Paul’s Awesome English Dictionary: Today’s Word – Snof

We’ve all done this. We’ve spent hours on the computer playing solitaire, posting 62 times on Facebook(tm), or solving the day’s Wordle(tm) puzzle. Finally virtue and common sense rear their beautiful head. We turn off the computer. Instantly, fleeting, brilliant thought erupt with the ferocity of Pompeii’s volcano.  You hastily restart the computer. It takes time. Will you forget your awesome, clever thoughts before your computer finishes rebooting?

These events bring us to

TODAY’S AWESOME PHRASE

SNOF

Awesome entry #37

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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You Need to See a Happy Boy

Life can be hard. Things go wrong. Frequently. It can get to the point where we anticipate some sort of disaster lurking around every corner.

But sometimes around the bend there’s something that will grow our shrivelled hearts.

Like this boy who seems to say, “Look at me, I’ll share my happiness with you.”

You need to see #38

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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What I Did Today

I was very busy today, so this post will be matter of fact.

Number Two Son passed his second of four tests for his CPA. Yay.

Drove across town for physical therapy for my lower back which hurts more than usual and is stiffer than usual.

Went shopping at Dollar Tree and got some coffee drinks, pie crust, and taco shells.

Ate lunch.

Shopped at a supermarket.

Helped friend with weed wacking.

Went to a crafts class. I worked on my latch-hook project. I am now completely accepted by the group.

What a wonderful day.

Then evil poked its nose into the tent. My CPAP company is committing fraud against me and Medicare. They claim I ordered a CPAP machine last year, which I did not do.

Declared a truce with the universe and took a nap.

Number One Wife made macaroni and cheese using the smoked ham I made Monday. Yay!

Oh, and five minutes a spaceship landed. A lime-green alien shaped a bit like an aorta asked me, “What is my favorite color? I said, “Lime green.” I think the alien nodded. Then it went back to its spaceship and left. I think I might have saved the world, but I dunno.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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The Ten Commandments of Road Repair

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: face of evil, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

I Visit My Friend From Greek Mythology

Sisyphus, before I helped him

I woke up and headed over to my friend Sisyphus’ place, which was on the slope of a mountain. He was pushing a gigantic rock up a steep slope.

“Hi, Sisyphus, how it’s hanging?”

“Oh can’t complain, blog-writing Paul, except maybe for this eternal torment the gods gave me.”

“What did you do, Greek guy?”

“Oh the usual, pissing off the gods. I guess I was too much of a tyrant to my subjects. Zeus, in particular, thought I was overly cruel even.”

“Why are you pushing a big rock up this hill?”

“Oh spreadsheet flashing Paul, it’s my dread punishment. I must take this rock up to the top.”

“Well, that doesn’t seem too hard.”

He sighed. “Matching-socks, Paul. Just before I get the rock to the top,  the muscles in my arms burn with the fires of the underworld. I pause. I slip. My hands fall from the rock. The rock rolls, along with my hopes. all the way down to the bottom. I have to start again.”

I offer him a taco. Sisyphus takes it gratefully and devours it instantly. “Thanks, large-refrigerator-owning, Paul.”

“So, how many times have put your shoulder to the rock?”

“174.383 times.”

“Bummer, that’s a bummer, Sisyphus.”

The Greek tyrant looked so downcast, that I really thought he’d eat lutefisk with a murmur.

My synapses fired. “Say Sisyphus, how about I help you? You’ve been coming ever so close just by yourself. I bet if I helped you, we’d get that darned rock to the top.”

“Mighty man of Poway, I would be most grateful for your assistance.”

And so we pushed the rock to the top.

Sisyphus jumped up and down. “Cowabunga, my punishment is over. I thought I’d be here for all eternity, but now thanks to you, latch-hooking Paul, I’m a free man. Free, I tell you, free!”

The erstwhile rock pusher clasped my shoulders. “Let’s celebrate. I’m taking you to Happy Hera’s Gyro Heaven for some cooling lemonade and tasty gyros.”

“Sounds great, Sisyphus, Do you think this myth will be rewritten showing how I helped you?”

The Greek strongman tilted back his head and laughed so hard that even the Debbie Downers in Sparta heard and smiled just a little bit. “I hope so, cake-baking, Paul, I do hope so.”

And thus, I became ever so famous.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Vanilla Shampoo

VANILLA SHAMPOO

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INGREDIENTS
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½ cup Castile Soap
2 teaspoons coconut oil
½ cup distilled water
12 drops vanilla essential oil
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SPECIAL UTENSIL
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1 cup, or larger, bottle
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients to bottle. Stir with fork, or shake, until well blended.
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TIDBITS
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1) “Vanilla Shampoo” is an anagram for “vanilla shampoo.”
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2) Fun fact: All words, or phrases, are anagrams of themselves. Culinary beauticians call these “first-order anagrams.”
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3) Second-order anagrams actually rearrange the letters. As an example, the second-order anagram for “twelve plus one” is “eleven plus two.”
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4) Don’t forget, an anagram for “Aloha salmon VIP” is “Vanilla Shampoo.”
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5) Try these anagrams at parties. Nothing but good can come from liberally sprinkling you conversations with these witticisms. People will admire your intellect and you become the life of the party. Vivacious, beautiful people will want to date you. Corporate executives will fall over themselves trying to hire you. Or . . .
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6) Partygoers will have heard these anagrams before. (I mean, what are the odd? Right?) In this case, the revelers will leave you alone. Take this reaction to grab some tasty hors d’oeuvres as you make your unnoticed exit.
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7) Dart back inside. Fit as many shrimps as you can into your Tupperware(tm) container. (You should always carry one.) As you zip out again, defiantly yell, “Hors d’oeuvre doesn’t need to be italicized as it has become an accepted part of our language.” That’ll teach them for shunning you.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Yoga Instructor on Eggs

It needed to be said:

Yoga Instructor #11

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: yoga instructor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

You Need to See A Mama Elephant and Her Baby Running

Life can be hard. Life can be stressful. The world can be way too peoply. We want to chuck our cares away and run free in wide open spaces. But we can’t. But others can, like this momma elephant and her baby elephant in Africa. Go, elephants, go. Run for joy for all of back here. Wee hee!

