Author Archives: pauldelancey

Molettes

Mexican Breakfast

MOLETTES

INGREDIENTSMolettes-

4 rolls
1/4 cup butter
1 1/4 cups refried beans
1 cup grated Four Mexican Cheeses
1/2 cup salsa or pico de gallo

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Let butter soften at room temperature. Cut rolls in half. Remove a little bit of the insides from each half to make a hollow spot. Spread butter over the hollow spots on the roll halves. Put rolls in over. Bakel at 400 degrees for 5-to-10 minutes or until rolls turn crispy and golden brown.

While rolls are baking, cook refried beans in pan at low heat. Put beans in hollow spots in rolls. Add salsa and sprinkle cheese over each roll.

TIDBITS

1) This dish is sold in the morning by street vendors all over Mexico.

2) The east coast of Mexico is on the Gulf of Mexico.

3) Gulf gas stations used to be all over America.

4) America’s Cup goes to the winner of an international sailing event.

5) Sophia Loren, the famous Italian actress, wore a C cup.

6) Vitamin C is good for you. It helps banish colds.

7) Ice cream is cold.

8) So is Iceland.

9) Iceland also has volcanoes. So does Mexico.

10) But Mexicans eat molettes while Icelanders do not.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Greek Gyros

Greek Entree

GREEK GYROS

 INGREDIENTSGyro-

8 Pita breads or Flat beads
1 1/2 pounds ground turkey meat
1/2 tablespoon Prudhomme Poultry MagicTM spice
lettuce
Greek cucumber sauce or tzatziki sauce from previous chapter

PREPARATION

Mix poultry spice with turkey meat. Cook meat until browned. You may wish to taste at this point. If under spiced, add more. Heat four pita breads in microwave for a minute.

Put meat in pita. Add lettuce. Spoon a liberal–-if that is a dirty word for you, substitute a generous–-amount of cucumber sauce on top. Enjoy.

Dish works well with chicken noodle soup.

Did you have a Mr. Potato Head when you were a kid? Just asking.

TIDBITS

1) The best Greek restaurant during my grad school days at the University of Wisconsin was Zorba the Greek. They had these giant, about four-feet tall columns of lamb-beef cooking all the time. Juice dripped down the sides and they would carve off succulent strips for your gyro. If you have a huge grill like this and can find gigantic columns of Greek meat, go for it!

2) The Greeks decisively defeated the Persian invaders at the battle of Plataea in 479 B.C. This battle saved Western philosophy, sense of the individual, and its nascent democratic ideals. It is comforting to think that this very recipe gave the Greek hoplites the courage to rout forever the Persian spearmen.

3) Ancient Greeks enjoyed food to go.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Mayonnaise

American Appetizer

MAYONNAISE

INGREDIENTSmayonnaise-

1 medium egg
1 egg yolk
1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon white pepper
1/4 teaspoon mustard powder

SPECIAL ITEM

blender

PREPARATION

Put egg and yolk of another egg in blend. Blend on mix setting for 30 seconds. With the blender still on mix, slowly add vegetable oil. Blend until mixture becomes thick and creamy. Add apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, salt, white pepper, and mustard powder. Blend for 2 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) People have been using vinegar for 10,000 years. One wonders what for? Couldn’t have been for Easter eggs. No Easter back then. No domesticated chickens either. Could prehistoric people have been following herds of wild chickens? Maybe this exciting thought was the inspiration for the wildly popular TV series, Rawhide. “Head ‘em up, move ‘em out.”

2) And, of course, there is no archaeological–Woo hoo, spelled it right on the first try–evidence that primitive society produced apple cider vinegar, salt, white pepper, and mustard powder, all necessary for the making of mayonnaise.

3) It is not possible to make a proper Venezuelan hot dog without mayonnaise, which we have seen early hunter/gatherer societies did not have. This absence alone hindered the development on the modern Venezuelan nation state for nearly 10,000 years.

