Posts Tagged With: NASA

Mauritian Napolitaines

Mauritian Dessert

SIMPLE NAPOLITAINES
(Sandwich Cookies)

INGREDIENTS

1 cup butter, softened
2 cups flour (3 more tablespoons later)
3 tablespoons flour
3 tablespoons raspberry jam
2 9-ounce bottles pink cookie icing (Not cake icing)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
1 cookie sheet
parchment paper
1½” cookie cutter (Must be a cookie cutter)
sonic obliterator

Makes 20 cookies. Takes 3 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 335 degrees. Add butter and 2 cups flour to large mixing bowl. Blend with electric beater set or medium until butter and flour form a dough ball. Sprinkle 3 tablespoons flour on flat surface. Roll out dough until it is about ⅓” thick. Cut out dough circles with 1½” cookie cutter. Make them as level and smooth as you can. (I cannot stress this enough. Smooth cookie sides will make proper icing much easier later.) Cover cookie sheets with parchment paper. Place dough circles on parchment paper.

Bake dough circles at 335 degrees for 20 minutes or until the middle of a circle is no longer soft when pressed. Don’t let the circles turn brown! They should remain pale. Gently life parchment paper with circles and let cool on a wire rack or plate. (Leave circles on parchment paper.)

Once circles have cooled completely, spread ½ teaspoon raspberry jam over a baked circle. Gently place another circle over the jam to make a cookie. Repeat until all circles have been used.

Put cookies on large plate. Do not let them touch each other. Pour icing from bottles over cookies. Make sure to pour icing over the edge of the cookie tops so that the icing will flow down and coat the sides of the cookies. Do this all in one go. Let sit until icing hardens completely.

This is a hard one to do perfectly. There’s a reason dessert chefs differ from the other chefs. So appreciate why some things, particularly these cookies, can be expensive. And for the insensitive oafs who give you guff about your cookies, zap them with your sonic obliterator. You don’t need their negativity in your kitchen.

TIDBITS

1) Napolitaines look a lot like UFOs.

2) By the way, Napolitaines is pronounced Napolitaines.

3) I’m glad I cleared that up.

4) UFOs really do resemble Napolitaines. There’s a reason for that.

5) Having a successful space program brings enormous international prestige.

6) If you were to ask people what are the ten greatest things about America, 93.6% would say, “NASA.” The remaing 6.4% couldn’t find a No. 2 pencil and so, couldn’t fill out the questionaire.

7) So what do you if you want to develop a space program but simply do not possess the vast resources of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration?

8) Well, what do you if you want to make crab salad, but you haven’t the money to buy crabmeat?

9) Why, you purchase krabmeat, a crabmeat substitute. It’s made of various seafoods and costs much less than the real thing.

10) Similarly, if you wish to fling manmade objects into space, you send up something small. Dispense with lunar modules, the Hubble telescope, space stations or other enormously heavy gadgetry.

11) Fling Napolitaines from the Earth instead.

12) A batch of Napolitaines is easy to make. All you need is butter, flour, raspberry jam, and pink cookie icing.

13) While even the simplest of Hubble telescopes involve: miles of circuitry, rare metals, scads of computing power, and other complicated gizmos.

14) The Apollo Program required gigantic rockets, specialize fuel, more frigging circuitry, with all of its parts engineered with incredible precision, and a reinforced launching pad to hurl its lunar modules to well, the moon.

15) What does it take to fling Napolitaines into outer space?

16) A really big slingshot.

17) So that’s what thrifty Mauritius did. It slingshotted hundreds of Napolitaines into space. Some made it to the moon, some to Neptune, and some even exited the Solar System. However, many Napolitaines never left our atmosphere and orbit our planet a few dozen feet in the air. The cookies in this recipe, at that altitude, resemble alien space ships. Except for the color. Orbiting UFOs are grey or off white. Napolitaines are pink. Now you know.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., and travel advisor

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Secrets of the Universe #2, Asteroids Are Cocoa Pebbles(tm)

Asteroid or Cocoa Pebble?

Yesterday’s blog proved that the Universe arose from an exploded egg. But maybe not. For cereal astrophysicists maintain just as vehemently that all galaxies derived from one giant cereal bowl. Of Cocoa Pebbles.

