Posts Tagged With: ham

Smoked Ham Rub

American Appetizer

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SMOKED HAM RUB

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INGREDIENTS­
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1 cup brown sugar
½ teaspoon cinnamon
½ teaspoon ground cloves
2 tablespoons garlic powder
½ teaspoon ginger powder
½ teaspoon mustard powder
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
2 tablespoons onion powder
2 tablespoons paprika
1½ tablespoons pepper
2 tablespoons salt
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Makes 1½ cups. Takes 10 minutes.
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PREPARATION
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Add all ingredients to mixing bowl. Mix with fork until well blended.
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TIDBITS
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1) Idle minds often come up with great ideas such as electronic banking, air travel, and tacos.
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2) Great artists take their inspirations from subjects as diverse as: portraits, urban landscapes, pastoral settings and bowls of fruit, particularly bowls of still-life bowls of fruit.
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3) So it’s quite common and only natural to think how the great artists would have painted our tasty culinary creations. I’ve been wondering the same thing lately. So many great painters to chose from.
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4) I channeled  Señora Magdalena Carmen Frida Kahlo y Calderón to help me paint my Smoked Ham Rub. She was a great Mexican painter renowned for her many portraits, and works inspired by the nature of Mexico.
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5) Magdalena Carmen Frida Kahlo y Calderón (MCFKC) and I first tried using an Etch-A-Sketch(tm), but we couldn’t get the hang of that children’s toy.
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6) So, I let MCFKC’s thoughts guide my paint brush. Here’s what we came up. I hope you like it. Channeling spirits isn’t easy.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: art, cuisine | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

What I Did Today

Sewing the Earth back together, one spool at a time

1) Woke up.

2) Got up.  The streak continues

3) Worked on finances.

4) Showered, because cleanliness is a virture.

5) Got dressed. Wore dress casual again.

6)  Drove to my massage therapist. Emerged feeling better.

7)  Did errands with a friend.

8) Bought food, including a ham for Christmas.

9) Drove home.

10)  Ruthlessly extirminated errors in a financial spreadsheet.

11)  Made taquitos for the natives.

12) Watched an episode in the lecture series, “Foundations of Western Civilization.

13) Noticed that the Earth was coming apart.

14) Double stitched the Earth back together. It’s safe now. By the way, my grandmother was a professional seamstress.

15) Contemplated the infinite. It’s relaxing. You should try it.

Behave yourselves.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: what I did | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Francesinha

Portuguese Entree

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FRANCESINHA

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INGREDIENTS – STEAK AND SAUSAGE
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¾ pound flank steak or flap steak
1 tablespoon olive or vegetable oil
2 linguica or andouille sausages
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INGREDIENTS – SAUCE
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1½ tablespoons butter (½ tablespoon more later)
½ teaspoon minced garlic
2 tablespoons minced onion
¾ teaspoon piri piri or red pepper flakes
¼ cup beef broth
6 tablespoons  crushed tomatoes
¼ cup beer
½ tablespoon port or red wine
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INGREDIENTS – FINAL
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4 slices bread
1 cup frozen French fries
½ tablespoon butter
1 egg
4 slices (about 1 ounce each) Pecorino, Parmesan, Asiago, Romano, or your favorite cheese
4 slices ham, sliced medium thick
Serves 4. Takes 1 hour.
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PREPARATION – STEAK AND SAUSAGE
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Cut sausages in half lengthwise. Toast bread. Add oil to pan. Heat using medium-high heat. Oil is hot enough when a bit of bread in the oil starts to dance. Add flank steak. Sauté for 2-to-5 minutes, depending on how you like your steak. Flip. Sauté for 2-to-5 minutes more. It should be browned on both sides. Remove steak and cut in half, and set aside.
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Add sausage halves to pan. Sauté for 2 minutes. Flip. Sauté for 2 minutes more. It should be browned a little on both sides. Remove sausage halves and set aside.
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PREPARATION – SAUCE
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Add 1½ tablespoons butter, garlic, and onion to large, 2nd  pan. Sauté at medium-high heat for 5 minutes or until onion softens. Stir frequently. Add beef broth, crushed tomatoes, and piri piri flakes. Bring to boil. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add beer and wine. Let simmer on low for 12 minutes. Stir occasionally.
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PREPARATION – FINAL
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While sauce simmers, cook French fries according to instrustions on package Melt ½ table-spoon butter at medium heat in 3rd pan. Add egg and fry until done to your liking. Cut egg in half.
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Top bread slice with 2 cheese slices. Top cheese with ½ of the ham. Place steak half on ham. Place 2 sausage halves on steak. Place bread slice on sausage. Put egg half on top slice of bread. Cut sandwich in half. Ladle sauce over sandwich halves. Repeat for 2nd sandwich. Serve with fries on the side..
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TIDBITS
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1) Pablo Picasso was born in 1881. He was a great painter. The best. He earned the moniker the “The Big Man of Painting.” His friends called him Big Bad Pablo, or simply Big Bad.
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2) Culinary art historians credit Picasso with founding the Cubist Movement in 1870.
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3) Since 1870 was a full eleven years before Big Bad’s birth, I’m sure you will agree this was quite the achievement.
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4) Observers, some sane and some not,. hold that the Cubist Movement inspired the creation of the sugar cube, Rubik’s(tm) cube, and the car called the Cube(tm).
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5) Oh, and cube roots The cube root of 343 is 7.
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6) To the right is one of Picasso’s most famous paintings. It sold for 13.5 pounds.
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7) Oops, that’s 13.5 millions pounds. Editors are important.
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8) However, Pablo’s best painting is the still life, “Francesinha,” painted during his Portugese years. Francesinha is a Portuguese sandwich. Big Bad loved it. That’s why he moved to Portugal for six years. You can see the painting below and to the right
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9) I have never have made it as big as Picasso in the art world*. However, I’m proud of my recipes, food blogs, and cookbooks. And it’s all because his “Francesinha” spurred me to take up cooking.
* = As of press time.
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10) Picasso’sfirst name, Pablo, translates to Paul in English. Paul is my first name. So, that’s another connection between the renowned artist and me.
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11) For more information on Picasso’s life and artistic influence, you would do well to purchase a copy of Asa Metrics’, Pablo Picasso, A Life Lived from Birth to Death.
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– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.
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­My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Slow Cooker Dr. Pepper Ham

