Posts Tagged With: Lutheran

Flatbread From Somalia (Sabaayad)

Posted on July 21, 2015 by pauldelancey

Somali Appetizer

FLATBREAD
(sabaayad)

INGREDIENTSFlatbread-

2⅓ cups flour
⅔ cup wheat flour (another ⅓ cup later)
½ teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons ghee or vegetable oil
1 to 1½ cups water
4 tablespoons vegetable oil (another 4 teaspoons later)
⅓ cup flour
4 teaspoons vegetable oil

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric skillet

PREPARATION

Add flour, wheat flour, and salt to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk. Add ghee. Mix again with whisk. Gradually add water to bowl. Knead flour and water by hand each time. Add water until dough becomes smooth and flexible. Let dough sit for 45 minutes.

Make 8 equal dough balls. Dust hard surface with ⅓ cup flour. Roll out dough ball into a circle 8″ wide. Spread ½ tablespoon oil evenly over dough circle. Fold edges of dough circle in so that four parts meat in the square. You should now have a square.FlatbreadDough-

Roll out square until it is again 8″ wide. (This gives the bread layers and makes it flakier.) Repeat for 7 remaining dough circles.

Set skillet to 325 degrees or medium. Place 8″ dough square in skillet. Let dough square cook for 1 minute or until dough square starts to puff. Flip the dough square and add ½ teaspoon oil evenly to the top. Cook for 1 minute. Continue to cook 1 minute per side until each side turns golden brown Repeat for the remaining 7 dough squares. Drain the golden brown flat breads of paper towels.

Serve warm with: fried eggs, honey, curries, or other stews

TIDBITS

1) The top picture on the previous page looks like a sock. The bottom picture on that page appears to be a sock puppet. These similarities are not an accident. There are an homage to the great Rome-to-Somalia olive-oil-for-socks trade.

2) This trade started in 31 BC after Caesar Augustus secured his position as emperor with his victory over Mark Anthony in the battle of Actium.

3) Rome desperately needed a new source of socks for its vaunted army. Without good socks, the legionnaires developed foot blisters. No soldier can march far with blistered feet. If the Roman legionnaires couldn’t march, they couldn’t catch the invading barbarian hordes before they looted and fired the Roman towns. Unfortunately, the long series of Roman civil wars, 83 BC – 31 BC had completely destroyed the once vibrant sock industry. Things looked grim. The Roman Empire was readt to collapse. The plays of Plautus, Terrance, and Maccius would have been replaced by barbarian reality plays.

6) Fortunately, in 18 BC, Primus Secundus Tertius, a goat herder set out from the tiny village of Perdiem in the southern Egypt to find a missing goat. He headed south, because all good goat herders know that goat only go missing in the south.

7) He walked for years looking for that goat. He was no quitter. Finally, he came across some villagers in Somalia. They were cooking lamb stew. The villagers didn’t give their real names upon meeting Primus for the first time. After all, Somalia is an anagram for Mo’ Alias.

8) While enjoying a delicious meal, Sam and the villagers engaged in pleasant conversation and swapped witty and urbane anagrams. Eventually, Sam handed his empty bowl to the villagers; his mother had raised him to always bring his dirty dishes to the sink. As he did so, he noticed a goat tag at the bottom of his bowl. It read, “Daphne, owned by Primus Secundus Tertius.” The villagers had killed his own goat. The fact that Daphne tasted great after being marinated in lemon juice and pepper only eased his rage a tiny bit.

9) With all the wonderful books deliberately burned in Alexandria’s magnificent library in 395 AD, it’s amazing and perhaps ironic that we have amazing that we have a partial, written record of the following conversation:

Primus: You killed my Daphne?
Villager #1: Who is this Daphne? No woman around here is called Daphne.
Villager #2: I think he means his goat. Roman goat herders like to name their goats Daphne.
Villager #3, Good Primus, are referring to the goat that was in this stew?
Primus: (Shows the goat tag.) I am.

