Posts Tagged With: chef

Chilaquiles

Mexican Breakfast

CHILAQUILES

INGREDIENTS

3 serrano chiles
2 tomatoes
1 green bell pepper
1 small onion
18 corn tortillas
1 cup vegetable oil
4 eggs
1 cup shredded Oaxaca or Monterrey Jack cheese
¼ cup sour cream

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor
8″ casserole

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Seed chiles. (Or leave seeds in for a spicier entree. Add chiles and tomatoes to food processor. Blend until tomatoes are pureed. Dice bell pepper. Mince onion. Cut each tortillas into 8 pieces.

Add oil to pan. Heat oil using medium-high heat until a little piece of tortilla in the oil starts to dance. Add tortilla pieces. Sauté for 12 minutes or until tortilla become crispy, but not burnt. Stir frequently. Remove tortillas pieces and place them on plates covered with paper towels. Add bell pepper and onion to pan. Sauté for 5 minutes on medium-high heat or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Remove bell pepper/onion mix. Add eggs to pan. Reduce heat to medium and scramble eggs until they are done to your liking.

Add ⅓ of tortilla to casserole dish, then ⅓ bell pepper/onion, followed by ⅓ egg to casserole. Smooth after each layer. Repeat 2 more times. Pour serrano chile/tomato puree over everything. Sprinkle cheese on top. Bake in oven at 350 degrees for 5 minutes or until cheese melts. Remove from over and spoon sour cream evenly over everything.

TIDBITS

1) “Chilaquiles” is an anagram of “Ah, ice quills.” Unlike their American cousins, Greenlandic porcupines have quills made from ice. These northern critters are also stupendously tasty. This is why Eskimo porcupine-hunters exclaim, “Ah ice quills,” whenever they come across ice quill remnants. And of course, it was but a matter of time before vibrant Greenlandic/Mexican chef community transformed porcupine stew into chilaquiles. Ah ice quills, indeed.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mustard Chicken

Gabonese Entree

MUSTARD CHICKEN

INGREDIENTS

3 garlic cloves
2 onions
3 tablespoons olive oil
6 boneless chicken breasts or thighs
¼ cup lemon juice
½ cup Dijon mustard

Serves 6. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves. Dice onions. Add oil to large pan. Heat oil using high heat until a tiny bit of onion will dance in the oil. Carefully add chicken breasts to pan. (You might need to cook in batches.) Sear chicken for 2 minutes on each side or until golden brown. Remove chicken and set aside. Keep oil.

Add garlic and onion to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic and onion soften. Stir frequently. Add garlic, onion, chicken, lemon juice, and Dijon mustard to pot. Mix with fork until well blended. Cover and simmer at low/medium heat for 25 minutes or until chicken is tender and no longer pink inside. Stir occasionally. Put chicken breast on each plate. Ladle mustard/onion sauce over chicken breasts. Goes quite well with rice.

TIDBITS

1) “Mustard” is an anagram for “Drums rat.” And it almost goes without saying that “chicken” is an anagram for “chicken.” So, “Mustard chicken” by an extension of logic, an anagram for “Chicken drums rat.” Indeed, “Chickens drum rat” is the first complete sentence in English. In fact, a newly discovered fresco at St. Camembert’s church, dating before 1000 AD, shows chicken pounding drums with their wings. Beneath the painting are the words, “Chickens drum ‘rats’.” And whenever farmers heard “rat” being drummed out, they rushed back and shooed off the ravenous vermin.

2) Unfortunately, English farmers never taught their chickens to drum out “Normans.” So when in 1066 Duke William of Normandy landed his army, a perplexed chicken sentry didn’t know what to do. Eventually, she drummed out “rat” to England’s king. King Harold Godwinson didn’t give a fig about rats and instead scurried north to defeat Harold Hardrada. Meanwhile, back on the southern English beaches, the Norman forces assembled unmolested into a coherent, compact army. The two forces met as Hastings. The tired English lost to the fresh Normans. Duke William became the new English king. However, William knew what a near-run thing his invasion had been. His barons went through the realm slaying every single chicken-drumming teacher. Now, no chicken knows how to drum. It’s a pity as the Chicken Drumming Festival at St. Albans was something to behold.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chicken Fried Steak

American Entree

CHICKEN FRIED STEAK

INGREDIENTS

2¼ cups flour
½ teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
1¾ cups buttermilk
1 egg
8 4-ounce cube steaks
1 cup vegetable oil
4 cups whole milk

Serves 8. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add flour, garlic powder, pepper, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Add buttermilk and egg to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Dredge steak through flour mix. Dredge steak through buttermilk mix. Dredge steak once more through flour mix. Repeat for each steak. SAVE flour and buttermilk mixes remaining in mixing bowls.