4) Pantyhose lasts longer when rinsed with diluted white vinegar. Did dawn-of-time women use pantyhose? What if they didn’t have vinegar? Visit the International Vinegar Museum in Roslyn, South Dakota and find out.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Peanut-Butter Ice Cream From Senegal

Senegalese Dessert

PEANUT-BUTTER ICE CREAM

INGREDIENTSPeanutButterIceCr-

1 14-ounce can condensed milk
1 12-ounce can evaporated milk
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup smooth peanut butter
1/4 cup milk

PREPARATION

Add condensed milk and evaporated milk to pot. Cook on medium heat for 10 minutes or until liquid begins to boil. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to warm and cook for about 25 minutes or until liquid thickens and turns toffee color. Stir frequently to avoid burning and boiling over.

Add milk, lemon juice, sugar, and peanut butter to pot. Simmer on warm for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Put the ice cream in covered bowl and chill in refrigerator for 2 hours.

TIDBITS

1) Senegalese medicine men care for madness with the roots of the wild custard apple. I hope this treatment works. There are a lot of mad politicians in my neck of the woods.

2) A hawk once plunged all Senegal into darkness for hours after colliding with a major power line.

3) On December 9. 1987, a hungry squirrel chewed into a power line and stopped all power to NASDAQ, National Association of Securities Dealer’s Automated Quotation service for 82 minutes. The effect of the stoppage cascaded into other stock exchanges, halting options trading for hours. The dead body of the squirrel was found. There is no information on its burial.

4) A ravenous squirrel again brought down NASDAQ on August 2, 1994. Trading halted for 34 minutes while power was rerouted. A spokesperson for the utility company delivering power to NASDAQ said it would be squirrel proofing its lines. No squirrel body was ever found.

5) Are some of America’s squirrels agents for foreign powers seeking to bring down America’s financial system? Are they out there lurking, waiting?

6) For a brief moment in the 1990s, Russia was completely unable to launch any of its nuclear missiles. Moscow Electric had cut off all power to the country’s launch center for non-payment.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Korean Army Base Stew

Korean Entree

ARMY BASE STEW
(Budae Jjigae)

INGREDIENTSArmyBaseStew-

1 12-ounce can SPAMTM
4 hot dogs
1 12-ounce package firm tofu
1/2 yellow onion
3 stalks green onions
2 cloves garlic
4 cups chicken stock
2 tablespoons gochuchang (hot Korean paste)
1 tablespoon gochucharu (or red pepper flakes)
1 teaspoon sugar
1/2 tablespoon sesame oil

1 3-ounce package ramen (don’t use spice packet)

PREPARATION

Slice SPAM, hot dogs, and tofu into 1/2″ cubes or slices. Dice yellow onion, green onions, and garlic cloves. Add all ingredients except ramen to large pot. Bring to boil on high heat, about 10 minutes, stirring frequently. Reduce to low heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Stir occasionally. Add ramen (no spice backet) and simmer on low 5 minutes. Stir occasionally. It’s spicy and enjoyable.

TIDBITS

1) Koreans love SPAM. Who knew? Okay, smarty pants, besides Koreans.

2) Many Koreans went hungry during and just after the Korean War. Thousands and thousands averted starvation only by getting food from nearby American army bases. The most prevalent gift from the GIs were cans of SPAM. People there are still grateful for this food and SPAM has been adopted into Korean cuisine.

3) I’ve heard that SPAM is popular in the Philippines as well because of the SPAM American soldiers brought with them in 1944 to 1946. My father was stationed in the Philippines after the War as part of America’s SPAM diplomacy.

4) South Korea is a firm ally of America and a strong trading partner. North Korea, however, threatens us with nuclear attack. Why? Because America never got a chance to get its SPAM bearing armies into that land. SPAM brings peace and amity everywhere. Wonderful SPAM, glorious SPAM.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Beef Chili Cheese Fries

American Entree

BEEF CHILI CHEESE FRIES

INGREDIENTSBeefChiliCF-

1 yellow onion
5 cloves garlic
6 Roma tomatoes
2 tablespoons olive oil
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1 tablespoon chili powder
2 teaspoons cumin
2 teaspoons oregano
2 cups beef broth
1 pound pre-cooked french fries (This is a great way to get rid of those french fries that come with all those hamburger meals.)
1 pound Four Mexican Cheeses (Yes, a pound)
1 1/2 cups sour cream
1 teaspoon parsley

PREPARATION

Mince onion and garlic. Dice tomatoes. Add onion, garlic, and oil to skillet. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium-high heat or until onions soften. Stir frequently. Add beef, cayenne, chili powder, cumin, and oregano. Cook on medium heat for 10 minutes or until beef is no longer pink. Stir occasionally.