American Entree

SLOW COOKER DR. PEPPER HAM

INGREDIENTS

1 12-ounce can Dr. PepperTM
3 tablespoons brown mustard
¾ cup brown sugar
5 pounds boneless or 5½ pounds bone-in ham

SPECIAL UTENSIL

slow cooker

Serves 8. Takes 4 hours 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add Dr. Pepper, brown mustard, brown sugar, and brown mustard to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Add ham. Turn ham until well coated. Poke holes in ham with toothpick or skewer. Add ham to slow cooker. Ladle Dr. Pepper mixture over ham. Cook on high for 2 hours 15 minutes. Turn ham over. Cook on high for another 2 hours 15 minutes. Slice ham while hot.

That’s it! That’s the length of the ingredients’ list. That’s the length of the preparation; just one paragraph, I love cooking. I find it therapeutic and satisfying. So, I sometimes love complicated and time-consuming dishes. But every one in a while, it’s such fun to make something simple.

TIDBITS

1) Ham is red. Dr. Pepper is reddish.

2) Mars is red.

3) Mars is a gigantic Dr. Pepper ham.

4) It was made in a huge slow cooker.

5) Mars has almost no atmosphere. Our Earth has quite a good atmosphere. We’re very proud of it.

6) So, it stands to reason air-breathing Martians came to our planet quite a long time ago.

7) How do we know this? We Earthlings eats lots of ham, just like the Martians. Also, we love MarsTM bars. QED.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Brown Sugar Honey Mustard Smoked Ham

American Entree

BROWN SUGAR HONEY MUSTARD SMOKED HAM

INGREDIENTS

10 pounds ham
⅓ cup barbecue rub
no-stick spray
1⅓ cup brown sugar
1 cup honey mustard
2 cups orange juice

SPECIAL UTENSILS

smoker
apple or cherry wood chunks
meat thermometer
disposal aluminum pan
sonic obliterator

Takes 7 hours 30 minutes. (Times vary with smoker.) Serves 15.

PREPARATION

Preheat smoker to 250 degrees. Add wood chunks to smoker. Rub barbecue rub onto ham. Score ham in a diamond patter ½” deep. Spray disposal aluminum pan with no-stick spray. Let ham sit out at room temperature for 1 hour. Add ham to aluminum pan. Cook for 1 hour

While ham cooks for 1 hour, add brown sugar, honey mustard, and orange juice to mixing bowl. Mix with fork or whisk until well blended. This is the glaze. Cook until temperature registered by meat thermometer reaches145 degrees. Baste ham with glaze every 45 minutes until done. Remove ham and let sit for 20 minutes

TIDBITS

1) Sometimes, ingredients can be hard to find. Once I looked for a specific herb for a Mongolian dish. However, this herb could only be found in a remote part of northwestern China. You need to get permission from the Chinese authorities to go there. Chinese police will probably start to tail you when you start looking all over the land for this rare herb. And even then, it’s seasonal. I opted for a substitute herb.

