Deep Thinker asks the question we’ve all been thinking.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
2 avocados
1¼ cups heavy cream
1 garlic clove
1 small onion
1 tablespoon butter
3¼ cups chicken stock
2½ teaspoons lime juice
¼ teaspoon cumin
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¼ cup fresh cilantro
SPECIAL UTENSIL
food processor
Serves 6. Takes 35 minutes.
PREPARATION
Peel and seed avocados. Add avocados and heavy cream to food processor. Blend until pureed. Mince garlic and onion. Add garlic, onion and butter to pot. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently.
Add pureed avocado, chicken stock, lime juice, cumin, pepper, and salt to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes or until soup is smooth. Stir frequently.
Dice cilantro. Garnish soup with cilantro.
TIDBITS
1) H20 comes in three forms: steam, water, and ice. So does avocado soup. Everybody loves avocado soup. Not so much with avocado ice. In fact, putting avocado-soup cubes in guests’ whiskey or root beer riles them quite a bit. Avocado PR firms are toying with the idea of spraying avocado-soup mists outside the entrance to restaurants serving this dish.
2) Everything comes in three states. For example nearly all, I think, buildings are solid. It is good to live in a solid building. Not so much for a liquid building. However a gaseous building is easy to move. Just heat up your building until it becomes a gas and let the wind blow it to its newly desired location. Now a problem arises. As of now, it’s not possible to freeze the building back to its original shape. You will get a solid building splat. Our dreams outpace our technology.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
The world out there is crazy. It can be depressing. You need to soar above it all, if only in your mind. You need to daydream that you can fly.
There you go, up among the clouds
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
2 eggs, room temperature
1 cup whole milk, lukewarm
1 teaspoon or 1½ packets instant yeast
3 tablespoons white sugar or brown sugar
½ cup unsalted butter, softened
¾ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3½ cups flour
1¼ cups pearl sugar or crushed sugar cubes
vegetable oil
SPECIAL UTENSILS
electric beater with dough hooks, if you have them.
Belgian waffle maker (Belgian waffles are twice as thick as regular waffles.)
Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 40 minutes.
PREPARATION
Separate eggs. Add milk, instant yeast, and white sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add butter, egg yolks, salt, and vanilla extract. Mix with electric beater, set on medium high, until well blended. Gradually add flour while using an electric beater set on medium-high. (Use dough hooks for electric beater, if you have them.) Do this until you get a smooth dough ball. Beat egg whites with electric beater set on high until stiff peaks form. Fold egg white into dough ball.
Transfer dough ball to new mixing bowl. Cover bowl with plastic wrap or kitchen towel. Let sit for 45 minutes or until dough ball doubles in size. Fold pearl sugar into dough. Divide dough into 4 round shapes. Brush Belgian waffle maker with vegetable oil. Let it heat up. Add dough round. Heat until waffle turns your desired shade of brown. (See instructions what temperature and time to use.) Or use medium heat for 6 minutes. (Adjust future settings to your liking and write them down.). Repeat for each dough round.
Belgian waffles are designed to handle lot of toppings. Popular toppings are: strawberries, melted butter, maple syrup, chocolate sauce, NutellaTM, confectioners’ sugar, and ice cream
TIDBITS
1) In 1688, England underwent . . .. Belgian waffles! Belgian waffles are so tasty! I’d go to prison if it served its inmates Belgian waffles for every breakfast. Belgian waffles, yay, yay, yay.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
Angry Man’s struggle is real and eternal. I fought cling wrap just this very morning.
Angry Man #10
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
8 cups chicken stock
2 pounds chicken breasts
1 cup arborio, other rice, or orzo
3 eggs
½ cup lemon juice
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¼ cup fresh parsley
Serves 6. Takes 45 minutes.
PREPARATION
Add chicken stock to large pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Add chicken breasts. Lower heat to medium. Add arborio. Simmer for 20 minutes or until chicken breasts can be pulled apart with 2 forks. Stir enough to prevent burning, Remove chicken breasts to large bowl. (Keep chicken stock.) Shred chicken with forks. Return shredded chicken to pot. Stir until well blended.
While chicken simmers for 20 minutes, add eggs and lemon juice to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Take 2 cups chicken stock from large pot and add to measuring cup. Drizzle chicken stock from measuring cup to mixing bowl. Whisk continually as you drizzle in the stock. Add this egg/lemon/stock sauce to the large pot. Add pepper and salt. Simmer for 15 minutes or until soup thickens. Stir enough to prevent burning.
Dice parsley. Garnish with parsley.
TIDBITS
1) Wolves like to eat chickens. Isaac Newton’s chickens were the best. So, it’s no surprise that numerous gangs of unemployed, teenage wolves attacked his chicken coops night after night. Newton first reasoned with the wolves, but his “Now, see here” was met with scorn. He even tried making scary faces. The wolves yawned briefly, then continued their attacks.
