Monthly Archives: November 2022

Pad Thai

Posted on November 20, 2022 by pauldelancey

Thai Entree

PAD THAI

INGREDIENTS

½ pad Thai noodles or rice stick noodles
8 cups water
2½ tablespoons fish sauce
3 tablespoons palm sugar or brown sugar
2 tablespoons tamarind sauce, tamarind puree, or Worcestershire sauce
10 ounces chicken breasts
3 ounces firm tofu
3 garlic cloves
3½ tablespoons vegetable oil
3 eggs
¼ cup fresh garlic chives or green onions, thinly sliced
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
¼ pound bean sprouts
2 tablespoons crushed peanuts (2 more tablespoons later)
2 tablespoons crushed peanuts
2 limes

SPECIAL UTENSIL

colander

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Add noodles to mixing bowl. Add hot water to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Pour water over noodles. Lit sit for 3 minutes. Stir a few times to separate noodles. Drain noodles in colander. Rinse noodles with cold water. (This prevents sticking.)

While water boils, add fish sauce, sugar, and tamarind sauce to mixing bowl. Stir with whisk or fork until sugar dissolves. This is the pad Thai sauce. Cut chicken and tofu into ½” cubes. Mince garlic cloves. Add vegetable oil, chicken, and tofu to pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 6 minutes or until tofu starts to brown. Remove tofu and set aside.

Add garlic to and eggs to pan. Lightly scramble eggs and cook at medium heat for 3 minutes. Add garlic chives, red pepper flakes, rinsed noodles, and tofu. Stir fry at medium heat for 5 minutes. Add bean sprouts and pad Thai sauce. Stir fry for 2 minutes or until noodles are slightly chewy or al dente. Add 2 tablespoons crushed peanuts. Stir fry at medium heat for 1 minute. Cut each lime into 6 wedges. Garnish with lime wedges and 2 tablespoons crushed peanuts.

TIDBITS

1) It is well established that Thai chefs love alliteration and tongue twisters. Here are some of their favorites.

2) Tired Thais tie tidy tie dyed Thai ties.

3) Wired Thais wipe white wine while wining.

4) Tough Thais tug Pad Thai through the glue.

5) Pied Piper Thais buy Pad Thai pods.

6) Pad pods put pitted prunes nigh the moody Moon.

7) Tied Thais tried Thai tried dying flying limes.

8) High Thai thighs hide eyes.

9) Thai eyes espy small-fries fry fries.

10) My Thais buy My pies.

11) Dry Thais cry, “fly by.”

12) My Thais sigh bye.

13) Tired Thais buy squires wide wires. Why?

14) Rad, mad mod Pads pad pom poms.

15) Thai guy mice try rice thrice.

16) Fie! Thai mice, not nice.

17) Sci-fi Thai mice, splice rice twice.

18) Shy Thai poodles doodle oodles of puddles.

19) “Pish, fish sauce,” says cross boss Ross.

20) Choking chicken chickens quicken to thicken Bruce’s juices.

21) Wait, crate late mate’s great slate plate freight.

22) See? She’s nuts for free, wee peanuts.

23) I wrote at quite a pace and now I’m out of space.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

De Lancey’s Fun Festival Tours of Finland

Posted on November 19, 2022 by pauldelancey

Aamu, your tour guide

Come with me and see the fun festivals of Finland.

June – Mosquito Swatting Championships – The Swedish town of Övertorneå holds its own event when the town was denied permission to use chemicals to kill the little, flying biters. So the good Swedes made a festival about killing the pests. Contestants here get 15 minutes to kill mosquitos. The record for this town is 135. Finland has its own such festival, which is held sometime during the mosquito season.

Mid June – Swamp Soccer World Cup – Love soccer? Lover a shorter game? Love mud?  Head on over to Hyrynsalmi, Finland.  200-to-300 teams from all over the world compete.  There are five different ways to compete: men’s, women’s, mixed, men’s hobby, and Masters of Swamp. Six players are on each side. Each half lasts for 12 minutes. There are no offside penalties. This is fantastic for all those who never understood the rule in the first place.

Summer – Ant Nest Sitting Festivals – Finland hosts Ant Nest Sitting Competitions. Contestants sit on an ant hill for as long as they can stand the ant bites. This competition is held all over the country during the summer months. It truly helps to have a high threshold for pain or an ass harder than bronze.

Summer – Wife Carrying Championships – It’s in Sonkajaarvi, Finland Sonkajaarvi, Finland Couples race around a track well stocked with obstacles such as logs and a deep pool. At one time, the woman in the event had to be the man’s wife, but neighboring women are allowed. The designated wife must weigh 49 kilograms or 108 pounds. You might think a good wife for this race would be as tiny as possible. But no, the winners earn the wife’s weight in beer.