2) Then there are instances, like for this recipe. I wanted a 7-pound ham. My local supermarket did not have a ham in the refrigerated aisles. They did not have one on display at the butcher. They did not have one there. They did not have one anywhere. I asked the butcher if there might be one at the back. He said no. He added there were no hams in all of Poway, my fair city. I eventually found a ten-pounder 30 miles away. So if your guests give you any guff about the meal you created, zap them with your sonic obliterator. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your kitchen.

 

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, observations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My Favorite Restaurants – Mother’s, New Orleans

New Orleans is chock full of superb dining establishments. However, my favorite one, the one I always go to whenever I have the good fortune to visit the Crescent City is Mother’s Restaurant.

Mother’s claims it serves the “World’s Best Baked Ham.”  I have to agree. However, I am a sucker for dipped, hot sandwiches. I nearly always go for their Ferdi Special.

As you can see from the picture on the right, the place displays a modest decor, while the many photos on the brick are of celebrities who made a point to going to Mother’s.

The omnipresent long line outside to get into the restaurant, shows the enduring popularity of this historic eatery.  Be sure to pick out your dining choices as you make way in the line to the counter; there are lots of people behind waiting to get in.

As I mentioned above, my favorite dish at Mother’s is the Famous Ferdi Special. It’s a po’ boy with ham and roast beef. Be sure to ask for it with “debris.” Debris is the bits of roast beef that fall into the gravy while carving. This po’ boy is so good that ordering any of their other fine dishes feels like having an affair on the Ferdi Special. But what an affair, it would be. I recommend trying the World’s Best Baked Ham Dinner, the Ham Po’ Boy, the Gulf Shrimp Po’ Boy, Red Beans and Rice with ham, and Shrimp Creole.

Google Maps(tm) describes Mother’s Restaurant as “Greasy spoon with Southern comfort food.” And how! I’m getting rather hungry writing this blog. So let me leave after listing their tasty sides: cabbage, turnip greens, red beans & rice, Jake’s green beans with tomatoes, grits, cheese grits, potato salad, and French fries.

I want to go back to Mother’s Restaurant. You should go too.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: book reviews and excerpts, cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

My First Recipe – Paul’s Ham Salad

American Entree

PAUL’S HAM SALAD
(Old World Style*)

INGREDIENTS AND PREPARATION

 

 

 

 

 

 

Serves 6. Takes 30 minutes.

 

TIDBITS

1) This is, as far as I remember, the very first recipe I made up and wrote down.

2) It has a rather elegant simplicity, doesn’t it?

3) I think I was about eleven when I created this dish.

4) I looked like this back then. Wasn’t I cute?

5) My favorite food was tacos. Still is.

6) I was a food fussy when I was little.

7) I started cooking partly to control the meal and the ingredients. No icky foods would ever find there way into my meals. I also enjoy cooking. I find it therapeutic.

9) Food has worked it’s way into some of my novels as well.

10) This bio is over. I’m hungry.

Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gentle Reader,

I made this dish decades ago. It’s the first recipe I ever wrote down.

 

Categories: cuisine | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Uitsmijter (Dutch Ham and Egg Sandwich)

Dutch Entree

UITSMIJTER
(Ham and Egg Sandwich)

INGREDIENTS

1 teaspoon butter (1 additional tablespoon later)Uitsmijter-
2 slices white bread
1 tablespoon butter
2 eggs
4 slices or 4 ounces ham
2 ounces Gouda, Edam, or cheddar cheese
4 thinly sliced cucumber circles
dash of salt
dash of pepper

Makes 1 sandwich. Takes 10 minutes.

PREPARATION

Lightly toast bread. Smooth 1 teaspoon butter on butter slices. Add 1 tablespoon butter to pan. Melt butter using medium heat. Add 2 eggs. Cook eggs sunny-side up using medium to your desired level of doneness. (Dutch restaurants usually have the eggs be runny.) Add ham, cheese, egg yolk-side up, and cucumber circles to bottom slice of bread. Sprinkle pepper and salt to egg. Top with second slice of bread.

TIDBITS

1) Tired of square hotels rooms? Why not visit the Dutch city of the Hague? Bed down in your own orange escape pod for the night. Yes, get rocked to sleep as your round pod gently rocks in a canal. Or not so gently, if a speed boat zips by. These rooms come with all the bars and amenities that can be fitted in a space eight feet wide. If you want to feel like Captain Nemo or James Bond ejecting from a spacecraft with a beautiful Russian spy, this is the overnight stay for you.

2) It’s no surprise that the Netherlands designed bobbing pod hotels. It’s also the birthplace for the 85-foot tall yellow rubber ducky that is being towed around the world for its healing properties. We may even feel so good that world peace might break out. Indeed, the creator’s giant ducky has been successful, scarcely anyone recalls the giant rubber frogs and bunnies he created.

3) And speaking of toys, a Dutchman is launching an exciting, new website. It will be designed for bashful people who desired the latest in sex toys. Modest browsers will be relieved to know that the site will have no nudity or even bad language.

