Posts Tagged With: smoker

Smoked Beef Brisket

American Entree

SMOKED BEEF BRISKET

INGREDIENTS

1½ tablespoons brown sugar
1 tablespoon chili powder
¼ cup garlic salt
½ tablespoon paprika
9 pounds beef brisket
½ cup beef broth
1 12-ounce can beer

SPECIAL UTENSILS

wood chips (apple or oak)
smoker
electric thermometer
baking pan
tin foil
sonic obliterator

Serves 10. Takes at least 10 hours, perhaps up to many more. Smokers vary, the marbling of the fat in the brisket varies. Perhaps the Incan monkey god is angry with you. In this case, your brisket will take a long time. Perhaps eleventy hours is the most accurate. I strongly suggest putting that brisket in the smoker at the crack of dawn. If you’re up to it, start it at midnight and monitor periodically through the night. Will this make you lose sleep? Yes. Also, a small brisket will take less time.

PREPARATION

Get up at dawn, 6 a.m., or even earlier. Add wood chips to smoker. Preheat smoker to 235 degrees. Start cooking after getting up in the morning. Add brown sugar, chili powder, garlic salt, and paprika to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Rub mixture all over brisket.

When temperature of smoker reaches 235 degrees, place brisket on grill with the fatty side closest to the heating coil. Put thermometer in the thickest part of the meat. Smoke until brisket’s internal temperature reaches 165 degrees. This should take about 6 hours, varying greatly depending on your smoker and whether or not you have led a virtuous life. I hope you have. ☺

Pause and reflect, pause and reflect until the temperature of the brisket reaches 165 degrees. Using cooking gloves carefully remove the brisket and put it in the baking pan. (Close door quickly as possible to minimize loss of heat and smoke. Pour beef broth and beer evenly over brisket. Cover brisket with tin foil. Put covered brisket back in smoker. Put thermometer back in the thickest part of the brisket. Cook until internal temperature reaches 205 degrees.

Remove brisket and let sit for 40 minutes. Cut meat across the grain to ¼” thick slices. This is large and lengthy meal. Use sonic obliterator on any guest making even the slightest complaint.

TIDBITS

1) Our spaceships have visited every planet and all the big asteroids in the Solar System.

2) We’ve even sent our spacecraft past the Oort Cloud and into outer space.

3) It seems as if our spaceships have nothing left to explore.

4) This page has a lot of space left. Let’s explore the rest of this page.

 

 

 

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Smoked Pork Ribs

American Entree

SMOKED PORK RIBS

INGREDIENTS

2 pounds pork ribs
1 tablespoon yellow mustard
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1½ tablespoons paprika
2 teaspoons salt
¼ cup barbecue sauce

SPECIAL UTENSILS

smoker
electric thermometer
wood chips (oak, apple, hickory, pecan, cherry, or mesquite)

Serves 4. Takes 5 hours. Time includes preheating the smoker. Times vary with smokers.

PREPARATION

Preheat smoker to 250 degrees. Add wood chips to smoker. While smoker heats, use brush to spread ribs with yellow mustard. (This helps keep the following rub on the ribs.) While smoker preheats, add brown sugar, chili powder, onion powder, paprika, and salt to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Rub mixture evenly over both sides of ribs.

Add ribs to smoker rack. Insert electric thermometer in the middle of the ribs. Avoid the bones. The ribs are done when the internal meat temperature reaches 190 degrees or when the meat retracts . Remove from heat. Brush ribs with barbecue sauce. Return ribs to smoker. Smoke for 15 minutes. Remove from heat. Tear pork into individual ribs.

TIDBITS

1) The pork ribs shown above look like a butterfly. Indeed, pigs often hide in swarms of butterflies. Since they spend so much time together, it is important to compare pork ribs with butterflies.

BENEFIT                            PORK RIBS   BUTTERFLIES
Pollinate flowers                      no                  yes
Boost tourism                          no                  yes
Provide antibiotics                   no                  yes
Keep insects under control      no                  yes
Are Tasty                                  yes                 no

There you have it, a surprise 4-to-1 victory for the butterfly.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Smoked Burgers

American Entree

SMOKED BURGERS

INGREDIENTS

1½ pounds ground beef
2 teaspoons seasonings (garlic salt, pepper, etc.)
4 hamburger buns
optional toppings (cheese, lettuce, sliced onions, ketchup, etc.)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

smoker
electric thermometer
wood chips (hickory or mesquite)

Serves 4. Takes 1 hour 20 minutes for rare to 2 hours for well done. This time includes preheating the smoker. Times vary with smokers.

PREPARATION

Preheat smoker to 230 degrees. Add wood chips to smoker. While smoker heats, add ground beef and seasonings to mixing bowl. Mix with hands until well blended. Form beef into 4 patties. Patties should be about 1″ thick. Make an small indentation in middle of patties. (This helps keep the juices in the patties.)

