Posts Tagged With: De Lancey

“Welcome to Heidi” by Heidi Clements – Book Review

HeidiCover

Heidi Clements’ Welcome to Heidi made the coveted title of “Bathtub Book.” Not many books are worthy or funny enough to be read in my bathtub. Even fewer books are so well written as to keep me in tepid water and cold water.

Life can be hard. You either laugh or cry. Heidi always makes us laugh out loud, whether it’s a comment on her life or the world in general. Even introverts like me will giggle a little.

Welcome to Heidi is the chocolate-iced cake-with-sprinkles-on-it book of funny, sarcastic observations. Oh, and shoes. It’s as good as any pair of shoes.

Welcome to Heidi is available on amazon.com

Check out her  author page on HOPress-Shorehousebooks.com

 

– Paul R. De Lancey, reviewer

 

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Mantis (Kazakhstani Dumpling)

Kazakhstani Entree

MANTIS

INGREDIENTS – FILLINGMantis-

1 pound ground lamb, ground beef, or combination
1 onion
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – DOUGH

up to 4 cups flour (plus two more tablespoons later)
1 cup water
⅔ cup olive oil
1 egg
6 tablespoons butter

no-stick spray

INGREDIENTS – YOGURT SAUCE

1 garlic clove
2 cups plain yogurt
½ teaspoon dill
½ teaspoon mint

SPECIAL UTENSIL

sonic obliterator

Makes about 30 mantis or dumplings

PREPARATION – FILLING

Mince onion. Add onion, lamb, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until ingredients are well blended.

PREPARATION – DOUGH

Add 2 cups flour, water, olive oil, and egg to large mixing bowl. Mix together with large spoon until dough is well blended. Add up to 2 cups more flour until dough loses its liquid feel. Cover and let sit for 45 minutes. Dust cutting board or flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour. Roll out dough until it is 1/16″ thick. Cut dough into 4″ inch squares. Put an equal amount of butter in the middle of each square.

PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY AND STEAMING

Add an equal amount of lamb mix to the middle of each square. Push the corner of each square over the lamb mix to the center. Wet your fingers and pinch the folds together. (See first picture below.) Push the top folds down until they meet the bottom of the lamb-mix bump. Push the folds up until they meet the top of the lamb-mix bump. This is the manti. (See second picture below.)

MantiRaw2-MantiRaw1-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Add 1″ of water to large pot, one that will fit your colander. Bring water to boil on high heat. Spray colander with no-stick spray. Put colander in pot. Put mantis in colander. Cover colander and pot. Reduce heat to low. Steam mantis on low heat for 15-to-20 minutes or until done.

PREPARATION – YOGURT SAUCE

While mantis steam, mince garlic. Add garlic, yogurt, dill, and mint to small mixing bowl. Mix ingredients with whisk.

PREPARATION – SERVING

Remove mantis from colander with slotted spoon. Serve mantis hot with yogurt sauce on the side. Serve to appreciative guests. Use sonic obliterator on the unappreciative.

TIDBITS

1) Stan at the end of a Asian country’s name means “Land of the …:” So Kazakhstan means Land of the Kazakhs.But Stan Musial just means Mr. Musial’s parents called him Stan because they liked his name. Stan Musial was a great baseball player. Stan Laurel was a famous comedian

2) Unfortunately, being named Stan does not ensure greatness.

3) If all the worlds Stan’s were to form a country, they could call it Stanstan. I’d visit.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Sailor’s Beef (sjömansbiff)

Swedish Entree

SAILOR’S BEEF
(sjömansbiff)

INGREDIENTSSailorsBeef-

1¼ pounds round steak (½” thick or 8 slices)
2 yellow onions
1½ pounds brown potatoes
1½ tablespoons butter (1½ tablespoons more later)
½ teaspoon pepper
¾ teaspoon salt
1 bay leaf
1 cup beef broth
12 ounces dark beer
1 teaspoon parsley

SPECIAL UTENSIL

kitchen mallet
casserole dish

makes 8 bowls

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Pound steak slices until they are ¼” thick. Cut onions into thin slices. Peel and cut potatoes into THICK slices. Add 1½ tablespoons butter and onion slices to large pan. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until onion softens. Remove onions and set aside. Add 1½ tablespoons butter and steak slices to large pan. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until steak slices brown on both sides.