July – Cattle Calling Championship – Can’t speak Finnish, but still love to make yourself heard? Alapitka, Finland, puts on the renowned Cattle Calling Championship. Techniques of the champions are closely guarded secrets. However, successful participants tend to know the names of the cows. Courtesy while chatting with your cow goes a long way to winning the championship.

Early July – Finnish Dialect Speaking Championship – You say you want to attend a contest that is conceptually easy to win? One that’s not physically demanding? Then the Finnish Dialect Speaking Championship in Kuopio is the event for you. Keep in mind, past winners tend to possess a strong command of this Nordic language.

August – Finish Sauna World Championship – Held in Heinola, Finland. Simply stay the longest inside Finnish sauna in a temperature of 110 degrees centigrade, 240 degrees Fahrenheit. Maybe you have a competitive nature, while having the inactive disposition of a rock. Then this competition is for you. Compete! Maybe you like the idea of thousands of spectators and TV audiences watching your nearly naked, sweaty body, covered with only a towel. Compete! It’s held in August, when it’s outside anyway.

Mid August – Cell Phone Tossing – Be sure to make your way to Savonlinna, Finland during mid August for its prestigious Cell Phone Throwing Championship. The traditional part has participants throwing the cell phones over their shoulders. The longest toss wins. Cranky folks, such as myself, who have never quite adjusted to the new technology and hurl one phone after another, are usually the tournament favorites.  However, in 2012. it was a well-adjusted man named Eric Karjalainon won. He said he prepared for this event mostly by drinking.

Late August – Air Guitar World Final –  Air guitar enthusiasts won’t want to miss the Air Guitar season. Prestigious events are held in Germany along with Japan’s own elimination tournament. However, the crème de la crème of air guitardom is the World Final, held in Oulu, Finland. The Final’s aim is to promote world peace. With this in mind, organizers have banned holding a gun while performing your air-guitar number. The winner goes home with the unique Flying Finn guitar, handmade by the great Mr. Matti Nevalainen. Dedicated air-guitar fans really must obtain advanced tickets to the VIP Area. These tickets give you the best views of the stage and a truly tasty buffet well stocked with local delicacies.

Note: festival dates are prone to change. Check before you book. You don’t want to lug your air guitar all the way to Finland only to discover the Air Guitar World Final took place a week ago.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

You Need to See a Rabbit Do a Complete Flip

Posted on November 18, 2022 by pauldelancey

And here it is.

 

 

 

 

I think Fluff Fluff did rather well, don’t you? Watch for her when competes for the first time on Bunny Flips on ESPN8, next Friday, 8pm, EST.

I spent hours learning how to do this. It might not seem like a mighty achievement, but it kept me off the streets where I would only foment revolution. And that’s a good thing.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: sports, you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Japanese Rice Omelette

Posted on November 17, 2022 by pauldelancey

Japanese Entree

RICE OMELETTE
(Omurice)

INGREDIENTS – FRIED RICE

3 ounces boneless chicken
1 small onion
1½ tablespoons butter (1½ tablespoons more later)
1½ cups cooked rice (warm)
¼ cup ketchup
¼ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt

INGREDIENTS – OMELETTE

4 eggs
2 tablespoons milk
1½ tablespoons butter
1 ketchup bottle for squirting

SPECIAL UTENSILS

no-stick pan
paper towels

Serves 2. Takes 30 minutes.

PREPARATION – FRIED RICE

Slice chicken into ½” cubes. Mince onion. Add 1½ tablespoons butter and onion to regular pan. Sauté onion at medium heat for 3 minutes. Stir frequently. Add chicken. Sauté for 2 minutes or until chicken is no longer pink. Add rice, ketchup, pepper, and salt. Reduce heat to medium and sauté for 2 minutes or until rice is hot and coated with ketchup. Remove and cover to keep warm.

PREPARATION – OMELETTE

Add eggs and milk to mixing bowl. Blend with whisk. Add 1½ tablespoons butter to no-stick pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Add ½ of the blended eggs. Tilt pan so that egg mixture covers the surface. Cook egg mixture using medium heat for 1 minute or until egg starts to set on the bottom, but is still runny on top. Sprinkle ½ of the fried rice onto the setting egg mixture, leaving 2″ of egg uncovered on the left and right sides. Use spatula to fold uncovered sides over the rice as far as they can go.

Tilt pan to the right so that the right side of the omelette gets curved slightly by the pan. Then tilt the pan to the left for the same result. Put serving plate on top of pan. While holding plate, turn pan upside down so that the egg side of the omelette is on the top. Cover with paper towel to remove oil and to gently shape omelette into the shape of an American football. Remove towel and artistically drizzle omelette with ketchup. Repeat for the second omelette.

