Posts Tagged With: chickpeas

Hummus

Jordanian Appetizer

HUMMUS

INGREDIENTS

1½ pounds canned chickpeas
½ cup tahini
3 tablespoons olive oil
¼ cup fresh lemon juice
1 garlic clove
¼ teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt

SPECIAL UTENSIL

food processor

Makes 3 cups. Takes 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Drain water from canned chick peas and reserve. Add all ingredients except reserved water to food processor. Blend until smooth. Add reserved water and blend again until you get a medium-thick paste.

TIDBITS

1) Hummus is an anagram for Mumu HS.

2) Mumu High School is home of the Fighting Mumus.

3) Michael Jordan, the basketball legend, was never a Fighting Mumu. His high school was Laney in North Carolina.

4) Mr. Jordan did not make his school’s varsity basketball team in his sophomore year.

5) I’m sure he could have made varsity basketball his very first year at Mumu High.

6) MJ’s relegation to junior varsity rankled deeply. He channeled his anger into a ferocious desire to be the best. No basketball player has ever possessed a great desired to succeed than he.

7) However, he could have made the lackluster Fighting Mumus without a minute of practice. He would have had no need to tap his astounding drive. Even worse, could he have braved crowds tittering at him and his teams dressed head to toe in mumus? He might have abandoned basketball altogether. Basketball fans everywhere can be grateful for his momentary setback at Laney High.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Couscous

Algerian Entree

COUSCOUS

INGREDIENTS – STEW

1½ pounds boneless chicken or lamb
½ teaspoon cinnamon
⅛ teaspoon clove powder
½ teaspoon coriander
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt (⅛ teaspoon more later)
1 medium onion
2 cups chicken or lamb stock stock*
1½ tablespoons tomato paste
1 large carrot
1 zucchini
2 tablespoons olive oil (9 total teaspoons later)
2 tablespoons olive oil (7 total teaspoons later)

INGREDIENTS – COUSCOUS

1 cup couscous**
⅛ teaspoon salt
7 total teaspoons olive oil (3 times with 2 teaspoons and 1 time with 1 tablespoon)
about 1 cup water
1 cup cooked chickpeas (also called garbanzo beans)

* = This is an approximation. There should be 1″-to-2″ of liquid of space from the top of the liquid in the base pot to its lid. The couscous will get mushy if they come in contact with the water below.
** = This is couscous, the grain. Confusingly enough, the whole entree is also called couscous.

SPECIAL UTENSILS

double boiler (Similar to the more authentic couscousiere, but much easier to find.)
sonic obliterator

Serves 6. Takes 2 hours 15 minutes.

PREPARATION – STEW

Cut meat into 1″ cubes. Add meat, cinnamon, clove powder, coriander, pepper, and ½ teaspoon salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with hands until lamb cubes are well coated. Dice onion. Trim and cut carrot into and zucchini into 4 pieces each. Add meat cubes and 2 tablespoons olive oil to base pot, bottom part of double boiler. Sauté at medium-high heat for 10 minutes or until meat cubes are browned on all sides. Turn enough to ensure even browning. Remove meat cubes and set aside. Leave oil in base pot.

Add 2 tablespoons olive oil and onion to base pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Return set-aside meat to base pot. Add chicken stock and tomato paste to base pot. (Again there should be 1″-to-2″ of space from the top of the liquid in the base pot to the bottom of the steamer basket.) Stir until well blended. Bring to boil at high heat.. Stir occasionally. Cover and reduce heat to low. Simmer for 20 minutes. Add carrot and zucchini. Cover and simmer for 20 minutes. Stir occasionally to prevent burning.

PREPARATION – COUSCOUS (the grain)

While stew simmers, add couscous and ⅛ teaspoon salt to medium mixing bowl. Mix by hand. Add 2 teaspoons olive oil. Mix by hand until couscous are well coated. Add water to bowl, about 1 cup, until couscous are just covered. Gently fluff couscous and let sit for 10 minutes.

Coat steamer basket, the top part of the double boiler, with 1 teaspoon olive oil. Put steamer basket on base pot. (It should fit snugly.) When steam comes into basket, add couscous. Cover and let entire double boiler steam for 10 minutes. (This is the 1st time the couscous will be steamed.)

Remove steamer basket. Let stew simmer uncovered while you perform the following steps. Remove couscous. Add couscous and 2 teaspoons olive to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well coated. Add ½ cup water. Mix with fork until well blended.

Add couscous to steamer basket. Gently fluff couscous. Put steamer basket back on base pot. Do not cover. Continue to simmer at low heat for 10 minutes. Remove steamer basket. Add chickpeas. Stir once. (This is the 2nd time the couscous will be steamed.)

Remove steamer basket. Let stew simmer uncovered while you perform the following steps. Remove couscous. Add couscous and 2 teaspoons olive to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well coated. Add ½ cup water. Mix with fork until well blended.

Add couscous to steamer basket. Gently fluff couscous. Put steamer basket back on base pot. Do not cover. Continue to simmer at low heat for 10 minutes. Remove steamer basket. Add chickpeas. Stir once. (This is the 3rd time the couscous will be steamed.)

Add couscous to large serving bowl. Fluff the couscous with a fork. Add meat cubes to center of couscous. Use slotted spoon to ladle chickpeas and veggies over meat and couscous. Serve to appreciative, adoring guests. If any person at the dining table gives you any guff at all, zap him with your sonic obliterator on him. You don’t need that sort of negativity in your kitchen. And you won’t be convicted, either. (See Courgette v Rhode Island, 1973)

TIDBITS

1) You really need a sonic obliterator in your kitchen. Sure, you could off a sassy guest with a kitchen mallet. But there would be a mess everywhere. You certainly don’t need a disorderly kitchen when you’re upset. With a sonic obliterator, the unappreciative oaf disappears completely, leaving your kitchen nice and tidy. And isn’t what all chefs want at the end of the day?

