Monthly Archives: June 2022

Lemon Chicken Soup (Avgolemono)

Posted on June 10, 2022 by pauldelancey

Greek Soup

LEMON CHICKEN SOUP
(Avgolemono)

INGREDIENTS

8 cups chicken stock
2 pounds chicken breasts
1 cup arborio, other rice, or orzo
3 eggs
½ cup lemon juice
½ teaspoon pepper
½ teaspoon salt
¼ cup fresh parsley

Serves 6. Takes 45 minutes.

PREPARATION

Add chicken stock to large pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Add chicken breasts. Lower heat to medium. Add arborio. Simmer for 20 minutes or until chicken breasts can be pulled apart with 2 forks. Stir enough to prevent burning, Remove chicken breasts to large bowl. (Keep chicken stock.) Shred chicken with forks. Return shredded chicken to pot. Stir until well blended.

While chicken simmers for 20 minutes, add eggs and lemon juice to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Take 2 cups chicken stock from large pot and add to measuring cup. Drizzle chicken stock from measuring cup to mixing bowl. Whisk continually as you drizzle in the stock. Add this egg/lemon/stock sauce to the large pot. Add pepper and salt. Simmer for 15 minutes or until soup thickens. Stir enough to prevent burning.

Dice parsley. Garnish with parsley.

TIDBITS

1) Wolves like to eat chickens. Isaac Newton’s chickens were the best. So, it’s no surprise that numerous gangs of unemployed, teenage wolves attacked his chicken coops night after night. Newton first reasoned with the wolves, but his “Now, see here” was met with scorn. He even tried making scary faces. The wolves yawned briefly, then continued their attacks.

2) Desperate, Newton climbed his lemon trees and threw lemon after lemon at the wolves until he had no more. “Deuced wolves, take that.” And the wolves couldn’t take that barrage. They scurried away. Wolves have feared lemons ever since. This is why most chicken ranchers surround their coops with lemon trees. Eventually, culinarily minded lemon tree/chicken ranchers made this dish.

3)Anyway, Newton saved his chickens, but the loss of his lemons ruined him financially. He turned his mind to scientific observation and mathematical theory. Which is why we’ve heard of him.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Things I’d Like to See

Posted on June 9, 2022 by pauldelancey

I’d like to see her and everybody else be happy.

Today has been a really frustrating day, so here is this post.

THINGS I’D LIKE TO SEE

Note:  These are not necessarily in order of importantce  A feware light hearted. Some are deadly serious. Okay, here goes.

1) Countries stop invading other countries. No excuses. Especially incredibly transparent lies.

2) If a country must invade, stop making deliberate targets out of civilians.

3) People having respect for other people who hold opposing political views.

4) People and groups forgoing lying when advancing political views.

5) People accepting the fact that democracy means that sometimes you will be outvoted.

6) Prosecution of all rapists. Stop turning the raped woman into the victim.

7) End of racism. There really are enough people to hate in this world based on individual merits without casting a wider net.

8) More competition in the market place. For capitalism to benefit everyone, we really can’t have conglomerates controlling huge swaths of the economy.

9) The end of lying in news programs.

10) More competition in news station. As it stands now, it’s so easy for mega-news station to drown out all other views.

11) Stop thinking five minutes of research on the internet overpowers a collected hundreds of thousands of hours of scientific research.

12) Stop whining when society asks you to do something you don’t want to do. Okay, I have problems here. Mea culpea.

13) Being outvoted doesn’t mean your rights are being violated.

14) Cover your mouth when coughing.

15) Buy the blinker package when buying a car. You don’t need to expend a lot of energy to signal.

16) Know that a red light really does mean to stop.

17) Realize that if you’re the fifth person to go through the intersection after the light changed, that you really are a dick.

18) Keys that automatically fly back to a prearranged peg on a wall or a hutch, no matter where you left them.

19) Delivery people who know how to install a refrigerator.

20) No more school children gunned down. How is this still happening?

21) The end of all harrassment in the workplace? Why is being a dick there still okay?

22) The end of littering.