Add an initial layer of potato slices to casserole dish. Add steak slice. Add a layer of onion slices, then a layer of potato slices. Add some pepper and salt. Repeat steak/onion/potato sequence until all steak slices are used. (Note: there should be an equal amount of potatoes, onion, pepper, and salt above each steak slice. The topmost layer should be potatoes.) Add bay leaf. Pour beef broth and beer over top layer. Sprinkle parsley on top.

Cover and bake in oven at 375 degrees for about 1 hour or until meat is tender.

TIDBITS

1) There’s a museum in Stockholm, Sweden that houses a ship, the Vassa, that sunk in the 1600s. The shp didn’t get very far, sinking in the town’s harbor on its maiden voyage.

2) There is not, however, a muesli museum. I love how muesli museum is so alliterative.

3) But there is a Mooseum in Alabama. It’s Alabama’s only children’s museum to extol the cattle industry. And it’s interactive. Are there more children’s interactive cattle museums?

6) Swedes interact with cattle by eating hamburgers. Ketchup goes well with burgers . Swedes consume more ketchup per capita than any other nation.

7) Ystad, Sweden hosts the Cow Bingo festival. A cow gets led to a 9-by-9 field of squares. You bet on one of the 81 squares. If the cow poops on your square, you win. Watch out Las Vegas!

8) Sweden had a thirty-day February in 1712. Any cow born on February 30, 1712 would never have had another birthday.

9) Cows aren’t the only important critters in Sweden. Heck no! For years, the medieval town of Hurdenburg let a specially selected louse pick its mayor. If the louse crawled into your bread and stayed there, you were the town’s new leader.

10) Town chroniclers are frustatingly mute on how the Hurdenburgers picked the louse that would anoint their mayor. Maybe they had a better political system than our current one.

11) But maybe not. Maybe the louse-selecting system could have been corrupted. After all, any man wishing to be mayor could have stuffed his beard with all sorts of louse delicacies. That certainly given the candidate an advantage over his rivals.

12) Also, the system is inherently unfair to those civic-minded individuals who can’t grow a beard.

13) Today we vote to select our mayors, senators, and president.

14) Voting is not without its faults. It’s long, expensive, and prone to deceiving partisans ads on T.V..

15) The louse, however, cannot be influenced money, no matter how many millions you have.

16) The louse picks the mayor, etc., within minutes, a vast improvement over our apparently never-ending electioneering.

16) But way back when, Sweden’s Queen Christina, had a miniature cannon made, which fired tiny cannonballs at fleas. Resentful at this royal treatment to its insect brethren, lice everywhere immediately forever gave up all political participation.

17) Lice still like to crawl into people’s beards. Old habits die hard.

18) Drinking coffee is a fun habit. Swedes drink more of the caffeinated beverage than any other people.

18) If you ever go to Sweden for its ketchup and coffee, don’t forget to sample the country’s surströmming, fermented herring. The first day for selling this dish is the third Thursday in August. So mark your calendars and start planning that vacation.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Malaysian Curry Noodles

Malaysian Soup

CURRY NOODLES

(laska)

INGREDIENTS – PASTECurrryNoodles-

1 large shrimp (1 pound more later in SOUP)
5 garlic cloves
4 macadamian nuts
6 fresh red chiles (remove seeds to make less spicy)
5 shallots
2 teaspoons coriander
½ teaspoon cumin
1 tablespoon curry powder
2 lemongrass stalks
2 teaspoons salt
2 teaspoons sugar

INGREDIENTS – SOUP

1 pound shrimp
6 ounces boneless chicken
8 ounces hard tofu
1 tablespoon vegetable oil (¼ cup more later)
¼ cup vegetable oil
6 ounces yellow egg noodles
8 ounces rice sticks or vermicelli
4 cups chicken stock
1 15 ounce can coconut milk
1 tablespoon lime juice

INGREDIENTS – TOPPINGS

3 ounces bean sprouts
2 hard-boiled eggs
1 lime

SPECIAL UTENSILS

1 pan
3 pots

makes 6 bowls

PREPARATION – PASTE

Peel and devein1 large shrimp. Let dry. Add 1 large shrimp, garlic cloves, macadamian nuts, red chiles, shallots, coriander, cumin, curry powder, lemongrass, salt, and sugar to food processor. Grind ingredients until paste is smooth.

PREPARATION – SOUP

Peel and devein 1 pound shrimp. Cut chicken and tofu into ½” cubes. Put tofu and 1 tablespoon vegetable oil in pan. Sauté tofu at medium-high heat until tofu turns golden brown.

