Posts Tagged With: Lutheran

Kufte Bozbash (Meatball Soup)

Azerbaijani Soup

KUFTE BOZBASH
(Meatball Soup)

INGREDIENTSkuftebozbash

1 medium onion
1 pound ground lamb. beef, or combination
2½ tablespoons rice
2 teaspoons mint
¼ teaspoon pepper (¼ more teaspoon later)
1 teaspoon salt (½ more teaspoon later)
½ teaspoon savory
¼ teaspoon turmeric
4 dried sour plums
2 teaspoons tomato paste
5 cups beef stock
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
4 medium potatoes
1 cup canned, drained chickpeas

Makes 6 bowls. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince onion. Add onion, lamb, rice, mint, ¼ teaspoon pepper, 1 teaspoon salt, savory, and turmeric to large mixing bowl. Use hands to form 4 large meatballs. Remove pits from dried sour plums. Push a plum into the center of each meatball. Smooth over poked hole.

Add tomato paste, beef stock, ¼ teaspoon pepper, and ½ teaspoon salt to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. While liquid comes to boil, peel potatoes. Cut potatoes in half. Gently add meatballs to pot. Reduce head to low heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Do not stir; this can break the meatballs apart. Add potato halves. Simmer on low for 30 minutes or until potato is tender. Add chickpeas. Simmer on low for 5 minutes. Ladle soup into bowls. Each bowl gets 1 meatball and 2 potato halves.

TIDBITS

1) Drive-in movie theaters are popular in Azerbaijan. Horror movies are the preferred films. However, the snack shacks over there serve only meatball soup instead of popcorn.

2) Movie goers get startled when the monster jumps out of the closet. They spill hot meatball soup on their clothes. Really hot meatball soup. They take off their clothes. Couples look at each other and decide the movie is stupid and find something better to do. Young Azerbaijani males constantly take their dates to the drive in. Azerbaijan’s population is exploding. Indeed, the world’s population has doubled since I was young, all fueled by the surging meatball-soup-drive-in craze.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Baked Potato Chips

American Appetizer

BAKED POTATO CHIPS

INGREDIENTSbakedpotatochips

1 medium russet potato
1 teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon rosemary
¼ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons olive oil
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSILS

mandoline (This device helps a lot in making thin, consistent slices quickly.)
2 large cookie sheets.
Good oven mitt (Normally, this is a given, but you might be using it a lot in this recipe.)

Makes 60 potato chips. Takes 1 hour.                                Adult potato chips form circle to protect baby chip.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Use mandoline to slice potatoes lengthwise and 1/16″ or ⅛” thick. Add potato slices, garlic powder, rosemary, salt, and olive oil to large mixing bowl. Toss potatoes slices until they are thoroughly coated.

Spray cookies sheets with no-stick spray. Add potato slices to cookie sheets. Do not stack slices or let them touch each other. Bake at 375 degrees for 10-to-30 minutes or until slices turn golden brown. Change the cookie sheet from the top rack to the bottom rack and vice versa after 10 minutes. (Vigilance is necessary as baking times vary with the thickness of the potato slices.) Remove individual chips from oven as they become done. Let potato slices, now heroically renamed as potato chips, cool on paper towels.

TIDBITS

1) The tenth Crowned Heads of European Poker Championship was held in late June, 1914. Kaiser Wilhelm II lost his temper after his full house was beaten by Czar Nicholas II’s straight flush. Wilhelm smashed the pile of potato chips–the poker chips of the time–in the middle with his fist. He instantly regretted his display of temper. However Tsar Nicholas, Nicky, to the other players, merely smiled. “No chips, no gambling. You know this means War.”

2) So, the heads of Europe settled down to the kid’s card game, War. Unfortunately, the ruler’s war ministers were to far away to hear Nicky’s “No chips, no gambling.” They only heard, “This means war.” They did see Willy’s fist smash the potato chips. Phone calls were made. Armies crossed borders. World War I started. This is why we play poker with plastic chips.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Happy Festus

Greetings from the Old West

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Happy Holidays.