According to these plucky scientists, nothing happened until at 12am, January, 0 CBS (Cereal Bowl Spilling) the cereal bowl tipped over. Speculation runs rampant and tensions flare over how exactly the bowl tipped, but all cereal astrophysicists agree that it did. Out flew the Cocoa Pebbles. When they coalesced over billions of years through gravitational forces, they became solid planets like Earth and Mars. Whenever Cocoa Pebbles didn’t come together, they remained Coca-Pebbly Asteroids.

Milk from the cereal bowl expanded in all directions and in great amounts.  The Milky War formed from this very same milk. Gaseous giants such as Jupiter and Uranus formed from this milk as well. The Great Red Spot and other colors in Jupiter, however, derive from Fruity Pebbles(tm). The gassy giant Uranus is also a breakfast cereal. Did you know that NASA’s deep-space probes took photos of Uranus? Heh, heh.

All those stars in the night-sky are gigantic balls of milk that became so massive that their very own gravitational fields compressed the milk molecules to such an extent that they generated heat and lights. So, we are seeing milk rays that have traveled thousands of light years to get to us.

There you have it. Look at the photo to the right. Can you tell if it is a Cocoa Pebble or an asteroid? You can’t. They’re the same. Proof you cannot deny.

And every time you eat a spoonful of delicious Cocoa Pebbles, you’re devouring a building block of our universe. Heavens, space is tasty.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Secrets of the Universe | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Secrets of the Universe # 1 – Saturn’s Moon Is An Egg Yolk

The building blocks of the Universe aren’t hydrogen, nitrogen, iron, and other elements. No. Eggs make up the most important part of all the galaxies. In fact, culinary astrophysicists believe the Universe came from one incredibly dense chicken egg.

Then the colossal egg exploded, just like when you’ve forgotten about an egg you’re boiling. First, the egg water boils the egg. Then the water evaporates, just like what happened to Mars’ atmosphere. At this point, all the energy from the burner goes into the egg. The egg heats up until it can no longer contain all the incoming heat. The egg explodes,  flinging bits of egg in all directions. This is know as the Big Egg Bang Theory, or BEBT.

The Earth’s egginess has been hidden by millions of years of accumulating egg-shell dust, aka, soil. But you really can see the Solar System’s egginess in one of Jupiter’s moons, Titan. Look at the two photos below. The one on the left is one of NASA’s images of Titan. The picture on the right is a hardboiled egg yolk. They are the same. They’re the same! Titan is made of egg. Proof you cannot deny.

Titan                                                                  Hardboiled Egg Yolk

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Secrets of the Universe | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

How to Circumnavigate the Earth

Paul De Lancey, circumnavigating

On September 8, 1519, Ferdinand Magellan and 238 seamen of various ranks left Spain to circumnavigate the Earth. It was a long ocean voyage! Just over two years. Only 30 of the 239 returned home. Then out of those 30, twelve had spent some in a Cape Verde prison.

We can draw two conclusion from this.

1) You are more likely to survive sailing around the world if you go to prison en route.

Survival rate, no prison sentence = 7.9% (18 sailors out of 227)

Survival rate, prison sentence = 100% (12 sailors of 12)

Noting this, NASA plans to equip all long-range spaceships with prisons.

2) It takes a lot of time and a lot of people dying just to get back to the spot where you started. I mean, what the heck?  If getting back to the same spot is circumnavigating, then I’m doing it right now. And no one’s dying, either.

You too can go around the world. Just stand still and say, “I’ve gone around the world.”

Congratulations, you world traveler, you.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

Categories: travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Halwa

Omani Dessert

HALWA

INGREDIENTS

¾ cup corn flour or tapioca flour
1 cup water
2 tablespoons ghee (2 more tablespoons later)
6 tablespoons chopped almonds or cashews or combination
1¾ cups sugar
¼ teaspoon cardamom
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
1 tablespoon rose water
8 saffron threads
1¾ cups water
¾ teaspoon toasted sesame seeds (¼ teaspoon more later)
½ tablespoon ghee
¼ teaspoon toasted sesame seeds.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

8″ x 8″ casserole dish

Serves 12. Takes 30 minutes if served warm or 1 hour if served cool.

PREPARATION

Add flour to mixing bowl. Gradually add 1 cup water, blending all the time. Add 2 tablespoons ghee, and almonds to pan. Sauté at medium-high for 3 minutes or until nuts start to brown. Stir frequently. Drain. Set aside.

