It’s an awesome responsibility with millions of people looking to me for guidance on what no to do today, so I approached today’s list with great thought. So, here are the things I won’t be doing.
1) I will not take my paints and easel to the DMV to paint still-life scenes.
2) I will not move to Antarctica. It’s winter down there.
3) I will not get into any political discussion with a mime. That sort of thing always gets out of hand.
4) I will not check cans at the supermarket for “high fructose corn syrup.” I need a break. I’ll stay away from food buying today.
5) Oh gosh, see what 4) can do. I’m craving a TwinkieTM.
6) I will not repost anything that says, “Repost this.”
7) I will not buy a Twinkie.
9) I will not ask chickens, “Why did you cross the road?”
10) I will put aside my work on a Mobius-strip roller coaster.
11) I will not try to make sense of Middle-Eastern politics.
12) I will not read any of the on-line agreements that I must check before buying anything.
13 I will not buy a Twinkie.
– Paul R. De Lancey, great no-doer
My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.
But will you eat Twinkies with a goat? Will you eat them in a boat? Will you eat them here or there? Will you eat them anywhere?
I will eat them on the BART. I will eat them with Descartes. I will eat them here or there. I will eat them anywhere.
By the way, “anywhere” is the only polysyllabic word in that book.