23) The end of plastic-litter islands in the Pacific Ocean. Two such islands are thousands of square miles in size.

24) I’d like to not be perpetually tired or in pain.

That’s all for now. God bless you all. May tomorrow find you to be a happier person.

Behave. Don’t make me come there.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

 

 

 

Categories: things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Wanda Wunder Wonders About the Sun

Posted on June 8, 2022 by pauldelancey

Something to daydream about.

Wanda Wunder #19

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Wanda Wunder | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Debesmanna (Cranberry Mousse) From Latvia

Posted on June 7, 2022 by pauldelancey

Latvian Dessert

DEBESMANNA
(Cranberry Mousse)

INGREDIENTS

2¼ cups cranberry juice
⅓ cup sugar
⅓ cup cream of wheat, farina, or semolina
1 cup milk

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric beater.

Serves 6. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Add cranberry juice and sugar to pot. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir constantly. Gradually add cream of wheat. Stir constantly to prevent lumps. Reduce heat to low-medium. Cook for 10 minutes or until mixture thickens. Stir constantly with whisk or fork.

Transfer mixture to mixing bowl. Mix with electric beater set on high for 10 minutes or until mixture becomes fluffy and a lighter shade of red.. Serve in bowls. Pour milk equally over each bowl.

TIDBITS

1) The term “manna from heaven” comes from the Old Testament. The book Exodus tells us how the Israelites fearing the wrath of the Egyptian pharaoh plunged deeper and deeper into the wilderness of the Sinai Peninsula.

2) The Israelites grumbled that they were running out of food, that they were at least assured of getting full meals back in Egypt. They had apparently forgotten that they were enslaved back there.

3) So God, Yahweh, sent them food, manna. This manna floated down from the sky or perhaps even from heaven. Nowadays, “manna from heaven” means any lucky occurrence. In fact, an event so lucky that is on par with the Israelites receiving manna from God.

4) On July 7, 2008, the Latvian village of Dagda was besieged by hordes of scam artists trying to sell them a new warranty for their cars, to replace the old extended warranties that had expired. The Dagdans had only one day of food left. Then little Debbie from the nearby farms catapulted thousands of cranberries mousses into Dagda. She saved the town. The grateful Dadgans called her dessert, “Debbie’s Manna.” Over time, this shortened to Debesmanna. Now you know.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, history, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Wanda Wunder Wonders About Santa and Advertising

Posted on June 6, 2022 by pauldelancey

What are Santa Claus’ costs? It must cost  a fortune to ship lathes and other tooling machines to the North Pole? How does Santa pay for the elves’ housing? Indeed, how does he pay his elves? What will Mr. Claus do if the elves unionize as they have been threatening to do for nearly a year? Is Mrs. Claus high maintenance?

AND WHERE IS IS SANTA CLAUS’ REVENUE?

How do he manage to stay in business year after year without revenue? Where can he get revenue?

Wanda Wunder has an idea.

 

Wanda Wunder #18

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

Categories: Wanda Wunder | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Smoked Beef Brisket

Posted on June 5, 2022 by pauldelancey

American Entree

SMOKED BEEF BRISKET

INGREDIENTS

1½ tablespoons brown sugar
1 tablespoon chili powder
¼ cup garlic salt
½ tablespoon paprika
9 pounds beef brisket
½ cup beef broth
1 12-ounce can beer

SPECIAL UTENSILS

wood chips (apple or oak)
smoker
electric thermometer
baking pan
tin foil
sonic obliterator

Serves 10. Takes at least 10 hours, perhaps up to many more. Smokers vary, the marbling of the fat in the brisket varies. Perhaps the Incan monkey god is angry with you. In this case, your brisket will take a long time. Perhaps eleventy hours is the most accurate. I strongly suggest putting that brisket in the smoker at the crack of dawn. If you’re up to it, start it at midnight and monitor periodically through the night. Will this make you lose sleep? Yes. Also, a small brisket will take less time.