10) The villagers, as was their custom, agreed to compensate Primus with ten pairs of socks. Primus was ecstatic. Emperor Augustus had promised to give a million denarii to any one securing a sock source for the empire. So Primus became fabulously wealthy, the legionnaires got their socks, and the empire became well defended again. It was only when the olive-oil-for-socks trade route got permanently disrupted in 476 AD, that Rome fell. Today, the production of socks is protected everywhere by an international treaty.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Peanut Butter

Posted on July 20, 2015 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

PEANUT BUTTER

INGREDIENTSPeanutButter-

4 cups roasted peanuts (1 cup then 3 cups)*
2 tablespoons peanut oil (½ tablespoon at a time)
½ tablespoon honey
¾ teaspoon salt
⅛ teaspoon sugar

* = 4 cups peanuts weigh about 1 pound. Purchase peanuts with the skins still on for added flavor and fiber. Buy skinned peanuts if you prefer a smoother peanut butter. And, oh gosh, buy shelled roasted peanuts. It takes forever to shell enough peanuts to make this recipe; just as long as a lecture in theoretical economics lasts..

SPECIAL UTENSILS

blender
mason jar

Makes 1½ cups. Takes 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add 1 cup peanuts in blender. Blend on lowest for about a minute or until the peanut bits are the size you desire. (People’s preference for the chunkiness of their peanut butter and the power of their blender vary considerably, so you’ll need to keep a close eye on the blending.) Remove and set aside.

Add remaining 3 cups peanuts, ½ tablespoon oil, and honey to blender. Set blender to lowest setting that works. (A weak blender will just make plaintive whirring noises and do nothing if it’s on too low a setting. Gradually decrease the speed of the blender to low as it becomes more and more to blend. (I think I can. I think I can. ) Blend on low setting until mixture becomes quite smooth. (The oil should be coming out of the peanuts.) If mixture is too dry to spread, add another ½ tablespoon oil and puree again. Repeat as needed with oil until mixture is easy to spread. Add salt and sugar. Fold in salt and sugar with wooden spoon.

Store in refrigerator. It should be good for 2 weeks to 2 months, depending on the seal of the jar used for storage. I prefer mason jars. Oil might rise to the top over time. Simply mix the oil back into the peanut butter with a wooden spoon.

TIDBITS

1) Each American eats seven pounds of peanut butter a year. It’s a federal law dating back to the drafting of the Constitution. Georgia simply would not sign the great document unless its mighty peanut industry was protected. After much negotiation, the states agreed on seven pounds per person per annum. Georgia signed and America had a basis for strong government

2) Some people spread out their required peanut-butter consumption evenly over the entire year. This comes out to .3068 ounces per day. To achieve such precision, people need sophisticated scales. This need explains why American kitchen scales are the envy of the world. Indeed, NASA uses these scales in its space programs.

3) Other people eat all their peanut butter in one day. Pause and reflect.

4) Americans could fill the Grand Canyon with all the peanut butter that eat in one year. This actually happened on April 1, 2000. It was a glorious occasion with millions of loaves of bread being flown and trucked in. Thousands and thousands of trucks that normally hauled crude oil were converted to dispense grape and strawberry jelly. And the toasters! Oh, they were everywhere. People said nice things to each other except, of course, for those with peanut butter stuck to the roof of their mouths.

5) Unfortunately, this happening could not become an annual event. Many tourists, especially those from countries with low peanut-butter consumption, insisted of seeing the Grand Canyon in its peanut-butter free glory.

6) We also cannot forget the frenzied riot that took place between the smooth-peanut-butter fanatics and the chunky-peanut-fanatics. Culinary historians still shake their heads when they contemplate how close America came to civil war. It certainly affected the presidential election.

7) Speaking of presidents, Thomas Jefferson and Jimmy Carter grew peanuts. Mr. Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence. Two peanuts growers, one Independence writer. We can conclude from this that every other peanut grower in America would write a Declaration of Independence.

8) Or can we conclude this? Thomas Jefferson declared independence from Great Britain. Jimmy Carter couldn’t do the same; we had already severed connections from the mother country.

9) So, who could have Mr. Carter declared independence from?

10) From America. Jimmy Carter could have penned a declaration of independence for Georgia from the United States. He didn’t, of course, but it was a near run thing.