You need to see #37

 

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: you need to see | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Starter Free Sourdough Bread

American Appetizer

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STARTER FREE SOURDOUGH BREAD

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INGREDIENTS
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4½ cups flour (¼ cup more later)
18 grams (.63 ounce) instant sourdough* (yeast and sourdough culture)
2¼ teaspoons salt
1¾ cups warm water (100 to 105 degrees)
1½ tablespoons flour (1 more tablespoon later)
1 tablespoon rice flour or flour
1 t­ablespoon flour
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* = Instant sourdough can be found online. It skips the step of making active starter. It changes the taste somewhat but makes the whole process easier.
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SPECIAL UTENSILS
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electric beater
tea towel, flour sack, or dish towel
banneton or bread-proofing basket.
parchment paper sheet.
6-quart enameled cast iron Dutch oven
bread lame or sharp knife
instant-read thermometer
sonic obliterator
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Makes 1 loaf. Takes 2 hours 20 minutes plus overnight plus 3 hours.
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PREPARATION
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Add 4½ cups flour, instant sourdough, salt, and warm water to large mixing bowl. Mix with beater set at low-medium until smooth-sticky dough ball forms. Shape with hands, if needed, Cover with tea towel. Let rise in warm (70-to-75 degrees) place for 2 hours. Then refrigerate loaf overnight. At any point, gently dent the loaf with your fingertip. If the dent springs back rapidly, more rising time is needed.
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Dust flat surface with 1½ tablespoons flour. Add dough to flat surface. Gently lift up the side of the dough closest to you, gently pulling it upward and stretch over the dough’s center. (Avoid tearing the dough.) Press down on this fold to seal and keep it into place. Rotate dough a quarter turn and lift, stretch, fold, and press again. Repeat quarter rotations and folding 2 more times.
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Dust cloth that comes with banneton with 1 tablespoon rice flour. (If you don’t have a banneton, put tea towel in mixing bowl and dust that.) Put dough in banneton. Cover with tea towel and let rise in a warm place (70-to-75 degrees) for 1 hour. Brush or scrape off excess flour.
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30 minutes before baking, place Dutch oven with lid in oven. Preheat oven to 500 degrees. Dust parchment paper with 1 tablespoon flour. Place dough on parchment paper, seam side down. Score the bread ball when the oven temperature reaches 500 degrees. (Scoring is a way of making shallow cuts in the top of the dough just before baking. Scoring can be a simple pattern or as complicated as you’re to do. Scoring also prevents the gas that builds up during from causing uncontrolled ruptures on the loaf top.)
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Spray the dough’s top with water just before baking. (This keeps the surface flexible for longer and let the bread rise more.)
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Put on oven mitts. Hold 2 sides of parchment paper to lower dough into Dutch oven. Put lid on Dutch oven. Immediately reduce heat to 450 degrees and bake for 20 minutes. Remove lid and bake for another 20 minutes or loaf turns a deep golden brown and becomes crispy. (Or when instant-read thermometer shows 205 degrees.) Place on wire rack and let cool completely before slicing.
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Feel free to use sonic obliterator on any guest who gives any guff at all about your sourdough bread. It’s okay to do so. See Levain v. Miche, 2007.
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TIDBITS
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1) Ancient Egypt got a big jump on civilization compared to its Mediterranean and Near Eastern neighbors. Why was Ancient Egypt so advanced? It was the first nation to bake sourdough bread. Sourdough bread originated in ancient Egypt around 1500 BC.
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2) Rome didn’t even get founded until 753 BC. It didn’t start conquering until about 250 BC.
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3) Rome’s empire did not derive from  vast amounts of sourdough bread. Oh sure it had some. (See Pistoria Uvam Massam Panis by Flavius the Younger.)
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4) Rather, Rome conquered the Mediterranean and parts of Europe with its vast, superbly trained army. So, global importance arises from sourdough bread and big armed forces.
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5) The Unites States operates a huge military. America also has lots and lots of sourdough bread, especially from San Francisco.
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6) China also possesses an immense military, but relatively few loaves of sourdough bread. China is also powerful, but not as much as America.
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7) Sourdough starters have been found in Egyptian tombs, indicating that the Egyptians baked sourdough bread. A hieroglyph in a Theban temple depicts Keith Richards baking sourdough bread for Pharaoh Amenhotep II.
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8) In 1620, Yeoman Keith Richards sailed on the Mayflower to Plymouth Rock. He ,brought sourdough starters with him. Soon sourdough baking spread all through the 13 colonies. Not so much, in the mother country, Great Britain. This is why is America is the more powerful nation.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How Health Care Is Done In Shanghai

Oh my!

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: health | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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