Posts Tagged With: France

Bunny Chow

Posted on September 30, 2016 by pauldelancey

South African Entree

BUNNY CHOW

INGREDIENTSbunnychow

1 medium onion
3 medium potatoes
4 cardamom pods
1 cinnamon stick
½ teaspoon fennel seeds
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 tomatoes
2 pounds chicken breasts or lamb
3 fresh curry leaves
3 tablespoons Durban masala (See recipe)
⅓ cup chicken stock
2 1-lb whole white loaves
1 tablespoon fresh cilantro

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Dice onion. Peel potatoes. Cut potatoes into 1″ cubes. Add onion, potato, cardamom pods, cinnamon stick, fennel seeds, and vegetable oil to Dutch oven. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir constantly. Remove from heat.

Dice tomatoes. Cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Add Durban masala, Add tomato, chicken, curry leaves, and Durban masala to Dutch oven. Cook using medium heat for 5 minutes. Stir frequently. Add chicken stock. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes or until potato is tender and chicken is no longer pink inside. Remove Dutch oven from heat. Discard cinnamon stick.

Slice bread loaf in half along its length. Use sharp knife to cut off most of the soft white bread from each half. Leave ½”-to-1″ of bread crust along the edges and bottoms. (The scooped out bread can be made into bread crumbs.) Ladle potato/tomato/chicken mixture into each hollowed-out loaf half. Garnish with coriander. Repeat for second bread loaf.

TIDBITS

1) Bunnies are naturally fierce fighters. Armies everywhere had them. Napoleon wouldn’t have dreamed of conquering Europe without his corps of bunny irregulars.

2) But you say, “Aha, Napoleon didn’t conquer Europe. See, you’re wrong. Bunnies aren’t so fierce.” Ho, ho, they are. Napoleon won victory after victory up until 1808 with his beserker bunnies.

3) Then, Napoleon invaded Spain. Spain had guerrilla fighters. More importantly, it had battle hardened bunnies. Conquistador bunnies. Bunnies that pushed Moors out of the Iberian positions during the centuries of La Reconquista. Bunnies that had accompanied Cortes to Mexico, Pizarro to Peru, and Albondigas to Greenland. Bunnies that terrified conquered peoples into quiet submission for centuries.

4) The French army never had been on the receiving end of a bunny charge. Never had seen those twitching noses and the unreasoning terror that engendered. Never had to see a sea of bunny tails popping up and down as they stamped toward them . . .

5) where they nibbled your shoes and your shoelaces and so you tripped and your comrades laughed and laughed at you and felt so ashamed that you deserted the army and ran home where you sold sprigs of cilantro which tastes like soap to some people which was okay because all life tasted like soap to you and you spent the rest of your life thinking in run-on sentences.

6) And even if you managed to man up and stand your ground after all that, the bunnies would bite your ankles repeatedly which often hurt, particularly so when their teeth actually broke your skin.

7) Suppose you were a stalwart sort, a man among and you were still fighting bunnies crazed beyond belief by sangria, you’d still have to deal with the bunnies’ powerful rear legs, legs that could kick a potato twenty feet.

8) Imagine. You’ve seen their twitching noses, their bobbing cottontails, had your shoelaces nibbled in two, had your ankles bitten, and now they’re hurting your shins and they won’t stop. And then, and then, they keep your potatoes twenty feet away where they get smooshed in the heat of battle.

9) You have no food. So, you confiscate some local food, some paella perhaps, but your body hasn’t faced Spanish food bacteria. So, now you’re a French soldier in Spain fighting for an emperor who only cares about himself and you have the mother of all stomach aches. You throw thrown your musket and flee.

10) The rest of your comrades see that you, a man among men, are fleeing. They realize the fight is lost. They flee as well. Your army is routed. Bunny-fear demoralizes the other French armies. French forces reel back to France. Allied hordes attack Paris and storm the Montmarte. France capitulates. Your flight from the Spanish battlefield brought all this about.