11) In 1980, American lawmakers mindful of the horrifying carnage of the War Between the States in 1861-1865, passed a law requiring all peanut farmers to sign an annual pledge not to make their state secede from the Union.

12) Or at least to grow onions as well. No onion farmer has ever written anything advocating independence. Onion farmers are a rather down to earth sort of folks. Thank goodness.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Beer Pizza Crust

Posted on July 14, 2015 by pauldelancey

Italian Entree

BEER PIZZA CRUST

INGREDIENTSPizzaCr-

2 cups all-purpose flour
¼ cup beer
½ cup water
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
½ teaspoon sugar
½ teaspoon salt
1¾ teaspoons active dry yeast
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSILS

bread maker
16″ pizza pan

Takes 1 hour 20 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add flour, beer, water, oil, sugar, salt, and yeast to the bread maker. Do not put the yeast directly on top of the salt. Salt is bad for yeast and yeast makes the dough rise. “Ask not what your yeast can do for you. Ask what you can do for your yeast.” Set the timer or the menu on the bread maker to “Dough.” Wait for the required time, about an hour. In the meantime preheat the oven to 400 degrees and liberally spray the pizza pan with no-stick spray. This will prevent the crust from forming a glue-like bond with the pan.

Take the dough out of the bread maker and roll it out until the dough covers the pizza pan. If you do not have a rolling pin, any canned food can will do as long as it is at least six inches tall. It is best to use no-stick spray on pan or coat it with a thin layer of flour before spreading the dough.

TIDBITS

1) Ancient Egyptians invented the pizza crust to honor their sun god They made the crust round and flat because the Sun looked, and still looks, to be flat and round. Whenever the Egyptians drew a map of the world, they did so on a crust. They then covered it with: grapes, fish, and asps (venom removed) and ate the whole thing. Hence, the famous saying, “I could eat the world for lunch.”

2) Folks over the centuries drew so many pizza-crust maps that people came to believe the Earth had to be flat. Then in 1488, Christopher Columbus’ mom made a pizza topped with great big, round meatballs. He thought, “Hey, I think the world is round, just like these meatballs.” Four years, came Columbus’ great voyage of discovery. The world be changed forever.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

My Not-To-Do List – Part 3

Posted on July 11, 2015 by pauldelancey

NotToDo1

It’s an awesome responsibility with millions of people looking to me for guidance on what no to do today, so I approached today’s list with great thought. So, here are the things I won’t be doing.

1) I will not take my paints and easel to the DMV to paint still-life scenes.

2) I will not move to Antarctica. It’s winter down there.

3) I will not get into any political discussion with a mime. That sort of thing always gets out of hand.

4) I will not check cans at the supermarket for “high fructose corn syrup.” I need a break. I’ll stay away from food buying today.

5) Oh gosh, see what 4) can do. I’m craving a TwinkieTM.

6) I will not repost anything that says, “Repost this.”

7) I will not buy a Twinkie.

9) I will not ask chickens, “Why did you cross the road?”

10) I will put aside my work on a Mobius-strip roller coaster.

11) I will not try to make sense of Middle-Eastern politics.

12) I will not read any of the on-line agreements that I must check before buying anything.

13 I will not buy a Twinkie.

– Paul R. De Lancey, great no-doer

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Orange Italian Ice

Posted on July 9, 2015 by pauldelancey

Italian Dessert

ORANGE ITALIAN ICE

INGREDIENTSOrangeItalianIce-

9 medium oranges (Save peels.)
⅔ cups sugar
1½ cups water
1½ teaspoons freshly grated orange zest (from about ½ orange)

Makes 18 Italian ices. Takes 2 or more hours and then overnight.

PREPARATION

Cut oranges in half. Squeeze juice from orange halves into large pot. Save halved orange peels. Add sugar and water. Bring to boil using high heat, stirring until sugar dissolves. Let cool. Add orange zest. Stir with whisk until orange/sugar syrup is well blended. Cool in freezer for 30 minutes. Stir so that any bits of orange ice are evenly distributed. Repeat every 30 minutes until corn/sugar is only an icy slush. Then let sit in freezer overnight.