Add Roma tomato, dice tomato, beef broth, French fries, cheese, and sour cream to skillet. Cook on medium-high heat to 10 minutes. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir occasionally. Garnish with parsley and serve.

TIDBITS

1) The first known French fries were made in Belgium around 1680. Yay, Belgium. These first fries were a substitute for fried fish. Who knew?

2) Thomas Jefferson served French fries in the White House during his Presidency of 1801-1809. Oh, he also penned the Declaration of Independence and was responsible for the Louisiana Purchase in 1803. The many Louisianans who eat French fries of the Fourth of July are grateful.

3) The Rolling Stones sang about French fries in their 1964 song “Under the Boardwalk.” The Rolling Stones are British. Britain went to war with Germany in 1914 to preserve Belgian neutrality and Belgian French fries. Harsh words were said by all and the conflict went global. We are still living with the culinary consequences of the War To End All Wars.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Atty’s Attic Interviews Me!

Atty'sAttic

Paul DeLancey goes above and beyond on this interview. You’re gonna love this guy!

While the Earl of Sandwich earns a spot in any culinary hall of fame, he was indeed a flawed man: opinionated, drunken, corrupt, incompetent, a sex fiend, a Satan worshiper, and all that.

And with that intro welcome Paul to my attic.

Who are you and where did you come from?

I’m Paul R. De Lancey. I was born in Los Angeles. I mostly grew up in Arcadia, California. I lived a year in Australia and three years in the Netherlands. I enjoy humorous novels, science fiction, history, and cookbooks. I also enjoy long walks to the fridge for orange juice.

Obviously you’re a writer, what is the name of your book and the general plot?

The title is “Eat Me: 169 Fun Recipes From All Over the World.” It’s a cookbook, so there isn’t any plot, although I do add humorous tidbits at the end of each recipe about the recipe and its ingredients.

Where did you come up with the idea?

I’ve always liked to cook. I had been posting my meals on Facebook and on my blog. People showed interest and even suggested I write a cookbook. So I did.

Which of your characters do you like the most and why?

Again, there are no characters in a cookbook, but I like Mexican food the best.

Too funny, thank you for answering anyway!

Which one do you hate the most and why?

I hate lutefisk. So did the Vikings. The idea of staying put in Scandinavia with its horrible lutefisk made the Vikings so ornery that they invaded and rampaged over Europe for centuries.

You’re stranded on an island and you are granted three things;

The first thing you’re granted is an iPod with only one song loaded, what is it?

The theme song from Barney to motivate me in finding a way off the island.

The second item is a book with the last chapter missing, what is it and who wrote it?

War and Peace by Tolstoy. I Loved it except for the mind-numbingly boring last chapter. I want to thank who ever tore out that last chapter.

And the third thing you’re granted on this island is a lunchbox with a sandwich and a full thermos, yummy, what kind of sandwich and drink would you appreciate?

Philly cheese steak and root beer.

What is the biggest mistake you have made in your life? Not writing or publishing mistake – any mistake. Even if it happened in 3rd grade, I wanna know about it.

Stupidly changing an answer on a national math test in high school at the last second. If I had left it alone I would have gotten national recognition.

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Not much.

You’re still stranded on that island and two people show up, the character you love the most, and the one you hate the most, and they both know what you said about them. What do you do?

Get them to look for a contact lens in the sand while I sip on the root beer I got earlier in this questionnaire.  Oh, and thank you for the root beer.

Flash round favorites:

Color

Blue

Sound

In my hearing range

Season

Spring. I so wanted to say allspice.

Animal

Cat

Smell

Food cooking

Food

Tacos

Place to visit

Fiji

Place to live

Wherever my family is

Movie

It’s a Gift by W.C. Fields

Alien

Mexican, French, Swedish

Great answer!

Number

5

Writing spot

Fiji

Texture

Smooth

Planet

Earth

And last of all, favorite memory?

Births of my children

Anything else you would like to add?

Vote Bacon & Chocolate in 2016.

And on that note, Paul didn’t have to but he shared a fantastic recipe for us so I do expect you all to try it. Thank you so much, Paul for going above and beyond!