Add vegetable oil to large skillet. Heat oil using medium-high heat. It will be hot enough when tiny pinch of buttermilk starts to dance in the oil. Add as many steaks as will fit in the skillet without touching. (You might need to cook in batches.) Fry for 4 minutes on each side or until golden brown. (Times decrease with successive batches.)Place steaks on plates covered with paper towels.

Reduce heat to low-medium. Discard all but ⅓ cup liquid from the pan. Leave as much solid bits as possible in the pan. Add remaining flower mix and buttermilk mixl. Mix with wooden spoon until well blended while scrapping bottom of skillet with spoon to ensure even distribution of bits. Add milk. Stir with spoon until you have a well-blended gravy. Raise heat to medium and simmer for 7 minutes or until gravy thickens. Stir enough to keep gravy from burning. Place steaks on plates. Ladle gravy over steaks.

TIDBITS

1) Chicken Fried Steak is an anagram for Chicken Fired Keats. Keats was a romantic poet during the early nineteenth century, also known as the nine teeth century due to poor dental hygiene. His publisher was a chicken who took ill one day. Keat’s brought his boss chicken-noodle soup. Couldn’t hurt, he thought. But strange to say, the chicken took offense and fired the poet just after publishing his worst poems, Ode To A Doorknob. People stopped reading Keats. He became depressed, so much so that he up and died. Then suddenly in the 1920s, the American South experienced Romantic Poet Mania, none more than Chef Scalding of the famed Bella Bellum Hotel. Indeed the Chef named his newly created chicken fried steak after the poet’s dramatic incident. But Scalding was dyslexic and that is why the dish is now known as Chicken Fried Steak.

Leave a message. I’d like to hear from you.

Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chicken Chipotle

Mexican Entree

CHICKEN CHIPOTLE

 

INGREDIENTS

1 medium onion
3 tablespoons vegetable oil
6 chicken breasts
1 cup crema Mexicana
1 tablespoon chipotle powder
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
⅓ cup chicken stock
1 teaspoon fresh parsley or oregano
2 limes

SPECIAL UTENSIL

mandoline

Serves 6.  Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Use mandoline or knife to slice onion as thinly as possible. Add onion and oil to large pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Remove onion. Add chicken breasts. Sauté at medium heat for 15 or until browned on both sides. Flip chicken breasts once. While chicken sautés, add crema Mexicana, chipotle powder, pepper, and salt to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir constantly.

Ladle crema Mexican/chipotle sauce over chicken breasts. Simmer at low heat for 15 minutes. Flip chicken breasts once. Stir occasionally. Ladle chicken stock over breasts. Simmer at low heat for 5 minutes. Stir occasionally

While chicken simmers, dice parsley and slice limes into quarters. Add sautéed onion to serving dish. Place chicken breasts on onion. Ladle crema Mexicana/chipotle powder sauce over chicken. Garnish with parsley and lime quarters. Goes well with rice and warm corn tortillas.

TIDBITS

1) A conga line is a fun way to dance. A mango line has people dancing while slicing mangoes. This idea proved to be dangerous as mango bits on the floor made people slip and fall. The dancing stopped. Knives were replaced by mangolines. Then a typo in the influential cookbook, Latin Cooking, by Auntie Matter, changed mangolines forever into mandolines.

2) Chefs soon discovered that mandolines sliced onions better than mangoes. Within a week of Latin Cooking’s publication, the timid Juan Chipotle created Chicken Chipotle. Life is good.

Chef Paulcookbookhunks

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with 180 wonderful recipes is available on amazon.com. My newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, is also available on amazon.com

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Paul’s K-IT-CHEN

Gentle Readers,

Today’s blog is short and sweet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chef Paul De Lancey

 

 

(Please click on my name and submit scruff questions to my Facebook page and simply make a comment to this post. I look
forward to hearing from you.)