11) The French Emperor Napoleon gets exiled to Elba. The long-time leader gives a farewell to his Old Guard, “Adieu mes amis, nous sommes battus vaillamment et aurions gagné mais pour ce lecteur de recette et sa peur des lapins.”*

* = “Good buy my friends, we fought valiantly and would have won but for this read reader of recipes and his fear of bunnies. (Sorry, apparently Napoleon’s French is only as good as mine. Weird.)

12) So you’ve changed history. Awesome responsibility, isn’t it?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Tucuman Empanadas

Posted on March 26, 2016 by pauldelancey

Argentinian Entree

TUCUMAN EMPANADAS

INGREDIENTS – DOUGHEmpanada-

¾ cup lard or shortening (⅓ cup more later)
5 cups flour
3 teaspoons salt
⅔ cup water

INGREDIENTS – FILLING

¾ pound rump or tenderloin steak
⅔ cup chopped green onion
1 medium white onion
⅓ cup lard or shortening
1 teaspoon cumin
2 teaspoons paprika
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSIL

8″ x 13″ casserole dish

Makes 4 empanadas. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – DOUGH

Melt ¾ cup lard in skillet using low heat. Add flour and salt to large mixing bowl. Blend with large spoon. Use spoon to make hole in middle of dough. Slowly pour melted lard into hole. Gradually add water while mixing ingredients together by hand until you get a smooth and pliable dough. Cover and let sit for 30 minutes

PREPARATION – FILLING

While dough sits, cut steak into ½” cubes. Mince green onion and white onion. Melt ⅓ cup lard in large skillet using medium heat. Add white onion. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until white onion softens. Stir frequently. Add steak cubes, green onion, cumin, paprika, pepper, and salt. Cook at medium heat for 5 minutes or until meat browns. Stir occasionally.

PREPARATION – FINAL

Preheat oven to 475 degrees. Roll out dough until it is ½” thick. Cut dough into 6″ circles. (You should get about 4 dough circles after you formed the scraps from the initial cutting into more circles.) Add ½ cup filling to the middle of each dough circle. Brush edges of each circle with water. Fold one edge of each circle to the opposite edge. Seal the rounded edges by pressing down on them with a fork.

Spray casserole dish with no-stick spray. Bake empanadas at 475 degrees for 10 minutes. Reduce temperature to 400 degrees. Bake for an additional 10 minutes or until empanadas turn golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) Tucuman empanadas is anagram for the ancient Mayan saying, “Map man, cut a sundae.”

2) Mayan sundaes are delicious. You must have excellent whipping cream to make a wonderful sundae. Most people put cow milk in a bowl to make whipping cream. The olden-day Mayans lifted cows onto their shoulders and hopped from one foot to another until whipped cream came out the cows’ udders.

3) The adventuresome conquistadors, however, were too weak to shake cows. The Spanish warriors needed the strong backs of the Mayan. Which is why they conquered the Mayan peninsula.

4) The conquered natives did not get any of the cow-shaken cream. They did not get the Mayan milk shakes. They did not get enough calories to wage war on their neighbors.

5) The Spanish soldiers, on the other hand, received enough calories to do anything, including growing big bellies. Cortés, physical fitness instructor for Governor Velázquez grimaced every time he saw the paunchy conquistadors wheezing their way back from the many sundae shops.

6) Something had to be done. Señor Cortés knew he had little job security. One word from Velázquez and faster than teenagers eat their family meal he’d be out of a job. And just try to get another physical-fitness job from the other fifteenth-century European monarchs. So Cortés seized power when Governor Velázquez went on a Club MedTM vacation.

7) Cortés ordered the Spanish soldiers to attack the Aztec Empire to the west. They refused.

8) “The Aztecs have chocolate.” The conquistadors sighed. “Ooh, chocolate.” Everyone knew that chocolate sundaes were even tastier than the plain vanilla ones. Cortés brandished his sword above his head. “Their streets are paved in chocolate. Will you follow me?” Well of course they did, I mean chocolate.

