Posts Tagged With: fish

Fish and Chips

British Entree

FISH AND CHIPS

INGREDIENTSFishAndChips-

2½ pounds potatoes (King Edward or Maris if you can get them.)
1⅓ cups flour (3 additional tablespoons later)
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon sea salt or salt
1¼ cups (10 ounces) beer
2 cups peanut oil
5 cups (or enough to cover fish) vegetable oil
4 7-ounce cod, pollock, or haddock fillets
3 tablespoons flour
malt vinegar (to be added by guest)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

deep fryer

Makes 4 servings. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes
Note:: Cooking times vary a lot between fryers or with the amount of food you put in them, so you’ll need to check the fryer periodically.

PREPARATION

Peel potatoes. Slice potatoes along their lengths into ½” by ½” strips. Add potato strips to first bowl filled with cold water. Let soak for 1 hour to remove starch. Pat the potato strips with paper towels until the strips are completely dry.

This is important. If you leave moisture on your potato strips, then your chips, if you are British, or your French fries, if you’re American, will not turn out well and the Earth will leave its orbit and spiral into the Sun. Enough said.

While potato strips are soaking, add 1⅓ cups flour, pepper, and salt to large, second mixing bowl. Mix thoroughly with whisk. Add beer. Stir with whisk until there are no lumps and mixture has the consistency of whipping cream.

When the potato strips have only 15 minutes left to soak, pre-heat oven to 200 degrees. (You will be making this entree in batches. Put fried fish and completely done fries warm in oven until everything is ready.) Add peanut oil and vegetable oil to deep fryer. Heat oil to 275 degrees. Carefully add ¼ of potato strips to deep fryer. Fry potato strips for 5 minutes or until any of them start to brown. There are now officially French fries or chips. (Pauses for ceremony.) Remove chips from fryer, drain, and set aside. Repeat for each batch of potato strips.

Add 3 tablespoons flour to third bowl. Add fish fillets, one at a time to bowl. Turn fish fillets around until they are coated with flour. This flour keeps the batter from slipping off later. Add flour-covered fish fillets to mixing bowl with batter. Slowly turn fish fillets until they are thoroughly covered with batter.

Increase heat on deep fryer to 375 degrees. Carefully add fish fillets to deep fryer. Fry for 6-to-10 minutes or until batter is crisp and golden brown. Turn fillets two or three times with wooden spoon to ensure even frying. Remove fish fillets with slotted spoon and place on wire rack above plate and let drain.

Add partially cooked French fries to deep fryer for second time. Keep heat at 375 degrees. Fry French fries for 10-to-20 minutes or until they are golden brown and crispy. Remove French fries with slotted spoon and dry with paper towels.

Serve fish and chips and malt vinegar to adoring, appreciative guests. Dredge unappreciative guests through any remaining batter. You were cooking with hot oil, for goodness sake.

TIDBITS

1) Gratuitous Capitalizing of Words has not been allowed in English speaking countries since 1945. Indeed, World War II was fought to preserve our minimalist capitalization approach.

2) You see, Germany capitalizes all nouns. Germany wants the whole world to capitalize nouns. Why does Germany want all this capitalization? Who would benefit from this?

3) The German ink makers. Capitalized letters take more ink than small letters. More capitalized letters means more ink. More ink means more income for the ink makers. No German government from 1814 to 1945 was strong enough to resist the dictates of the German Ink Makers’ League, GIML. So, when GIML told their leaders to invade one country after another to open up new market for ink, their governments obliged.

4) Things looked bad for the minimal-capitalizing countries in mid1940. The British Expeditionary Force was trapped against the beaches of Dunkirk. If this force had surrendered, Britain, the last hold out against German Capitalizing aggression, would have had to give up all resistance.

5) Fortunately in 1940, a young physicist named Peter Sakes, was in a London pub waiting for his fish and chips. Boom! A gigantic explosion blew apart the kitchen walls. Hot cod and hot potato strips flew into the eating and drinking areas. Patrons ran screaming from the establishment. A light clicked in Sakes’ head. Perhaps the same process used to explode fish and chips could be employed to make nuclear fission. A nuclear bomb would surely stop the invincible German armies.

