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Terri Lynn Coop, Winner of Bump Off Your Enemies Literary Event

Posted on March 22, 2013 by pauldelancey

In the Bump Off Your Enemies Literary Event,I am pleased to announce winner number two of two.terricoo

Please join with me in congratulating Terri for
her submission; IT’S NOT EASY BEING GREEN.

By: Terri Lynn Coop

‘It’s not easy being green…’

The refrain from the old Muppets tune ran through my head as I stirred the lime jello.
I hate this fucking stuff. Ten years of unholy hell masquerading as holy matrimony. I could stand the arguments. The boredom. The never-ending laundry. However, by far, the worst of it was his insistence on lime jello every Sunday. Said it reminded him of his mother. Never red. Never orange. Once I substituted blue and he sulked for three days. Always green. And always in molds. As if I didn’t have enough to do.

Well, tonight I changed up mom’s recipe just a bit. In each of those putrid jiggling four-leaf clovers was a little surprise.
I didn’t know Visine was deadly until I saw an episode of “America’s Most Interesting Poisons.” The cable channels are so educational.
Squeeze. Drip. Squeeze. Drip. Squeeze. Drip.

As I got to the last hollow in the mold, a new song appeared in my head.

‘I can see clearly now…’
✍ ✍ ✍ ✍ ✍
Terri Lynn Coop manages emergencies by day, writes by night, and is an unapologetic geek the rest of the time. She has been known to blog at http://readinrittinrhetoric.blogspot.com/

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Ask Dr. Economics – Kindergarten Raffle

Posted on March 21, 2013 by pauldelancey

Dear Dr. Economics,

My little Benny got assigned his kindergarten’s annual $30,000 raffle to support Sorghum Awareness. Normally, a Kansan celebrity or a CEO from a local biotech company does this sort of thing. But they’re all busy this year, so it fell to my six-year old son.

He’s tried real hard during lunchtime, but he hasn’t even sold one of his three hundred $100 tickets. He’s darn near ready to burst into tears. Even holding “Patches,” his teddy bear, doesn’t erase his sense of failure.

Can you help me?

Dennis Epicenter,
Tentacle, KS

Dear Mr. Epicenter,

Why certainly, I can help you. I am Dr. Economics. Instead of Benny making each kindergartner cough up $100–and what are the chances of that given you describe him as little–why not sell partial shares?

Benny is sure to have more success selling 1/100th shares in each ticket for $1. Of course, this means the lad will need to sell 30,000 shares, so diligence and determination are must for this plan to succeed.

Alternatively, Benny could sell 1/10,000th shares in each ticket for 1c. This plan makes for easy sales. Again, I feel especially obligated to stress perseverance in selling the necessary 3,000,000 shares. Indeed, consider taking him to school early and picking him up late.

Benny should also learn about computer spreadsheets. Careful record keeping is a must for any successful raffle, whether it be for 3,000,000 records or the more modest 30,000.

Normally, I would advise keeping children clear of caffeinated beverages until the age of twelve, but it seems doubtful little Benny will have much time for sleeping. So, go for it!

– Dr. Economics

– AKA Paul De Lancey

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Shorba Baida – Algerian Chicken Soup Recipe

Posted on March 19, 2013 by pauldelancey

Algerian Soup

SHORBA BAIDA
(Chicken Soup)

INGREDIENTSShorbaS-

2 chicken breasts
1 medium onion
2 inch cinnamon stick
2 large tomatoes
10 ounce can chick peas
2 teaspoons olive oil
4 cups chicken broth
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 tablespoon basmati rice
1 tablespoon barley
2 large tomatoes
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon coriander
1/2 tablespoon parsley flakes
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
SPECIAL UTENSIL

spice grinder
Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breasts into 1/2″ cubes. Mince the onion. Grind the cinnamon stick until you get powder. Dice the tomatoes. Drain the chick peas.

Use medium-high heat to sauté the chicken, onion, and cinnamon with olive oil in Dutch oven. Cook for 5-to-10 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently.

Add chick peas, chicken broth, lemon juice, rice, barley, tomatoes, chili powder, parsley, pepper, sat, and tumeric. Cover the Dutch oven and simmer on warm heat for about 1 hour or until rice and barley are soft.

This is great. People love it. Eat your share while you can.

TIDBITS

1) This heavenly soup is the reason the French conquered Algeria in 1830.

2) This heavenly soup is the reason Algeria threw out France in 1962. The Algerians didn’t want to share.

3) Did the Algerians get any culinary benefits from 132 years of Gallic occupation?

4) I hope so. A Vietnamese man once said the only benefit his countrymen derived from French colonial rule was the baguette.