2) Desperate, Newton climbed his lemon trees and threw lemon after lemon at the wolves until he had no more. “Deuced wolves, take that.” And the wolves couldn’t take that barrage. They scurried away. Wolves have feared lemons ever since. This is why most chicken ranchers surround their coops with lemon trees. Eventually, culinarily minded lemon tree/chicken ranchers made this dish.
3)Anyway, Newton saved his chickens, but the loss of his lemons ruined him financially. He turned his mind to scientific observation and mathematical theory. Which is why we’ve heard of him.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
I’d like to see her and everybody else be happy.
Today has been a really frustrating day, so here is this post.
THINGS I’D LIKE TO SEE
Note: These are not necessarily in order of importantce A feware light hearted. Some are deadly serious. Okay, here goes.
1) Countries stop invading other countries. No excuses. Especially incredibly transparent lies.
2) If a country must invade, stop making deliberate targets out of civilians.
3) People having respect for other people who hold opposing political views.
4) People and groups forgoing lying when advancing political views.
5) People accepting the fact that democracy means that sometimes you will be outvoted.
6) Prosecution of all rapists. Stop turning the raped woman into the victim.
7) End of racism. There really are enough people to hate in this world based on individual merits without casting a wider net.
8) More competition in the market place. For capitalism to benefit everyone, we really can’t have conglomerates controlling huge swaths of the economy.
9) The end of lying in news programs.
10) More competition in news station. As it stands now, it’s so easy for mega-news station to drown out all other views.
11) Stop thinking five minutes of research on the internet overpowers a collected hundreds of thousands of hours of scientific research.
12) Stop whining when society asks you to do something you don’t want to do. Okay, I have problems here. Mea culpea.
13) Being outvoted doesn’t mean your rights are being violated.
14) Cover your mouth when coughing.
15) Buy the blinker package when buying a car. You don’t need to expend a lot of energy to signal.
16) Know that a red light really does mean to stop.
17) Realize that if you’re the fifth person to go through the intersection after the light changed, that you really are a dick.
18) Keys that automatically fly back to a prearranged peg on a wall or a hutch, no matter where you left them.
19) Delivery people who know how to install a refrigerator.
20) No more school children gunned down. How is this still happening?
21) The end of all harrassment in the workplace? Why is being a dick there still okay?
22) The end of littering.
23) The end of plastic-litter islands in the Pacific Ocean. Two such islands are thousands of square miles in size.
24) I’d like to not be perpetually tired or in pain.
That’s all for now. God bless you all. May tomorrow find you to be a happier person.
Behave. Don’t make me come there.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
2¼ cups cranberry juice
⅓ cup sugar
⅓ cup cream of wheat, farina, or semolina
1 cup milk
SPECIAL UTENSIL
electric beater.
Serves 6. Takes 1 hour.
PREPARATION
Add cranberry juice and sugar to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir constantly. Gradually add cream of wheat. Stir constantly to prevent lumps. Reduce heat to low-medium. Cook for 10 minutes or until mixture thickens. Stir constantly with whisk or fork.
Transfer mixture to mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on high for 10 minutes or until mixture becomes fluffy and a lighter shade of red.. Serve in bowls. Pour milk equally over each bowl.
TIDBITS
1) The term “manna from heaven” comes from the Old Testament. The book Exodus tells us how the Israelites fearing the wrath of the Egyptian pharaoh plunged deeper and deeper into the wilderness of the Sinai Peninsula.
2) The Israelites grumbled that they were running out of food, that they were at least assured of getting full meals back in Egypt. They had apparently forgotten that they were enslaved back there.
3) So God, Yahweh, sent them food, manna. This manna floated down from the sky or perhaps even from heaven. Nowadays, “manna from heaven” means any lucky occurrence. In fact, an event so lucky that is on par with the Israelites receiving manna from God.
4) On July 7, 2008, the Latvian village of Dagda was besieged by hordes of scam artists trying to sell them a new warranty for their cars, to replace the old extended warranties that had expired. The Dagdans had only one day of food left. Then little Debbie from the nearby farms catapulted thousands of cranberries mousses into Dagda. She saved the town. The grateful Dadgans called her dessert, “Debbie’s Manna.” Over time, this shortened to Debesmanna. Now you know.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
INGREDIENTS
1½ tablespoons brown sugar
1 tablespoon chili powder
¼ cup garlic salt
½ tablespoon paprika
9 pounds beef brisket
½ cup beef broth
1 12-ounce can beer
SPECIAL UTENSILS
wood chips (apple or oak)
smoker
electric thermometer
baking pan
tin foil
sonic obliterator
Serves 10. Takes at least 10 hours, perhaps up to many more. Smokers vary, the marbling of the fat in the brisket varies. Perhaps the Incan monkey god is angry with you. In this case, your brisket will take a long time. Perhaps eleventy hours is the most accurate. I strongly suggest putting that brisket in the smoker at the crack of dawn. If you’re up to it, start it at midnight and monitor periodically through the night. Will this make you lose sleep? Yes. Also, a small brisket will take less time.
