Posts Tagged With: Carl La Fong

Indian Spicy Shrimp

Indian Entree

SPICY SHRIMP

INGREDIENTS

1 green chile
3 tablespoons fresh cilantro
1 onion
2 tomatoes
1 teaspoon fennel seeds
2 tablespoons peanut, sesame, or vegetable oil
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon cumin
½ teaspoon garam masala
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 teaspoon minced ginger
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon turmeric
1 pound shrimp, peeled deveined

Serves 4. Takes 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Seed and mince green chile. Dice cilantro, onion and tomatoes. Add fennel seed and peanut oil and onion to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add green chile, tomato, chili powder, cumin, garam masala, garlic, ginger, salt, and turmeric. Cover and reduce heat to low-medium. Simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally.

Add shrimp. Keep covered and simmer at medium heat for 3 minutes or until shrimp turn pink. Garnish with cilantro. Goes well with naan, some other flatbread, or rice.

TIDBITS

1) Carl La Fong loved three things: algebra, geometry, and aquatic life. He hated people because so many of them despised geometry. Strike one. So many of them detested algebra. Strike Two. So many diners ate seafood. Strike three. People were out.

2) Then, La Fong won $823 million from the lottery. He decided to teach the oceans’ denizens algebra and geometry. So he set up La Fong’s Underwater Institute. The first year’s class began with shrimp. But there were plans to expand to include cod next year and after that who knew?

3) The shrimp liked algebra and loved how geometry could tell them how high that rock shelf in the distance would be without having to measure it. But the shrimp detested the endless geometric proofs. They became surly and boycotted classes in droves. The school collapsed for lack of students. La Fong grew bitter and made and ate Spicy Shrimp. “That’ll teach them,” said he.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Carl La Fong, cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Two Barriers Broken In the NFL

The kickers’ nightmare

Today, two barriers fell in the National Football League. For a scant ten minutes ago, Carl La Fong, press secretary for the hapless New York Giants, announced they had just signed LeChat to a three-year, $32.1 million contract.

When asked why the Giants spent so much on an unknown player, La Fong blurted out, “The Bears do the same thing with quarterbacks.”

Almost as an afterthought, La Fong said, “Ms. LeChat is also a kitten.”

It took minutes for the uproar to die down. Finally Amos Keeto of the Salem Sentinel said, “Why on Earth, would you sign a cat?”

LaFong shrugged. “We’re the Giants.”

“Where will the cat play?” asked Keeto.

“Kitten.”

“Excuse me, kitten. Where will the kitten play?”

“On defense, specifically on punts and field-goal attempts. That kitten has a leap and a stretch that you won’t believe. Oh, and LeChat is female. Her name’s Yvette LeChat.”

“About time,” muttered Juana Danz of Glass Ceiling Magazine.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Carl La Fong, sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shiro (Spicy Ground Chickpea Stew)

Eritrean Entree

SHIRO
(Spicy Ground Chickpea Stew)

INGREDIENTS

1 jalapeno
5 garlic cloves
1 large onion
1 large tomato
⅓ cup vegetable oil
3 cups water
2 tablespoons Berbere spice*
¾ cup chickpea or garbanzo flour*
1 teaspoon salt

Serves 4. Takes 50 minutes.

* = Can be found in Middle Easter or African supermarkets or online.

PREPARATION

Seed jalapeno. Slice jalapeno into small circles. Mince garlic cloves and onion. Dice tomato. Cook onion at medium-high heat for 4 minutes or until it turns brown. Stir frequently. Add oil. Sauté for 2 minutes at medium heat. Stir frequently. Add garlic and tomato. Sauté at medium heat for 3 minutes. Stir frequently.

Add water. Bring to boil. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low. Add Berbere spice. Add chickpea flour, 1 tablespoon at a time. Stir with whisk after each tablespoon until lumps disappear. Simmer on low heat for 20 minutes or until stew reaches your desired level of thickness. Add jalapeno circles and salt. Stir until well blended.

TIDBITS

1) About 6,000 years ago, people everywhere grew terrified over solar eclipses. These eclipses meant that the moon god was eating the sun god. If the sun god got devoured, we’d have perpetual darkness. Crops wouldn’t grow in the perpetual gloom. It was all quite distressing.

2) 500 years later, Chief La Fong of the Rohohoe tribe was contemplating the infinite while eating Shiro in a bowl exactly like the one above. Amazing coincidence, isn’t it? Anyway, he noted that while he couldn’t see the bottom of the bowl, it was still there. Shiro had merely come between his eyes and the bottom of the bowl. La Fong then embarked on a campaign of conquest by invading during solar eclipses. He’d simply told the invaded tribe to surrender and he’d make the Moon give back the Sun. How do we know this? Culinary archeologists have decoded the Rohohoe alphabet, which was based on dried out doughnuts. We don’t have the doughnuts anymore. Someone dropped a safe on them. Ironically, the safe was meant to preserve the doughnuts. Oh well.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fantastic Pizza at Carl La Fong’s Italian Pizzeria

Quick, what are the most beloved foods in America?

Why, they’re pizzas, tacos, and hamburgers.

What’s the only thing wrong with pizzas, tacos, and hamburgers?

You can’t have them all in one entree. If only there were an authentic Italian Pizzeria that had taco and hamburger toppings. Not just some hamburger meat, taco meat, some onions, cheese, and Mexican spices. No! We all want, we all crave, a pizza topped with entire tacos and entire hamburgers. But where, oh where, is their such a culinary heaven?

This dining bliss is found at Carl La Fong’s Italian Pizzeria. Order the Mammoth Pepperoni Taco Hamburger pizza. After just one slice you will be the happiest you’ve ever been while dining. So go down the Carl La Fong’s Italian Pizzeria. You’ll never want to dine anywhere else ever again.

