Posts Tagged With: balls

Mostly Helpful Cooking Tips #3

 People often ask me, “Paul, what is the secret to culinary happiness?” Here are four more tips.

1) Guys, do not scratch your balls immediately after removing seeds from an habanero pepper. Watch your hands first. Thoroughly.

2) Warm beer cools downs faster in a sink of cold water than it does in the fridge or freezer. This is because water has a much higher heat-transfer coefficient than air.

3) Is microwaving taking up too much of your time, time that you could have been using to build a financial empire? Well then, this tip is for you. Punch in 6-0 for sixty seconds instead of 1-0-0 for one minute. It results in the same amount of microwaving, but you will have saved yourself the time required to press that third button. You will now have an extra tenth of a second to do investment analysis. Enjoy your millions.

4) Speaking of saving time, how many times have you made your perfect meal, the best meal of your life where everything turned just right, and your guests literally walked to their cares singing your culinary praises? Well, just once. But it doesn’t have to be that way with the Bushnell 303 Time Machine. Whenever your more likable guests show up for dinner, simply fire up the ol’ reliable 303, go back in time to that special night when you made that perfect meal, return with your food fit for the gods, and serve it to your guests. And best of all, with your Time Machine, you’ll never have to cook a perfect meal again. You’ll say, “Thank you, Bushnell.”

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Chocolate Fondue

Swiss Dessert

CHOCOLATE FONDUE

INGREDIENTSChocolateFondue-

3.5 ounces TobleroneTM Swiss milk chocolate
6 ounces semisweet chocolate chips
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

4 ounces pound cake (See above recipe.)
6 ounces strawberries
4 ounces marshmallows

SPECIAL UTENSIL

fondue pot
fondue forks

PREPARATION

Cut pound cake into 1″ cubes. Add Toblerone chocolate, semisweet chocolate chips, sugar, butter, and vanilla extract to large pan. Warm mixture using low-medium heat for 5 minutes or chocolate melts and everything blends together. Stir constantly.

Transfer melted chocolate in pan to fondue pot. Adjust flame under fondue pot so that the chocolate stays smooth, but barely bubbles. Use fondue forks to dip cake cubes, strawberries, and marshmallows in chocolate sauce.

TIDBITS

1) Chocolate fondue was invented on April 1, 1798, by the great Swiss ballet dancer and explorer, Fon d’Ue. Monsieur d’Ue and all his fellow ballet dancers were at that time in the 89th infantry.

2) One day, d’Ue held up a handful of brown musket balls. “Bah, we never kill any French with these things.” He flung the balls away. The musket balls bounced off the marbled statue of the beautiful ballerina, Madame Swiz Staek that lurked in the town square.

5) The musket balls landed in the regiment’s soup pot. “Want not, waste not,” was the philosophy of the regiment’s Calvinist cook, Claude Monet. Monet dipped his supply of pound-cake cubes, strawberries, and marshmallows into the soup pot. He fished out a coated marshmallow with a long thin fork. It tasted great! The regiment’s and indeed the whole army’s bullets were being made from discarded chocolate remnants from the frugal nation’s chocolate factories.

7) And so Switzerland had lost every battle. The French annexed the whole chocolate-eating country for nearly sixteen years. Bad for Switzerland, sure, but great for the culinary world. Yum.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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