Paul De Lancey, raconteur, doctor, and gunslinger

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Happy Holidays From the Cows

Greetings from the Cows.

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Happy Everything to you.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Why You Should Never Eat Lutefisk

lutefiskbin

Lutefisk is an abomination that proves Evil still stalks the land. It offends and destroys all the senses.

Sight: It looks like boogers or broiled phlegm.

Smell: It reeks like a rat decomposing under the cellar furnace.

Touch: It has the lovely consistency of a corpse’s innards that have finally exploded in the hot summer Sun, but you’re a dectective and have to search through the body with your glove-covered hands to find the bullet that the killer used to commit this cowardly murder.

Taste: Oh gosh, you’ll want to set your razor to its highest level and shave off your taste buds off your tongue just to prevent tasting the next bite.

Sound: After eating lutefisk, just the mere mention of it will set off PTSS.

It’s been a half century since I had lutefisk. Not enough time has elapsed.

I give up lutefisk every year for Lent. I have a will of iron. I have never even been tempted to backslide.

If you ever are invited to a dinner when lutefisk is served, my I suggest that you join the French Foreign Legion and politely send your regrets from some combat zone.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Hibiscus Tea (Jus de Bissap)

Malian Appetizer

HIBISCUS TEA
(Jus de Bissap)

INGREDIENTShibiscustea

1 cup dried hibiscus flowers
6 cups water
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoon fresh mint leaves

SPECIAL UTENSIL

colander

Makes 4½ cups. Takes 30 minutes

PREPARATION

Add water to lst large pot. Bring water to boil using high heat. Add hibiscus flowers Reduce heat to medium-high. Boil for 20 minutes or until water becomes aromatic and turns dark red. Strain red liquid through colander into 2nd large pot. Add sugar to red liquid. Stir with whisk or fork until sugar dissolves. Add vanilla extract. Stir with whisk or fork. Pour into tea cups. Garnish with mint leaves just before serving. Put tea in refrigerator, if you wish to serve it cold.

TIDBITS

1) Being buried by an avalanche is not fun, whether it happens in Switzerland or in the Saharan country of Mali.

2) Burial by avalanche is really, really dangerous. How dangerous? Really, really, really dangerous.

3) The downside of being buried in avalanche is death. See? Dangerous.

4) Legend has St. Bernard dogs seeeking–spelled with two “e”s outside of Switzerland–out avalanche victims and giving them brandy from a keg. What really happens is that rescue camels patrol the Saharan Dessert looking for victims of sand-dune avalanches. It can get cold under a mound of sand. The Sun’s heat can’t penetrate it. Neither can oxygen.

5) This why Malian rescues camels are proficient in CPR. After restoring the human’s breathing and heart beat, the camels serve the unlucky one a nice, hot cup of hibiscus tea. This wonderful restorative never fails, even with snow victims. The ever efficient Swiss have already tested this.

6) Indeed rescue camels are scheduled to start patrolling the Swiss Alps in late December. This will make cross-country skiing much safer. The Swiss Tourist Board expects a 37% increase in tourism.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Shrimp And Grits

American Entree

SHRIMP AND GRITS

INGREDIENTSshrimpandgrits

1 cup chicken broth
¾ cup milk
2½ cups water
1 cup grits
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons butter
1¾ cups grated Cheddar cheese
1 garlic clove
4 stalks green onions
5 bacon strips
1½ pounds shrimp, peeled and deveined
1½ tablespoons lemon juice

Makes 4 bowls. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add chicken broth, milk, and water to large pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Add grits gradually, stirring with whisk until no lumps exist. Add pepper and salt. Reduce heat to warm. Simmer to 10-to-20 minutes or until grits become tender and all the water has been absorbed. Stir occasionally. Remove from heat and add butter and Cheddar cheese. Blend in cheese and butter with fork. Cover.