7) Prime Minister Churchill agreed and gathered all British scientists to develop the atomic bomb. Well, the whole thing took longer than expected; the heat from cooking oil proved insufficient to trigger a nuclear chain reaction. So the Americans came on board with their Manhattan Project and by August, 1945, had an atomic bomb to use on Japan.

8) The atomic bomb came too late to use on Germany which had already surrendered. However, the mere hope the bomb had brought to Churchill had given him to will to resist. We owe our freedom and our small-lettered nouns to Mr. Sakes and his idea. Here’s to him and fish and chips!

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Portuguese Fish Sauce (molho cru)

Portuguese Appetizer

FISH SAUCE
(molho cru)

INGREDIENTSMolhoCru-

3 garlic cloves
6 tablespoons fresh parsley
1 onion
2 teaspoons olive oil
1 teaspoon crushed red peppers
½ teaspoon pepper
1 package saffron
⅓ cup cold water
1 cup cider vinegar

PREPARATION

Mince garlic and parsley. Dice onion. Add all ingredients to serving bowl. Mix with whisk until well blended. Put bowl in refrigerator for 30 minutes. Serve cold. This dish also works well for marinating fish.

TIDBITS

1) Want to really run with the bulls? Visit the Portuguese island of Terceira for the Sanjoaninas festivites in August. Simply hold a rope that is tied to a running bull. Okay, it is suggested that you run as well. Prove your courage to your loved one by scampering as close to the enraged, huge, muscular, sharp horned beast as possible. A gore wound is guaranteed to give you a story you can tell your friends forever. Go for it!

2) Admittedly, painful injuries just aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. Well, if you’re one of these people may I suggest the Orange Throwing Competition in Ivrea, Italy? Held forty days before Lent, it’s perfect for the warrior in all of us yearning to participate in a safe war. (And how many of those occur these days?) Watch a parade. Blend in, pretend to savor the historical significance of some long ago battle. Then pelt other tourists and locals with overripe oranges. If life gives you rotten oranges, hold a festival.

3) Sometimes you just feel like being a dick. That’s a good time to head to Tyrnavos, Greece for its Phallus Festival. Start your celebration of Dionysus, the Greek god of wine and whoopee, by eating spinach and nettle soup. Then go crazy and bop others on their heads with an enormous phallus–fake, not your own. This all ensures a good harvest and occurs at the start of Lent.

4) The Festa della Madonna Bruna in Matera, Italy, is perfect for everyone thirsting for vengeance against the law for that $400 in towing fees and fines they gave you for parking illegally in a spot where you couldn’t see the no-parking signs twelve feet off the ground and twenty yards behind you. Ahem. Police, locals, and participants battle for the possession of the float honoring the Madonna. Held on July 2, it’s good fun, it’s legal, and doesn’t cause run-on sentences.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

French Onion Soup

French Soup

FRENCH ONION SOUP

INGREDIENTSFrenchOnion-

2 large onions
2 garlic cloves
6 ounces Gruyère cheese
2 tablespoons butter
4 cups beef broth
2 tablespoons dry sherry or dry white wine
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 bay leaf
6 slices French bread

PREPARATION

Preheat broiler to 350 degrees.

Mince garlic cloves and onions. Grate cheese. Add garlic, onion, and butter to pot. Sauté on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add broth, sherry, Worcestershire sauce, black pepper, and bay leaf to pot. Bring to boil on high heat, stirring frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer covered for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally.

While soup simmers, toast bread slices. Sprinkle toasted bread slices with cheese. Bake slices at 350 degrees for 3-to-5 minutes or until cheese is bubbly and golden brown. Ladle soup into bowls and gently place bread slices on top of soup.

TIDBITS

1) Archeologists believe the Japanese ate fish soup as early as 15,000 years ago.