Add ¼ cup vegetable oil to pot. Warm oil using medium heat. Add paste. Cook for 3 minutes or until paste darkens and become fragrant. Add chicken stock, coconut milk, and lime juice to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add chicken, shrimp and tofu cubes. Continue simmering on low heat for another 10 minutes. Stir occasionally.

While chicken stock/coconut milk mix simmers, cook egg noodles and rice stick according to instructions on packages. (Will you need extra pots? Will you be cleaning pots after this meal? Yes, you will!) Drain noodles after they are done.

Place an equal amount of noodles into serving bowls. Add an equal amount of chicken stock/coconut oil/shrimp/tofu mix into bowls. Peel hard-boiled eggs and cut them into halves. Cut lime into 6 slices. Top bowls with hard-boiled egg halves, lime slices, and bean sprouts.

TIDBITS

1) Curry noodles is an anagram for cloudy snorer, uncool dryers, and nosy cod ruler.

2) Dryers are uncool because they steal our socks.

3) Dryers are actually alive. They are all aliens from the planet Rohoho.

4) Rohohans love socks, any planet’s socks.

5) But they love socks from Earth most of all.

6) That’s why the Rohohans come in the middle of the night, zap your clothes dryer into another dimension, and take its place. So, that clothes dryer in your home is actually an alien.

8) But it’s no big deal. Rohohans really don’t mind drying your clothes. In fact, they are rather good at it. They just eat one of your socks occasionally.

9) Why do they eat only one sock from a pair? No one knows for sure. The best guess is that they crave variety, just like we hate to eat 1,722 hot dogs in a row.

10) If you fill your socks with lutefisk, the Rohohans won’t touch them.

11) Of course, you won’t want to touch any of your lutefisk-scented clothes either. Life is hard.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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My Favorites for the World Cup Semifinals

Brazil over Germany. I’m feeling very hemispheric right now. I’m also upset about the vicious tackle that took out a Brazilian star. I didn’t see it, but still. I just got reminded how SoccerBallWest Germany and Austria effectively colluded in a World Cup match in 1982 to keep Algeria from advancing. Grr! Besides I like Brazilian food a lot more. BRA is the three letters internet reports use for Brazil or Brasil. Women wear bras. I like women. GER for Germany, is one letter away from being germ. Germs make us sick. Advantage, Brazil.

Netherlands over Argentina. I’m not feeling hemispheric loyalty anymore. Besides, I lived in the Netherlands and enjoyed it very much. My brother played soccer in the Netherlands for the American International School. No one in our family has even been to Argentina. Got to love those orange uniforms. The Dutch monarchy is descended from the House of Orange. A popular drink in the Netherlands is Oranjeboom, or Orange Tree. There’s also Dutch ovens. I love Dutch ovens. They make cooking so much easier. There’s no such item or beer, that I know off that has anything about Argentina in its name. Poffertjes is a great Dutch dessert. Sure, the Argentinian barbecue is great, but I’m in a mood for dessert. Oh, and hot air rises in Holland. A real estate agent  once told my mother and I that. I have no such confirmation for Argentina.

– sports reporter, Paul De Lancey

 

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Egg Coffee

Norwegian Appetizer

EGG COFFEE

INGREDIENTS??????????

9 cups water (1⅓ cups more later)
½ cup freshly ground coffee
⅓ cup water (1 cup more later)
egg
1 cup water.

PREPARATION

Add 9 cups water to large coffee pot or pan. Bring water to boil. While water comes to boil in coffee pot, add coffee, ⅓ cup water and egg to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork. (This mixture looks like potting soil.)

Add coffee/water/egg mix to boiling water. Boil for 3 minutes. Remove coffee pot from heat. Add 1 cup water. Let coffee settle for 10 minutes. Pour coffee through strainer or coffee filters.

This coffee is a lot less bitter than the regular brews and should require less than the normal amount of cream and sugar or none at all.

TIDBITS

1) Historians claim coffee was discovered about a thousand years ago by an Ethiopian goatherd whose goats were bounding with caffeinated energy. How do we know this when we don’t even know how single socks keep disappearing in our clothes dryers?

2). It’s frightening to think that if the goats had only a few more weeks of caffeinated existence, the highly energetic critters could have done their grazing chores in no time at all. They would then have had time to ponder the infinite. Sure, their brains are tiny compared to ours, but hyped up on caffeine they would have to figure that a goat’s life is to give milk and goat meat.