TIDBITS

1) The above picture of Omurice looks a lot like a triangular sail. This is no accident. Look at the Viking ship shown in the picture below.

 

 

 

 

 

2) Now, add a happy face to the triangular sail.

 

 

 

 

 

3) Let’s put those two pictures together.

 

 

 

 

4) Whoa! The pictures are nearly identical.. The Vikings did get the idea for their sail from the Japanese rice omelette. These pictures prove the Erik the Happy saga is true beyond all questioning.

5) In the Happy saga, Erik and his crew of oarsmen set off from Sweden to raid Northumbria. But, he refused to ask for directions and ended up in Japan. While there, Erik dined on a rice omelette. His synapses fired and he made the sail you see above. Voyaging back to Sweden with a sail was a snap.

6) Erik the Happy told Ragnar Lothbrok how easy sailing can now be, Just two months later, in the summer of 792. Ragnar built a long boat and added a triangular sail. He sailed to Northumbria and sacked the monastery of Lindisfarne. Much bloodshed and looting ensued. The age of the Vikings had begun. Now you know.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Beware of Legjacking

Posted on November 16, 2022 by pauldelancey

A simulated legjacking

With the explosion in the numbers of people competing in long-distance races, runners are looking for any edge they  can get. For a while, runners took performance enhancing drugs, PEG. (Note, here PEG is an anacronym, not any woman named Peg.) Anyway some weeks ago, marathoner Carl La Fong up and grew a third leg overnight. He reduced his race time by 39 minutes.

As of press time, no marathon organizers have addressed the issue of a third leg. So many unscrupulous marathoners are looking for a third leg. As there aren’t many legal ways to acquire leg (Contrary to common belief, Costco(tm) doesn’t carry everything), runners are turning to violence.

Leg jacking. They’re procuring their fifth limb by legjacking, where the foul fiend knocks you down and pulls off your leg. Isn’t this painful?

Yes.

And you can kiss goodbye your own chances of winning a marathon.

What can you do to avoid legjacking?

Keep a healthy distance between yourself and all fit people with legs as long as yours.

It’s not always possible to do that because of crowds and stampeding herds of escaped elephants. So, I recommend carrying garlic cloves in your hands whenever  you go out. Simply pop the garlic cloves into your mouth and munch away whenever you see a likely leg thief. Your strong garlic breath will deter any legjacker. Besides, garlic repels vampires as well. And that’s good.

Be sure to join me for future health tips. Bye bye now, Stay healthy.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: health, sports | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Andy the Angry Avocado on Taping Sports

Posted on November 15, 2022 by pauldelancey

The struggle is real and eternal.

Andy the Angry Avocado #2

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Andy the Angry Avocado | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Char Kway Teow (Rice Noodle Stir Fry)

Posted on November 14, 2022 by pauldelancey

Malaysian Entree

CHAR KWAY TEOW
(Rice Noodle Stir Fry)

INGREDIENTS

¾ pound flat rice noodles
2 Chinese sausages
3 ounces fish cake (optional)
3 garlic cloves
1 cup garlic chives*
2 tablespoons dark soy sauce or soy sauce
2 tablespoons light soy sauce or soy sauce
½ tablespoon fish sauce
1 teaspoon oyster sauce or fish sauce
1 teaspoon sugar
¼ teaspoon white pepper
2 eggs
¼ cup vegetable oil
¾ pound shrimp, peeled and deveined
2 cups bean sprouts

* = Can be found in Asian supermarkets. Or substitute with garlic, chives, shallots, or combination.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

wok or Dutch oven.

Serves 6. 50 minutes.

PREPARATION

Soak dried noodles in warm water for 45 minutes. Drain. Cut Chinese sausage into ½” diagonal slices along their length. Cut fish cakes into ½” wide strips. Mince garlic cloves. Cut garlic chives in 2″ long pieces. Add dark soy sauce, light soy sauce, fish sauce, oyster sauce, sugar, and white pepper to medium mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended. Add eggs to small mixing bowl. Beat with whisk until well blended.

Add oil, Chinese sausage, fish-cake strips, garlic, garlic chives, shrimp. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until garlic softens. Stir frequently. Add noodles. Stir until well mixed. Add liquid from medium mixing bowl. Mix with wooden spoon until well blended.

Push sausage/fish strips/noodles to one side. Ladle egg from small mixing bowl to newly made space on wok. Scramble eggs. Let everything fry until egg nearly sets. Cook for 1 minute, stirring frequently. Add bean sprouts. Cook for 2 minutes. Stir frequently.

