Posts Tagged With: American

President Obama Wants Me to Take Up Acting

PresObam

“The President Asked You to Act”

That’s the title of the post that showed up in my e-mail. I don’t know why.

Perhaps little Barack cherished dreams of acting on stage in Chicago.

Perhaps he’s decided the only way to end the endless partisan bickering in Washington is to have both sides watch me perform in a play. Perhaps my acting is the only way to save American democracy, its economy, and its cherished way of life.

If so, that’s an awesome responsibility. President Obama has a right to know my stage credentials. Here they are without adornment.

A lead role as Snoopy in Charles Schulz’s You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown.*

Wildcat Willie Save the Turkey.*

Sole author of More Eggs on the Stove (A monosyllabic parody of Our Town.)

Membership in the Dramatists’ Guild.***GoodMan-

There, I await our nation’s bidding.

* = 5th grade production.
** = 7th grade production.
*** = not current

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Baked Maple-Covered Doughnuts Recipe

American Dessert

BAKED MAPLE-COVERED DOUGHNUTS

INGREDIENTSMapleDo-

DOUGHNUT

1 cup pastry flour or regular flour if not available
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons milk
2 large eggs
3 tablespoons vegetable oil

MAPLE GLAZE

1 cup confectionary sugar
1 tablespoon milk
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 tablespoons maple syrup

SPECIAL UTENSILS

doughnut mold, or tray, for 6 doughnuts
no-stick spray.

PREPARATION – DOUGHNUT

Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

Combine flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in medium mixing bowl until all ingredients appear to be well mixed. Add milk, eggs, and vegetable oil to another medium bowl. Blend with whisk until mixture starts to get foamy. Pour the milk mixture into the flour mixture and blend with whisk until all is combined.

Spray doughnut mold with no-stick spray. Scoop combined mixture into each dough form until half full. Put in oven and bake at 375 degrees for 10 to 12 minutes. Doughnuts should be done when they spring back when gently poked.

Remove doughnut mold from oven. Let sit for about 3 to 4 minutes. Gently pry doughnuts from mold with knife or small wooden spatula and put on plate.

PREPARATION – MAPLE GLAZE

Combine confectionary sugar, milk, vanilla extract, and maple syrup.. Use blend setting on electric beater to mix these ingredients. Use ladle or large spoon to pour glaze over the doughnuts. Use spoon to smooth the glaze on the doughnuts. Cool doughnuts in refrigerator until glaze sets.

Eat your share before your family or friends do.

TIDBITS

1) Canada’s new $50 and $100 bills smell like maple syrup. Way cool.

2) It’s part of the bills’ anti-counterfeiting measures.

3) The maple leaf symbolizes Canada and appears on the Canadian flag.

4) Swedish meatballs smell great and symbolize that nordic nation.

5) It would be great if Swedish currency smelled like that.

6) I like the idea of baking money.

7) “Patty cake, patty cake, baker man, bake me a bill as soon as you can.”

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Crunchy Tuna Casserole

American Entree

CRUNCHY TUNA CASSEROLE

INGREDIENTSCrunTuC-

8 total tablespoons or a stick of butter
(You will be using butter four times.)
8 ounces bow-tie pasta
1 stalk celery
1/2 medium onion
1 clove garlic
2 5 ounce cans solid white albacore tuna
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups milk
1/2 cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon Seafood MagicTM spice
2 tablespoons bread crumbs
1 2 ounce bag barbecue potato chips
1 cup shredded Four Mexican cheeses
3 tablespoons Parmesan cheese

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Coat a medium baking dish with 1/2 tablespoon butter. (First use of butter.) Bring a large pot of water to a boil. Add bow-tie pasta. Cook for 9 minutes or al dente-firm but not hard. Drain.

While waiting for the pasta to be ready, cut the leafy top and white bottom off the celery stalk. De-vein the celery. That is, remove the thin green threads, or veins, that run down the length of the outside. It is easy to get a start on these pesky threads if you first snap the stalk in half. The alternative to de-veining is living with thready celery or not having celery. (Both choices put the entire cosmos in its own alternative universe, perhaps resulting in Armageddon tomorrow. Choose wisely.)

Metaphorically destroy (mince) the garlic, celery, and onion. Melt 2 tablespoons butter in saucepan over low-medium heat. (Second use of butter.) Stir in the onion, celery, and garlic for seven minutes or until tender. The mix really should be tender. You have been warned.