5) Vietnamese culinary artists combined the baguettes with their way of preparing meat to produce the tasty and world-famous banh mi sandwiches.

6) America fought in Vietnam for the banh mi sandwiches. And so it goes.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Powegian Garlic Bread Soup Recipe

Posted on March 16, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Soup

POWEGIAN GARLIC BREAD SOUP

INGREDIENTSGarBrSo-

2 10″ garlic bread halves
3 garlic cloves
3 stalks green onion
1/4 cup olive oil
1 medium yellow onion
6 Roma tomatoes
1 green bell pepper
3 cups vegetable or chicken broth
1/2 cup sour cream
1 tablespoon Italian seasoning
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
3 eggs

SPECIALTY UTENSIL

Dutch oven

PREPARATION

Dice tomatoes and green bell pepper. Cut garlic bread into 1/2″ slices. Mince garlic, green onion, and yellow onion. Sauté bread, garlic, green onion, and yellow onion with olive oil in Dutch oven on medium-high heat for about 5 minutes or until onions begin to soften. Stir frequently.

Add broth, tomato, green, bell pepper, sour cream, Italian seasoning, and pepper. Cook on high heat until soup begins to boil. Stir frequently. Add eggs. Stir frequently until eggs are cooked to your desired level of doneness. Not a good time to contemplate the infinite.

Serve to happy hungry hordes.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe uses three eggs. In the stateroom scene from the movie Monkey Business the zany Harpo Marx constantly asks for two eggs.

2) Harpo Marx is not related to Karl Marx.

3) Karl Marx was not at all zany, preaching constantly for a worker-run state via violent revolution.

4) The comedic career of Karl Marx never got anywhere. Indeed, it is doubtful he even tried.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Potato Chervil Soup Recipe

Posted on March 8, 2013 by pauldelancey

French Soup

POTATO CHERVIL SOUP

INGREDIENTSPotCheS-

3 medium brown potatoes
1/2 onion
1 medium carrot
3 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 1/4 cups vegetable broth
3/4 cup milk
2 teaspoons chervil
1/2 teaspoon French four spice (Muntok white pepper, nutmeg, ginger, powdered cloves)
1/4 teaspoon parsley

PREPARATION

Peel potatoes. Dice potato, onion, and carrot. Put potato, onion, butter, and olive oil in large pot. Sauté potato and onion on medium heat for about 10 minutes or until potato and onion begin to soften. Stir frequently.

Add diced carrot, vegetable broth, milk, chervil, French four spice, and parsley to the pot. Cook for 20 minutes. Start at medium heat reducing to low when soup starts to boil. Stir occasionally.

TIDBITS

1) People use chervil a lot more during the Lenten season than other times as it symbolizes new life and rebirth.

2) People often give up foods for Lent.

3) I always give up lutefisk.

4) Successfully.

5) During all the non-Lenten times as well.

4) I looked up fun facts for chervil on the internet. I found chervil improves the taste of radishes growing next to it.

5) Fun fact, you bet.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Herb Substitutions

Posted on March 7, 2013 by pauldelancey

HERB SUBSTITUTIONS

There comes a moment in every chef’s life when he or she simply doesn’t have every herb needed for that devastatingly delicious recipe and guests are arriving in 10 minutes and my gosh, oh my gosh. Fret not, simply consult the below list of herb substitutions and restore serenity to your life.

Basil – Italian seasoning, marjoram, oregano, thyme
Chervil – parsley, tarragon
Chive – green onion, leek, onion
Cilantro – chervil, parsley
Italian seasoning – basil, marjoram, oregano, parsley, red pepper (ground), rosemary, sage, savory, thyme
Mint – basil, marjoram, rosemary
Marjoram – basil, Italian seasoning, oregano, savory, thyme
Mustard, powder – horseradish powder, wasabi powder (1/4 times as much), prepared mustard (3 times as much)
Oregano – basil, Italian seasoning, marjoram, thyme
Parsley – basil, chervil, cilantro, Italian seasoning
Poultry seasoning – marjoram, rosemary, savory
Rosemary – Italian seasoning, poultry seasoning, thyme, tarragon
Sage – marjoram, poultry seasoning, rosemary, savory,
Savory – Italian seasoning, marjoram, poultry seasoning, sage, thyme
Tarragon – chervil, fennel seed, aniseed
Thyme – basil, Italian seasoning, marjoram, oregano, savory

According to my Webster’s New World Dictionary, an herb is, “any seed plant whose stem withers away to the ground after each season’s growth, as distinguished from a tree or shrub whose woody stem lives from year to year.”

Hot stuff, you betcha.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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*Bump Off Your Enemies* Fictional-Writing Contest’s Inspirational Post

Posted on February 23, 2013 by pauldelancey

Authors Candace C. Bowen and Paul R. De Lancey invite you to fictionally “Bump Off” your enemies in 200 words or fewer.  The great event takes place on March 15.

Enemies do not have to be specific people. They can be types of people such as telemarketers or people who block aisles in supermarkets.
Two winners will be crowned Kingpin/Queenpin. Winning entries with a short bio of the winners will be posted on Facebook, Paul De Lancey’s website (www.pauldelancey.com), and Candace C. Bowen’s website (www.knightseries.com). Good Luck!

To get to this event, log on to Facebook and type *Bump Off Your Enemies*
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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*Bump Off Your Enemies* Fictional Writing Contest – Update

Posted on February 21, 2013 by pauldelancey

Authors Candace C. Bowen and Paul R. De Lancey invite you to fictionally “Bump Off” your enemies in 200 words or fewer.  Please visit the event “Bump Off Your Enemies” on Facebook on March 15. Two winners will be crowned Kingpin/Queenpin. Winning entries will be posted. Good Luck!

I’d like to stress you must fictionally kill off your characters. Candace and I will look askance at anyone killing someone and describing what actually happened. That is so wrong. This is an exercise in imagination. Enemies do not have to be specific people. They can be types of people such as telemarketers or people who block aisles in supermarkets.

You may post your Facebook entry before March 15 but you run the risk of us not seeing it when judge on that date. My brain is particularly wobbly. Speaking of brains, zombies do not count unless you kill them in your entry. After that they may turn into the undead or not as you see fit.

The following should theoretically get you to the event, but most likely you’ll have to sign onto Facebook first. Probably you’ll find yourself at the lists of events page, why Facebook why? Now Ctrl-v this link again or type in “Bump Off Your Enemies” and you will be taken to this glorious event. Negotiations will soon be underway between this event and Facebook for easier access.

https://www.facebook.com/events/501973503178459/

gunsightoutline

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How I Will Win the Nobel Prize

Posted on February 9, 2013 by pauldelancey

The only goal not achieved from my bucket list, aside from a wine-and-chocolate book signing at the South Pole, is winning the Nobel Peace Prize. How will I achieve this ambition?

Everybody likes good food. My shakshuka, tomato-breakfast soup, is tasty. Shakshuka, is liked by Arabs and Israelis alike.  I will simply invite Morsi and Netanyahu to my humble home for breakfast. The menu will feature hot, delicious skillets of shakshuka. On the side, they can feast on homemade maple doughnuts. Who doesn’t like maple doughnuts? Who could ever again contemplate violence after eating a maple doughnut?

Nobody. The dawn of world peace is at hand.

shakshu-

MapleDo-

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Tandoori Turkey Burger Recipe

Posted on February 6, 2013 by pauldelancey

Indian Entree

TANDOORI TURKEY BURGER

INGREDIENTSTanTuHB-

1/4 onion
1 garlic clove
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey meat
1 1/4 tablespoons lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup plain yogurt
3/4 tablespoon garam masala (available in ethnic stores)
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1/4 teaspoon coriander
1/2 teaspoon paprika

no-stick spray

lettuce
6 sesame-seed hamburger buns

SPECIAL APPLIANCE

outdoor grill

PREPARATION

Mince onion and garlic. Add all ingredients to large bowl. Mix with hands. Cover and refrigerate overnight.

Preheat outdoor grill on medium-high. Spray grill with no-stick spray. Make patties with hand. Place patties on grill and cook until patty is white inside or its juice is clear. Turn patties over at least once, but only they are firm enough to be flipped.

Toast buns. Assemble your burger. Enjoy.

TIDBITS

1) Each burger in this recipe uses lemon juice and a turkey patty.

2) Chet Lemon was a center fielder for the Chicago White Sox and Detroit Tigers from 1975 to 1990. He played for the World Champion Detroit Tigers in 1984. Mr. Lemon hit 215 home runs over his career and batted .273

3) Bob Lemon pitched for the Cleveland Indians from 1946 to 1958. He played for the World Champion Cleveland Indians in 1948. His lifetime record was 207-128.

4) However Patty Duke never played professional baseball. Her forte was acting. She’s best known for her starring roles as Patty and Cathy Lane in the early 60s’ television program, The Patty Duke Show. Part of the theme says, “… a hot dog makes her lose control.”

5) If you lose control of your grill, you’ll have a gigantic fire.

6) In which case, you and your guests can toast marshmallows.

7) A good host always keeps the welfare of the guests in mind and adapts nimbly to any mishap.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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