Posts Tagged With: President Obama

President Obama Wants Me to Take Up Acting

PresObam

“The President Asked You to Act”

That’s the title of the post that showed up in my e-mail. I don’t know why.

Perhaps little Barack cherished dreams of acting on stage in Chicago.

Perhaps he’s decided the only way to end the endless partisan bickering in Washington is to have both sides watch me perform in a play. Perhaps my acting is the only way to save American democracy, its economy, and its cherished way of life.

If so, that’s an awesome responsibility. President Obama has a right to know my stage credentials. Here they are without adornment.

A lead role as Snoopy in Charles Schulz’s You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown.*

Wildcat Willie Save the Turkey.*

Sole author of More Eggs on the Stove (A monosyllabic parody of Our Town.)

Membership in the Dramatists’ Guild.***GoodMan-

There, I await our nation’s bidding.

* = 5th grade production.
** = 7th grade production.
*** = not current

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I Invite President Obama To Dine With Me After His Inauguration

PresObam

B&Ctastyauthor

Despite having run against him last November on the Bacon & Chocolate Party ticket, President Obama and his staff have been besieging me with requests to hold a celebration, in my fair city of Poway, in honor of his inauguration. This perplexes me for I had a standing invitation for our nation’s leader to come to my house for dinner.

In the spirit of letting bygones be bygones, I am reissuing my invitation to President
Obama to dine at my house on the day on the inauguration. Sure, I know he’ll be busy most of the day getting sworn in and what not. But after all that hoopla, Mr. President, please hop on Air Force 1 and fly over here for a feast worthy of your great day.

Not only will there be great food and all the near beer you can drink, but we strategize our plans for this great nation. After all, isn’t a capital idea to be on good term with the Bacon & Chocolate Party after it picks up seat after seat in the Congressional elections of 2014?

I’ll leave the porch light on for you.

Sincerely.

Paul R. De Lancey
Presidential candidate for the Bacon & Chocolate Party.

 

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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I Again Invite Fidel Castro Over For Dinner

A year ago, I offered Fidel Castro a retirement dinner to celebrate stepping down  as the ruler of Cuba after about only 52 years. I, the Powegian Chef, offered it to him at my humble home. Did he RSVP? Heck no? So, I’m offering one last time. What about it Fidel? I offered President Obama a dinner at my home. He didn’t bother to reply either. What happened? I’m running against him on the Bacon & Chocolate Party. All polls that I follow show B&C’s popularity surging, carrying me into the White House in November. So I suggest your RSVP “yes.” After all biting into a sandwich with hidden lutefisk in it fills the eater with severe depression. Just saying.

So, Fidel, do you like Swedish cuisine? My grandmother was from Sweden and passed on a great, authentic recipe. Or would you prefer a fine Cuban sandwich, Cuban stuffed peppers? I’ll leave the menu to you. Just let me know.

We could watch reruns of Gunsmoke after dinner. Sorry, no post-prandial cigars at this home, but wouldn’t you really rather have a peanut-butter milkshake?

We have a fold-out sofa bed if you’d care to stay the night. For the first ten minutes of the next day we could visit the cultural sites of Poway, twenty if we’re lucky enough to see street repair.

And my wife could shave off your unruly beard. She’s really good.

C’mon over Fidel, we’ll treat you right.

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I Declare My Candidacy For The President Of The United States

Deeply hurt by President Obama’s continued indifference to my repeated requests, via blog and Facebook, to come to my house for dinner, I have decided to run for president as a write-in candidate. This endeavor while surely a long shot, has little chance of success.

I am running on the Bacon & Chocolate ticket. Here is my platform:

1) Subsidized chocolate doughnuts for everyone.

2) Subsidized caffeine for everyone.

There, what could be of more benefit to everyone?

 

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