PREPARATION

Get up at dawn, 6 a.m., or even earlier. Add wood chips to smoker. Preheat smoker to 235 degrees. Start cooking after getting up in the morning. Add brown sugar, chili powder, garlic salt, and paprika to mixing bowl. Mix with whisk or fork until well blended. Rub mixture all over brisket.

When temperature of smoker reaches 235 degrees, place brisket on grill with the fatty side closest to the heating coil. Put thermometer in the thickest part of the meat. Smoke until brisket’s internal temperature reaches 165 degrees. This should take about 6 hours, varying greatly depending on your smoker and whether or not you have led a virtuous life. I hope you have. ☺

Pause and reflect, pause and reflect until the temperature of the brisket reaches 165 degrees. Using cooking gloves carefully remove the brisket and put it in the baking pan. (Close door quickly as possible to minimize loss of heat and smoke. Pour beef broth and beer evenly over brisket. Cover brisket with tin foil. Put covered brisket back in smoker. Put thermometer back in the thickest part of the brisket. Cook until internal temperature reaches 205 degrees.

Remove brisket and let sit for 40 minutes. Cut meat across the grain to ¼” thick slices. This is large and lengthy meal. Use sonic obliterator on any guest making even the slightest complaint.

TIDBITS

1) Our spaceships have visited every planet and all the big asteroids in the Solar System.

2) We’ve even sent our spacecraft past the Oort Cloud and into outer space.

3) It seems as if our spaceships have nothing left to explore.

4) This page has a lot of space left. Let’s explore the rest of this page.

 

 

 

 

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, things to see and do | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

We’re French and You’re Not – Chapter One – Chardonnay Man – Last Part

Posted on June 4, 2022 by pauldelancey

6 p.m.: We fly over the battlefields of Verdun, where 350,000 of our countrymen died fighting the brutal German invaders. What is this? Jean points out a crowd of German pig-dog tourists. Enraged, we throw bottles, cabbages, and the contents of our chamber pots at them. Ha! Ha! Suddenly, and without warning, our balloon descends. Horrors! I recognize Président Pommefrite and Chancellor Erwtenzup of Germany. They are very filthy and very angry. They shout and shake their fists at us. We also notice French soldiers firing at us. Jean opines that perhaps we should ascend quickly. Stirred to action, I increase the flame. Our balloon fills with hot air and we leave them far below. Jean and I are so upset by the whole incident that we delay dinner by a full hour.

14 November, 10 a.m.: We find ourselves over the town of Amiens. Jean informs me that Jules Verne used to be its mayor. He astounds me with the information that he had been reading Verne lately. So, that’s what he has been doing with his afternoons. I thought he was cheating on his mistress.

Noon: We reach the town of Calais on the English Channel. We commemorate our successful journey across France with a simple meal of French bread, onion soup, salade Niçoise, and shrimp scampi. We examine the looming channel, but are not frightened.

3 p.m.: A great jolt rouses Jean and me from our naps. What has annoyed us? Oh, our basket has smashed to bits the radar of a French destroyer. “Vive la France!” we amiably cheer. But incredibly, the sailors shout angrily back. Jean suggests that we quickly leave those clods. I once again increase the size of the flame and we climb back into the clouds.

The sailors fire their rifles and the ship’s big guns at us. Boom! But they cannot see us as we are hiding in the clouds and have broken their radar dish. We shout our apologies to our countrymen and fellow adventurers. We toss down cases of caviar and our best champagne to make up for our faux pas. However, this noble gesture does not appease them. Strange to say, they are becoming even angrier. The lack of manners in our navy appalls Jean and me.

6 p.m.: We are over Dover, England. Hurrah! The great race is coming to an end. We see a great crowd below us. It cheers us wildly, so ours must be the first balloon. The throng includes the Queen and most of the Royal family. We also notice an enormous number of police and soldiers. No doubt, they are there to protect us from our enthusiastic admirers.

Jean and I drink several toasts to England, to the Queen, and to a successful race. I stand up and stagger towards the lever to lower the flame. However, I trip on Jean and fall with all my weight on the lever. Instead of lowering the flame, I shut it off completely. We fall precipitously and hit the ground with a squish.