2) I also recommend strongly, Culinary Law and Precedents, 1973. It really is a must-have resource for the high-strung chef.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Kufte Bozbash (Meatball Soup)

Azerbaijani Soup

KUFTE BOZBASH
(Meatball Soup)

INGREDIENTSkuftebozbash

1 medium onion
1 pound ground lamb. beef, or combination
2½ tablespoons rice
2 teaspoons mint
¼ teaspoon pepper (¼ more teaspoon later)
1 teaspoon salt (½ more teaspoon later)
½ teaspoon savory
¼ teaspoon turmeric
4 dried sour plums
2 teaspoons tomato paste
5 cups beef stock
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
4 medium potatoes
1 cup canned, drained chickpeas

Makes 6 bowls. Takes 1 hour 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Mince onion. Add onion, lamb, rice, mint, ¼ teaspoon pepper, 1 teaspoon salt, savory, and turmeric to large mixing bowl. Use hands to form 4 large meatballs. Remove pits from dried sour plums. Push a plum into the center of each meatball. Smooth over poked hole.

Add tomato paste, beef stock, ¼ teaspoon pepper, and ½ teaspoon salt to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. While liquid comes to boil, peel potatoes. Cut potatoes in half. Gently add meatballs to pot. Reduce head to low heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Do not stir; this can break the meatballs apart. Add potato halves. Simmer on low for 30 minutes or until potato is tender. Add chickpeas. Simmer on low for 5 minutes. Ladle soup into bowls. Each bowl gets 1 meatball and 2 potato halves.

TIDBITS

1) Drive-in movie theaters are popular in Azerbaijan. Horror movies are the preferred films. However, the snack shacks over there serve only meatball soup instead of popcorn.

2) Movie goers get startled when the monster jumps out of the closet. They spill hot meatball soup on their clothes. Really hot meatball soup. They take off their clothes. Couples look at each other and decide the movie is stupid and find something better to do. Young Azerbaijani males constantly take their dates to the drive in. Azerbaijan’s population is exploding. Indeed, the world’s population has doubled since I was young, all fueled by the surging meatball-soup-drive-in craze.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Koshary From Egypt

Egyptian Entree

KOSHARY

INGREDIENTSKoshary-

1 cup lentils
3 cloves garlic
2 onions
4 tomatoes
1 1/2 cups white rice
1 pound elbow macaroni

1/2 tablespoon olive oil (1-1/2 tablespoons more later)
1 15 ounce can chickpeas
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon cumin
1 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 teaspoon salt
1-1/2 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons white vinegar
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
1 teaspoon salt

Makes 8 bowls. Takes 1 hour 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Soak lentils in bowl for 1 hour. While lentils are soaking, mince garlic and onions. Dice tomatoes. Cook rice according to instructions on package. Cook elbow macaroni according to instructions on package. Cook lentils according to instructions on package. (Thank goodness for package instructions.)

Put olive oil and onion in skillet. Sauté on medium-high heat for 10 minutes or until onion begins to brown. Stir frequently. Remove onion and place on towel-covered plate. Add garlic to skillet. Sauté on medium-high heat for 2 minutes. Stir frequently. Remove garlic and place on towel-covered plate.

Add olive oil, chickpeas, tomato, cayenne pepper, cumin, black pepper, and salt to skillet. Cook on medium heat for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Put chickpea mixture into serving bowl.

Combine garlic, white vinegar, and red wine vinegar in mixing bowl.

Serve on plate with a spoonful each of: rice, macaroni, lentils, chickpea mixture, vinegar/garlic mixture, and top with a spoonful of sautéed onion.

TIDBITS

1) Chickpeas preserved the United States of America during its unpleasant Civil War of 1861-1865.
2) Rebel forces during this war often ran short of fun food to eat. Sausage pizzas were unheard of on the front lines as early as August, 1861. Quiche Lorraine disappeared by February, 1862. Caviar in April. Chicken parmigiana in August. And so it went. The Confederate forces had to subsist on chickpeas.

3) By September, 1862, the Confederacy was on the culinary ropes. General Robert E. Lee, command of the Army of Northern Virginia devised a daring invasion of Maryland and Pennsylvania to secure vast supplies of ham so necessary to delicious recipes such as juice and sugar-glazed ham.

4) But it didn’t happen. Sometime in September, Union soldiers looking for fine Southern tobacco hit the Mother Lode, found three fine cigars wrapped in sheets of paper. These papers detailed General Lee’s invasion plans.

5) The Union scouts turned the plans over to General McClellan, commander of the Army of the Potomac. The Northern forces scurried, between epic banquets, to intercept the rebel foes. The worthy foes collided at Antietam, Maryland on September 17, 1862.

6) Fighting at Antietam’s cornfield was so hot that the kernels popped off the corn cobs. And so popcorn was invented while the South’s hopes for military victory melted as fast as ice cream on a charcoal grill.

7) But it needn’t have happened that way. If only Lee’s orders had been wrapped in a can of chickpeas. Those Northern scouts fresh off a meal of bacon cheeseburgers would surely have ignored orders surrounding a can of chickpeas.

8) And so, the South would eventually lose the Civil War. The Union would be preserved. Slavery would be abolished and bacon cheeseburgers would forever after dominate the nation’s culinary scene.

9) And so it goes.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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