Posts Tagged With: high fructose corn syrup

My Not-To-Do List – Part 3

NotToDo1

It’s an awesome responsibility with millions of people looking to me for guidance on what no to do today, so I approached today’s list with great thought. So, here are the things I won’t be doing.

1) I will not take my paints and easel to the DMV to paint still-life scenes.

2) I will not move to Antarctica. It’s winter down there.

3) I will not get into any political discussion with a mime. That sort of thing always gets out of hand.

4) I will not check cans at the supermarket for “high fructose corn syrup.” I need a break. I’ll stay away from food buying today.

5) Oh gosh, see what 4) can do. I’m craving a TwinkieTM.

6) I will not repost anything that says, “Repost this.”

7) I will not buy a Twinkie.

9) I will not ask chickens, “Why did you cross the road?”

10) I will put aside my work on a Mobius-strip roller coaster.

11) I will not try to make sense of Middle-Eastern politics.

12) I will not read any of the on-line agreements that I must check before buying anything.

13 I will not buy a Twinkie.

– Paul R. De Lancey, great no-doerCoverFrontFinal

Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com.

 

 

Advertisements
Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Cooking Basics: Cheerios

American Breakfast

CHEERIOS

Every budding chef, whether five years old or fifty, must start somewhere. Why not with this confidence builder?

INGREDIENTScheerio-

1 bowlful CheeriosTM
1 bowlful milk, 1 pint maybe?

Pour a bowlful of CheeriosTM into a bowl. A ceramic bowl works best, but if this dish is a challenge for you and you’re fifty, you might only have a plastic dish with the slogan, “Gashud for Kansas Agricultural Commissioner” on it. Fear not, the plastic bowl will work just fine.

The next step is critical.

Pour the milk over the CheeriosTM and into the bowl. The amount of milk is a matter of taste. I prefer just enough to make the cereal float. Don’t be afraid to experiment!

DO NOT leave this bowl of milk and Cheerios unattended for more than ten minutes. The cereal will lose its crunchiness. It will become soggy. Ugh. This horrifying mistake will scar your psyche for life. Don’t do it. No! Eat the cereal right away.

If this recipe didn’t turn out quite right, don’t fret. Try again. As the famous chef Julia Child maintained, if no one saw your culinary mishap it didn’t happen.

If you succeeded in this venture, congratulations. You are ready for your next culinary triumph.

TIDBITS

1) A nice relaxing bath with powdered Cheerios relieves itching. Do the Cheerios get soggy? I imagine so; I’ve never tried it.

2) Cheerios does not have evil high-fructose corn syrup in it.

3) Break apart a Cheerio to form the number one. Put thirteen whole Cheerios after it to form the number ten trillion, roughly the size of the Federal deficit.

4) I have a sneaking suspicion Ian Fleming came up with the idea for James Bond, 007, while eating Cheerios.
cover

My cookbookEat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Philly Cheese Steak

American entree

PHILLY CHEESE STEAK

INGREDIENTSPhillyCheeseStk-

1 pound rib-eye steak
5 ounces provolone cheese
1 green bell pepper
1 large yellow onion
4 cloves garlic (2 teaspoons)
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 hoagie rolls (or Italian rolls or Kaiser rolls or baguettes)
2 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil

PREPARATION

Slice steak, provolone, bell pepper, and onion as thinly as you can. Mince garlic. Put vegetable oil in skillet. Heat oil using medium-high heat. It’ll be hot enough when a bit of onion causes the oil to sizzle. Add onion, bell pepper, garlic, and salt to skillet. Sauté for 5 minutes or until onion becomes tender. Stir frequently.

Add steak slices and cook on medium-high heat for 3 minutes or until meat browns. Place provolone slices over steak mixture. Heat until provolone melts. Spoon cheesy/steak mixture into hoagie rolls.

TIDBITS

1) Many believe Pat and Harry Olivieri invented the Philly steak sandwich in the early ‘30s. Their original sandwich consisted of chopped steak on hoagie rolls. Joe “Cocky Joe” Lorenza, one of their managers, later added cheese.

2) John Kerry ran for president in 2004. He might have won but for a widely publicized gaffe where he tried to order a Philly cheese steak with Swiss cheese instead of the traditional provolone, American cheese, or Cheez WhizTM.

According to the Philadelphia Inquirer, “In Philadelphia, that’s an alternative lifestyle”

3) And so George W. Bush won a second term. Barack Obama was elected in 2008 in what could have been Kerry’s second term. And in that time we’ve had a major global recession, terrorist bombings, nuclear weapons programs by Iran and North Korea, global warming, the proliferation of high-fructose corn syrup, and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

4) So careful when ordering your Philly cheese steak. The fate of the world depends on it.
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Great Ketchup Quest – Attempt #1 – Hot Dogs

All major American brands of ketchup now contain high-fructose corn syrup. Ugh. It is up to this great country’s citizens to rectify this horror. As I mentioned in my last post, I have pledged myself to develop a truly tasty ketchup recipe sans bad stuff. Here are photos of my first effort.

(Okay, I really wish I could add scratch-and-taste media to this post. Maybe in a few years.)

 

Roma tomatoes – They gave their all                                  Bacon-cheese hot dog with ketchup

Roma-

HotDogK-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ketchup from new recipe with other fixings.

HotDwK-

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Quest To Make Great Ketchup

This week culinary disaster struck my fair city of Poway, California. Hunts, the last major maker of ketchup that used sugar went over to the evil high-fructose corn syrup said. High-fructose corn syrup is bad for you. Enough said.

The only ketchup still using good ol’ corn syrup is some obscure organic company that charges more than the twice the amount as the bad ketchup and for a smaller size. Pish, pish, and double pish. What are we to do? Organic food is great, but in these economically challenging time we Americans simply do not have the money to buy this organic ketchup. Not without curtailing other purchases and if this happens say hello to a severe recession.

So our choices are high-fructose corn syrup riddled ketchup and an organic-ketchup driven recession. Sounds bad. But what are we to do?

I’m glad you asked. Starting tomorrow, I am embarking on a culinary crusade to come up with a recipe to make an affordable, healthy ketchup recipe. Can a Nobel Prize be far behind?

 

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: