cuisine

Pad Thai

Posted on November 20, 2022 by pauldelancey

Thai Entree

PAD THAI

INGREDIENTS

½ pad Thai noodles or rice stick noodles
8 cups water
2½ tablespoons fish sauce
3 tablespoons palm sugar or brown sugar
2 tablespoons tamarind sauce, tamarind puree, or Worcestershire sauce
10 ounces chicken breasts
3 ounces firm tofu
3 garlic cloves
3½ tablespoons vegetable oil
3 eggs
¼ cup fresh garlic chives or green onions, thinly sliced
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
¼ pound bean sprouts
2 tablespoons crushed peanuts (2 more tablespoons later)
2 tablespoons crushed peanuts
2 limes

SPECIAL UTENSIL

colander

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Add noodles to mixing bowl. Add hot water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Pour water over noodles. Lit sit for 3 minutes. Stir a few times to separate noodles. Drain noodles in colander. Rinse noodles with cold water. (This prevents sticking.)

While water boils, add fish sauce, sugar, and tamarind sauce to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until sugar dissolves. This is the pad Thai sauce. Cut chicken and tofu into ½” cubes. Mince garlic cloves. Add vegetable oil, chicken, and tofu to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 6 minutes or until tofu starts to brown. Remove tofu and set aside.

Add garlic to and eggs to pan. Lightly scramble eggs and cook at medium heat for 3 minutes. Add garlic chives, red pepper flakes, rinsed noodles, and tofu. Stir fry at medium heat for 5 minutes. Add bean sprouts and pad Thai sauce. Stir fry for 2 minutes or until noodles are slightly chewy or al dente. Add 2 tablespoons crushed peanuts. Stir fry at medium heat for 1 minute. Cut each lime into 6 wedges. Garnish with lime wedges and 2 tablespoons crushed peanuts.

TIDBITS

1) It is well established that Thai chefs love alliteration and tongue twisters. Here are some of their favorites.

2) Tired Thais tie tidy tie dyed Thai ties.

3) Wired Thais wipe white wine while wining.

4) Tough Thais tug Pad Thai through the glue.

5) Pied Piper Thais buy Pad Thai pods.

6) Pad pods put pitted prunes nigh the moody Moon.

7) Tied Thais tried Thai tried dying flying limes.

8) High Thai thighs hide eyes.

9) Thai eyes espy small-fries fry fries.

10) My Thais buy My pies.

11) Dry Thais cry, “fly by.”

12) My Thais sigh bye.

13) Tired Thais buy squires wide wires. Why?

14) Rad, mad mod Pads pad pom poms.

15) Thai guy mice try rice thrice.

16) Fie! Thai mice, not nice.

17) Sci-fi Thai mice, splice rice twice.

18) Shy Thai poodles doodle oodles of puddles.

19) “Pish, fish sauce,” says cross boss Ross.

20) Choking chicken chickens quicken to thicken Bruce’s juices.

21) Wait, crate late mate’s great slate plate freight.

22) See? She’s nuts for free, wee peanuts.

23) I wrote at quite a pace and now I’m out of space.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Japanese Rice Omelette

Posted on November 17, 2022 by pauldelancey

Japanese Entree

RICE OMELETTE
(Omurice)

INGREDIENTS – FRIED RICE

3 ounces boneless chicken
1 small onion
1½ tablespoons butter (1½ tablespoons more later)
1½ cups cooked rice (warm)
¼ cup ketchup
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – OMELETTE

4 eggs
2 tablespoons milk
1½ tablespoons butter
1 ketchup bottle for squirting

SPECIAL UTENSILS

no-stick pan
paper towels

Serves 2. Takes 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – FRIED RICE

Slice chicken into ½” cubes. Mince onion. Add 1½ tablespoons butter and onion to regular pan. Sauté onion at medium heat for 3 minutes. Stir frequently. Add chicken. Sauté for 2 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink. Add rice, ketchup, pepper, and salt. Reduce heat to medium and sauté for 2 minutes or until rice is hot and coated with ketchup. Remove and cover to keep warm.

PREPARATION – OMELETTE

Add eggs and milk to mixing bowl. Blend with whisk. Add 1½ tablespoons butter to no-stick pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Add ½ of the blended eggs. Tilt pan so that egg mixture covers the surface. Cook egg mixture using medium heat for 1 minute or until egg starts to set on the bottom, but is still runny on top. Sprinkle ½ of the fried rice onto the setting egg mixture, leaving 2″ of egg uncovered on the left and right sides. Use spatula to fold uncovered sides over the rice as far as they can go.

Tilt pan to the right so that the right side of the omelette gets curved slightly by the pan. Then tilt the pan to the left for the same result. Put serving plate on top of pan. While holding plate, turn pan upside down so that the egg side of the omelette is on the top. Cover with paper towel to remove oil and to gently shape omelette into the shape of an American football. Remove towel and artistically drizzle omelette with ketchup. Repeat for the second omelette.

TIDBITS

1) The above picture of Omurice looks a lot like a triangular sail. This is no accident. Look at the Viking ship shown in the picture below.

 

 

 

 

 

2) Now, add a happy face to the triangular sail.

 

 

 

 

 

3) Let’s put those two pictures together.

 

 

 

 

4) Whoa! The pictures are nearly identical.. The Vikings did get the idea for their sail from the Japanese rice omelette. These pictures prove the Erik the Happy saga is true beyond all questioning.

5) In the Happy saga, Erik and his crew of oarsmen set off from Sweden to raid Northumbria. But, he refused to ask for directions and ended up in Japan. While there, Erik dined on a rice omelette. His synapses fired and he made the sail you see above. Voyaging back to Sweden with a sail was a snap.

6) Erik the Happy told Ragnar Lothbrok how easy sailing can now be, Just two months later, in the summer of 792. Ragnar built a long boat and added a triangular sail. He sailed to Northumbria and sacked the monastery of Lindisfarne. Much bloodshed and looting ensued. The age of the Vikings had begun. Now you know.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Char Kway Teow (Rice Noodle Stir Fry)

Posted on November 14, 2022 by pauldelancey

Malaysian Entree

CHAR KWAY TEOW
(Rice Noodle Stir Fry)

INGREDIENTS

¾ pound flat rice noodles
2 Chinese sausages
3 ounces fish cake (optional)
3 garlic cloves
1 cup garlic chives*
2 tablespoons dark soy sauce or soy sauce
2 tablespoons light soy sauce or soy sauce
½ tablespoon fish sauce
1 teaspoon oyster sauce or fish sauce
1 teaspoon sugar
¼ teaspoon white pepper
2 eggs
¼ cup vegetable oil
¾ pound shrimp, peeled and deveined
2 cups bean sprouts

* = Can be found in Asian supermarkets. Or substitute with garlic, chives, shallots, or combination.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

wok or Dutch oven.

Serves 6. 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Soak dried noodles in warm water for 45 minutes. Drain. Cut Chinese sausage into ½” diagonal slices along their length. Cut fish cakes into ½” wide strips. Mince garlic cloves. Cut garlic chives in 2″ long pieces. Add dark soy sauce, light soy sauce, fish sauce, oyster sauce, sugar, and white pepper to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Add eggs to small mixing bowl. Beat with whisk until well blended.

Add oil, Chinese sausage, fish-cake strips, garlic, garlic chives, shrimp. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic softens. Stir frequently. Add noodles. Stir until well mixed. Add liquid from medium mixing bowl. Mix with wooden spoon until well blended.

Push sausage/fish strips/noodles to one side. Ladle egg from small mixing bowl to newly made space on wok. Scramble eggs. Let everything fry until egg nearly sets. Cook for 1 minute, stirring frequently. Add bean sprouts. Cook for 2 minutes. Stir frequently.

TIDBITS

1) String theory replaces the point-like particles of particle physics with one-dimensional objects called strings. Scientists could have thrown over the point-life particles for Hula Hoops(tm). But they didn’t. Culinary physicists have discovered why the mainstream physicists chose strings.

2) Look below for a rendering of string theory. The alluring spiffiness of this image hides its inspiration.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3) Let’s put a red and white bowl around the center of this picture.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4) Doesn’t that look a lot like Char Kway Teow? Let’s put it next to this recipe’s photo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5) Wow! Char Kway Teow clearly provided the inspiration for String Theory. Proof you cannot deny.

6) But unlike String Theory you can eat Char Kway Teow. Whenever travel takes you to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, be sure to dine at Carl La Fong’s House of String Theory. His Char Kway Teow tastes divine. Perhaps it will inspire you as well.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Carl La Fong, cuisine, history, international, science | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Simple Fig Bars

Posted on November 13, 2022 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

SIMPLE FIG BARS

INGREDIENTS

6½ tablespoons butter, softened
½ cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup flour (2 tablespoons more later)
½ cup wheat flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons flour
½ pound fig jam

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
14″ x 10″ cookie sheet
parchment paper

Makes 32 bars. Takes 2 hours 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add butter and brown sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on high until light and fluffy. Add egg and vanilla extract. Mix with electric beater set on high until light and fluffy.

Add 1 cup flour, wheat flour, baking powder, and salt to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. Gradually add in flour mix from small mixing bowl to egg/sugar mix in large mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on high until light and fluffy. Use hands to form a round dough ball. Cover and place in refrigerator for 1 hour or until firm.

Dust 14″ x 10″ flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour. Add dough ball. Roll out dough ball until it’s ¼” thick. Cut dough along its length into 10″ x 3½” strips. Spread ¼ of the fig jam down the middle of a strip until it’s 1″ wide. Carefully fold both edges of the dough over the fig jam. Pinch seam together to complete fig/dough log. Repeat for each dough strip. Cut each log into 2 shorter mini-logs to make transferring them to the parchment paper easier.

Place parchment paper on cookie sheet. Use spatula to carefully place mini logs seam side down on parchment paper. Use fingers to smooth together any tears in the mini logs. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until mini logs turn golden brown and feel slightly firm. Cut each mini log into 4 fig bars. Let cool on cookie sheet for 15 minutes or until slightly warm. Store in airtight container.

TIDBITS

1) Be sure to mark your calendar for January 16. That’s International Hot and Spicy Food Day.

2) It’s also National Fig Newton Day.

3) So eat hot-and-spicy food and fig bars on that day (IHSFNFND).

4) You might not want to do anything else.

5) Indeed. The Super Bowl used to held in January, but the prospect of having their biggest game of the year fall on International Hot and Spicy Day AND National Fig Newton Day terrified National Football League Executives. They knew the NFL would lose the match up.

6) This is why recent Super Bowls have been held in February.

7) Baseball, for decades, held its World Series in October for the very same reason.

8) Now, World Series Games spillover into November.

9) November is still two months away from IHSFNFND.

10) But the end of the World Series is getting ever closer to that eventful culinary day, because of ever increasing rounds of post-season play.

11) The World Series might eventually coincide with IHSFNFND. If that happens, television executives will simply throw up their hands and stop broadcasting the Fall Classic. This is something even World War II could not do.

12) This must not happen. Contact your senator. Now.

13) It’s worth noting that fig bars’ existential challenge to professional sports in America derives from their many great attributes.

14) Fig bars are high in fiber. Football and baseball are not.

15) Fig bars have many vitamins. Football and baseball do not.

16) Fig bars have many minerals. Football and baseball do not.

17) Fig bars are a tasty snack. Football and baseball do not.

18) Fig bars help digestion. Football and baseball do not.

19) Indeed, footballs and baseballs are even difficult to eat.

20) Oh crudness, National Fig Week runs from November 1 to November 7. The same time as the World Series. Stock up on fig bars; we live in dark, troubling times.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Chicken Basquaise

Posted on November 6, 2022 by pauldelancey

French Entree

CHICKEN BASQUAISE

INGREDIENTS

1 green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
1 large onion
2 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons fresh thyme
3 tomatoes
2 pounds chicken pieces, bone in or boneless
1 teaspoon salt or fleur de sel*
¼ cup olive oil
3 ounces thinly sliced prosciutto or Bayonne ham*
¾ cup white wine
1 bay leaf
1 cup chicken stock
2 teaspoon Spanish paprika, paprika, or espelette*
1 tablespoon fresh parsley

* = You can find fleur de sel, Bayonne ham, and espelette online, but they can be expensive.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

mandoline
8″ * 12″ casserole dish

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Seed bell peppers. Cut bell peppers and onion into ¼” slices with mandoline or knife. Cut slices in half. Dice garlic and thyme. Cut tomatoes into ½” wedges. If you are using chicken breasts, cut them in two. Rub chicken pieces with salt.

Add olive oil and prosciutto to large pan. Sauté for 2 minutes at high heat or until prosciutto becomes crispy. Stir frequently. Remove and drain on paper towels. Add chicken pieces to large pan. Sauté for 10 minutes at medium heat or until chicken turns golden brown. Flip chicken pieces every 2 minutes. Remove chicken and drain on paper towels. Add bell pepper, garlic, and onion. Sauté for 2 minutes at medium-high heat. Stir frequently. Add white wine and bay leaf. Simmer at low heat for 2 minutes. Stir frequently.

Add contents of pan, thyme, chicken stock, and chicken pieces to casserole dish. Sprinkle chicken pieces with Spanish paprika. Place tomato wedges between chicken pieces. Bake for 20 minutes at 425 degrees or until sauces thickens. While chicken bakes, dice parsley. Remove casserole dish from oven. Remove bay leaf. Place crispy prosciutto slice over chicken. Garnish with parsley.

TIDBITS

1) It is well known fact that the Basque word for basket is saskia

2) The Franks who overran Gaul, modern day France, after the fall of the Western Roman Empire loved peaches.

3) Indeed, they invaded purposefully to pick prized perfect peaches produced by the innumerable peaches orchards to be found there.

4) At first, frenetic fresh Franks gathered peaches with their hands.

5) But one can only carry off two peaches that way.

6) The ravenous ravagers ranged right to the Rhone valley. The Rhone Valley had for reasons unclear to current culinary historians had a surplus of over a million peach baskets.

7) An advance party of Franks plundered the valley and carried off all the peach baskets. Indeed, everyone of the frightening Franks walked away with maybe twelve baskets; we don’t know the exact number.

8) The First Franks never went anywhere without their baskets. The enraged basketless Second Franks chased them to southwest France.

9) The locals called them Saskia after the First Franks word for basket.

10) In time the Saskia lost their original language. A new language required a new name. The medieval French dubbed these people, Basques.

11) The Basques loved sports. In particular, they loved to play Basquaise Boule. The object of this game was to pass a ball around and try to toss it into a peach basket. Sometimes the players fashioned the ball out of chicken breasts, hence the name Chicken Basquaise. Chef Jean Paul La Grange created this dish to honor the new sport.

12) But wait! There’s more! In 1890, YMCA director James Naismith toured the land of the Basques. His synapses fired and he determined bring this sport back home. It’d be just the thing to tire out restless school kids. The game proved popular, at first, in his town of Springfield. But the kids eventually grew bored of having to climb up a ladder to retrieve the ball from the peach basket. Late one night, a gang of hoodlums calling themselves The Epic of Gilgamesh Haters cut the bottom off all the baskets.

13) But far from ruining the game, this vandalism, made the game much faster. Indeed the tempo of pass, shoot, score, pass, shoot, score now prevailed. The kids loved the game now. So did their parents. A year later, a senior taking Basque studies opined that as we’re living in America, why not call the name something American like basketball.

14) America embraced basketball and soon became a superpower. Now you know how.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Turkish Ezogelin Soup

Posted on November 3, 2022 by pauldelancey

Turkish Soup

EZOGELIN

INGREDIENTS – SOUP

¼ cup bulgur wheat
1⅓ cups red lentils
2½ tablespoons rice
2 garlic cloves
1 large onion
1 tomato
2 tablespoons butter (2 more tablespoons later)
2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil
2½ teaspoons flour
2 tablespoons tomato paste
6 cups broth, beef, chicken, or vegetable

INGREDIENTS – TOPPING

2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon dried mint
½ teaspoon black pepper
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
½ tablespoon paprika

Serves 6. Takes 50 minutes.

PREPARATION – SOUP

Wash and drain bulgur wheat, red lentils, and rice. Mince garlic, onion, and tomato. Add garlic, onion, 2 tablespoons butter, and olive oil to pot. Simmer at medium heat for 4 minutes until onion softens. Stir frequently.

Add flour. Sauté until flour browns. Stir constantly. (Browning occurs quickly. Don’t let it burn.) Add minced tomato and tomato paste. Stir with spoon until well blended. Add broth. Stir with spoon until well blended. Add bulgur wheat, red lentils, and rice. Reduce heat to low, cover, and simmer for 25 minutes or until lentils soften. Stir enough to prevent burning. Remove from heat.

PREPARATION – TOPPING

While lentils simmer, add 2 tablespoons butter to pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Add all other topping ingredients to sauce pan Sauté briefly until butter sizzles. Stir constantly.

PREPARATION – ASSEMBLY

Ladle soup into serving bowls. Drizzle topping over soup. Goes well with lemon slices.

TIDBITS

1) The Ezogelin is round.

2) This is because it is has been ladled into a round bowl.

3) Indeed, all soups ladled into a round bowl become round, not just Ezogelin.

4) What if you wanted your Ezogelin to be another shape, say rectangular?

5) Sad to say, finding a rectangular soup bowl can be quite difficult.

5) Find a hexagonal bowl, even more so.

6) Even though you could place rectangular and hexagonal bowls next to each other and not have any open space between them. As the following nonexistent picture could have shown.

7) So alas, we must work with round bowls.

8) One possibility is to put a square cookie cutter in the bowl. Squirt liquid nitrogen into the space between the square cutter and the round edge of the bowl. Then flash freeze the nitrogen.

9) May I suggest using super-duper insulated gloves while doing this?

10) Why? Nitrogen becomes liquid at -320 degrees Fahrenheit. It freezes at -346. The average low temperature in Wisconsin in the winter is 8 degrees and you’d wear gloves then.

11) What should do if you drop liquid nitrogen? Step back immediately, point at the liquid nitrogen, and say in your loudest, sternest voice, “Liquid nitrogen! Don’t touch it. Your hand will freeze and shatter.”

12) Well, that’s bad. It should go without saying, that you shouldn’t try to mop up a liquid-nitrogen spill either.

13) What about the frozen nitrogen in our newly constructed bowl, the one with the square center? The frozen nitrogen will freeze anything that comes in contact with it. This is unarguably bad for your guests, except of course, for the truly unpleasant ones. Check with the FBI on this one.

14) So we must regretfully search for another way to make square soup.

15) The one that appeals to me is to place repelling force fields, with the correct strengths of course, along the edge of the bowl. These fields will push the soup away and into the shape of a square.

16) Way cool. You’ll dazzle your guests. Safely, too.

17) Not only that, you’ll impress the heck out of the scientists at NASA.

18) Life is good again.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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French Omelette

Posted on October 30, 2022 by pauldelancey

French Breakfast

OMELETTE

INGREDIENTS – OMELETTE

2 eggs
⅛ teaspoon pepper
⅛ teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon butter (1 more teaspoon later)
1 teaspoon butter

INGREDIENTS – FILLING (OPTIONAL)*

One or more of the following:

2 teaspoons diced herbs – fresh chervil, chives, parsley, or tarragon (½ teaspoon more for garnish)
1½ tablespoons grated cheese – Gruyère, Gouda, or Parmesan
1½ tablespoons diced meat – cooked bacon, ham, or prosciutto
1½ tablespoons combination of the above

* = These ingredients really must be prepared before you start to cook the omelette.

INGREDIENTS – GARNISH

½ teaspoon diced herbs – fresh chervil, chives, parsley, or tarragon

SPECIAL UTENSIL

no-stick pan. If you can dedicate this pan to omelettes only, so much the better.

PREPARATION

Add eggs, pepper, and salt to mixing bowl. Beat eggs vigorously with fork until for 20 seconds or until whites and yolks are well mixed. Heat pan at high heat. The pan is warm enough when a tiny bit of butter sizzles in it. Add 1 tablespoon butter. Tilt the pan into different directions so as to completely coat the pan, including the sides, with melted butter. When butter just starts turning slightly brown, add eggs.

Let eggs settle for 3 seconds. (You have to careful with this recipe.) Sprinkle in any filling ingredients now. Start yanking the pan vigorously back to you, tilting more steeply each time. (This forces the egg to roll over itself more after each jerk.) Omelette should be creamy, but not viscous. This process takes about 20 seconds.

Cover pan, serving side down, with plate. Hold plate in place with one hand. Turn omelette onto plate. (The bottom side of the omelette should now be facing up.) Use fork to gently finish shaping omelette. Brush omelette with 1 teaspoon butter. Sprinkle omelette with herb garnish.

TIDBITS

1) The French Omelette is quite tasty.

2) It also looks like a very thin brick.

3) This is no accident.

4) Culinary archeologists tell us that the pharaohs built the very first pyramids in Ancient Egypt with French-Omelette bricks.

5) Look at that! I spelled the word “archeologists” correctly on the first try. Go me.

6) But these omelette pyramids took forever to build. The worker ate the French omelette as fast as they were made.

7) The completed pyramids proved irresistible to neighboring villagers as well. These pyramids rarely lasted more than a day before they gobbled up all the tasty bricks.

8) Doesn’t that mean the villagers ate quite a bit of food at once?

9) Yes, yes it does.

10) Then didn’t the gluttonous eaters get fat?

11) Yes. Hence the saying “French Omelette pyramids, fat people.”

12) So, succeeding pharaohs tried building pyramids with bread slices. Remember the slogan “Pharaoh Twelve Grain Bread(tm) builds strong pyramids twelve ways.”

13) Of the pharaohs instructed their workers to dry out the bread before using it to construct the pyramids. That worked well until . . .

14) It rained.

15) Pyramid construction kept failing until Sadiski of Saqaara, near Memphis, stumbled over a block of limestone. Yowzer! That hurt. “Limestone ain’t no good for nobody but for pharaohs building pyramids.” Clearly English grammar was not rigorously taught in Ancient Egypt.

16) After the swelling in his ankle went down a light bulb–not yet invented at that time–went on in Sadiki’s brain. Why not quarry the limestone in his backyard?

17) In 2630 B.C,, he pitched the idea of cutting limestone into bricks and then using them to make pyramids to Pharaoh Djosi. Djosi, known as DJ to his subjects, loved the idea. And so, Egypt built the first lasting pyramid.

18) Overtime, Memphis would become famous for barbecue, blues, and rock and roll. The musically talented Djosi would provide the inspiration for millennia of future Djs. Now you know.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Chettinad Fish Fry

Posted on October 22, 2022 by pauldelancey

Indian Entree

CHETTINAD FISH FRY

INGREDIENTS

2 garlic cloves
1 shallot
½ tablespoon chili powder
¾ teaspoon coriander
½ teaspoon fennel powder
½ tablespoon garam masala
¾ teaspoon minced ginger
½ teaspoon turmeric
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon vegetable oil (5 tablespoons more later)
1¼ pounds fish: cod, seer fish, or king mackerel
5 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 lemon wedges

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves and shallot. Add all ingredients except fish and 5 tablespoons vegetable oil to mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whish until you get a well blended paste. Cut fish into 8 pieces Pat cod dry. Pat paste onto fish pieces. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour.

Add 5 tablespoons vegetable oil to large pan. Fry at medium-high heat until a little bit of paste starts to dance in the oil. Gently add fish pieces to hot oil. Fry for 3 minutes. Carefully flip fish pieces. Fry again for 3 minutes. Keep flipping and frying until fish turn brown on both sides, become crispy, and flaky. Garnish with lemon wedges. Goes well with rice.

TIDBITS

1) The two Chettinad Fish Fry fillets in the above picture look like wings. Birds have wings. They can fly. Fish that have highly modified pectoral fins can jump out of the water and glide for up to 650 feet.

2) Flying fish propel themselves out of the sea at 35 miles per hour. This speed far exceeds anything humans can manage. Of course, the limited range of the heavier-than-air fish rules out long distance races such as the mile. However, flying beat the pants out of human sprinters, whether it be the 100-yard dash or the even longer 100 meters.

3) This is why flying fish were banned from all international sprints. They never got the chance to compete in any Olympics. No, not even in 1896.

4) The Exocet missile is named after the Latin name for the flying-fish family. So, that is something.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

British Digestive Biscuits

Posted on October 19, 2022 by pauldelancey

British Dessert

DIGESTIVE BISCUITS

INGREDIENTS

⅔ cup flour
3 cups wheat flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1½ cups confectioners’ sugar
1 cup butter, softened
½ cup milk

SPECIAL UTENSILS

parchment paper
2 baking sheets

Makes 60 cookies. Takes 2 hours.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add flour, wheat flour, baking powder, and sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk. Cut butter into ½” cubes. Knead with hands until mixture resembles bread crumbs. Add milk. Knead with hands until dough forms.

Roll out dough until it’s ⅛” thick. Cut dough into 2½” circles. Place parchment paper on baking sheet. Place biscuits on parchment. Prick biscuits all over with fork. (Make a design if you wish.) Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes or until biscuits turn golden brown. (You will most likely need to cook in batches.) Cool on wire rack. Goodness, these simple biscuits are tasty.

TIDBITS

1) From Professor Nicholas Baigent, London School of Economics, “ Did you know that they are seldom consumed in public places in the South of England, though lots are enjoyed privately with family and friends? In the Deep South here, dunking is thoroughly frowned upon. If you don’t want the job you are being offered, just dunk your biscuit in the cup of weak tea they will force upon you at the interview.”

2) Mitch Jagger attended the London School of Economics (LSE). However, he dropped out after only one year.

3) “He announced his attention of going into business but was worried about mathematics,”
– Walter Stern, Jagger’s tutor at the LSE

4) Mr. Jagger’s career path gained more traction when he became lead singer for The Rolling Stones. He did rather well while there, by all accounts.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shrimp Gravy

Posted on October 13, 2022 by pauldelancey

American Entree

SHRIMP GRAVY

INGREDIENTS

1 green bell pepper
1 celery stalk
1 medium onion
1½ pounds shrimp, peeled and deveined (41-50 count)
¼ teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon seasoned salt
6 bacon slices
2 tablespoons butter
¼ cup flour
1½ cups beef stock

Serves 6 Takes 35 minutes.

PREPARATION

Seed and dice bell pepper. Dice celery and onion. Add shrimp, garlic powder, and seasoned salt to mixing bowl. Stir with fork or hands until shrimp are completely coated.

Add bacon to pan. Cook at medium-high heat until crisp. Remove bacon with slotted spoon and place on paper towels. Crumble bacon. Keep bacon grease in pan. Add bell pepper, celery, and onion. Sauté for 4 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add butter and flour to pan. Reduce heat to medium. Cook for 5 minutes or until flour turns copper brown. Stir constantly. Reduce heat if necessary, to prevent burning.

Add beef stock and coated shrimp to pan. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer for 4 minutes or until shrimp turns pink or orange. Stir frequently. Add crumbled bacon. Mix with fork until well blended. Goes well over freshly cooked rice or grits.

TIDBITS

1) When I was a kid, I took speech therapy classes. One of the phrases I had to master was “Butter makes the bitter batter better.” I enrolled in one acting class. I had to say easily, “You need New York, unique New York. You know you need unique New York.”

3) I played Snoopy in my grammar school’s version of You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I even danced and sang. I built upon this success to play Wildcat Willie in my middle school’s production of Wildcat Willie Carves the Turkey.

4)Strange to say, I landed no more roles after that. I do however, have the occasional dream where I’m on stage and I don’t know the name of the play or my lines. Sigh.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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