Posts Tagged With: spaceships

Brown Sugar Smoked Salmon

American Entree

BROWN SUGAR SMOKED SALMON

INGREDIENTS

3 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon dill
1 teaspoon pepper
1 teaspoon salt
2 pounds salmon fillets
vegetable oil

SPECIAL UTENSILS

smoker
electric thermometer
wood chips (apple, cherry, and alder are the most popular)

Serves 6. Takes 3 hours 30 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add brown sugar, dill, pepper, and salt to small mixing bowl. Blend thoroughly with whisk. This is the rub. Cut salmon into 6 fillets. Pat salmon fillets dry. Rub an equal amount of rub all over the meat sides of each fillet. Let fillets sit in refrigerator for 2 hours.

30 minutes before fillets have finished refrigerating, brush grills in smoker with vegetable oil. This prevents the fish from sticking. Preheat smoker to 220 degrees. When temperature of smoker reaches 220 degrees, place fillets meat side up on grills. Smoke salmon until its internal temperature reaches 150 degrees. It should take about 1 hour 15 minutes, depending on your smoker. The salmon fillets should be pink and flaky.

TIDBITS

1) Plates are round because alien spaceships were round. Alien UFOs were living things. Aliens conquered Earth 66 million years ago. The outer spacers treated our dinosaurs most horribly. A scant million years later the dinos formulated their plan of rebellion, “Rush ‘em, crush ‘em, chomp ‘em.” The uprising was succeeding! Hooray! All the dinosaurs looked up and did a happy dance.

3) But the huge mother spaceship, it really was a mother, beamed a huge death ray at the rampaging dinos. The ray, however, merely reflected off the rebels’ cat-like eyes, disintegrating the mother ship. Circular living bits fell to Earth. Whenever the dinos laid eggs they did so on these bits, for the smarter dinosaurs knew round things can’t grow if weighed down. Today, we weigh down our round plates with food, just in case they are spaceship babies. When we’re not using our plates, we stack them in the cupboard for the same reason. You can’t be too careful with space aliens.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Salami and Eggs

American Entree

SALAMI AND EGGS

INGREDIENTSSalamiAndEggs-

3 ⅓” thick slices Hebrew NationalTM salami
2 eggs
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vegetable oil
1 teaspoon deli mustard (optional)

Makes 1 plate. Takes 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Make ¼”-long notches around the edges of each salami slice. (This help keeps the salami flat during cooking.) Add eggs and salt to mixing bowl. Blend well with whisk. Add salami slices and oil to pan. Sauté salami slices on medium for 1 minute, flipping once, or until both sides are only slightly browned.

Add blended eggs to pan. Gently lift the salami slices so that the blended eggs can flow underneath them. Cook on medium heat for 1½ minutes or until eggs are golden brown on the bottom. (You might need to lift up the eggs and salami with a spatula to take a look.) Flip eggs and salami over with a large spatula and cook for another 1½ minutes or until eggs are again golden brown on the bottom. Spread deli mustard on top of eggs and salami, if desired.

TIDBITS

1) This dish, salami and eggs, is round and mostly flat. UFOs are round and mostly flat.

2) The salami slices in this entree are clustered in the middle. The UFO’s aliens cluster in the life-support dome, located in the middle.

3) People do not love aliens. They fear them. This is why movies such as War of the Worlds, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Mars Need Women get made.

4) People love eggs. People love salami. This is why aliens from outer space make their spaceships look so much like salami and eggs. They want to be loved. The space creatures are also bashful and insecure. Which is why they don’t barge in with their massive, powerful death rays and obliterate us.

5) Why would they even consider invading Earth? Ironically, there are no eggs and salami on the aliens’ planets. We should take advantage of the aliens shyness and make the first gesture toward lasting galactic peace by offering them some of our eggs and salami. In return, they would tell us how to get rid of all our pollution and how to cook eggs without having them stick to our pans. How do the aliens know how to cook eggs if they don’t have them? They just do.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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