Why You Should Never Eat Lutefisk

lutefiskbin

Lutefisk is an abomination that proves Evil still stalks the land. It offends and destroys all the senses.

Sight: It looks like boogers or broiled phlegm.

Smell: It reeks like a rat decomposing under the cellar furnace.

Touch: It has the lovely consistency of a corpse’s innards that have finally exploded in the hot summer Sun, but you’re a dectective and have to search through the body with your glove-covered hands to find the bullet that the killer used to commit this cowardly murder.

Taste: Oh gosh, you’ll want to set your razor to its highest level and shave off your taste buds off your tongue just to prevent tasting the next bite.

Sound: After eating lutefisk, just the mere mention of it will set off PTSS.

It’s been a half century since I had lutefisk. Not enough time has elapsed.

I give up lutefisk every year for Lent. I have a will of iron. I have never even been tempted to backslide.

If you ever are invited to a dinner when lutefisk is served, my I suggest that you join the French Foreign Legion and politely send your regrets from some combat zone.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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6 thoughts on “Why You Should Never Eat Lutefisk

  1. italiadiva

    I guess if you were an ancient Scandinavian facing a winter of starvation you would eat anything that wouldn’t eat you back!

    Fruitcake haters should be told about this. They won’t feel so bad then. On the other hand, I will gladly take fruitcake off anyone’s hands. I love it.

  2. You nailed it! Perhaps you could serve a Sriracha-laced portion to your F.I.L. Oh wait! That would improve the dish, wouldn’t it?

    Lefse is the polar opposite of Lutefisk. Just sayin’…

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