3) To give goat meat means to die. Fast thinking goats wouldn’t have liked that. No, not one bit. And back then goats far outnumbered humans. They would have learned goat karate, attacked us, and gained their independence in regions where human warriors didn’t wear armor. Not long after that the coffee-drinking goats would have developed their own armor, their own spears, and their own catapults. We humans would have been overwhelmed by vast, well-equipped goat armies. We would have had to become vegetarians and the goat’s servants. It nearly happened.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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My Favorites for the next round in Soccer’s World Cup

France over Germany. I’m a direct descendant of the French emperor Napoleon Bonaparte. I’m ready if they ever come to their senses and restore me to my rightful throne. On the other hand, they did kill some of my Hugenot ancestors in their religious wars some centuries ago. I bicycled through France while in grad school and had a great time, except for that one French driver who ran me off the road and sent me to the hospital. France has invaded Germany many more than times than vice versa over the centuries. However, Germany has done the last three invading. I took French in school and at my peak, I could go toe to toe with any French eight year old. While I like German food very much, I love French food much more and have so many more French recipes. And my gosh, how could I not root for the country that invented the chocolate eclair?

Brazil over Columbia. Brazil speaks Portuguese. Portuguese names are cool. Is there any name cooler than Vasco di Gama? (Quite possibly spelled correctly.) I liked the variety of Brazilian cuisine over Columbian. Brazil has had brutal dictatorships, while Columbia has been in the thrall of drug cartels. It’s gotten better in both countries. In grad school at Wisconsin, I sometimes worked registering students. One semester the whole process got horribly messed up. Students who registered at the end found no classes open that they liked. Some were nearly in tears, afraid they couldn’t register for any class at all and would have paid tuition for nothing. Fortunately, there was a poster behind me that read, “Why not Portuguese?” Apparently the Portuguese department had openings in their classes for the tired, huddled masses of freshmen yearning for credits so they could graduate in four years.  I hope that helped the beleaguered students.

Belgium over Argentina. While much better now, Argentina once had a brutal dictatorship while Belgium has remained pretty much harmless. Years ago, I bicycled through Belgium without incident. Yay. Who could not love the Argentinian barbecue, but for goodness sake, Belgium gifted humanity with the French fry. And who does not feel warm and fuzzy about the Belgian waffle? Belgium did beat America, boo!, and if the Belgians had invented only the French fry, I’d be saying, “Viva, Argentina!” But the Belgian waffle brought me back to backing Belgium. Close call, though.

Netherlands over Costa Rica. I don’t know anything about Costa Rican cuisine, sorry. However, the Dutch have the most amazing spicy mustard they put on their French fries. And my gosh, the Dutch know how to cook their French fries just right! Their mini pancakes with confectionery sugar is one of the world’s best desserts. You can get great Indonesian food anywhere in the Netherlands. Sure, that’s because the Dutch invaded Indonesia in the 1600s, which was bad. But the Dutch left Indonesia in 1948 taking home a love for Indonesian food, one of the world’s greatest cuisine. I lived in the Netherlands for three years while a teenager and loved it. The people there are very nice. They keep everything clean except for a strange blind spot about dog poop everywhere on the side walks.

– Sports reporter, Paul De Lancey

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

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Root Beer Pulled Pork Sandwiches

American Entree

ROOT BEER PULLED PORK SANDWICHES

INGREDIENTSRootBeerPulledPork-

2 garlic cloves
1 onion
2 pounds pork sirloin or tenderloin
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 ounces liquid smoke
1 can or 12 ounces root beer (1 more can later)
1 1/2 cups barbecue sauce
1 can root beer
8 hamburger buns or kaiser rolls

SPECIAL UTENSIL

crock pot

PREPARATION

Dice garlic cloves and onion. Rub chili powder, pepper, and salt onto pork. Add garlic, onion, pork, liquid smoke, and 1 can root beer in a crock pot. Cover and cook on low for 6-to-8 hours or until pork shreds easily. (If after 6 hours the pork is not close to being tender or able to be shredded, turn up the heat one notch.)

Remove the pork. (Save the liquid, garlic, and onion for later. It makes a good soup.) Let pork cool. Shred pork with fork. Add shredded pork, barbecue sauce and one car root beer to crock pot Cover and cook on low for 1 hour. Serve on hamburger buns.