9) The long arduous trek to the Aztec capital burned off many calories. The incessant fighting made them even fitter. The Spanish soldiers developed washboard-flat stomachs and buns of steel. The buff Conquistadors made all the European señoritas swoon with delight.

10) Naturally, the soldiers of France, Spain, Portugal became jealous. They wanted honeys of their own. They pestered their monarchs until they too got sent over to the New World to engage in conquest and other forms of aerobic exercise.

11) Things are not so violent now that we have workout DVDs.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Syrian Chicken Casserole (fatti dejaj)

Posted on September 14, 2015 by pauldelancey

Syrian Entree

FATTI DEJAJ
(chicken casserole)

INGREDIENTS – MAINFattiDejaj-

1 cup rice
2 cups chicken stock (additional ⅔ cup later)
3 chicken breasts
2 garlic cloves
1 bay leaf
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
⅔ cup chicken stock
3 pita loaves or rounds
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
1½ tablespoons lemon juice
¼ cup tahini
2 cups plain yogurt
1½ tablespoon ghee or butter
1 cup almonds, cashews, pistachios, or combination (slivered or halves)
½ tablespoon parsley

SPECIAL UTENSILS

2 casserole dishes

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Add rice and 2 cups chicken stock to rice cooker or pot. Cook rice according to instructions on package. While rice cooks, cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Mince garlic cloves. Add chicken cubes, garlic, bay leaf, pepper, salt, and ⅔ cup chicken stock to first casserole dish. Coat chicken cubes thoroughly. Bake at 450 degrees for 45minutes. Stir every 15 minutes to keep chicken from drying out. Remove bay leaf.

While chicken bakes, cut pita rounds into 1″ squares. Add pita squares and oil to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until pita squares turn golden brown. Place pita squares on paper towels.

Add lemon juice, tahini, and yogurt to mixing bowl. Mix gently with spoon. Add ghee and nuts to pan. Toast them on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until they start turning golden brown. Stir constantly.

Add sautéed pitas squares to second casserole dish. Smooth with fork. Add rice. Smooth with fork. Add lemon juice/tahini/yogurt sauce. Smooth gently with fork. Add chicken cubes. Smooth with, oh what the heck, spoon. Sprinkle sautéed nuts and parsley over chicken cubes.

Serve to guests who darn well better appreciate all the effort you made preparing this wonderful dish.

TIDBITS

1) Syrian has many people.

2) People have bones in them.

3) There are enough bones in the human body to enable a person to stand up with enough bones leftover for arms and hands.

4) Arms and hands are used to drink root beer from glass mugs.

5) Root beer tastes like good childhood memories.

6) There is a man in Syria called Ryan.

7) Ryan drank root beer. He had a good childhood.

8) He’s old now, but as a child was very well liked.

9) People used to greet each other with, “Is Ryan healthy?” or “Is Ryan happy?” or “Is Ryan drinking root beer?” or even, “Is Ryan doing his econometrics homework?”

10) This happened so often that when the region became independent of France in 1946 people naturally wanted to call their country “Isryan.”

11) However, Ryan, a perpetually modest man, demurred.

12) But the people persisted. Isryan. Stamps with Isryan were printed.

13) Ryan demurred.

14) Fortunately, the World Anagramist Society met in Damascus a scant two weeks after independence.

15) They suggested Syrian for the name of the country. The people were contented. “As long as ‘Is Ryan’ in their somehow. Ryan was happy as well. He could pretend the country wasn’t named after him.

16) Remarkably, it took until 2002, the year the Angels finally won the World Series, for people to realize than Syrian sounds more like someone from Syria than a country. So after consulting Ryan and getting his permission, the people held a referendum and changed the country’s name to Syria.