Add sugar, cardamom, nutmeg, rose water, saffron, and 1¾ cups water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Boil for 5 minutes until sugar completely dissolves. Stir slowly and just enough to prevent burning. Reduce heat to low. Stir gently and constantly as you add in the flour/water mix. Let simmer until mixture thickens as starts to pull away from the sides of the pot. Fold in sautéed almonds and ¾ teaspoon toasted sesame seeds.

Grease casserole dish with ½ tablespoon ghee. Gently pour the setting mixture into casserole dish. Sprinkle with ¼ teaspoon toasted sesame seeds. Serve warm into cups or let cool until it sets.

TIDBITS

1) Halwa can remain on the kitchen table. It can also fly up to the ceiling. This is because it can, locally, turn the Earth’s gravitational field on and off. NASA is studying halwa intensively.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Kitchen Explosion and the Big Bang Theory

They sure don’t make plastic bags to hold tamarind bags like they used to do. I took my tamarind bag out of my plastic-grocery bag and it ripped open sending tamarind pods everywhere. Many of the pods burst open sending tamarind-pod shrapnel everywhere. If this incident isn’t indicative of the moral decline and malaise of our current society, then I don’t know what is.

On the plus side, however, the pattern of the pods and pod shrapnel provides a solid confirmation of the Big Bang Theory. A rather compact bag of tamarind bag exploded rapidly flings its contents over a much wider area, just as is hypothesized in the Big Bag. I immediately contacted NASA and as many as astrophysicists and astronomers as I could find. They all expressed gratitude and admiration for my research. Some even mentioned a possible Nobel Prize for me. I feel rather humbled by all this acclaim.

Tamarind research confirms the Big Bang Theory

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

NASA Set to Make Perfect Landings Every Time

We all know that if we drop a slice of buttered bread, it will land buttered-side down. Pizzas, however, often fall dough-side down. But it’s a certainty that something will land atop the newly dropped pizza.

We know this. So does NASA. Sure, their geniuses delight in solving mathematical formulas, after all who doesn’t? But their staff also prides itself on its powers of observation. They will be using the pizza observation to perfectly land their Landing Modules. For NASA does cranky if after untold hours of development at a cost of several billion dollars, their Landing Module lands upside down or tips over.

NASA’s solution? Their New Landing Module  (NLM) ejects four pizzas 100 feet before they want to land. The only possible way for the Landing Module to make contact with each and every pizza is for the module to pierce the pizzas with all four landing arms , as shown in the picture below. They plan to use this technique on their next mission to Mars. They also have a long run plan to do this on Uranus.

20 weeks or your pizza is free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations, science | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Makawoni Au Graten (macaroni and cheese)

Haitian Entree

MAKAWONI AU GRATEN
(macaroni and cheese)

INGREDIENTS

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1 pound rigatoni or penne pasta
1 garlic clove
1 small onion
1 red bell pepper
3 tablespoons butter
1 12-ounce can evaporated milk
⅔ cup mayonnaise
1½ cups grated Parmesan cheese
1½ cup grated Edam or Gouda cheese
1 teaspoon seasoned salt

SPECIAL UTENSIL

9″ * 13″ casserole dish

Serves 8. Takes 1 hour 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cook rigatoni according to instructions on package. Drain and set aside. Mince garlic clove, onion, and bell pepper. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Add garlic, onion, bell pepper and butter to pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic and onion soften. Add pasta and evaporated milk to pot with sautéed onion. Mix with spoon until well blended. Add mayonnaise, Parmesan cheese, Edam cheese, and seasoned salt. Mix with spoon until well blended. Ladle ingredients in pot into casserole dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 50 minutes or until top turns golden brown.

TIDBITS

1) Albert Einstein, the great mind of the 20th century, theorized that time slows as you travel at speeds closer and closer to the speed of light. He also postulated that as you zip along at velocities near the speed of light, that things get heavier and heavier.

2) So if you were in a spaceship traveling closer to closer to light speed, the time required to make Makawoni au Graten would go from 1 hour 15 minutes to hours and hours or even years. The weight of your macaroni would gradually increase from perhaps four pounds to four tons.