Melt 3 1/2 tablespoons butter in another saucepan. (Third use of butter.) Add milk, mayonnaise, and flour. Stir with whisk. Cook for 5 minutes until sauce is smooth and thickened. Add tuna, onion-celery-garlic mixture, and bow-tie pasta. Mix. Pour all of this casserole into baking dish.

Melt 2 tablespoons butter in yet another pan. (Last use of butter.) Mix in bread crumbs. Sprinkle mixture over the casserole. Top with grated four cheeses and Parmesan cheese.

Bake casserole 20 minutes in the oven at 375 degrees. Take casserole out of the oven and sprinkle potato chips on top. Bake casserole for another 10 minutes or until it is bubbly and lightly browned. This dish is crunchy and yummy.

You generated lots of dishes for your companion to wash. Be sure to say thank you.

TIDBITS

1) My grandmother always said the outstanding chef would have everything cleaned and put away by the time the meal was ready to be eaten.

2) I actually did this for this meal. My grandmother would have been proud. My mother would have been astounded.

3) This is not a good meal to make if your dishwasher doesn’t work as happened to me. Grr!

4) 75 percent of all fish eaten comes from the ocean. Within a generation the percentage will drop to 50.

5) Only 1 percent of all tuna is sold fresh. The rest is canned.

6) “Tuna” spelled backwards is “a nut.” It is also an anagram for “aunt.”

7) Tuna can cruise up to 55 miles per hour and never stop moving. Cars in the heart of the world’s big cities move at an average of 8 miles per hour and are often stopped.

8) Most of the world’s oil supply comes from OPEC nations. Most of the world’s tuna is caught off California.

9) Tuna in France is canned in water, vegetable oil, tomato juice, and lemon juice.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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The Great Ketchup Quest – Attempt #1 – Hot Dogs

All major American brands of ketchup now contain high-fructose corn syrup. Ugh. It is up to this great country’s citizens to rectify this horror. As I mentioned in my last post, I have pledged myself to develop a truly tasty ketchup recipe sans bad stuff. Here are photos of my first effort.

(Okay, I really wish I could add scratch-and-taste media to this post. Maybe in a few years.)

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Roma tomatoes – They gave their all                                  Bacon-cheese hot dog with ketchup

Roma-

HotDogK-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ketchup from new recipe with other fixings.

HotDwK-

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Chocolate-Bacon Muffin Recipe

American Dessert

Chocolate-Bacon Muffins Recipe

INGREDIENTSBacChoM-

6 slices bacon

1/2 cup white sugar
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt

1 cup water
1/4 cup butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 egg
1/2 cup semisweet chocolate chips (1/4 cup more later)
Makes 12 muffins.

PREPARATION

This recipe is a good test of your adventuresome culinary spirit.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Put 12 paper cups in muffin tray. Fry bacon until almost crispy. Drain and set aside until no longer hot. Ooh, ow, ow, hot!

Mix together in large bowl: white sugar, brown sugar, cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Melt butter. Blend together: water, butter, vanilla extract, egg, and ½ cup chocolate chips and pour into bowl. Dice bacon and add to bowl. Mix again. Pour mixture equally into the twelve papers cups. Push ¼ cup chocolate chips equally into tops of muffins. Put muffin tray into oven and cook for about 15 minutes. Muffins are done when an inserted toothpick comes out clean. (If the toothpick only has melted chocolate on it, you’ve hit paydirt by finding a melted chocolate chip. Try the toothpick again.)

TIDBITS

1) Bacon!

2) Bacon!

3) Settlers crossing America’s Great Plains during the mid nineteenth century carried lots of: flour, coffee, beans, and bacon. Bacon!

4) Not enough ingredients to make these muffins even if they had been so inclined.

5) Merchants made more money selling supplies such as bacon to gold prospectors than the prospectors got by mining gold.

6) There are supposedly only three degrees of separation between you and Kevin Bacon.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cheese-Egg Salad

American Entree

CHEESE-EGG SALAD

INGREDIENTSChEgSal-

1 head iceberg lettuce
4 hard-boiled eggs
1 1/2 cups Four Mexican cheeses
1 cup ranch dressing

PREPARATION

Wash the head of lettuce. Peel off any wilted leaves.

Chop up the head of lettuce. (Can you “chop down” a head of lettuce?) This is one of the few times where chopping by hand is far preferred to a food processor. A salad shouldn’t have minuscule strips of lettuce.