17) If ever come across a stamp bearing the word “Isryan” save it, for goodness sake. It’s quite valuable.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Oeufs en Meurette

Posted on July 4, 2015 by pauldelancey

French Entree

OEUFS EN MEURETTE

INGREDIENTSOeufsEnMeurette-

3 ounces thick, really fatty bacon*
12 pearl onions
1 small onion
½ celery stalk
2 shallots
1 garlic clove
5 cups water
¼ teaspoon pepper
12 ounces red Burgundy wine
1 cup beef stock
1 bay leaf**
5 springs parsley**
2 sprigs thyme**
2 tablespoons butter (2 additional tablespoons later)
3 tablespoons flour
4 eggs
4 slices white bread (¼” thick)
2 tablespoons butter

Makes 4 servings. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.

* = How do you look for fatty bacon? It’s easy! Simply go to your supermarket and pick the package of bacon that has been tossed to the side, the one where the little flaps have been torn open. That’s the bacon for you. Or . . . buy any package of bacon and cut off all the fatty sections. Save the lean bits for future breakfasts. Your kids, family, and friends will love you for it.

** = This ingredients comprise bouquet garni or bouquet garnish. Now impress your friends with your culinary knowledge. Walk with pride.

PREPARATION

Cut bacon crosswise into ¼” wide strips. Cut off tops and bottoms of pearl onions. (Do not remove skins.) Dice onion. Thinly slice celery and shallots. Crush garlic. Add water to pot. Bring water to boil using high heat. Add pearl onions to pot. Boil for 1 minute. Remove pearl onions and set aside. Save oniony water to poach eggs.

While water comes to boil, add fatty bacon strips to pan. Fry using medium heat for 3 minutes or until bacon starts to brown. Stir frequently. Remove bacon strips and place them on a plate covered by paper towels. Keep bacon grease in pan. Remove skins from pearl onions. Place pearl onions in pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 4 minutes or until they soften and turn golden brown. Stir frequently. Remove pearl onions and set aside. Keep bacon grease in pan.

Add diced onion, sliced shallot, and pepper to pan. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until onion and shallot soften. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to medium. Add garlic. Sauté for for 1 minute or until you can smell the garlic. Add wine, beef stock, celery, bay leaf, parsley, and thyme. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 30 minutes or until sauce is reduced by half.

While sauce reduces, add 2 tablespoons butter and flour to bowl. Smash together with fork. This is called beurre manié. (Don’t confuse beurre manié with beurre manic. You don’t want to know what manic butter is. Even I don’t want to know.) Add this to pan. Mix with whisk. Simmer on low-medium heat for 3 minutes or until sauce thickens. Stir occasionally. Add beurre manié to pan. Simmer for 3-to-5 minutes or until sauce thickens. Stir occasionally. Strain sauce through colander into bowl.

While sauce still reduces, bring oniony water in pot to boil using high heat. (You did save the oniony water, didn’t you?) Crack eggs into a large ladle. Gently place eggs in water one at a time. Poach the eggs for 3-or-5 minutes, depending on your preference for soft or hard eggs. Remove pot from burner. Add fatty-bacon strips.

Now make the croûtes, a fancy French work for bread crusts. Use a round cookie cutter, about the size of a poached egg, cut the 4 bread slices into 4 circles. Add 2 tablespoons butter to pan. Melt using medium heat. Add bread circles to pan. Sauté bread for 1-to-2 minutes on each side or until browned Add a croûte to each plate. Use slotted spoon to remove poached egg from pot. Place egg on top of croûte. Ladle ¼ of the sauce onto the egg. Garnish with ¼ of the pearl onions. Repeat for each croûte.

TIDBITS

1) A small kitchen is a kitchenette. A small pipe is a pipette. So, a small mural should be a muralette. But it isn’t. It’s a meurette. We can all blame the French impressionist Paul Gauguin for this.

2) Monsieur Paul was a painting maniac. He literally painted every moment he was awake. When he was full of vim and vigor and ate this recipe, then called oeufs en vin, he painted outside with his friend Vincent van Gogh. Paul and Vincent would talk about brush versus finger painting, the local babes, and fantasy baseball leagues. Yes, they were visionaries in matters outside of the arts as well.