PREPARATION
Get up at dawn, 6 a.m., or even earlier. Add wood chips to smoker. Preheat smoker to 235 degrees. Start cooking after getting up in the morning. Add brown sugar, chili powder, garlic salt, and paprika to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Rub mixture all over brisket.
When temperature of smoker reaches 235 degrees, place brisket on grill with the fatty side closest to the heating coil. Put thermometer in the thickest part of the meat. Smoke until brisket’s internal temperature reaches 165 degrees. This should take about 6 hours, varying greatly depending on your smoker and whether or not you have led a virtuous life. I hope you have. ☺
Pause and reflect, pause and reflect until the temperature of the brisket reaches 165 degrees. Using cooking gloves carefully remove the brisket and put it in the baking pan. (Close door quickly as possible to minimize loss of heat and smoke. Pour beef broth and beer evenly over brisket. Cover brisket with tin foil. Put covered brisket back in smoker. Put thermometer back in the thickest part of the brisket. Cook until internal temperature reaches 205 degrees.
Remove brisket and let sit for 40 minutes. Cut meat across the grain to ¼” thick slices. This is large and lengthy meal. Use sonic obliterator on any guest making even the slightest complaint.
TIDBITS
1) Our spaceships have visited every planet and all the big asteroids in the Solar System.
2) We’ve even sent our spacecraft past the Oort Cloud and into outer space.
3) It seems as if our spaceships have nothing left to explore.
4) This page has a lot of space left. Let’s explore the rest of this page.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
6 p.m.: We fly over the battlefields of Verdun, where 350,000 of our countrymen died fighting the brutal German invaders. What is this? Jean points out a crowd of German pig-dog tourists. Enraged, we throw bottles, cabbages, and the contents of our chamber pots at them. Ha! Ha! Suddenly, and without warning, our balloon descends. Horrors! I recognize Président Pommefrite and Chancellor Erwtenzup of Germany. They are very filthy and very angry. They shout and shake their fists at us. We also notice French soldiers firing at us. Jean opines that perhaps we should ascend quickly. Stirred to action, I increase the flame. Our balloon fills with hot air and we leave them far below. Jean and I are so upset by the whole incident that we delay dinner by a full hour.
14 November, 10 a.m.: We find ourselves over the town of Amiens. Jean informs me that Jules Verne used to be its mayor. He astounds me with the information that he had been reading Verne lately. So, that’s what he has been doing with his afternoons. I thought he was cheating on his mistress.
Noon: We reach the town of Calais on the English Channel. We commemorate our successful journey across France with a simple meal of French bread, onion soup, salade Niçoise, and shrimp scampi. We examine the looming channel, but are not frightened.
3 p.m.: A great jolt rouses Jean and me from our naps. What has annoyed us? Oh, our basket has smashed to bits the radar of a French destroyer. “Vive la France!” we amiably cheer. But incredibly, the sailors shout angrily back. Jean suggests that we quickly leave those clods. I once again increase the size of the flame and we climb back into the clouds.
The sailors fire their rifles and the ship’s big guns at us. Boom! But they cannot see us as we are hiding in the clouds and have broken their radar dish. We shout our apologies to our countrymen and fellow adventurers. We toss down cases of caviar and our best champagne to make up for our faux pas. However, this noble gesture does not appease them. Strange to say, they are becoming even angrier. The lack of manners in our navy appalls Jean and me.
6 p.m.: We are over Dover, England. Hurrah! The great race is coming to an end. We see a great crowd below us. It cheers us wildly, so ours must be the first balloon. The throng includes the Queen and most of the Royal family. We also notice an enormous number of police and soldiers. No doubt, they are there to protect us from our enthusiastic admirers.
Jean and I drink several toasts to England, to the Queen, and to a successful race. I stand up and stagger towards the lever to lower the flame. However, I trip on Jean and fall with all my weight on the lever. Instead of lowering the flame, I shut it off completely. We fall precipitously and hit the ground with a squish.
We dust ourselves off and march proudly towards the Queen. For some reason she appears to be upset. However, we attribute her emotion to the passion of the moment. We present her with the first Chardonnay bottle of the season.
But, the Queen, she is not thankful. No, she accuses us of murdering her Corgi. What dog, we ask? “The one under your balloon,” she cries.
Before we think to apologize, ill-mannered British policemen clasp handcuffs on us and lead us away. We hear behind us German and French voices arguing vociferously for the right to arrest us. Their argument appears to be escalating into a brawl. We shrug our shoulders.
* * *
“Bah! Monsieur le reporter, the food here in this jail is horrible! But yes, I have been without Dom Perignon for three days! Why are these stupid English treating me this way? Can it be that they do not care that I won the Chardonnay race?
“Monsieur, tell my friends to hurry and get me out of here. The Tour d’Artichoke starts next week! Sacre bleu!”
****
I hope you enjoyed this chapter from my book. Please let me know what you thought of it. Thank you.
Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
We’re French and You’re Not, my cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
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