2) However, the opera composer Guiseppe Verdi (1813-1901, 1942) ate chicken noodle soup when he needed inspiration. It is quite clear that Mr. Verdi had a time machine to be alive in 1942. He probably looked around, saw the world at war, wasn’t impressed, and went back to his own time.

3) The French poet Beaudelaire loved onion soup. His pet bat, Skippy, kept in a cage on Beaudelaire’s desk resented the poet’s attention to this soup and went back in time to prevent the invention of soup. Skippy’s attempt met with limited success, however, removing soup from the time line only during the Elizabethan Era. This is why Shakespeare never mentions the word soup in any of his plays or sonnets.

4) According to Europe’s Patent Office, the most frequently requested patent document is for sardine-flavored ice cream. This delicacy is made from the noble onion (featured in this recipe), ferment soybean paste, rice wine, milk, alcohol, and nut pastes. Road trip to Europe!

– Chef Paul
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Fish with Peppers and Coconut Milk

Brazilian Entree

FISH WITH PEPPERS AND COCONUT MILK

INGREDIENTSCoconut_Milk-

1 red chile
1 red bell pepper
1 garlic clove
2 Roma tomatoes
1/2 onion (1/2 more later)
2 cod fillets (about 12 ounces total, or halibut or haddock)
2 teaspoons lime juice
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 tablespoon cilantro
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1 cup coconut milk
2 tablespoons palm oil or vegetable oil (1 tablespoon more later)

1/2 tablespoon palm oil or vegetable oil
1/2 onion
1 cup cassava flour or all-purpose flour or toasted bread crumbs.

The camera was in Chicago when I made this dish so I couldn’t take a picture of it. Please enjoy the above picture.

PREPARATION

Seed and dice red chile and red bell pepper. Mince garlic clove. Dice tomatoes and 1/2 onion. Put cod in large mixing bowl. Pour enough water in bowl to cover cod. Add lime juice. Let sit for 30 minutes. Remove cod fillets. Pat them dry with towel. Put cod in skillet. Add red bell pepper, garlic, tomato, chili powder, cilantro, sea salt, and coconut milk. Let sit for 15 minutes.

Cook fish/spice/coconut mix on high heat until it begins to boil. Simmer at low heat with lid on for 5 minutes. Add 2 tablespoons palm oil. Simmer with lid on for 10 additional minutes.

While fish/spice/coconut mix simmers, thinly slice 1/2 onion. Sauté sliced onion second skillet with 1 tablespoon palm oil on medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion is soft. Add cassava flour and cook on medium-high heat for 2 minutes or until flour is lightly toasted.

Serve fish/spice/coconut mix on top of sliced onions and toasted cassava flour.

TIDBITS

1) Over half of the world’s cassava production occurs in Africa.

2) Where does the other 40 percent plus come from?

3) I think we can rule out Antarctica as a major source of cassava.

4) Unless, of course, the scientists in Antarctica, have vast hydroponic farms devoted to growing cassava.

5) Wouldn’t it be neat if there were a movie called Hydroponic Cassava Farming in Antarctica. I’d see it. After all, I saw Salmon Fishing in the Yemen.

6) Salmon Fishing in the Yemen was One World, One Movie’s choice for it’s 2013 movie. People all over the world watched this movie on the same day to promote world peace and have fun. Please feel free to visit the event site at: https://www.facebook.com/events/384691621637151/.

7) If he were still alive John Cassavetes would have been a natural for Hydroponic Cassava Farming in Antarctica. The accomplished actor starred in The Dirty Dozen and Rosemary’s Baby.

8) Rosemary is an herb with many beneficial properties. However, some types of cassava possess cyanide compounds. These varieties must be cooked thoroughly to avoid lethal cyanide poisoning which is generally considered ban especially by law enforcement.