While liquid boils and grits become tender, mince garlic and dice green onions. Chop bacon into ½” squares. Add bacon squares to pan. Cook at medium-high heat for 3-to-5 minutes or until bacon becomes crispy, turning them over at least 1 time. Remove bacon and place on paper towel. Keep bacon grease in pan.

Add shrimp to pan. Sauté shrimp for 3 minutes at medium heat or until they start to turn pink or orange. (Don’t overcook shrimp. It will get mushy.) Add lemon juice. garlic, and green onion. Stir quickly until shrimp is well coated with garlic and green onion. Remove from heat.

Ladle grits into bowls. Top with shrimp and garlic/green onion/lemon juice. Sprinkle with bacon squares.

TIDBITS

1) It seems hard to believe now, but shrimp portraits were once quite popular in America during the late nineteenth century.

2) Darned difficult. I mean, why?

3) Okay, to understand phenomenon, one simply must read, Dr. Amos Keeto’s enthralling work, “Amazing Fads of the Gilded Age,” Garlic Press, Paducah, Kentucky, 1933.

4) According to Dr. Keeto, horse racing was incredibly popular in the 1890s. People with too much money, having bought up anything of any value in America, turned to gambling. They wouldn’t bet on baseball. Ordinary folk did that.

5) So the filthy rich, so called because oil from their wells constantly spurted onto their clothes, would clean up and go the race tracks to wager on horses, the sport of kings.

6) Everything went well. The had fun playing the horses. They lost vast sums, of course, but they had vast sum to lose. The race course owners became quite wealthy as well. They purchased gigantic mansions and went on railroad buying sprees. The Race Track magnate, Silas Brunswick, even bought BrusselsSproutsTM for $250,000 after it came out with the BS PadTM.

7) The BS Pad, a precursor to iPhonesTM, tablets, and the such, consisted of two tin cans tied together with a string, an abacus, and a sketch pad. Improvements have been made since then. Nevertheless, it was all new back then and the sexy BS was all the rage

8) But the craze stopped a scant year later when all of a sudden shouting became socially acceptable once more.

9) Then horse racing died out. On May 5, 1897, the swiftest horses gathered for the prestigious Mississippi Derby in Biloxi. Society’s elite bet over a million on the horses. The favorites were Southern Boil and Sandstorm.

10) People still debate what happened. As the horses turned the corner to enter the final stretch, an enormous fog rolled into. When the fog had lifted, all of the horses were gone. Everyone.

11) Where had they gone? Some speculated that the horses had gone to the same parallel universe that orphan socks go to when placed in a dryer. Some folks dispute this, noting electric dryers weren’t invented back then. The proponents counter, “Where you there, na, na, na, na, poo, poo?”

12) Some folks say that a mare in heat passed by the track and that time and the stallions merely left the race to chase after her. Still others maintain mass spontaneous combustion claimed all the horses, ignoring the fact that no explosions were ever heard. I mean, really.

13) We’ll never know what happened to the race horses. The race-track owner claiming that since no horse crossed the finished line, paid off none of the bets. This defiant act angered the wealthy bettors. Horse racing rapidly fell out of favor.

14) Fortunately, the crowd spied a cocktail of shrimp–you know, like a pod of whales–swimming off shore, and fast! An energetic entrepreneur, his name is lost to history, improvised a shrimp race course. By heavens, the event was fun. Shrimp racing became the most popular social event of the 1890s.

15) Breeding shrimp for speed became a lucrative business. Wealthy owners hired artists to paint their prize shrimps. These artists loved to eat grits. Hence, shrimp and grits. There you go.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bacon & Chocolate Party’s Principles and Stuff

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My fellow humans,

What with the Cubs quite possibly heading to the World Series for the first time since 1945, news about Bacon & Chocolate Party has been crowded. People starved for a real political party are asking, “What ever happened to the great Bacon & Chocolate Party?” and “What do they believe in?” Ok, here’s the scoop.

1) Bacon & Chocolate Party is on the ballot in all but fifty states and the District of Columbia.

2)) B&C is within 50% of the votes of winning every state’s and DC’s electoral votes.