 

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with 180 wonderful recipes is available on amazon.com. My newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, is also available on amazon.com

 

 

 

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Are You A Restaurant Dick?

Are you a restaurant dick? Do you make other diners so miserable that they wish they were at the dentist instead? Take this test and find out.

Do you:restaurantdck

1) Yell at the waitress? (1 point)

2) Have the waiter take your picture, but don’t tip extra? (1 point)

3) Use the restaurant’s free wi-fi long after you’ve finished your meal even though the place is jammed and don’t extra-tip the waitress? (2 points)

4) Sit at a table with a friend for several hours drinking cup after cup of coffee, only to leave a 50 cent tip? (2 points)

5) Not tip the waitperson anything? (2 points)

6) Leave a note explaining you, “I can no longer afford” to leave tips (although you can still eat out) because the state raised taxes to help the poor? (1 point)

7) Do the same as 6) but say, “I don’t tip illegal Muslim immigrants to a Catholic waiter from Arizona? (2 points)

8) Pinch the waitperson’s behind? (2 points)

9) Have the pianist/singer/other musicians perform a special request for you and don’t give them a tip? (2 points)

10) Ask the singer/pianist/other musicians to be quiet so that someone at your table can read a special poem or other piece of sappy literature for the benefit of someone else at your table? (1 point)

11) Talk on your cell phone at your table? (1 point)

12) And so loudly that nearby people’s heads explode? (1 point)

13) And at fancy restaurant where people are trying to celebrate an anniversary? (1 point)

14) Constantly send back food, but never compliment the chef? (1 point)

15) Order for your partner without even consulting? (1 point)

16) Wait in line at McDonald’s for ten minutes and look at the menu above for the first time when you get to the cashier? (1 point)

17) Take two spots when parking your car? (1 point)

18) Bring a screaming child to a fancy restaurant where people are trying to be romantic and propose and other adult things? (1 point)

19) Make no attempt to take your shrieking baby outside or quiet it in anyway? (1 point)

20) Do nothing when your older kids throw tantrums? (1 point)

21) Make no attempt to corral your free-range children? (1 point)

22) Bring all the neighbor’s kids, making prevention of school-recess behavior impossible? (1 point)

23) Man-spread on the waiting seats? (1 point)

24) Loudly blow you nose? (1 point)

25) Pick your nose? (1 point)

26) Clear your throat like you are hacking up a lung? (2 points)

27) Talk loudly about your stomach surgery? (2 points)

28) Brush your hair at the table? (2 points)

29) Wear so much perfume or cologne that it destroys the taste of the food for everyone around? (2 points)

30) Set phone and/or keys on the table, because you’re frickin’ BatmanTM, and Commissioner Gordon needs to know you’re at the ready? (1 point)

31) Insist on dividing the check evenly between everyone at the table, even if there are people who did not expect this and whose meals cost considerably less than the average? (2 points)

32) Show up smelling like an unhygienic Dragon ConTM attendee? (1 point)

33) Talk with food in your mouth and smack, slobber, and slurp? (1 point)

34) Use profanity in conversion? (1 point)

35) Shout your conversation? (1 point)

36) Ask for an unlisted appetizer or entree? (1 point)

37) Order a signature entree, but making so many changes that it’s now an entirely different dish. (no mushrooms, chicken instead of shrimp, hold some of the onions but not all, baked instead of broiled, add blue cheese sprinkles but not too much, “instead of angel hair pasta, can I get that other kind?”) (1 point)

38) After 36) or 37), complain loudly and demand to speak to the owner? (1 point)

39) After 36) or 37), stiff the server? (1 point)

***********************************************************************

What does your total score mean?

0 points: You are in no way a restaurant dick. Congratulations.

1-3 points: It’s still okay for you go into a restaurant unsupervised. See a doctor about your dickish traits while they’re still treatable. You will be seated by the kitchen.

4-6 points: Cause for alarm. You may still enter a restaurant unattended. You will, however, be seated right by the men’s restroom.

7-9 points: You’re awful. You will be given a menu consisting only of kale/beet juice and lutefisk.

10-12 points: Your groin is starting to tingle! You will not be allowed inside any restaurant. The greeter will taze you if you try.

13-15 points: You’re nearly erect! You will have your have your mouth wired shut .