We dust ourselves off and march proudly towards the Queen. For some reason she appears to be upset. However, we attribute her emotion to the passion of the moment. We present her with the first Chardonnay bottle of the season.

But, the Queen, she is not thankful. No, she accuses us of murdering her Corgi. What dog, we ask? “The one under your balloon,” she cries.

Before we think to apologize, ill-mannered British policemen clasp handcuffs on us and lead us away. We hear behind us German and French voices arguing vociferously for the right to arrest us. Their argument appears to be escalating into a brawl. We shrug our shoulders.

* * *

“Bah! Monsieur le reporter, the food here in this jail is horrible! But yes, I have been without Dom Perignon for three days! Why are these stupid English treating me this way? Can it be that they do not care that I won the Chardonnay race?

“Monsieur, tell my friends to hurry and get me out of here. The Tour d’Artichoke starts next week! Sacre bleu!”

****

I hope you enjoyed this chapter from my book. Please let me know what you thought of it. Thank you.

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

We’re French and You’re Not, my cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: We're French and You're Not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

We’re French and You’re Not – Chapter One – Chardonnay Man – Part 3

Posted on June 3, 2022 by pauldelancey

1:55 p.m.: Mon Dieu! We arrive at our balloon minutes before the start of the race. Jean and I tumble into the basket. Pow! The starting gun fires. Jean starts the flame, so that our balloon will rise. But we are not going anywhere! We have neglected to untie our balloon.

Neither Jean nor I are sober enough to get out of the basket and untie the rope. What are we to do? Jean solves things by sticking his newspaper into the flame. He then sets fire to the rope with the burning newspaper. This maneuver works marvelously well and we soon soar into the heavens. We hear angry voices yelling down below. It seems that the fire from the rope is spreading to a nearby café. We shrug our shoulders, set the balloon on automatic pilot, and open our first bottle of champagne. We look forward to a fine race.

12 November, 10 a.m.: I wake up first and peer cautiously over the basket. It appears that we are over the town of Avignon. Well, I think I recognize the famous Pont d’Avignon. I awaken Jean and tell him our location. Jean marvels that we cleared the southern French Alps without incident. Our balloon’s automatic pilot and automatic navigational devices are working splendidly. We wonder for a moment how our competitors manage without them. We are now eating a simple breakfast of fresh croissants, a small omelette, and Perrier.

Noon: It is lunchtime, so we prepare lunch. We have Gruyère cheese, apples and onion soup. We drink a couple bottles of Chateauneuf du Pape, 1922. We look over the edge of the basket and would you believe it, we are over the town of Chateauneuf du Pape. We celebrate this coincidence by throwing eggs at people in the marketplace. These good-natured jests are the things that make races fun for all.

3 p.m.: We amuse ourselves by shooting at birds that land on our balloon. In a way, it is unfortunate that we are drinking so much or our aim would be better.

7 p.m.: We celebrate reaching Valence with a splendid dinner. We start with crab legs and cheese fondue, then trout à la Jean, beef bourguignon, and eclairs for dessert. We complement this satisfying meal with four bottles of Dom Perignon, 1953. Oh yes, for an after-dinner activity we examine the countryside. Jean notices that we have progressed another 100 kilometers. Splendid!

10:30 p.m.: Jean and I spend the night drinking wine and identifying constellations. I win this game by identifying Orion twenty times to Jean’s eighteen. Poor Jean, the clouds block Orion during two of his turns.

13 November, 9 a.m.: Apparently we are scudding over the city of Lyon. We don’t care much for Lyon. Suddenly, Jean spies a McDonald’s below us. What an affront to French cuisine! We bombard the place with our empty bottles and other trash. Below us, we hear the whine of converging police sirens. We also see the manager shooting his rifle at us. Ha! Ha! It appears that the police are lovers of good cuisine, as they are taking away the stupid manager of the stupid McDonald’s. We thumb our noses at your les hamburgers and your les fries!