3) B&C is corruption proof. We have accepted no contributions from any special interest or lobbyist.

4) Or lobbist, i.e., a professional tennis player.

5) B&C’s presidential candidate, Paul R. De Lancey, is amazing. The vice-presidential candidate, Candace C. Bowen, is crackerjack, too.

6) We believe in the tastiness and healing properties of bacon and chocolate.

7) Save our bees.

8) We believe much of the deadlock in D.C. is due to the rancor between the political parties.

9) We will enforce mandatory nap time every time cranky Congress fails to legislate anything.

10) We will take massive national polls on everything. Those issues getting the highest percentage of yeses will get passed.

11) Ms. Bowen and I and the B&C cabinet will take frequent naps as well. We don’t like getting cranky either.

12) We’ll have great big, super tasty barbecues every week on the White House lawn. One guests, picked randomly from all Americans, will attend these food fests.

13) Anything that adversely affects our bees and our bacon and chocolate supplies will be dealt with.

14) Funding for Paul’s Flying Squirrel Squadron will be increased. It does wonderful work protecting this great nation.

15) And stuff.

Presidential candidate Paul R. De Lancey

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Gigantic Bunny of Central Asia

 

bunnycountry

Look at that white spot in the middle of the map to the right. It is the country of Tajikistan. It also looks like a bunny, You can see its two floppy  ears and cute little nose. It is facing left. A small rock obscures its tummy. Of course, it really is a bunny. A dormant bunny, a horrifically large bunny, but still a bunny.

Eons ago, before iPhones(tm), before typewriters, and even pencils, before humans, jellyfish, and even telemarketers, giant bunnies hundreds of miles long hopped the Earth, flourishing along side dinosaurs. Then an inconvenient asteroid slammed into our planet obliterating many species instantly. (What species were obliterated? I don’t know. We have no traces. They were obliterated.)

You know, our parents told us they had to walk seven miles through a foot of snow to get to school. Well na ha, the T-rexes and gigantic bunnies had to walk hundreds of miles through TWO feet of dust trying to find a meal. Many species died out completely. Some evolved into much tinier things such as birds. And so it was with the huge bunnies. They kept getting smaller and smaller until they reached their present cute size. Except for Tajik. Seeing no hundred-long bunny babes to mate with, he just laid down and hibernated. Dust settled upon him over the eons, so much so that no traces of him remain of him save from world mals.

Tajik is not dead. He will wake up from his great slumber when the bunnies of the world are in their greatest need. And so we wait. We wait.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Bajan Baked Chicken From Barbados

Barbadian Entree

BAJAN BAKED CHICKEN

INGREDIENTSbajanbakedchicken

½ teaspoon allspice
2 tablespoons softened butter
3 garlic cloves
½ teaspoon ground cloves
4 stalks green onions
¼ cup lime juice
½ teaspoon marjoram
1 large onion
½ teaspoon parsley
2 tablespoons peanut oil
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 red bell pepper
¼ teaspoon salt
1 Scotch bonnet or jalapeno pepper
1 teaspoon thyme
½ teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
2 pounds boneless chicken breasts or thighs

SPECIAL UTENSILS

9″ x 13″ casserole dish
blender or food processor

Serves 4. Takes 5 hours.

PREPARATION

Add all ingredients to blender except chicken and cilantro. Blend on medium speed or until ingredients form a paste. Place paste and chicken pieces in large mixing bowl. Turn chicken pieces around until they are thoroughly coated with paste. Cover and marinate in refrigerator for 4 hours. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Bake for 20-to-40 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink inside. Baste every 20 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) Even roosters like my recipes. To impress hot hens, they dance around, repeatedly drop and pick up tidbits of food, and make food calls. This ritual is called “tidbitting” after the Tidbit section of my recipes. Wow, I’m honored.

2) Sultry biddies prefer males who tidbit often. They also go squooshy for roosters with brighter, large combs atop their heads. Size matters, even in the poultry world.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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