Posts Tagged With: 100-yard dash

Chettinad Fish Fry

Indian Entree



2 garlic cloves
1 shallot
½ tablespoon chili powder
¾ teaspoon coriander
½ teaspoon fennel powder
½ tablespoon garam masala
¾ teaspoon minced ginger
½ teaspoon turmeric
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon vegetable oil (5 tablespoons more later)
1¼ pounds fish: cod, seer fish, or king mackerel
5 tablespoons vegetable oil
4 lemon wedges

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.


Mince garlic cloves and shallot. Add all ingredients except fish and 5 tablespoons vegetable oil to mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whish until you get a well blended paste. Cut fish into 8 pieces Pat cod dry. Pat paste onto fish pieces. Cover and refrigerate for 1 hour.

Add 5 tablespoons vegetable oil to large pan. Fry at medium-high heat until a little bit of paste starts to dance in the oil. Gently add fish pieces to hot oil. Fry for 3 minutes. Carefully flip fish pieces. Fry again for 3 minutes. Keep flipping and frying until fish turn brown on both sides, become crispy, and flaky. Garnish with lemon wedges. Goes well with rice.


1) The two Chettinad Fish Fry fillets in the above picture look like wings. Birds have wings. They can fly. Fish that have highly modified pectoral fins can jump out of the water and glide for up to 650 feet.

2) Flying fish propel themselves out of the sea at 35 miles per hour. This speed far exceeds anything humans can manage. Of course, the limited range of the heavier-than-air fish rules out long distance races such as the mile. However, flying beat the pants out of human sprinters, whether it be the 100-yard dash or the even longer 100 meters.

3) This is why flying fish were banned from all international sprints. They never got the chance to compete in any Olympics. No, not even in 1896.

4) The Exocet missile is named after the Latin name for the flying-fish family. So, that is something.


– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on

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Pepper Jack Birds in a Sesame Blanket

American Entree



4 ounces pepper jack cheese
8 turkey dogs
12 ounce package buttermilk biscuit dough
3/4 teaspoon Poultry MagicTM spice or poultry spice
2 tablespoons butter
3 tablespoons sesame seeds
no-stick spray


cookie sheet


Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Grate pepper jack cheese. Spray cookie sheet with no-stick spray. Divide dough into 8 pieces. Roll out or flatten each dough piece until it is sufficiently long and wide to wrap around a turkey dog. Sprinkle each dough piece with an even amount of cheese and Poultry MagicTM. Press cheese and Poultry MagicTM into dough.

Put a turkey dog near one end of a dough piece and wrap the dough around the turkey dog. Put this creation on a cookie sheet so that the dough overlaps on the bottom Otherwise, the dough might break apart. Egads. Brush dough with butter. Sprinkle dough with sesame seeds. Gently press seeds into surface of dough-wrapped turkey dogs.

Bake in oven at 400 degrees for 8-to-13 minutes (Yes, there is a lot of variation between ovens) or until dough is golden brown. Be sure to watch your pepper jack birds in a sesame blanket to make sure they don’t burn or cook unevenly. You might need to turn them over once if they appear to browning too quickly on the top while remaining doughy on the bottom.

Remove from oven and let cool for several nanoseconds before eating. ☺


1) The cardinal is a bird. The St. Louis Cardinals use bats when they are at the plate.

2) Bats always turn left when leaving a cave. Why? Is this convention? Manners? Is there no room for artistic expression within the bat community? Is this why we never see bat art collections in the finest galleries? Does Batman always turn left when exiting his hideaway in his Batmobile?

3) The New Zealand Kea bird feasts on rubber strips around car windows. Can we use this knowledge to dispose of discarded rubber?

4) More than 10,000 birds a year die from colliding with windows. On the other wing, bird collisions have been known to bring down airplanes. Israel has lost more fighter planes to birds than it has in all its wars.

5) Chickens can run at a speed of 9 miles per hour. This figure is for short distances only. Chickens do not possess the stamina for the marathon or even the mile. The human record for the 100-yard dash is 9.2 seconds, or 23 miles per hour. So even if you are only half as fast as that, you will be able to outdistance any enraged chicken.

6) Well, as long as they don’t fly. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds. The longest distance for a solo chicken flight is 301 feet. Watch a chicken fly in this video for SmirnoffTM:

7) It’s quite possible air forces everywhere have nightmares about flying chickens. If birds can accidentally decimate the Israeli air force, can you imagine what would happen if chickens took to the skies filled with blood lust?

8) An uneaten chicken can live to be eight  years old, an eaten one goes earlier. The popularity of chicken in cuisines around the world might really be prompted by nervous air force commanders.

9) Moles cannot fly. They are never found on the menus of air-force bases.

10) Moles, however, can dig a tunnel 300 feet long in just one night. If you could put a mole on the day shift and on the swing shift, the mole team could excavate a tunnel 900 feet long in just one twenty-four-hour period.

11) Compare that achievement to the construction crew that’s torn up that important street near your house for two months just to dig a tunnel for sewer pipes. I say fire the human crew and replace them with moles who will get the excavating job done in no time. We will probably still need humans to place the one-ton sections of sewer pipes into the ground. As of press time, moles have shown no real inclination to operate heavy machinery.

– Chef Paul


My cookbook, Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World,  and novels are available in paperpack or Kindle on

As an e-book on Nook

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at:


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