 

American Entrée

 SLOW FRENCH DIP SANDWICHES

french

INGREDIENTS

2 1/2 pounds beef loin top sirloin
1 1/2 pounds beef sirloin tip
1 10.5 ounce can condensed French onion soup
1 cup beef stock or broth
1/2 cup water
8 peppercorns
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon rosemary
1 teaspoon thyme
2 garlic cloves
1 teaspoon beef base or 1 beef bouillon cube
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1 teaspoon Meat MagicTM spice
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
10 slices provolone cheese or about 10 ounces
5 French rolls

SPECIALTY ITEM

3 quart, or larger, slow cooker.

PREPARATION

Cut the top sirloin and the sirloin tip enough so that it will fit inside your slow cooker and be covered with the liquid you will add later. Dice garlic cloves.

In fact, here comes the liquid now. Pour French onion soup, beef stock, and water into slow cooker. And now for addition. Add peppercorns, bay leaf, rosemary, thyme, garlic, beef base, sea salt, meat spice, and pepper. And wait.

And wait. Oh and the turn the cooker on low for 6-to-8 hours. (Egads, you’ll have time to collect all receipts that you’ve stashed all around the house in preparation for tax time. Then you forgot where you put them. Now you have time to find them. Go! Go! Look for those receipts. I’m with you on this one.)

It really pays to get an early start on this one, especially if you are using your cooker for the first time. Many but not all slow cookers will get the job done on low in 6-to-8 hours. (My crock pot however needs to be set on high to cook anything in less time than it takes a city to repair a major street.)

Use spoon with holes in it to remove beef from cooker to serving bowl. Open French rolls. Put a slice of provolone cheese on each half. Use spoon with holes in it to put a generous portion of beef on the roll. Spoon juice remaining in cooker onto open sandwich. Close sandwich. Spoon more juice onto closed French roll. Eat. Dream of Heaven.

TIDBITS

1) The sandwich was invented in 1762 when the Earl of Sandwich was too busy to leave the gambling table to eat. Instead, he had a waiter bring him roast beef between two pieces of bread.

2) See, gambling has been good for society.

3) Indeed, many people believe professional sports came into being because gamblers hired players to be on the team they were backing with their bets.

4) The Earl asked for slices of bread to keep the grease from the roast beef from marking the playing cards.

5) While the Earl earns a spot in any culinary hall of fame, he was indeed a flawed man: opinionated, drunken, corrupt, incompetent, a sex fiend, a Satan worshiper, and all that.

6) There is no word, however, if he over spiced.

7) But he did weaken the Royal Navy to such an extent that the French Fleet beat it in 1781, ensuring America’s victory in the American Revolution.

8) A lot to think about when you bite into your next sandwich.

website: www.lordsoffun.com

blog: pauldelancey.com

Thank you so very much for coming to cook for us today. My attic smells wonderful!

Thank you, Atty!

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Dulce de Leche

Mexican Dessert

DULCE DE LECHE

INGREDIENTSDulceDeLeche-

1 14-ounce can condensed milk
1 14-ounce can evaporated milk

PREPARATION

Add condensed milk and evaporated milk to pot. Cook on medium heat for 10 minutes or until liquid begins to boil. Stir frequently. Reduce heat to low and cook for about 30 minutes or until liquid thickens and turns toffee color. Stir frequently to avoid burning and boiling over.

Serve by itself or with ice cream, pancakes, cakes, beans, bread, or crackers.. This will keep for months if poured into an airtight, sterilized jar and kept in the refrigerator. But that won’t happen, it’s too delicious.

TIDBITS

1) I had always thought dulce de leche to be Mexican. But no, a swirling controversy exists over its country of origin.

2) Indeed, Argentina once pressed the United Nations to declare dulce de leche an Argentinean culinary creation. Uruguay presented a counter claim and the world edged closer to conflict. The crisis receded when delegates from both countries partook of dulce de leche. This wondrous dessert is simply too delectable and filling to leave room for acrimonious debate and world slumbered its way back to peace.