3) However, on days when Paul had been consuming vat after vat of wine, it was hard for him to get out of bed, pick up his easel and paints downstairs, and head to the fields. Indeed, he even found it difficult to head down to the breakfast table. On these occasions, the owner of La Meur would bring a plate on runny, fried eggs to Paul’s bed. But even with a throbbing wine induced migraine, Paul had to paint. He’d just prop himself up on one elbow, dip his hand into the runny yolks, and fingerpaint on a mural on the wall. He did a great job! Wealthy art lovers came from all over France to admire his little murals.

4) Since Paul had no money to pay for his room and board, he sold the rights to his little murals to La Meur’s owner. This and the fact that Paul drank wine heavily and painted with runny eggs, made the renaming of oeufs en in to oeufs en meurette inevitable. And if you wish, you can go to the Gauguin room at the Louvre in Paris and see Monsieur Paul Gauguin’s walls covered with one finger-painted egg mural after another. Be sure to spend some looking at his most famous one, Le Chaton d’Or.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Khachapuri (Georgian cheese roll)

Posted on June 15, 2015 by pauldelancey

Georgian Entree

KHACHAPURI

INGREDIENTSKhacapuri-

¾ cup milk
1 teaspoon sugar
2½ teaspoons yeast
1 tablespoon olive oil
2⅔ cups flour (4 additional tablespoon later)
¾ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon flour (3 additional tablespoons later)
1 tablespoon butter (2 additional tablespoons later)
1 pound Muenster or mozzarella cheese
½ pound feta cheese
¼ pound ricotta cheese
2 eggs (2 additional eggs later)
2 tablespoons flour (1 additional tablespoon later)
1 tablespoon flour
2 eggs
2 tablespoons butter

SPECIAL UTENSILS

parchment paper or at least, no-stick spray
food processor
2 x 9″ pie tins
clothes dryer

Makes 2 loaves. Takes 2¾ hours.

PREPARATION

Add milk and sugar to small pot. Cook on low-medium heat until mixture is lukewarm. Stir constantly. Remove from heat and add yeast. Stir until well blended. Let cool for 10 minutes. Add olive oil, 2⅔ cups flour, and salt. Stir until mixture becomes a lumpy dough ball. Let sit for 30 minutes.

While dough ball sits, dust a flat surface with 1 tablespoon flour. Add dough ball to flat surface. Knead dough by hand until you are at peace with the world or 8 minutes. Grease large mixing bowl with 1 tablespoon butter. Add knead dough ball to greased, first mixing bowl. Turn dough ball around until it’s coated with butter. Cover bowl and let sit for 1 hour.

While dough rises, cut Muenster and feta cheeses into ½” cubes. Add grated Muenster, feta, and ricotta cheeses to food processor. Blend until only a few cubes remain. Add 2 eggs and 2 tablespoons flour. Blend until mixture is smooth. Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

After dough has risen, dust flat surface with 1 tablespoon flour. Add dough ball to flat surface. Flatten dough ball with hands. Divide dough ball in half. Flatten dough halves until they are 11″ wide and about ⅛” thick. Add parchment paper or no-stick spray to pie tins. Add flattened dough halves to pie tins. Add half of cheese/egg/flour mixture to center of each dough half. Pull edges of dough to the center until there is only a round 1″ hole in the middle. Pinch edges together.

Bake for 15 minutes at 375 degrees or until bread loaves are starting to brown. Use spoon or shot glass to press a 3″ hole in the center of the loaves. Add an egg to each 3″ hole. Bake at 375 for 15 minutes or until loaves turn golden brown and eggs are slightly set. (The eggs will continue to cook after being removed from the oven.) Remove from oven and brush each loaf with 1 tablespoon butter.

Serve hot to adoring guests. Put pairs of unappreciative guests in pairs of matched socks. Put sock-clad guests in clothes drier. When one of the matching socks disappears, as often happens, it’ll take one of the complainers with it. Repeat until your home has only happy people in it.