4) Then’s there that giant blue UFO that was photographed over the Netherland’s main government building. It just shows you how anything can happen in politics. Look for its return from the safety of your escape pod.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Grilled Ham and Dill Havarti Cheese Sandwiches and the Discovery of America

Fusion Entree

GRILLED HAM AND DILL HAVARTI CHEESE SANDWICH

INGREDIENTSHamAndDill-

6 tablespoons butter
8 slices of your favorite bread
1 pound slice deli ham
6 ounces dill Havarti cheese

PREPARATION

Cut butter into 4 equal pieces or pats. Cut havarti cheese into 8 equal slices. Add 1 pat of butter to skillet. Melt butter using medium heat. Add 2 bread slices to skillet. Quickly Add 1/4 of the ham slices and 2 havarti slices to one the bread slices. Put the other slice butter-side up on top of the ham and cheese.

Grill for 2 minutes on medium heat or until bottom slice is browned on bottom. (Unless you have a skillet made of transparent aluminum, you will have to use your spatula to take a peek.) Carefully flip sandwich over and grill other side for 2 minutes or until the new bread on the bottom is golden brown and cheese has melted. (Note: cooking times for this sandwich will tend to become shorter with each new sandwich as the skillet absorbs more and more heat.)

TIDBITS

1) On April 1, 1491, Chef Bjorn Havarti sailed west from Copenhagen, Denmark, to discover a shorter route to the empire of the Great Khan. His voyage lasted just two minutes Remarkably, Mr. Havarti had not succeeded in hiring and keeping a crew. To this day, in Denmark, attempting a great task with woefully insufficient resources is called, “pulling a Chef Bjorn.”

3) Apparently, the Danish chef had prepared a bon voyage dinner of lutefisk. Four of their senses damaged beyond repair by contact with lutefisk, the entire crew elected to stay ashore. Before Bjorn could raise funds for another voyage, Christopher Columbus would discover America*. Bjorn was destined to be forgotten for two tidbits.

4) * = Columbus was not the first to discover America. Arriving before him were the First Americans who crossed over the land bridge from Asia, possible voyagers from China, and Vikings. Apparently, America can be discovered many times. You just need a new starting point.

5) Okay, I look out my window and see America. I hereby state that I am the first one to discover America from my home in Poway, California. April 24th will now be known as Chef Paul Day.

5) Chef Bjorn learned his lesson and devoted his life to discovering a truly tasty food. On April 1, 1920, just 429 years later, he succeeded with his pièce de resistance, Havarti cheese. He died just one day later, exhausted but triumphant.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Potato Ham Soup

American Soup

POTATO HAM SOUP

INGREDIENTSPotatoHamSoup-

6 Russet potatoes
1 pound ham
1 onion
1/2 teaspoon mustard
1/4 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup butter
1 cup milk
1/2 cup sour cream

PREPARATION

Cut potatoes and ham into 1/2″ cubes. Dice onion. Put potato, ham, and onion into large pot. Add just enough water to pot to cover potato, ham, and onion. Add mustard, paprika, pepper, and salt. Cook on high heat until water boils. Reduce heat to medium and cook for 20 minutes or until potato is tender. Stir occasionally. Reduce heat to warm. Add butter, milk, and sour cream. Cook for 2 minutes or until soup is heated through. Stir frequently.

TIDBITS

1) Dom DeLuise starred in a movie called Silence of the Hams. It parodied the movie Silence of the Lambs. Silence of the Hams did not do well at the box office. So I’ll discuss potatoes instead..

2) The Inca Indians of Peru were the first known cultivators of potatoes. They harvested the first spud somewhere between 8,000 BC and 5,000 BC. That’s quite a wide range of years. It’s the same thing as saying your federal-income-tax check will be in the mail sometime from now until the year 5014. See how well the folks at the IRS accept that statement.

3) In 1536, the Spanish conquered the Incan Empire for its potatoes and gold. There are thousands of varieties of potato. There is only type of gold. Gold is an element. The potato is not; it is a tuber. Sure there are such things as white gold but that comes from mixing gold from something, well um, whitish. But just think of the dozens of herbs and spices that can be added to potatoes. Moreover, the mighty tuber is truly tasty, gold not so much. Potatoes beat gold by a technical knockout.

4) Many people believe the first real French fries were actually made in Belgium. If Belgium had thought of patenting French fries, it could have ruled the world and become fabulously wealthy. However, it’s doubtful Belgium’s powerful and envious neighbors: Germany, Britain, and France would have let tiny Belgium continue with this monopoly. It’s certain a long and bloody European war would have erupted. Thank good Belgians shared the recipe. The Great Global French Fry Peace broke out, marred only the interruptions of World War I and World War II. Yay, spuds.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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