3) Argentineans claim a maid was so distracted by attending to delegates to a peace conference that she forgot about the sweetened milk on the stove. She returned to find a caramel paste which everyone loved. A peace treaty was soon signed. I’m telling you; culinary diplomacy is the surest way to lasting, international peace

4) Legend has dulce de leche being used as medicine in India about 5,000 years ago. Some people even now use dulce de leche as an alternative medicine. Is there nothing this dessert can’t do?

5) One of Napoleon’s cooks accidentally made dulce de leche for his troops. Napoleon himself had a dessert named after him. Sure, he tried to conquered all of Europe, but we all have our bad points, don’t we? It’s time to move on and remember the desserts the French Emperor gave us and use them to build a lasting peace just like the Argentineans and Uruguyans.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Orange Fool Dessert

Fijian Dessert

ORANGE FOOL

INGREDIENTSOranFoo-

1 cup pulp-free orange juice
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 cup sugar
2 cups milk
1/2 cup cream
3 eggs
whipped cream

PREPARATION

Put orange juice, nutmeg, cinnamon, sugar, milk, cream, and eggs in 2-quart saucepan. Cook on medium heat for about 15 minutes and stir constantly. Do not let it boil or burn. It is done when the mixture is as thick as cream, all the egg bits are cooked, and when you do not see smooth yellow liquid when you stir. Clearly, this dish, while easy, requires a lot of attention near the end.

Be sure to taste mixture at this point to see if you want to add more sugar. People’s opinions about the correct sweetness of this dish vary considerably.

Pour into glass cake dish and chill in refrigerator. Put chilled mixture in blender and blend the heck out of it. Pour into short glasses or mugs. Squirt whipped cream on top until you are happy with the universe.
TIDBITS

1) A fool is a kind of custard or clotted cream.

2) Orange in Dutch is sinasapple which means “Chinese apple.”

3) Orange sodas in The Netherlands are not orange in color but clear.

4) Fiji has won the world championship in rugby.

5) When I was nine, my family moved from California to Australia. Our plane stopped briefly in Fiji. One of my parents got off the plane and brought me back a Fijian coin. I did not get to disembark. Thirty-one years later, I returned to Fiji to honeymoon and stayed ten days.

6) Nothing in the English language rhymes with “orange.” I’ve always thought “Stonehenge” came quite close, but it doesn’t have the official approval of the rhyme keepers.

7) I lived in the Netherlands from 1969 to 1972. If you wish to order french fries with spicy mayonnaise, ask for, “Frites met.” “Frites” is pronounced, “freets.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Omani Mezroota

Omani Entree

MEZROOTA

INGREDIENTSMezroota-

1 medium onion
2 tablespoons salt
2 5 ounce cans white tuna
2 tablespoons butter
1/4 cup lemon juice (or lime juice)
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
1 tablespoon cumin
1 teaspoon oregano
1 gram saffron (let me know if you can afford a lot of saffron and I’ll come over and cook for you. Saffron’s expensive.)
1/2 cup rice
1 cup water

PREPARATION

Peel and thinly slice onion. Put onion and salt in mixing bowl. Mix with spoon. Place bowl in direct sunlight for 1-to-2 hours.

30 minutes prior to retrieving the bowl of onion slices, starting cooking rice according to instructions on bag. Bring in bowl and wash onions. Drain bowl. Repeat two more times. Melt butter. Drain tuna and separate the pieces. Add tuna, butter, lemon juice, cayenne, cumin, oregano, and saffron. Serve tuna/onion/lemon mixture over hot rice.

This dish has a strong flavor and is an acquired taste. Make it for yourself first before serving it to your boss when you’re due for a raise.

TIDBITS

1) Oman is home to around twenty percent of the world’s recent meteorite finds.

2) Many scientists believe a giant meteorite caused the demise of the dinosaurs. Some believe a severe global warming killed them. It’s quite possible the dinosaurs weren’t physically able to adapt.

3) So far as I know, none of the dinosaurs had opposable thumbs and even if they did, they possessed sharp claws and talons. All surfers know you can’t apply even the lowest SPF sun-block lotions with claws. You can’t hold a tube of sun screen without opposable thumbs. I mean, have you ever seen a dinosaur surf? Enough said. No sun screen, no protection from the relentless Cretacean sun. The dinosaurs died. Bummer.

“All over Laurasia, and the blue Tethys Sea, every dino’s gone surfing, surfing Gondwanaland.”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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