16-18 points: You dick! Stiffed waitresses will circumcise you. They’ll finally get their tip.

21 points and up: You throbbing dick! You will not be allowed inside any restaurant. You will be fitted with an ankle device that will incinerate you if you even try.

 

Paul, concerned diner

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: food, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Spanakopita

Greek Appetizer

SPANAKOPITA

INGREDIENTSSpanakopita-

8 green onions
2 medium brown onions
2 pounds fresh spinach
½ cup butter (½ cup more later)
½ cup olive oil
3 eggs
1 pound feta cheese
2½ tablespoons dill
¼ teaspoon salt
2½ tablespoons lemon juice
½ cup butter
1 pound phyllo pastry sheets

SPECIAL UTENSILS

9″ x 12″ casserole dish (You’ll need to trim the phyllo sheets if they’re larger than the casserole dish.)
sonic obliterator.

Makes 24 triangular spanakopitas. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Dice green onions and brown onions. Remove stems from spinach. Add ½ cup butter, olive oil, green onions, and brown onions to pan. Sauté at medium-high for 5 minutes or until onions soften. Stir occasionally. Add spinach. Sauté at medium heat for 10 minutes or until spinach is completely soft and liquid is nearly gone. Stir frequently. Remove from heat and let cool

While spinach mixture cools, add eggs to mixing bowl. Beat eggs until well blended. Add eggs, feta cheese, dill, salt, and lemon juice. Whisk thoroughly. Add sautéed spinach to bowl. Blend thoroughly with fork. Add ½ cup butter to small pot. Melt butter using low-medium heat. Stir frequently. Remove from heat.

Carefully lay out a phyllo sheet in casserole dish . Gently brush melted butter onto phyllo sheet. Repeat until half of the phyllo sheets are in the casserole dish. Gently spread spinach mixture onto top phyllo sheet. Carefully–yes carefully and gently are definitely les mots juste for this dish–lay on phyllo sheet onto spinach mixture. Gently brush phyllo with butter. Place another phyllo sheet in the casserole dish. Gently brush sheet with butter. Repeat until all the phyllo sheets are gone.

Bake at 350 for 30-to-40 minutes or until top layer of casserole is golden brown. Cut casserole into 12 3″-wide squares. Cut each square along a diagonal to make two triangles. Serve to appreciative, remaining guests.

TIDBITS

1) It takes a lot of care to make spanakopita. Those phyllo sheets can tear apart faster than a politician’s campaign promises. Or you rip the sheets while brushing them with melted butter. You’re already fit to explode faster than a land mine. Then some oaf makes a comment like, “I don’t like these thingies. They taste too spinachy.” What is the proper response for the gauchery?

2) Eliminate the miscreant. You don’t need that negativity.

3) But how?

4) My favorite weapon of choice is the sonic obliterator. The serious home chef simply cannot afford to be without this implement. Not only does it dispatch crabby diners to the nether world, but as the name suggests, it obliterates all evidence of the evil eater. Law enforcement rarely pursues murder charges when it cannot find the body.

5) Sadly, most supermarkets and department stores do not carry sonic obliterators. You have to buy them on-line. The best sale prices tend to occur on Black Friday, the week before Christmas, and just before Valentine’s Day.

6) Culinary statisticians have also found a high correlation between forgotten birthdays and anniversaries; so remember your sweatheart’s important days.

7) May I suggest a personalized plate? If your loved’s birthday is June 12 and you got married on November 19 get a license plate with, “J12N19″ on it.

8) You could also tattoo the same sequence of letters and numbers on your forearm. However, you really should make sure your wedding is rock solid. Because your next sweatheart will surely want you to remove the old flame’s important days from your arm. This is painful, more painful than the original tattoo. Then you’ll need to re-ink your skin with your new boo’s dates. Which is painful.

9) Heavens to Betsy, if your subsequent relationships goes south and your find a third, fourth, or fifth love, you will be in a world of constant pain. Loves hurts, but tattoo removals hurt even more. Monogamy does have its advantages.

10) Don’t write sweatheart in a love note.. The correct spelling is sweetheart. Calling your soul mates “sweatheart” might get in trouble, especially if they are stay-at-home chefs and possess a sonic obliterator. Having multiple soul mates can also get you zapped into nothingness.