TIDBITS

1) This entree is from the country called Georgia. This Georgia is near Russia and Iran. There is also a state in America called Georgia. It is near Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, and South Carolina.

2) Both Georgias are named after Madamoiselle Georgia Chat. We know little about Mlle. Mousse save that she was born in Tours, France about 708. She was also extraordinarily beautiful. Okay, we know that. Oh, she was also fabulously rich. All right, we know that as well. So, you’d think she’d be a hot marriage prospect for all the local barons. Why did she never marry?

3) Mademoiselle Georgia never considered giving up her independence and she had a giant, pet rabbit Snuggles to protect her. How gigantic? Sources yield varying heights from twelve feet tall to the preposterous sixty-seven feet. Given the fact that Snuggles was also a ninja, you can see why the local nobility thought twice before courting her. On it went. Georgia performed scientific experiments. She even invented the briquette for barbecuing while Snuggles swung his one-ton hammer. at local lords and door-to-door salesmen.

4) Then in 732, Abd Al-Raman with his Berber tribesmen invaded the Frankish kingdom. The Franks assembled their forces at Tours under Charles the Pippinid. The Muslim Berbers were famed for their cavalry. The Franks had the fiercest infantry in all of Europe. Unfortunately, the Franks at the time were notorious for their allergy to horses.

5) The Muslims should have won. Europe should now be eating koushry instead of croissants. What happened? Snuggles happened. He shoved his way past the sneezing Frankish infantry and swung his mighty hammer over and over again at the massed Berber cavalry. Soon, the overmatched Berbers fled, but not before one of them shot an arrow through Snuggles’ heart.

6) Two bards saw the battle and would travel the world singing Snuggles’ praises. One settled in America, the other near Russia. Locals impressed by Snuggle’s deeds wanted to renamed their lands after him, but balked at his cutesy name. They settled on Georgia instead and there you have it.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Aioli Sauce

Posted on April 19, 2015 by pauldelancey

French Appetizer

AIOLI SAUCE

INGREDIENTSAioliSauce-

4 garlic cloves
4 egg yolks (possibly 1 more)
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon white pepper
1 cup extra virgin olive oil (1 additional cup later)
2½ teaspoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon warm water (possibly ½ teaspoon more later)
1 cup extra virgin olive oil

SPECIAL UTENSILS

mortar and pestle or garlic press

Makes 2 cups. Takes 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Peel garlic cloves. Crush garlic cloves with mortar and pestle or garlic press. Add egg yolks, crushed garlic, salt, and pepper to mixing bowl. Blend gently with whisk. Slowly add in 1 cup olive oil, whisking gently, but constantly. There should only be a thin drizzle of olive oil going into the mixing bowl. This process should take minutes. If you hurry the olive oil, you’ll just end up with a liquidy something. Then you’ll wander aimlessly in the nearby woods shouting, “Why? Why?” over and over again.

Add lemon juice and warm water, whisking constantly. Slowly add in remaining 1 cup olive oil, whisking gently and constantly until the oil gets absorbed and mixture is slightly thinner than mayonnaise. If aioli sauce curdles or separates, add 1 egg yolk and ½ tablespoon warm water into second mixing bowl. Beat with whisk. Gradually add curdled or separated sauce to beaten egg in second bowl. Mix gently with whisk. This sauce goes well with chicken proscuitto sandwiches, turkey sandwiches, raw vegetables, and fish.

TIDBITS

1) The Beatles were Britain’s greatest rock-and-roll band. They came to America in 1964 to star on The Ed Sullivan Show. But The Cinq Escargots, France’s greatest rock-and-roll band, had been Mr. Sullivan’s first choice. And why not? These jaunty musicians had electrified Gallic crowds with Je Voudrais un Oeuf and had made all the mademoiselles swoon with the ballad, Farine du Blé.