TIDBITS

1) August 6 is the anniversary of the day the atomic bomb was dropped on Japan. However, this date is also National Root Beer Float Day! Atomic warfare is surely a downer,  but nothing’s better than a root beer float. Indeed the life-giving, life-soothing properties of root-beer floats have helped us all deal with the legacy of the atomic bomb, have prevented future atomic warfare forever

2. In August, 1893, Frank J. Wisner, was drinking root beer during a full-moon night. The full moon inspired Mr. Wisner to add a scoop of vanilla ice cream to root beer. The ice cream floated! He had invented the root beer float. We have been living in The Golden Age of Humanity ever since.

3) Root beer originally contained sassafras and was considered by some to be a medicinal drink. It also contained alcohol and was deemed by even more folks to be a medicinal drink. Is there anything root beer can’t make better?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Chocolate Fondue

Swiss Dessert

CHOCOLATE FONDUE

INGREDIENTSChocolateFondue-

3.5 ounces TobleroneTM Swiss milk chocolate
6 ounces semisweet chocolate chips
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 ounces pound cake (See above recipe.)
6 ounces strawberries
4 ounces marshmallows

SPECIAL UTENSIL

fondue pot
fondue forks

PREPARATION

Cut pound cake into 1″ cubes. Add Toblerone chocolate, semisweet chocolate chips, sugar, butter, and vanilla extract to large pan. Warm mixture using low-medium heat for 5 minutes or chocolate melts and everything blends together. Stir constantly.

Transfer melted chocolate in pan to fondue pot. Adjust flame under fondue pot so that the chocolate stays smooth, but barely bubbles. Use fondue forks to dip cake cubes, strawberries, and marshmallows in chocolate sauce.

TIDBITS

1) Chocolate fondue was invented on April 1, 1798, by the great Swiss ballet dancer and explorer, Fon d’Ue. Monsieur d’Ue and all his fellow ballet dancers were at that time in the 89th infantry.

2) One day, d’Ue held up a handful of brown musket balls. “Bah, we never kill any French with these things.” He flung the balls away. The musket balls bounced off the marbled statue of the beautiful ballerina, Madame Swiz Staek that lurked in the town square.

5) The musket balls landed in the regiment’s soup pot. “Want not, waste not,” was the philosophy of the regiment’s Calvinist cook, Claude Monet. Monet dipped his supply of pound-cake cubes, strawberries, and marshmallows into the soup pot. He fished out a coated marshmallow with a long thin fork. It tasted great! The regiment’s and indeed the whole army’s bullets were being made from discarded chocolate remnants from the frugal nation’s chocolate factories.

7) And so Switzerland had lost every battle. The French annexed the whole chocolate-eating country for nearly sixteen years. Bad for Switzerland, sure, but great for the culinary world. Yum.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pound Cake

American Dessert

POUND CAKE

INGREDIENTSPoundCake-

1 tablespoon butter (2 cups more later)
1 tablespoon flour (3 cups more later)
3 cups flour
3/4 teaspoon baking powder
2 cups butter
6 eggs
2 cups sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup milk

SPECIAL UTENSILS

2 9″x5″ loaf pans
electric beater

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Rub inside of pans with 1 tablespoon butter. Dust inside of pans with 1 tablespoon flour. Add3 cups flour, baking powder, and salt to medium mixing bowl. Mix together with whisk. Add 2 cups butter, eggs, sugar, and vanilla extract to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set on cream or high. Blend ingredients for 5 minutes or until sugar/butter mix is light and fluffy. Alternate adding 1/3 of the milk with 1/3 of the flour/baking powder mix until all is used. Use low or blend setting on electric beater after each addition of milk or flour. Blend each time until everything is smooth.

Pour mixture into loaf pans. Bake for 1 hour at 350 degrees on until toothpick inserted into cake comes out clean. Let pan cool for 20 minutes. Gently remove cake from pan and let cool on wire rack for 1 hour more. Goes well with strawberries.

TIDBITS

1) The ancients Celts celebrated the Beltane festival by lighting bonfires and rolling cakes down hills. A cake that didn’t break brought good fortune.

2) Ancient cultures sometimes celebrated weddings by breaking a big bread loaf on the bride’s head. I hope this practice died out before the invention of the baguette or the fruitcake.

3) 17th century English folk believed keeping fruitcakes under unmarried people’s pillows will give them sweet dreams about their spouses to be.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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