Noon: Strong southwesterly winds blow us to the town of Besançon. We celebrate by using Doubs cheese in our magnificent omelettes. We have Kronenbourg with our lunch. This is the only time that we shall drink beer during the race. One needs to clear the palate at times.

4 p.m.: We have been heading northwest for a while. In doing so, we pass over the glorious Champagne region. We honor the land below by drinking champagne for the entire afternoon. I suggest that it would be a fine idea to gaze upon the glorious vineyards. Tears come to our eyes.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

We’re French and You’re Not, my cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Uncategorized, We're French and You're Not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

No Funny or Food Blog Today – Refrigerator Hell

Posted on June 2, 2022 by pauldelancey

I ordered a new refrigerator two days ago. It was supposed to be installed today. The installer glanced around the kitchen and said nope he wouldn’t
install it. He couldn’t find the shut off valve. I later found it  by following the tubing! I had a plumber come in to confirm I’d found the shut off valve.
I even had parts replaced that were getting olf.

I called back and asked to have my refrigerator installed. I was told nope. Tomorrow. I had all my fridge food in coolers stocked with ice. I replaced
the ice twice. But that was the limit I was willing to go with the food even with ice. I threw out hundreds of dollars of food today. It made me sick
to my stomach.

And still don’t have a fridge.

Paul R. De Lancey, Ph.D.

Categories: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

We’re French and You’re Not – Chapter One – Chardonnay Man – Part 2

Posted on June 1, 2022 by pauldelancey

From the Private Diary of Robert Le Secraisin.

31 October, 5 p.m.: Jean and I begin planning our route for this year’s Chardonnay race. This year’s contest begins in Monaco and ends in Dover. We both agree that we must win the prize money to continue the lifestyle we deserve.

Jean traveled Tuesday to the Academy of Meteorological Sciences in Paris. He claims that he threw a spectacular two-day party there. I can well believe it, for Jean departed from our vineyard with fifty cases of our finest Bordeaux. He was pleasantly surprised that it took such a short time to win over the scientists. Not only did the happy academy give us the weather forecasts and the best routes, it also promised to provide bad information to our competitors. But no! This is not wrong, after all, we thought of it.

5:05 p.m.: Jean and I finish planning our route. We head to a party in Biarritz to honor the Spanish ambassador, or somebody.

2 November: Jean and I got lost yesterday driving back from the party. We spent the entire day driving in circles. We now commence the serious business of planning our menus.

9 November: Jean and I finish the menus. It means putting in a lot of late hours, but one must do these things right! Sacre bleu!

10 November, 9 a.m.: We start packing the food.

Noon: We start packing the wine.

5 p.m.: We start loading the equipment things that make the balloon go.

5:15 p.m.: We finish loading the equipment things. Next, we put the balloon on our limousine. Afterwards, we attend a party held by the mayor of Bordeaux. The mayor toasts our good luck. We promise to bring honor to the town.

11 November, Early morning!: Jean and I ride in our limousine to Monaco. Jean has hired a driver since we left straight from the party and cannot keep our eyes open.

Noon: We unload our balloon by the Boulevard Albert, which runs alongside the Port of Monaco. The race begins at two, so we have time to eat a four-star meal at the Hôtel de Paris. After lunch, we stagger across the street to the new casino to try our luck at roulette.

We do so-so until the ball lands on “00.” But we have all our money on red. The croupier whisks away our chips. We cannot believe it. What is this double-zero? There is no double-zero in roulette. I inform the croupier of this fact. The croupier deigns to reply that they play the American style of roulette in the new casino. Jean insists that we are not in America. I call the croupier a thief. The croupier shrugs his shoulders. Jean punches the croupier in his big stupid nose.

Just ten minutes later, another employee notices his bloodied, fallen comrade and helps him to his feet. The enraged croupier summons the security guards. But it is already too late. We are leaving, having stopped only to play a few hands on the new electronic blackjack machine. We have the good fortune to find a cab outside and so, we speed away to our balloon.

 

Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef, Ph.D.

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: We're French and You're Not | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.