4 of the mix into each pita half.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe calls for one huge zucchini because a neighbor gave my wife a huge zucchini. (Oh behave! The neighbor was female and a “huge zucchini” is not a euphemism.) This sort of thing happens in California. In Wisconsin, I got tomatoes. Or we went out for a beer.

2) Synonyms for “creamy” are “curdled,” “coagulated,” and “grumous.” But I doubt many people would try “Coagulated Zucchini Pita.”

3) Cook at 350 degrees whenever you are not told the cooking temperature.

4) Yogurt is prepared by the fermentation of milk with added bacteria.

5) I once ordered milk in an Andorran village café. The waitress immediately came back with a big container of sugar. Uh oh. She later returned with a glass of the sourest milk that ever assaulted my taste buds. Lemons had nothing on this beverage. A half cup of sugar didn’t even help. I am a sadder but wiser man for this experience.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Tzatziki Sauce

Posted on July 24, 2012 by pauldelancey

Greek Appetizer

TZATZIKI SAUCE
(Greek cucumber sauce)

This usually goes with Greek gyros. It also goes well as a topping for hamburgers.

INGREDIENTS

8 ounces plain yogurt (fat, not low-fat; you might need to find this in the Greek section of the store)
1 medium cucumber
1/4 teaspoon, or dash black pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sugar
2 tablespoon dill weed
2 peeled garlic cloves
juice of 1/2 lemon or 1 tablespoon

ESSENTIAL COOKING EQUIPMENT
food chopper or processor
whisk

PREPARATION

Peel the skin off the cucumber. It is easier to peel off the skin if you cut the cucumber in half along its width. It is optional to remove the seeds from the cucumber. This, however, will make the sauce sweeter.

Peel the skin off the garlic cloves. Cut up the cucumber into about eight pieces. Put the cucumber and garlic into a food chopper or food processor. Blend, chop, and process away until mixture is almost liquid.

Put the yogurt and cucumber-garlic mix into bowl. Mix with a whisk. Use a hand-held blender if you feel the need for more power. (Don’t overdo it. Too much power will result in an exciting avant-garde tzatziki sauce mural on your kitchen walls.)

Add the salt, sugar, and lemon juice. Mix. Put about 3/4 of the dill into the bowl. Taste the mixture. I’ve learned that dill weed varies in strength. Sometimes two tablespoons is just right. However, another spice company’s dill might taste stronger than you expected. It is better to put in too little dill initially and add more than to put in too much at first. If you put in too much dill, all you really can do is add more of everything else.

If you love this recipe, you will want to find a way to score cheap dill weed. Try the spice section of your local supermarket and see if they have dill weed in large, economy bags. If not, try an ethnic food market. Finally, try ordering online.

TIDBITS

1) Dill weed doesn’t seem to have an extensive or humorous history.

2) The inside of the humble cucumber is twenty degrees colder than its outside.

3) So, if you’re in Arizona in August and your air-conditioning fails, cut open a seven-foot tall cucumber and step inside.

4) Ulysses G. Grant’s meals often consisted only of cucumbers and coffee. He became our nation’s most successful Civil War general, one of our presidents, and a best-selling author.

5) I’m not promising any of those things will happen to you if you make this cucumber sauce. Just saying, that’s all.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pow-Mex Chicken Noodle Soup

Posted on July 22, 2012 by pauldelancey

Mexican Soup

POW-MEX CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP

INGREDIENTS

2 10.75 cans of condensed chicken noodle soup
1/4 cup crumbled Cotija cheese
4 turkey dogs
3 1/2 ounces diced green chiles
1/3 cup grated Four Mexican cheeses

PREPARATION

Pour the condensed chicken-noodle soup into a sauce pan. Fill the soup cans with any water. (You may use Norwegian glacier water if you feel the need to impress gourmet friends.) Pour the water into the pan.

Don’t read this sentence.

Cut turkey dogs into 1/2″ slices. Add hot-dog slices, Cotija cheese, green chiles and Four Mexican cheeses. Heat to boiling and serve. Stir frequently to keep the cheese from burning on the bottom.

This is family favorite and also death to nasty cold bugs lurking in your throat or sinus.

TIDBITS

1) “Pow-Mex” is a fusion between Powegian food and Mexican.

2) Poway is the name of my fair city.

3) At one, time Mexico owned the land on which Poway stands.

4) Green chiles spice up and spiff up any food.

5) Poway has its own train park complete with a 1903 Baldwin steam engine.

6) How many of us survived on condensed soups in college?

7) Poway has two live theaters and one bowling alley. It also boasts of a low crime rate and a superb school system. I don’t know if that is a coincidence.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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