Posts Tagged With: Alfred Hitchcock

Caesar’s Salad

Mexican Entree



1 head romaine lettuce
4 bread slices
2 garlic cloves
1/4 cup olive oil (1 tablespoon more later)
2 ounces anchovies, cut in half (optional)

1 egg
2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons lemon juice
½ teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar

1/3 cup grated Parmesan cheese


Separate romaine lettuce into leaves. Tear leaves into 1″ squares. Remove crusts from bread slices. Cut bread into ½” cubes. Cut one garlic clove into four pieces and rub them along the salad bowl. Discard. (Oh no, no, discard the garlic pieces, not the salad bowl. Goodness, careful sentence structure matters.)

Add the other garlic clove and 1/4 cup olive oil to pan. Sauté at low-medium heat for 5 minutes or 300 seconds. Discard garlic clove. (It’s a bad day to be garlic.) Add bread cubes to pan. Sauté at medium heat for 5 minutes or until bread cubes are crisp on all sides. Stir frequently. Remove crisp bread crumbs or croutons and place them on paper towels to drain.

Add romaine squares and croutons to salad bowl. (Add optional anchovies here.)

Add egg, Dijon mustard, pepper, salt, lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, olive oil, and red wine vinegar to blender. Use mix or middle setting to blend ingredients for 30 seconds. Pour this dressing into salad bowl. Lightly toss salad. Sprinkle salad with Parmesan cheese.

Note, pregnant women and small children should not eat raw eggs.


1) Anchovies are a happening item. Italian prostitutes of the 18th century used anchovies when making their famous “spaghetti alla puttanesca” for their customers.

2) The Romans used anchovy entrails to make an aphrodisiac, to reduce ulcers, to cure dysentery, or to season their food.

3) So if you were a Roman woman and a man had you over for dinner and he served anchovy sauce, you might want to wonder about him.

4) On the other hand, we could dramatically cut the cost of health care by requiring all pizzas to come with anchovies. We wouldn’t need hospital or medical insurance, just a large anchovy with extra cheese.

5) And the aphrodisiacal–whoa spell check is okay with that–qualities of anchovy pizzas would mean we wouldn’t have to see those ViagraTM ads on T.V. anymore.

6) But PlayboyTM would sport ads about anchovies all the time.

7) The entire economy would be directed to processing anchovies.

8) Military spending would fall to zero.

9) Our anchovy-driven sexual frenzies would leave us wide open to conquest by our enemies.

10) But anchovies also contain a toxin called domoic acid whichcan drive a seagull insane if ingested in too large a quantity.

11) Which is why the United States Army has warehouses full of anchovies. Within 15 minutes of an enemy invasion, the roofs of all these warehouses retract to reveal millions of vats just brimming with anchovies.

12) America’s heroic seagulls would then gorge themselves on their favorite food, became crazy and attack the invaders, just like in Alfred Hitchcock’s, The Birds.

13) America cannot be conquered.

14) But then any country with sufficient anchovies and pelican couldn’t be conquered.

15) Countries would have an incentive to stockpile these items.

16) I fear an anchovy-and-pelican race between nations.

17) But if worse comes to worse, we will blast the Barney-the-Dinosaur song at our enemies until they cry uncle.

18) Let us banish this frightening scenario by sipping on a wonderful, ice cold root beer. Ah, life is good again.

19) Caesar’s salad, anyone?

– Chef Paul


My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at:

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Bacon and Spicy Fried Eggs

American Breakfast



1 pound bacon
8 eggs
1 cup grated four-cheese mix
1 tablespoon Prudhomme’s Poultry MagicTM spice
1/4 teaspoon parsley
1/4 teaspoon tarragon


Apron or at least reasonably protective clothes


Bacon! Everyone loves bacon. Bacon!

After coming down from your bacon high, separate the delectable meaty strips from each other. This helps the bacon fry at the same rate.

Cook bacon at medium high. Bacon can go from golden crispness to ashy black in seconds. So turn over the bacon strips constantly. Do you have to worry about bacon splattering you? Yes, that is why one hand should protect you by holding the pan’s lid while you turn over the bacon. Alternatively, tilt the pan away from you while stirring.

(Does hot bacon grease hurt? My goodness, yes! Put the splattered part of your body immediately under the kitchen faucet and turn on that cold water. Don’t be proud about pouring water onto that splattered part if it can’t be put under the faucet; for example, if you were cooking in the nude–-never do this–-or cooking in a thin pajama bottom. Oh sure, cooking this way might be exciting to your partner, but getting splattered down there with scalding grease is a mood dampener.)

Put paper towels in a bowl, the cooked bacon next, then another towel. Press down on the top towel. Grease sure makes meat and other things taste great, but your stomach will hate it and your heart will want medical specialists standing by.


Fried eggs taste best when cooked in bacon grease. The best alternative is butter. When cooking with butter, it is a good idea to spray the pan first with a non-stick spray. This will save minutes of pan scrubbing afterwards.

Crack eggs into frying pan. Sprinkle poultry spice, parsley, and tarragon on top of eggs. Start cooking the eggs on medium high and within a few seconds go down to medium. There is a range of opinion on how long to cook the yolk. This is a matter of taste, unless you’re like me and have an allergic reaction to any yolk that isn’t thoroughly cooked.

Make fried eggs exciting. Add grated-four cheese to it when it is nearly done. A crispy, gold cheese crust looks great and tastes fantastic too. Meat dishes can be spiced. Why not spice your eggs, too, to your liking? Salsa, anyone?

Be VERY CAREFUL about cooking eggs in the bacon grease from your wonderful bacon made just minutes ago. It is already seething with hot and agitated bacon-grease molecules. Fried eggs don’t need to be turned over, once if you prefer, so you don’t need to watch constantly. But you will need to make sure they don’t burn. So, wear that apron, hold that lid, and tilt that pan. And when scooping the eggs out of the pan, use a spatula with holes in it so the grease stays in the pan on not on the eggs.

And it all tastes great. Bacon and eggs served to your sweetheart in bed makes a wonderful morning.


1) The great film director Alfred Hitchcock loathed eggs. He directed a scene where an actress put out her cigarette in a runny egg yolk.

2) A hard-boiled egg spins faster than one that is not.

3) Presumably, the Earth would spin faster if it were hard boiled.

4) You’d need a large pan to hard-boil the Earth. And a really big stove as well.

5) Eggs age faster at room temperature than in the fridge. They also age slower if left in the carton.

6) Similarly, people keep quite well if put them in a refrigerator. Consult your local law enforcement when attempting this experiment. You’ll be pleased how quickly they’ll come over.

– Chef Paul


My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at:


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