Mash or dice the peeled hard-boiled eggs. Again, go for medium size bits. Add the egg bits to the lettuce while they are still warm. Mix in the cheese and dressing.

Simple and tasty.

TIDBITS

1) People from Wisconsin are called “cheese heads.”

2) Nowhere are folks known as “egg-salad heads.”

3) I used to bicycle from Madison, Wisconsin to the tiny town of Paoli to get fresh Swiss cheese.

4) Oh, and I bicycled back, too.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, recipes, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Grit Magazine And Chocolate-Bacon Muffins Recipe

Grit magazine is still around. I saw hundreds of their ads in darn near every comic book that came out when I was growing up in the 60’s. But they never gave any indication of promoting culinary adventuring. Until now. Please enjoy the following pictures. The first one is from Sad Sack and the Sarge magazine, July, 1969. The second is from Grit magazine’s website. Enjoy.

GritAd

 GritOnLi

Categories: book reviews and excerpts, cuisine | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Vanilla Cupcakes

American Dessert

VANILLA CUPCAKES

INGREDIENTSVanilCu-

CAKE

1/2 cup butter
1 cup white sugar
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon orange zest
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/3 cup milk (2 tablespoons more later)

FROSTING

2 cups confectionary sugar
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 tablespoons milk

SPECIAL UTENSILS

muffin tin with 12 holes
12 paper baking cups
electric mixer

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Assemble all ingredients. This will give the butter time to soften as it approaches room temperature. (Of course the butter really softens when you must go muttering to the store and back for a missing ingredient.)

Put softened butter, sugar, eggs, vanilla extract, and orange zest in mixing bowl. Use “blend” or “cookie mix” setting on mixer to combine these ingredients.

Add flour, baking powder, and milk to another bowl. Use “cake” setting on mixer. Add this mixture to the concoction in the first bowl, fire up the mixer again using the “cake” setting.

Put baking cups in holes in muffin tin. Pour the mixture into all baking cups. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes or until a fork poked into a cupcake comes out clean.

While cupcakes are baking, mix confectionary sugar, butter, and vanilla extract with blender.

Remove cupcakes from oven and put them in the refrigerator to cool off. After cooling, top cupcakes with frosting. Serve to adoring public.

Okay, okay, maybe you couldn’t wait for the cupcakes to cool down enough to be covered with frosting. Maybe they smelled so good you accidentally ate one. Why then, tell everyone this is your recipe for Eleven Vanilla Cupcakes.

TIDBITS

1) Thomas Jefferson brought vanilla to America. He also wrote the Declaration of Independence, and made the Louisiana Purchase.

2) Those worthy achievements took him a lifetime.

3) You can make these cupcakes in an hour.

4) You can also eliminate musty car odors by placing a vanilla bean under the driver’s seat.

5) It is said that some fishermen put vanilla extract on their hands so that fish won’t smell them.

6) Why they would think fish would be jumping out of the water to smell any passing human hand, I’ll never know.

7) A few hundred years ago, noblewomen used vanilla extract to smell nice.

8) Then came soap.

9) Now you can get soap with vanilla in it. It’s all part of the great circle of life.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chocolate Cupcakes With Cream-Cheese Frosting & Sad Sack Comic

American Dessert

CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES WITH CREAM-CHEESE FROSTING

INGREDIENTSChocCup-

CUPCAKE

6 tablespoons butter
6 tablespoons confectionary sugar
3 tablespoons granular sugar
2 eggs
3 tablespoons milk
1/3 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa

FROSTING

1/2 cup white chocolate chips
6 ounces cream cheese

UTENSIL

cupcake pan
12 paper cups
electric beater or mixer

PREPARATION

Take butter out and let it soften. Beat eggs lightly. (They rarely ever beat you. They don’t even seem to try.) Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Put softened butter, eggs, confectionary sugar, and granular sugar in mixing bowl. Use beater set on mix until butter and sugars have blended. Add milk, chocolate chips, flour, baking powder, salt, and cocoa. Use same setting on beater to blend all the ingredients.

Spoon an equal amount of the batter into each paper cup. Put the cups onto the cupcake pan. Put cupcake pan on center rack and bake at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes or until toothpick stuck into cupcake comes out cleanly. Remove pan from oven and let cool for 15 minutes on wire rack.