3) Who would ever want to wait years to eat this entree? Who would want to eat four tons of it? Certainly no American astronaut. This is why NASA never serves Makawoni au Graten on its space missions. Not to worry, though, it’s perfectly safe to eat here down on Earth. Darn tasty, too.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D., critic

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Chicken With Coffee Sauce

Sao Tomean Entree

CHICKEN WITH COFFEE SAUCE

INGREDIENTS

2 chicken breasts, boneless and skinless
1 teaspoon salt
2 red chile peppers
4 garlic cloves
2 tablespoons butter
1 bay leaf
½ cup brewed coffee
1 cup white wine
9 coffee beans
¼ cup heavy cream

Serves 2. Takes 40 minutes.

PREPARATION

Cut chicken breasts into 1″ cubes. Rub salt onto chicken cubes. Seed and mince red chile peppers. Mine garlic cloves. Add butter to large pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Add chicken cubes. Cook for 12 minutes at medium heat or until the sides of the chicken cubes start to turn golden brown. Turn cubes enough so that they brown evenly.

Add red chile, garlic, and bay leaf to pan. Cook at medium heat for 2 minutes, stirring frequently. Remove chicken cubes and set aside. Add brewed coffee and white wine to pan Cook until sauce reduces by half. Stir frequently.

Add coffee beans and heavy cream to pan. Stir until well blended. Return chicken cubes to ban. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring constantly. Remove bay leaf. Goes well with rice.

TIDBITS

1) It costs a pretty penny for NASA to shoot one of its rockets into space. For those rockets–whether they carry amazing machines for carrying out zero-gravity experiments, taking astronauts to Mars, or people who named the murderer before you could watch that must-see mystery movie on a way trip to Pluto–use expensive rocket fuel Just like us, NASA too has a budget. Sure, its annual budget is tens of billions of dollars more than ours, but the concept is the same.

3) Heavier payloads on space missions require more fuel than lighter ones. So budget conscious NASA is always looking for ways to save weight. NASA particularly favors this entree because it combines a nutritious, satisfying meal while, at the same time, providing those hard-working astronauts with their caffeine fix. There’s no need to stow heavy coffee. No heavy coffee, less need for fuel. Less fuel, more things that can taken on the spaceship. More things aboard, more instruments. More instruments, more experiments. More experiments, more knowledge gained. Soon we will be living in a Golden Age. And we’ll all owe it to the entree from Sao Tome.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international, travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

How To Use #5, Clothes Washer, The Second Steps

Dear readers,

Congratulations for getting this far! You’ve the mastered the art of moving your clothes from the closet floor to the clothes basket. Pace yourself. Take a deep breath. Visualize your self doing heroic deeds. Ok, let’s go.

1) Open the door to the laundry room. You’ll be amazed by the number of people who forget this humble but necessary step. Take it from me, you simply cannot get yourself and your filled laundry through a closed door. As of press time, the molecules of your clothes, even when not in a basket, cannot pass through the door. Nor yours for that matter.

2) Walk through the open door, like a boss, holding your basket.

3) Put basket down on dryer. You can’t put the clothes into the washer if you put it down on top of its lid.

4) Open container of laundry detergent. Fill little plastic cup that comes with container with laundry detergent.

5) Pour detergent into washing machine.

6) Wipe detergent off closed washing-machine lid. Resolve to see this through. Excelsior!

7) Open washing machine.

8) Repeat steps 4) and 5).

9) Pause and reflect.

10) Load clothes into washer. DO NOT WASH WOOLEN CLOTHES. This is an advanced step. (See step 17 below.)

11) Close lid to washer.

12) Look at the control dials on the washing machine. OMG, OMG, it’s like a NASA space shuttle. Hyperventilate.

13) Breathe into a paper page. Think soothing thoughts, like monarch butterflies flitting over a field of yellow marigolds.

14) Look at the dials again, this time calmly.

15) Realize that the last person who set the dials probably knew what she or he was doing.

16) Leave dials alone.

17) Relax, you’ll be perfectly fine unless you’re washing wool sweaters and the last person to wash clothes set wash temperature to hot. If so, you will shrink your sweaters down to gerbil size. Do you know any gerbils that need woolen sweaters? I didn’t think so.

18) Press start button. Well done, you!

And as always, cleanliness is next to godliness.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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