It’s an awesome responsibility with millions of people looking to me for guidance on what no to do today, so I approached today’s list with great thought. So, here are the things I won’t be doing.
1) I will not take my paints and easel to the DMV to paint still-life scenes.
2) I will not move to Antarctica. It’s winter down there.
3) I will not get into any political discussion with a mime. That sort of thing always gets out of hand.
4) I will not check cans at the supermarket for “high fructose corn syrup.” I need a break. I’ll stay away from food buying today.
5) Oh gosh, see what 4) can do. I’m craving a TwinkieTM.
6) I will not repost anything that says, “Repost this.”
7) I will not buy a Twinkie.
9) I will not ask chickens, “Why did you cross the road?”
10) I will put aside my work on a Mobius-strip roller coaster.
11) I will not try to make sense of Middle-Eastern politics.
12) I will not read any of the on-line agreements that I must check before buying anything.
13 I will not buy a Twinkie.
– Paul R. De Lancey, great no-doer
Check out my latest novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms? It’s published by HumorOutcasts and is available in paperpack or Kindle on amazon.com.
But will you eat Twinkies with a goat? Will you eat them in a boat? Will you eat them here or there? Will you eat them anywhere?
I will eat them on the BART. I will eat them with Descartes. I will eat them here or there. I will eat them anywhere.
By the way, “anywhere” is the only polysyllabic word in that book.