Make frosting while cupcakes are cooling. Put white chocolate chips in small pot. Cook on low heat and stir constantly until all chips have melted. Remove from heat. Put cream cheese in mixing bowl. Add melted white chocolate chips. Blend with electric beater set to cream. (Some electric beaters have a “burst of power” button. It’s cool, like accelerating a FerrariTM. Well, maybe not. But a cool electric beater costs tens of thousands of dollars less.)

Spread an equal amount of the white frosting on top of cupcakes. Serve to joyous, clamoring guests.

TIDBITS

1) Chocolate comes from the Aztec word “xocolatl” meaning bitter water.

2) My spell checker does not recognize “xocolatl.” Perhaps this is fair as the Aztecs didn’t recognize what sugar could do for cocoa.

3) But the 15th century Spaniards did. So, the Spanish royalty sent conquistadors and chefs to the new land.

4) After a generation of bloody conquest of Mexico, the sugar isles of the Caribbean were safe for hot chocolate.

5) Lacking minimal amounts of No DozTM or even Red BullTM energy drinks, Napoleon carried chocolate with him on all his military campaigns.

6) Napoleon’s energized armies racked up victory after victory until his enemies starting carrying chocolate as well. Defeat for the French became certain when chocolate rich Switzerland defected from the Gallic side.

7) The world today remains in a state of precarious peace, based on equal access to chocolate for all nations.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

comic

 

 

 

 

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Blueberry Cheesecake

Merry Christmas, everyone.

American Dessert

BLUEBERRY CHEESECAKE

INGREDIENTSBluebCh-

CRUST

4 tablespoons butter, usually a half stick
1 1/4 cups graham crackers, usually about 1 package
1/4 cup sugar (used 3 times in recipe for a total of more than 1 1/2 cups)

FILLING

4 8 ounce packages of cream cheese
5 eggs
1 cup white sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/4 teaspoon salt

TOPPING

2 1/2 cups, about a 16 ounce bag, of fresh or frozen blueberries
1 tablespoon cornstarch
1 1/2 cups sour cream
6 tablespoons white sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 cup water

PREPARATION OF CRUST

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Melt butter in small saucepan, one designed specifically for butter if you have it. Turn the graham crackers into crumbs by using food processor. (If you have the urge to make the crumbs with a hammer, it’s probably time to take a deep breath, pour yourself a nice, cold glass of root beer, sit down, and listen to few songs by Alvin and the Chipmunks before continuing.)

Pour the melted butter, crumbs, and sugar (First use of sugar.) into a baking dish at least 9-inches wide. Mix thoroughly with fork. Press firmly and uniformly on the mixture. Bake at 325 degrees for about 10 minutes or lightly browned. Let cool, on a baking rack if you have one.

PREPARATION OF FILLING

Place cream cheese, eggs, sugar, (Second use of sugar.) cornstarch, and salt in large mixing bowl. Use electric beater to combine ingredients. Start on lowest setting and gradually increase the speed of the beaters to “cream,” or almost the highest setting. (Your kitchen walls might resemble modern art if you immediately start with the highest setting.)

Bake for 70 minutes at 325 degrees or until cheese center barely moves when baking dish is moved. Let dish cool down. Chill completely in refrigerator.

PREPARATION OF TOPPING

Combine blueberries and cornstarch in food processor and chop and grind away until mixture is pureed.

Pour mixture into mixing bowl. Add sour cream, sugar, (Third use of sugar.) vanilla extract, and water. Blend with fork or electric beater set to “blend.”

Pour this topping into saucepan. Bring to boil while stirring constantly. Reduce heat to medium and cook for about 5 minutes while stirring.

Pour topping on top of cheesecake and spread evenly. (Yes, you will wash dishes with this dessert.) Refrigerate until chilled.

This recipe can be made in various ways: with or without sour cream, or with the sour cream separated out into another layer. Experiment and enjoy.

TIDBITS

1) During the Roaring ‘20s, “cheesecake” meant a woman who showed her legs.

2) Marshall Bernadotte of Napoleon’s Grande Armée was known as “Belles Jambes,” or “Beautiful Legs.”

3) Rod Stewart sang the hit song, Hot Legs.

4) Chicken legs are deep fried in hot oil.

5) America is dependent on foreign oil.

6) But it wasn’t in the ‘20s when “cheesecake” meant a woman who showed her legs.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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