Place burgers directly on smoker racks. Cook until internal temperature of burgers reaches your desired level of doneness. (Rare = 120 degrees, medium = 140 degrees, well done = 160 degrees.) There is so need to flip patties. Toast buns. Assemble bottom buns, smoked patties, toppings, and top buns.

TIDBITS

1) There are many ways to determine direction. The most obvious one is the compass. It however, don’t work well if you’re near one of the Earth’s magnetic poles. They also become completely useless when you forget to bring one. Then you and your friend, Bart, find yourself completely lost at the northern magnetic pole. Bart finally realizes he had a compass with him all the time. But now his compass doesn’t work because, well you’re at a magnetic pole.

2) Bart pipes up, “Say, moss grows on the north side of trees. That’s how we’ll find our direction.” Not quite, moss mostly grows on the north side. And there are no trees at the North Magnetic Pole. You resolve there and then to never again hike the Everglades with Bart.

3) If only you had had lettuce, onion, tomato, and a smoked hamburger patty. The veggies will always point to the southwest and the patty to the northeast. Now you know.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Smoked Paprika Chicken

American Entree

SMOKED PAPRIKA CHICKEN

INGREDIENTS

2 teaspoons brown sugar
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon garlic powder
½ tablespoon garlic salt
2 teaspoons paprika
1 teaspoon pepper
2 teaspoons sea salt
5 chicken breasts
1 bags wood chips (alder, apple, maple, olive, pecan, or walnut)

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric smoker
digital thermometer (if your smoker doesn’t have one)
tin foil

Serves 5. Takes 2 hours.*

PREPARATION

Preheat smoker to 225 degrees. Add all ingredients except chicken breasts and wood chips to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork until spice mix is well blended. Rub spice mix equally over chicken breasts. Add wood chips to smoker. Add spiced chicken to smoker. Smoke chicken at 225 degrees until internal temperature of chicken is at least 165 degrees. The thermometer should be inserted into the thicket part of the meat.

Check every 15 minutes. This should take 1-to-2 hours.* If you’re lucky, your smoker will be set up so that your smart phone will tell you when it’s done. Carefully remove chicken breasts from smoker, place them on a plate, cover them with tin foil, and let sit for 15 minutes.

* = Please note that the various smokers perform differently. So, check the manual for placement of chicken in smoker, cooking temperature, how to use wood chips, and other pertinent information.

TIDBITS

1) The Southern tobacco crop failed in 1858. Desperate good ol’ boys took to smoking spinach, cauliflower, and squash. These all proved to be quite distasteful failures. In 1859, Andrew Calhoun rolled paprika-spiced chicken in his cigarette papers. It tasted great. Things were fine. Then, in 1860, Lincoln ran for president on the anti-smoked chicken platform. Prominent Southerners claimed he was trying to destroy their way of life. The South seceded. But the North won the Civil War and banned chicken smoking. This is why we only smoke tobacco.

– Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Smoked Sirloin Roast

American Entree

SMOKED SIRLOIN ROAST

INGREDIENTS

3½ pounds top sirloin roast
5 tablespoons Montreal steak spice
2 tablespoons sea salt
2 cups wood chips: hickory, mesquite, or oak

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric smoker
kitchen string
digital thermometer (if your smoker doesn’t have one)

Serves 6. Takes 2 hours.*

PREPARATION

Preheat electric smoker to 250 degrees. Trim off excess fat from sirloin roast. Rub both sides with Montreal steak spice and sea salt. Roll up sirloin and tie it with kitchen string.

Add wood chips to electric smoker. Add sirloin to basket in smoker. Smoke until internal temperature, as measured by thermometer, reads 145 degrees. This will take about 2 hours.* The thermometer should be inserted into the thicket part of the meat. Check every 15 minutes after 1 hour. If you’re lucky, your smoker will be set up so that your smart phone will tell you when it’s done. Carefully remove basket from smoker and let sit 10 minutes. Carve and serve.

* = Please note that the various smokers perform differently. So, check the manual for placement of sirloin in smoker, cooking temperature, how to use wood chips, and other pertinent information.

TIDBITS

1) To serve six million people, simply multiply the ingredients and the number of special utensils by one million. Except for the ball of kitchen string. Simply get a ball of string that’s large enough. Buying ingredients for that number of guests will cost a lot of money. This is where your enormous ball of string comes in. People will pay good money to see a string ball that big. Why it would have a diameter (Does quick calculation in head.) of at least 25 feet. That’s all? Sorry, you’re on your own with expenses.

2) Then there’s the problem of finding 1,000,000 outlets. Even if you used every outlet in your city of 50,000, your smokers’ power surges would bring down your municipality’s power grid. The Pentagon, of course, knows this, and has plans to air drop millions of slow cookers and tons of ingredients around Russia’s nuclear basses. The resultant power surges will disable Russia’s entire nuclear capability. Now you know how the world will be safe.

Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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