Scoop orange/sugar slush into halved orange peels. Eat with a spoon. This dessert is particularly enjoyable on a hot, summer’s afternoon.

TIDBITS

1) Notice that this recipe takes a lot of time. What can you do while for the two hours and overnight periods to go by?

2) Have hot and steamy sex. This is probably better done overnight. I mean what if you’re engaged in some heavy petting during the two-hour preparation period when the timer goes off? Bing! (Special effects, you bet.) Then you say, “Sorry honey, I’ve got to add zest to the pot.” Then your partner says, “You ain’t adding any zest to our relationship.” Then you return from the kitchen to the bed, or even sofa, and no one’s there and all you see is a note addressed to Insignificant Other and you become so distraught that you start writing run on sentences.

3) On the other hand, serving orange Italian ice does say, “You’re special.” Indeed, there’s nothing like orange slush inside a hollowed-out orange hemisphere to set the stage for romance.

4) Orange Italian ices tend to melt in the car. Which is why you must always have your sweetheart come over to your place for a romantic evening. While your orange Italian ice chills in the fridge, snuggle next to your loved one in front of a roaring fire. Note, it’s best to have the roaring fire in a fireplace. Otherwise, the fire will spread rather rapidly and you will have precious little time for snuggling. Indeed, you will most likely be sprinting out the front door and your snuggle bunny will never call you again. Love is hard.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Curtido (pickled coleslaw) from El Salvador

Posted on July 1, 2015 by pauldelancey

El Salvadoran Appetizer

CURTIDO
(pickled coleslaw)

INGREDIENTSCortido-

½ head cabbage
1 carrot
2 scallions or small onion
½ cup water
¾ teaspoon red pepper flakes
½ tablespoon Mexican oregano or oregano
½ cup white vinegar or apple cider vinegar

Makes 8 servings. Takes 3 hours including sitting and chilling.. A few hours of sitting and chilling is good for the chef as well.

PREPARATION

Shred cabbage. Grate carrot. Mince scallions. Add cabbage and carrot to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk. Boil water. Pour boiling water over cabbage and carrot. Let sit for 5 minutes. Drain. Add red pepper flakes, Mexican oregano, and white vinegar to bowl. Let sit for at least 2 hours. Chill in refrigerator for 15 minutes.

Goes well with many El Salvadorean dishes including Pupusas.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe only uses a half-head of cabbage. This leaves another half. What can you make with cabbage?

2) Coleslaw and corned beef and cabbage, of course.

3) Suppose, however, your significant other hates cabbage and only ate it this time for this dish to show eternal devotion. However, if his/her–I have to do this his/her because I don’t know the sex of your sweetheart, but you’ll be able to tell just by looking–eyes turn bright red and his/her neck rotates three times at the thought of eating cabbage again, here are some suggestions:

3A) Take up the art of cabbage origami. Unfortunately, cabbage origami is a dying art since cabbage is much less flexible than paper. So, books on cabbage origami are quite hard to find.

3B) Wear a couple layers of cabbage leaves on your head whenever people come to your door to sell you something. One glance at your leafy hat and they’ll be gone lickety split.

3C) Use the cabbage layers as FrisbeesTM. It’s fun for the whole family. Then when the cabbage wilts, use it in your garden as a mulch. Can you do that with a regular Frisbee? I don’t think so.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Not-To-Do List

Posted on June 14, 2015 by pauldelancey

NotToDo1

This blog is directly inspired by the talented and hilarious Kathy Minicozzi who was in turn inspired by the renowned humorist David Sedaris.

Here are the things I resolve not to do today. Takes a deep breath. Lets it out. Okay Paul, you cannot do this.

1) I will not cook or eat lutefisk.

2) I will not foment revolution anywhere.

3) I will not lose a sock in the dryer.

4) Because I will not do clothes today.

5) I will not engage in the illicit fruitcake market.

6) I will not voluntarily upgrade any of my electronic devices.

7) I will not race to the be the first to reach the South Pole. I’ve already lost. It happened about a century ago. Why try?

8) I will not attack the weeds in my backyard with my weed whacker for another day. The tenuous truce still holds.

9) I will not sing at any karaoke bar. The whole world rejoices.