9) But this would make for a really cool murder mystery. After all, who wouldn’t go see the movie, The Hydroponic Cassava Murders?
cover

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World, is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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Prestigious, Rousing Endorsements for my Presidential Candidacy of Venezuela

My run for the office of El Presidente of Venezuela nearly derailed when I momentarily forget how to spell “candidacy” for this blog’s title. But I flagremembered. Whew! Anyway, I’ve been telling you, the Venezuelan voters, how I will help you or at the very least inflict the least harm of any candidate. But why take the word of someone who has run for political office, golfed, and fished?  Look at the glowing endorsements below.

“You are much more qualified than the Chavista bus driver (Maduro), and offer better perks (Bacon & Chocolate- For the People!) than the other challanger (Capriles). DeLancey for El Presidente!”
– Jonna Pattillo

“You have the full support of The Cookie Party.”
– Wayne DePriest

“Glad to know the BCP has gone post-nationalist.”
– Blaise Marcoux

“Vote Early, vote often!”
– Jonna Pattillo

“You have my endorsement. As a token of my endorsement I am sending you a fish with an endorsal fin.”
– Steve Kramer

“I really think the people of Venezuela should vote for you instead of that morally compromised bus driver turned politico. After all – You offer bacon and chocolate instead of just popular television….”
– Jonna Pattillo

“You have my endorsement, but don’t be in any hurry to cash the check.”
– Wayne DePriest

“The Lascaux Review officially endorses Paul De Lancey of the Bacon & Chocolate Party for the office of President of Venezuela.”
– Stephen Parrish

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St. Martin Hamburger Recipe

St. Martin Entree

ST. MARTIN HAMBURGER

INGREDIENTSStMarHB-

1 medium yellow onion
1/2 teaspoon bird pepper (St. Martin spice)
1 teaspoon nigelle (St. Martin spice)
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
6 hamburger buns

SPECIAL APPLIANCES

spice grinder
time machine

PREPARATION

Mince yellow onion. Use spice grinder to grind bird pepper. Use hands to combine onion, bird pepper, nigelle, and ground beef in large mixing bowl. Make 6 patties.

Your hands will be messy. Use time machine to go back to a moment when your hands were clean. Be sure to come back to the present moment. Those patties need to be fried and you don’t want to cause a time paradox, do you?

Cook patties in frying pan until meat browns. Flip patties over at least once to keep moisture from exiting the top. Toast hamburger buns. Put patties in buns. Enjoy.

TIDBITS

1) St. Martin is the French side of an island in the Caribbeain. St. Maarten is the Dutch side. Both countries valued the island for its vast salt deposits.

2) Packing meat and fish in salt was one of the few ways to preserve meat and fish way back when. Nations in those days often waged war over lands rich in salt.

3) Indeed, global wars raged constantly in the seventeenth, eighteenth, and nineteenth centuries. The number of such bloody conflicts plummeted in the twentieth century and in our very own, the twenty-first.

4) Why? The development of the refrigerator made it unnecessary for chefs worldwide to use salt to preserve their perishable beef and fish.

5) Well preserved food results in happy contented chefs. Happy chefs cook for happy eaters. Happy eaters comprise happy nations. Happy nations are agreeable nations. Agreeable nations don’t fight each other. No wars, no nuclear Armageddon.

6) So think about that when considering to send back that overcooked steak to the chef.

 

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Potato-Bean Tostada Recipe

Mexican Entree

POTATO-BEAN TOSTADAS

INGREDIENTSPotBeTo-

4 russet potatoes
1 14.5 ounce can refried beans
1/2 cup milk
1 medium onion
2 Roma tomatoes
2 teaspoons cumin
1 1/2 teaspoons Meat MagicTM spice
1 1/2 cup grated Four Mexican cheeses
8 tostada shells
1 1/2 cups lettuce
1 1/2 cups salsa
PREPARATION

Put water in large pot until water level exceeds the height of a potato on its side. Heat water on high setting. Peel potatoes. Cut them into eighths. Put potato pieces into large pot. Cook for about 10 minutes or until water is boiling.