TIDBITS

1) String theory replaces the point-like particles of particle physics with one-dimensional objects called strings. Scientists could have thrown over the point-life particles for Hula Hoops(tm). But they didn’t. Culinary physicists have discovered why the mainstream physicists chose strings.

2) Look below for a rendering of string theory. The alluring spiffiness of this image hides its inspiration.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3) Let’s put a red and white bowl around the center of this picture.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4) Doesn’t that look a lot like Char Kway Teow? Let’s put it next to this recipe’s photo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5) Wow! Char Kway Teow clearly provided the inspiration for String Theory. Proof you cannot deny.

6) But unlike String Theory you can eat Char Kway Teow. Whenever travel takes you to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, be sure to dine at Carl La Fong’s House of String Theory. His Char Kway Teow tastes divine. Perhaps it will inspire you as well.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Carl La Fong, cuisine, history, international, science | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Simple Fig Bars

Posted on November 13, 2022 by pauldelancey

American Dessert

SIMPLE FIG BARS

INGREDIENTS

6½ tablespoons butter, softened
½ cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup flour (2 tablespoons more later)
½ cup wheat flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons flour
½ pound fig jam

SPECIAL UTENSILS

electric beater
14″ x 10″ cookie sheet
parchment paper

Makes 32 bars. Takes 2 hours 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add butter and brown sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on high until light and fluffy. Add egg and vanilla extract. Mix with electric beater set on high until light and fluffy.

Add 1 cup flour, wheat flour, baking powder, and salt to small mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. Gradually add in flour mix from small mixing bowl to egg/sugar mix in large mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on high until light and fluffy. Use hands to form a round dough ball. Cover and place in refrigerator for 1 hour or until firm.

Dust 14″ x 10″ flat surface with 2 tablespoons flour. Add dough ball. Roll out dough ball until it’s ¼” thick. Cut dough along its length into 10″ x 3½” strips. Spread ¼ of the fig jam down the middle of a strip until it’s 1″ wide. Carefully fold both edges of the dough over the fig jam. Pinch seam together to complete fig/dough log. Repeat for each dough strip. Cut each log into 2 shorter mini-logs to make transferring them to the parchment paper easier.

Place parchment paper on cookie sheet. Use spatula to carefully place mini logs seam side down on parchment paper. Use fingers to smooth together any tears in the mini logs. Bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes or until mini logs turn golden brown and feel slightly firm. Cut each mini log into 4 fig bars. Let cool on cookie sheet for 15 minutes or until slightly warm. Store in airtight container.

TIDBITS

1) Be sure to mark your calendar for January 16. That’s International Hot and Spicy Food Day.

2) It’s also National Fig Newton Day.

3) So eat hot-and-spicy food and fig bars on that day (IHSFNFND).

4) You might not want to do anything else.

5) Indeed. The Super Bowl used to held in January, but the prospect of having their biggest game of the year fall on International Hot and Spicy Day AND National Fig Newton Day terrified National Football League Executives. They knew the NFL would lose the match up.

6) This is why recent Super Bowls have been held in February.

7) Baseball, for decades, held its World Series in October for the very same reason.

8) Now, World Series Games spillover into November.

9) November is still two months away from IHSFNFND.

10) But the end of the World Series is getting ever closer to that eventful culinary day, because of ever increasing rounds of post-season play.

11) The World Series might eventually coincide with IHSFNFND. If that happens, television executives will simply throw up their hands and stop broadcasting the Fall Classic. This is something even World War II could not do.

12) This must not happen. Contact your senator. Now.

13) It’s worth noting that fig bars’ existential challenge to professional sports in America derives from their many great attributes.

14) Fig bars are high in fiber. Football and baseball are not.

15) Fig bars have many vitamins. Football and baseball do not.

16) Fig bars have many minerals. Football and baseball do not.

17) Fig bars are a tasty snack. Football and baseball do not.

18) Fig bars help digestion. Football and baseball do not.

19) Indeed, footballs and baseballs are even difficult to eat.

20) Oh crudness, National Fig Week runs from November 1 to November 7. The same time as the World Series. Stock up on fig bars; we live in dark, troubling times.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wanda Wunder On Clearing Your Mind

Posted on November 12, 2022 by pauldelancey

 

Wanda Wunder #27

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Wanda Wunder | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Too Much Pain

Posted on November 11, 2022 by pauldelancey

Sorry, there won’t be a funny, well thought out post today. My neck simply is hurting too much to do anything creative or, indeed, much of anything that involves moving or turning my neck. Until this happens, you really how much you use your neck. Just getting up from a prone position, like from on my bed, takes planning and a long time just to minimize the hurt somewhat. Behave yourselves out there.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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