10) I will not befriend North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un on Facebook.

11) I will not say, “I love you,” to my printer.

– Paul R. De Lancey, great no-doer

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms?

Posted on May 31, 2015 by pauldelancey

My novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, is coming out soon on Humoroutcasts Press and Shorehouse Books!

PromoCover

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yippee!

Paul R. De Lancey

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: book reviews and excerpts, humor | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Here is my interview with Paul De Lancey (From Fiona Mcvie’s Authorsinterviews

Posted on February 3, 2015 by pauldelancey

fionamcvie1964's avatarauthorsinterviews

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Name Paul De Lancey

Age 57

Where are you from Poway, California

A little about your self `ie your education Family life etc

Me: I obtained my Doctorate in Economics from the University of Wisconsin. My thesis, “Official Reserve Management and Forecasts of Official Reserves,” disappears from bookstore shelves so quickly that most would-be purchasers can never find it in stock.

I am a direct descendant of the great French Emperor Napoleon. Actually, that explains a lot of things. I ran for President of the United Statesin 2012! Woo hoo! On the Bacon & Chocolate ticket.  El Candidato also lost a contentious campaign to be El Presidente of Venezuela. In late 2013, Chef Paul participated in the International Bento Competition.

I make my home, with my wonderful wife and two sons, in Poway, California. I divide my time between being awake and asleep.

 

Fiona: Tell us your latest news?

View original post 2,710 more words

Categories: humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Author Paul R. De Lancey, My Writing Progress – Blog Tour

Posted on May 12, 2014 by pauldelancey

Author Paul R. De Lancey

My Writing Process – Blog Tour

May 12, 2014

My name is Paul R. De Lancey. It has been that way since birth. Today is my day to participate in the continuing series, My Writing Process Blog Tour. My writing friend and running mate for the presidency in 2016, Candace C. Bowen, posted for the tour last week. Please visit her site at http://www.knightseries.com. She’s a great writer and a really nice person.

What am I working on?

I’m promoting my third novel which just came out. It’s called Beneficial Murders and tells the story of a modest spreadsheet analyst who makes the world better by killing annoying people. In the works is my second cookbook, Have Another Bite. (Could you tell that period was italicized?) This cookbook is chock full of tasty recipes from around the world. This book can be read as usual for its delicious recipes or simply for the delightfully funny tidbits and trivia at the end of each section. I also have a fourth novel in the wings called Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? where Debbie Devil, Satan’s wife and supermarket checker, tries to enslave a local hottie by making him eat evil mushrooms.

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

I’ve written in multiple genres: foreign adventure, Western, end of the world, and culinary. I have always tried to infuse them with humor. They are designed to be read with a chuckle over and over again. However, if you buy my books just to place them under a table leg and so make the whole table level, I’m okay with that as well.

Why do I write what I do?

I need to make people laugh. I like to take adventures in my mind, ones that are just not possible in real life.

How does my writing process work?

I have a writing process? Woo hoo! Okay, I have general idea of a slighty off-kilter universe. I populate them with cheerfully eccentric characters. I usually have an idea of the ending before I star, but rarely use it as I cheerfully embrace exciting changes in story direction.

Thank you gentle reader for learning about me. Please visit my mostly cooking blog: pauldelancey.com. You can find my Author Page on Facebook and I am on Twitter @PaulDeLancey. If you wish to find out more about my books, please look at my website: www.lordsoffun.com.

The next author on this blog tour is Donna Cavanagh . Here is her bio.

Donna Cavanagh is founder of HumorOutcasts.com (HO) and HumorOutcasts Press/Shorehouse Books.  Cavanagh is a former journalist who made an unscheduled stop into humor more than 20 years ago. Her syndicated columns helped her gain a national audience and her work landed in the pages of First Magazine, USA Today and other national media.  She is a faculty member of the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop and The Philadelphia Writer’s Conference. A USA Books Contest finalist (Life On The Off Ramp), Cavanagh’s latest book, A Canine’s Guide to the Good Life, was penned with her dogs, which as you might imagine was no small feat (or should we say “paws”?).  She is host of BlogTalk’s HumorOutcasts Radio.

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