Posts Tagged With: airport

Things I Did Today

I did seven things of varying importance today.

1) pulled weeds
2) cooked poutine for dinner
3) looked over my finances
4) diverted a comet that was on a path to collide into Earth. It would have ended all life on this planet.
5) did word-finds, an exercise for my eyes
6) worked on an adult (this adult artistic skill, not steaminess) coloring book. This was another eye exercise
7) took Number Two Son to the airport.

I think I’ve earned a good rest.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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We’re French and You’re Not – Overview

We’re French and You’re Not is one of my favorite novels. I’m going to be providing excerpts from the first chapter during the coming days. I hope you will enjoy them as much as I did writing them.

We’re French and You’re Not, is a hilarious romp focusing on the clueless French millionaire, Robert, and the effects of his diary on the conventional Wisconsin farm boy, Frank.

While in America, Robert and his constant companion Jean meet Henrietta Montcalm, a meek and nervous redhead. Their influence turns her into a feisty woman wanted by the police.

Henrietta decides to marry Robert and guides them toward a wedding in Reno. Jean can’t stand the thought of Robert giving up his bachelor lifestyle, so natu-rally he tries to kill him. Neither Jean, a burning hotel, nor fighter jets stop Henrietta from marrying Robert and taking off for her honeymoon.

Along their way, they incidentally: squash the Queen’s dog, fly a small plane inside an airport terminal, run McDonald’s in a very French way, rent exploding furn-iture, open childcare in Mammoth Caves, open a gourmet hospital, and drive their Geo Metro the wrong way in the Indy 500.
Sacre bleu, what fun things the Wisconsin farm boy learns about the world.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: We're French and You're Not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Simplify Where’s Waldo(tm)?

 

Where’s Bettie?

Where’s Waldo is quite the amusing diversion. It’s loved by millions. But it can take time to find that rascally Waldo, particularly since he loves to hang with folks wearing nearly identical outfits. Clearly he doesn’t want to stand out in a crowd. I think it would be nigh on impossible to pick Waldo out of a police lineup.

As mentioned above, finding Waldo is quite the pleasant way to pass the time. But what if you don’t have the time to pass? What if your fiancée is flying back from a trip to see her family? You’re supposed to leave the house at at nine at night to get her home from the airport.. However, it’s only 8 P.M.. You decide to pass the time playing Waldo. But you can’t find Waldo. You really, really can’t pick him out. He’s in a crowd of Waldo impersonators. Also the characters in the picture are teeny tiny and you can’t distinguish them since you lost your reading glasses.

You’re really not having a good day. However, you’re not a quitter. You persevere. The minutes pass. The hours pass.  At first, she waits eagerly for the love of her life to come rescue her from airport hell. Soon she looks forward to seeing you. Then she grows antsy. A deep and abiding hatred develops. Eventually, a red mist envelops her.

You break all speed limits to get to the airport. At 3 a.m.. You run toward her and throw open your arms to hug her. She drills you between your eyes with a bullet from her Glock(tm). Ironically, you gave her the Glock for her own protection. You, however, cannot appreciate the irony. You’re dead.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.  You should have played “Where’s Bettie?” I show the game in the picture on the right. The game is rated as being solvable in five minutes, but many people claim to have solved the puzzle in less time than that. Play “Where’s Bettie?” and you’ll never miss a can’t-miss appointment again.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Love Today

Some years back, I was in the men’s room at an airport. A man walked into a stall and closed the door. He immediately got on his cell phone. I didn’t listen in on the conversation and was in a foul mood anyway, having just gone through a long line at airport security. Then the man in the stall said, “I love you, sweetheart.” Presumably on his cell phone to his girlfriend and not to me.

Wow! True love. True love. Most men would have waited to call their sweethearts until they had pooped and wiped, but not for this Romeo. His love for his amour was so great he just had to tell her that very moment. He had shunned the hustle and bustle of every day and would no doubt leave the stall feeling much better.

Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the roses.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: love, obsevations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Garlic Butter Shrimp From Turkey

Turkish Entree

GARLIC BUTTER SHRIMP
(Tereyaǧli Karides)

INGREDIENTS

3 cloves garlic
2 tablespoons butter
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 teaspoon Aleppo chili powder or chile pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¾ pound large peeled, deveined shrimp
½ tablespoon parsley

SPECIAL UTENSIL

x-ray vision (not essential)

Serves 3. Takes 15 minutes.

PREPARATION

Dice garlic. Add butter and olive oil to pan. Sauté using low-medium heat until butter melts. Stir constantly. Add garlic and Aleppo chili powder. Sauté at medium heat for 3 minutes or until liquid starts to redden. Stir constantly. Add salt and shrimp. Sauté at medium heat for 2 minutes or until shrimp turns pinkish orange on bottom. (Use x-ray vision to determine pinkness of shrimp or simply flip a shrimp and look. Turn over shrimp. Sauté again for 2 minutes or until both sides are pink. Garnish with parsley. Goes well with crusty bread, such as a baguette.

TIDBITS

1) Butter lakes, butter pools.

2) I wrote the above tidbit a few days ago. What the heck was I thinking? Clearly, I had a scathingly brilliant train of thought or I wouldn’t have bothered to write it down. My memory has failed me. What else have I forgotten? Do . . . Oh crudness, distracted again.

4) Oh I remember! Do I have a child waiting for me at the airport? Looks at calendar. No, not today. A point for my memory.

5) Oh no, oh no, oh no! Did I forget to close safety catch on my nuclear missile launcher?!!! (It’s okay to end a sentence with three exclamation points if you’re staring nuclear Armageddon in the face, otherwise no.) Excuse me.

6) Pants heavily. Excuse me, I’m back. The safety catch was engaged. We’re all safe. Still, let this be a caution to all. You have to, have to, pay attention when you’re in charge of nuclear weapons. The same thing applies to all things culinary. As France’s nuclear chefs say, “Bon appetit et faites attention.

Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Modern Love

Recently, I was in the men’s room at an airport. A man walked into a stall and closed the door. He immediately got on his cell phone. I didn’t listen in on the conversation and was in a foul mood anyway, having just gone through a long line at airport security. Then the man in the stall said, “I love you, sweetheart.”

Wow! True love. True love. Most men would have waited to call their sweethearts until they had pooped and wiped, but not for this Romeo. His love for his amour was so great he just had to tell her that very moment. He had shunned the hustle and bustle of every day and would no doubt leave the stall a fulfilled man.

Sometimes you just have to stop and smell the roses.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: love, obsevations | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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