While water is boiling, mince the onion and dice the tomatoes. Mix together refried beans and milk in sauce. Cook beans on medium heat for about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally to avoid burning. After water comes to a boil, start mashing the potatoes with a potato masher. Mash until the potatoes have the consistency of mashed potatoes and excess water has boiled off. (This should take about 10 minutes.) Shred lettuce by hand or chop into medium-sized pieces with a knife.

Lazy Susans are fantastic. (See the Lazy Susan in the above picture.). Fill the sections with refried beans, mashed potatoes, onion, tomatoes, cheese, lettuce, and salsa. This makes it simple for your guests to make their own tostadas.

TIDBITS

1) The tostada shells are not in this recipe’s photo. They were camera shy.

2) Mr. Eastman is a big name in the development of the camera.

3) Kodiak bears are big as well.

4) But they never developed a camera, preferring to spend their time fishing instead.

5) Give a man fish for lunch and you’ve fed him once.

7) Teach a man to fish and you’ve fed him for a lifetime.

8) Unless he doesn’t have a fishing rod or doesn’t live near water.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fish-Stick Fajitas

Mexican Entree

FISH-STICK FAJITAS

INGREDIENTS

12 fish frozen sticks
2 garlic cloves
1 medium white onion
1 green bell pepper
1 yellow bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 teaspoons lime juice
1/4 teaspoon TabascoTM sauce
1 teaspoon red chili powder
1 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon coriander
3/4 teaspoon Seafood MagicTM spice
6 small flour tortillas
1/2 cup shredded Four Mexican cheeses

UTENSILS

No-stick frying pan
A lazy Susan, about 24 inches across, if you can find one.

PREPARATION

Cook fish sticks according to instructions on package. Use food processor to mince garlic cloves. Use knife to slice the onion and all bell peppers into rings. Then cut rings into fourths.

Pour vegetable oil and lime juice into no-stick frying pan. Cook on medium-high heat. Saute one at a time the following ingredients: onion, green bell pepper, yellow bell pepper, and red bell pepper. (Saute means to leap in French. You will leap too if the oil gets on you. Always be careful.) Put each ingredient in its own bowl. Put bowls on lazy Susan, again if you have one. Add more vegetable oil and lime juice if you run out while sauteing all the ingredients.

Whisk together in small bowl: chili powder, cumin, coriander, and Seafood spice. Apportion equally over the onion and bell-pepper bowls. Put an equal amount of TabascoTM sauce, about two drops in each bowl.

Heat each tortilla in microwave for 12 seconds. Put a tortilla with 2 fish sticks on each plate. Let the guests take as much of the onions and bell peppers as desired.

TIDBITS

1) Many believe Sonny Falcon operated the first fajita stand in Texas in 1969.

2) The word “fajita” entered the Oxford English Dictionary in 1971. Way to go, Falcon.

3) So, fajitas are not technically Mexican, but Tex-Mex.

4) TabascoTM sauce is not Mexican either. It comes from Avery Island in Louisiana and is used extensively in Cajun food.

5) The TabascoTM company was formed by the McIlhenny family, presumably not Mexicans, in 1868.

6) Mr. McIlhenny’s first instinct was to name it “Petite Anse Sauce,” but everyone else objected. Good for them.

7) Before 1863, the family made its fortune from the salt mines on Avery Island. However, in that year, Union soldiers destroyed the mines, leaving only a crop of hot peppers. Those peppers became the genesis of the TabascoTM company.

8) So, a lot of culinary good came out of the Civil War.

9) You should visit the TabascoTM factory on Avery Island. Don’t leave without going through the island’s Jungle Gardens, which boasts of a wonderful collection of flowers, birds, and alligators which can scoot as fast as 25 mph.

10) Only the alligators there scurry up to 25 mph. Don’t infer from the last sentence of 9) that flowers in Avery, Louisiana can move that fast. Flowers there and indeed everywhere else in that state are rather sedentary.

– Chef Paul

4novels

My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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