2) The Cinq Escargots didn’t trust American cooking. They brought their own snails. The snails got loose and stampeded the crowd. The show got cancelled. The Beatles replaced them and became famous. The disgraced Cinq Escargots flew back to France and became mimes.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Omelette Aux Fines Herbes

Posted on April 1, 2015 by pauldelancey

French Breakfast

OMELETTE AUX FINES HERBES

INGREDIENTSOmeletteAuxFines-

12 eggs
2½ tablespoons fresh chervil*
3 tablespoons fresh chives*
2 tablespoons fresh parsley*
1 tablespoon fresh tarragon*
4 tablespoons unsalted butter (1 tablespoon per omelette.)

* = This dish really is better with fresh herbs. However, it’s often difficult to obtain all of these herbs fresh. In this event, substitute 1 teaspoon dried herb for every 1 tablespoon fresh herb. We live in a world to stay-at-home chefs. There’s probably an heroic, but tragic ancient myth to explain the unavailability of fresh herbs.

Makes 4 omelettes. Takes 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add eggs to large mixing bowl. Use to whisk to gently blend eggs. Dice chervil, chives, parsley, and tarragon. Add all these herbs to small mixing bowl and blend with fork. Add ½ of the mixed herbs to eggs in the large mixing bowl. Fold herbs into eggs with whisk.

Add 1 tablespoon butter to large pan. Melt using medium heat. Do not let butter bubble; it will be too hot. Add ¼ of the blended egg/herb mixture, about ½ cup, to pan. Shake pan to ensure an even coating of the egg/herb mixture over the pan. Sprinkle ¼ of the remaining dry herb mix over egg/herb mix in pan.

Cook on medium heat until eggs are only slightly runny in the middle; tilting the pan occasionally to let uncooked part of the eggs to run to the bottom. Remove from heat. Use spatula to fold two sides of eggs toward middle. Serve at once.

TIDBITS

1) Just clink glasses together when toasting in France. Clink one glass at a time. Don’t cross any person’s arm while clinking. Follow all these rules or be cursed with seven years of bad sex.

2) If you crack open an egg and see two yolks, someone you know will soon be having twins. I didn’t know that, but I took economics instead of biology.

3) For pity’s sake, make sure you crush the 12 eggshells from this recipe. If you don’t, a witch will reassemble the pieces, head out to sea, and make horrific, huge storms. Admirals from all the world’s navies worry about this a lot.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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The Chicago Cubs, The Greatest Threat to World Peace

Posted on September 15, 2014 by pauldelancey

The greatest threat to world peace is the Chicago Cubs. They last won a world series in 1908. Since then America has fought two world wars,  and other wars while not as big as these two, still replete with distressing levels of violence.

Since the last Cubs’ last World Series win our boys have fought in: France, Belgium, Netherlands, Luxembourg, Germany, Italy, Austria, Czechoslovakia, Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia,  Russia, South Korea, North Korea, China, Philippines, Micronesia, Romania, New Guinea, Indonesia, Burma, Haiti, Santo Domingo, Grenada, Kuwait, Iraq, Afghanistan, USA (against the Japanese), Japan, Somalia, Vietnam, and Panama.

This doesn’t even count all the countries where our Air Force has fought nor all of our special ops. My apologies to veterans who fought in a country that escapes my feeble memory.

But the unassailable fact remains; America has been doing a heck of lot of fighting since the Chicago Cubs last won the big one. The conclusion is obvious. Because of the Cubs steadfast avoidancel of excellence, violence stalks the globe.  If ever there were a time for a global-prayer day, it is now. Pray for world peace. Pray for a Cubs Series win. It is the only way it will ever happen.

And did you know that the Louisiana Purchase of 1803 is closer to the Cubs’ last world championship than it is to present?

– Paul the Historian

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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My Favorites for the next round in Soccer’s World Cup

Posted on July 3, 2014 by pauldelancey

France over Germany. I’m a direct descendant of the French emperor Napoleon Bonaparte. I’m ready if they ever come to their senses and restore me to my rightful throne. On the other hand, they did kill some of my Hugenot ancestors in their religious wars some centuries ago. I bicycled through France while in grad school and had a great time, except for that one French driver who ran me off the road and sent me to the hospital. France has invaded Germany many more than times than vice versa over the centuries. However, Germany has done the last three invading. I took French in school and at my peak, I could go toe to toe with any French eight year old. While I like German food very much, I love French food much more and have so many more French recipes. And my gosh, how could I not root for the country that invented the chocolate eclair?