The 32″ Mammoth Pepperoni Taco Hamburger Pizza

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Carl La Fong, cuisine, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shrimp Balls From Bahrain

Bahraini Appetizer

SHRIMP BALLS
(Chebeh Rubyan)

INGREDIENTS – SHRIMP PASTE

1⅔ pounds shrimp, peeled and deveined*
½ teaspoon turmeric powder
⅔ cup rice flour
½ teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons fresh cilantro

INGREDIENTS – FILLING

¼ cup ghee or butter (2 tablespoons more later)
1 medium onion (1 small one later)
1 tablespoon lemon zest
½ tablespoon baharat spice mix** (½ teaspoon more later)

INGREDIENTS – SAUCE

1 medium onion
4 tomatoes
¼ cup ghee or butter
½ teaspoon baharat spice mix
1 teaspoon chili powder
4 teaspoons tamarind paste***
5 teaspoons sugar
4 cups warm water

* = Save money and buy shrimp with a large count per pound. It will be ground into a paste.
** = Buy at Middle Eastern supermarkets or order online.
*** = Or use 3⅓ teaspoons tamarind concentrate. Or even soak 4″ of a tamarind in 2 cups warm water and use the resulting tamarind flavored water, or 4 teaspoons pomegranate molasses.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

food processor****
sonic obliterator****

**** = Do not confuse the two.

Serves 12. Takes 1 hour 40 minutes.

 

PREPARATION – SHRIMP PASTE

Add all shrimp-paste ingredients to food processor. Blend until you get paste. Refrigerate until needed.

PREPARATION – FILLING

Mince medium onion. Add ½ cup ghee and minced medium onion to 1st pot. Sauté onion at medium-heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add lemon zest and ½ tablespoon baharat spice mix. Stir until well blended Remove from heat.

PREPARATION – SAUCE

Mince small onion. Dice tomatoes. Add diced small onion and 2 tablespoons ghee to 2nd pot. Sauté onion at medium-heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add ½ teaspoon baharat spice mix, chili powder, sugar, tomato, and water. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 20 minutes. Stir occasionally.

PREPARATION – FINAL

While sauce simmers, use your hands to make a ball out of 1 tablespoon shrimp paste. Use a thumb to make a cave in the middle of the shrimp ball. Put ¾ teaspoon filling in cave. Close shrimp paste completely over filling. Repeat until all shrimp paste and filling is used.

Divide sauce equally into 2 pots. (You most likely won’t have enough room in just one pot for your shrimp balls.) Gently drop shrimp balls into the 2 pots with the simmering sauces. Cover and simmer for 25 minutes. Stir occasionally. Goes well with rice.

Use sonic obliterator on any guest giving you any guff at all. You spent too much time and money finding the ingredients, not to mention the time cooking this wonderful dish, to put up with that kind of negativity.

TIDBITS

1) It was really, really big day when a herd of shrimps pulled themselves out of a small lake and onto the shore. You can see them above in the photo for this recipe.

2) Some scientists believe that fish became the first amphibians. But culinary evolutionists pooh pooh the idea. “Where are the arms on fish? Where are their legs? Surely, shrimps were the first amphibians. Why shrimps have scads of legs.”

3) When pressed for a reason for shrimps to venture onto land at 11:30 a.m. on May 29, 3,600,000 BC, spokesman Carl La Fong, “Why, because it was there.”

4) Creatures and people would continue to investigate things simply because they were there. Then at 11:30 am on May 29, 1953 Hillary* and Norgay climbed Mt. Everest because it was there.

6) * = This Hillary was Edmund Hillary, not Hillary Clinton. She went into politics.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Udang Balado (Spicy Shrimp)

Indonesian Appetizer

UDANG BALADO
(Spicy Shrimp)

INGREDIENTS

3 birds’ eye, piri piri, or Thai chiles
2 garlic cloves
2 shallots
1 Roma tomato
1½ tablespoons vegetable oil
1¼ pounds shrimp (peeled, deveined, 30 count)
1½ tablespoons lime juice
¾ teaspoon palm sugar, coconut sugar, or sugar

SPECIAL UTENSIL

food processor or spice grinder

Serves 12 as an appetizer, 4 as an entree Takes 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add chiles, garlic cloves, shallots, and tomato to food processor. Process until you get a spicy paste. Add oil to large pan. Heat oil at medium heat until a little bit of the paste starts to dance in the oil. Add spice paste. Sauté at medium-high heat for 4 minutes or until paste becomes fragrant. Stir constantly. Add shrimp, lime juice, and sugar. Sauté for 4 minutes or until shrimps have just turned pink on both sides. Stir constantly. Goes well with rice and parsley.

TIDBITS

1) Carl La Fong, of Bittburg, Germany, invented the first true automobile. It had a few teething problems, though. So he quite often took the Fongmobile on test spins in town.

2) On August 14, 1884, a wheel fell off his car right by Germany’s only Indonesian restaurant. La Fong shook his fist. “The danged wheel keeps falling off.” The restaurateur, Otto Udang Balado, said, “I know duct tape fixes nearly everything, but maybe if you attached the wheel with lug nuts instead, the wheel might stay on. But ach, where are my manners? I’m discussing your problems when you must be famished. Come inside. Eat.”

3) Otto served Carl his signature dish, Udang Balado. Carl fell in love with it. Otto, however, saw in his entree how and where to put the lug nuts. Pleasant words went on and before they knew they had swapped businesses. Carl’s new restaurant became quite successful.

4) Alas, Otto Bolado’s new business, Otto Mobiles failed. He simply could not perfect his car before Karl Benz did. So, Herr Benz got all the credit. Now you know.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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