11) As you can see, life is fraught with perils. You might get obliterated for dissing someone’s spanakopitas You could get annihilated for misspelling a term of endearment. This is why it is so important to follow proper etiquette. This is why your grammar-school teachers drilled your constantly in correct spelling.

12) Be kind. Be careful. Stay alive.

– Chef Paul

LutheranCookbook

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, are available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

The cookbook is also available as an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Filipino Pancit

Filipino Entree

PANCIT

INGREDIENTSPancit-

1 pound chicken breast
4 garlic cloves
⅓ cup soy sauce
10 ounces rice noodles
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
½ head cabbage
8 ounces de-veined shrimp
¼ teaspoon pepper
3 lemons

Takes a bit more than an hour
Makes 9 bowls

PREPARATION

Cut chicken into ½” cubes. Mince garlic cloves. Add chicken, half of the minced garlic, and soy sauce to mixing bowl. Coat chicken cubes with garlic and soy sauce. Let chicken marinate for 1 hour.

While chicken marinates, add rice noodles to large mixing bowl. Cover noodles with warm water. Let sit for 30 minutes. Drain completely.

While chicken marinates and rice noodles sit in warm water, shred cabbage. Add oil and second half of the minced garlic to pan. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic softens. Stir frequently. Add chicken cubes and its marinade to pan. Sauté for another 5 minutes or until chicken starts to brown. Stir frequently.

Add cabbage, shrimp, and pepper to pan. Cook for 5 minutes on medium heat or until cabbage becomes tender and shrimp turns orange and is no longer translucent. Add rice noodles to pot. Cook on medium for 3 minutes or until noodles are warm. Stir occasionally. Serve in bowls. Cut each lemon into 6 slices. Garnish each bowl of pancit with 2 lemon slices.

TIDBITS

1) Filipino doctor Aguilar discovered the antibiotic “erythromycin.”

2) Whatever that is.

3) A Filipino scientist invented the flourescent lamp. Well maybe, lots of people helped it along.

4) Why is spell check claiming I misspelled “flourescent?” Okay, the dictionary says it’s “fluorescent.” In Chef Versus Spell Checker, Spell Checker wins. Bummer.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Invite Syria’s Assad Over For Dinner and Root Beers

RootBe1-

Bashar al-Assad, president and dictator of Syria is getting way too cranky and needs to step down. And if the only thing that’s making him cling so tenaciously to power is the lack of a good retirement dinner, I, the Powegian Chef, am hereby offering it to him at my humble home.

So, Bashar, do you like Greek cuisine? I have fresh grape leaves growing in my front yard. Or would you prefer a fine Cuban sandwich? I’ll leave the menu to you. Just let me know.

We could watch reruns of Gunsmoke after dinner. We have a fold-out sofa bed if you’d care to stay the night. For the first ten minutes of the next day we could visit the cultural sites of Poway, twenty if we’re lucky enough to see street repair.

My wife could expertly cut your hair. Just a trim, of course, your hair always looks great. And just how do you find time to go to barbers when you’re always so busy killing off your people? Some of those victims surely must be barbers and that means it’s even tougher to get that haircut-to-kill for look . Yep, it can’t be easy being a maniacal dictator. But I’m being uncharitable. We all have our faults. Me, I’m constantly losing my car keys.

But I digress. We were talking about dinner. Frankly, a person as odious as yourself deserves to be fed lutefisk. But in the spirit of live and let live, I’ll serve you any other meal you’d might want. We’ll even have ice cold root beers. If that doesn’t make you warm and fuzzy enough to call off your civil war, I don’t know what will. C’mon over Bashar!

– Paul De Lancey, concerned world citizen

4novels

Check out my latest novel, the Christmas thriller, Beneficial Murders. My books are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com, As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Zen Chef Haikus

Avoid tears while cooking.TRex-
Cut onions underwater.
Take  deep breath. Get wet.

Have a pound of dill.
Nearby chefs are so jealous.
Defend home with mace.

Zen Chef wants pizza.
Make me one with everything.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Batter stay on. Stay on.
I will not impress my guests.
When you fall off meat.

Where’s the sour cream?
Where the measuring spoons? Cups?
Where’s the mixing bowl?

T Rex is hungry
Why don’t you share some of your
tasty cheeseburger?

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

 

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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