Brazil over Columbia. Brazil speaks Portuguese. Portuguese names are cool. Is there any name cooler than Vasco di Gama? (Quite possibly spelled correctly.) I liked the variety of Brazilian cuisine over Columbian. Brazil has had brutal dictatorships, while Columbia has been in the thrall of drug cartels. It’s gotten better in both countries. In grad school at Wisconsin, I sometimes worked registering students. One semester the whole process got horribly messed up. Students who registered at the end found no classes open that they liked. Some were nearly in tears, afraid they couldn’t register for any class at all and would have paid tuition for nothing. Fortunately, there was a poster behind me that read, “Why not Portuguese?” Apparently the Portuguese department had openings in their classes for the tired, huddled masses of freshmen yearning for credits so they could graduate in four years.  I hope that helped the beleaguered students.

Belgium over Argentina. While much better now, Argentina once had a brutal dictatorship while Belgium has remained pretty much harmless. Years ago, I bicycled through Belgium without incident. Yay. Who could not love the Argentinian barbecue, but for goodness sake, Belgium gifted humanity with the French fry. And who does not feel warm and fuzzy about the Belgian waffle? Belgium did beat America, boo!, and if the Belgians had invented only the French fry, I’d be saying, “Viva, Argentina!” But the Belgian waffle brought me back to backing Belgium. Close call, though.

Netherlands over Costa Rica. I don’t know anything about Costa Rican cuisine, sorry. However, the Dutch have the most amazing spicy mustard they put on their French fries. And my gosh, the Dutch know how to cook their French fries just right! Their mini pancakes with confectionery sugar is one of the world’s best desserts. You can get great Indonesian food anywhere in the Netherlands. Sure, that’s because the Dutch invaded Indonesia in the 1600s, which was bad. But the Dutch left Indonesia in 1948 taking home a love for Indonesian food, one of the world’s greatest cuisine. I lived in the Netherlands for three years while a teenager and loved it. The people there are very nice. They keep everything clean except for a strange blind spot about dog poop everywhere on the side walks.

– Sports reporter, Paul De Lancey

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Kabsa Spice Mix

Posted on April 3, 2014 by pauldelancey

Saudi Appetizer

KABSA SPICE MIX

INGREDIENTSKabsaSpice-

2 1/4 teaspoons allspice
2 1/4 teaspoons cardamom
3/4 teaspoon cloves, ground
½ tablespoon coriander
½ tablespoon cinnamon
½ tablespoon fennel
3/4 teaspoon ginger
½ teaspoon lime or orange zest
½ tablespoon pepper
½ tablespoon turmeric

Makes 4 2/3 tablespoons

Note: The above list of ingredient assumes the spices to be already ground. However, spice mixes taste better when using grinding your own spices. However, if you think the effort in tracking down ginger root, cardamom pods, cinnamon stick, cloves, and peppercorns might turn you into an axe-wielding murderer, please consider using already ground spices.

PREPARATION

Mix ingredients together with fork.

TIDBITS

1) Isn’t that the shortest preparation instruction you’ve ever seen?

2) William Shakespeare could have had the shortest resume ever. All he would have needed to write was, “I am available.”

3) The smallest country in the world is Vatican City with an area of 0.2 square miles and 770 permanent residents. This tiny nation is the spiritual center for over one billion Roman Catholics.

4) Monaco gets the silver medal in the small-countries event with an area 0.7 squares miles and 32,000 people. It’s ruled by Prince Albert II. This nation maintains its independence from France only as long as the princely line produces heirs. Last time I checked the good prince had not produced kids, much less get married. Get cracking, Albert.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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