Posts Tagged With: elves

Icelandic Crepes (Pönnukaka)

Icelandic Entree

ICELANDIC CREPES
(Pönnukaka)

INGREDIENTS

4 tablespoons butter
3 eggs
2 cups milk
2 tablespoons sugar
½ teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cardamom
1¾ cups flour
12 ounce jar lingonberry jam
1 cup whipped cream
2 tablespoons confectioner’s sugar
no-stick spray

Makes 16 crepes. Takes 50 minutes.

SPECIAL UTENSIL

crepe pan or skillet

PREPARATION

Melt butter in skillet. Let butter cool. Add cooled butter, eggs, milk, and sugar to large mixing bowl. Mix with whisk for 1 minute or until thoroughly blended. Add baking powder, baking soda, cardamom, and flour to second mixing bowl. Mix these dry ingredients with whisk. Gradually fold in the baking powder/baking soda/cardamom/flour mix into the butter/
eggs/milk/sugar bowl. Mix with whisk. Batter is ready when lumps disappear.

Add drop of water to pan. Turn heat to medium-high. Pan is ready when water sizzles. Spray pan with no-stick spray. Pour ¼ cup batter into pan. Tilt pan or use spatula to make sure batter spreads thinly and evenly. Cook first crepe at medium-high heat for 1 minute or until bottom of crepe turns golden brown. (X-ray vision helps. If you do not possess this skill, gently lift up the edges of the crepe with a spatula and take a peek.) Turn crepe over with spatula, a wide one is helpful, and cook for 1 minute or until golden brown. Or turn over crepe when bubbles break it surface. Remove crepe from pan. Repeat for each crepe. (Note the temperature needed to turn crepes golden brown will go down with each successive crepe.)

Place 1 tablespoon whipped cream and 1 tablespoon lingonberry jam on the middle of each crepe. Fold in half to make a half-moon shape. Fold in half again to make a pie wedge. Press down gently to spread lingonberry and whipped cream through crepe. Top with ½ teaspoon confectioner’s sugar. Repeat for each crepe. Serve right away.

TIDBITS

1) More than half of all Icelanders believe in elves! Icelandic music companies have a bias in signing musicians who profess to believing in elves. It is said the elves will defend their rocky homes by using magic powers. Bulldozing companies sometimes arbitrate with elves in hopes of getting the wee people to leave. I would love to see this.

2) The Yule Lads are Iceland’s answer to Santa Claus. While the story around Santa Claus originated from a real person, Saint Nicklaus; the Yule Lads descended from evil trolls. Indeed, parents tormented wild children with, “The Yule Lads will get you if you don’t behave.” However, the Powers That Be made this form of parenting illegal in the 18th century. Now, the Yule Lads are relatively benign even though they sport names such as Bowl Licker and Window Peeper.

3) Today, kids are tormented by Internet outages.

4) Britain and Iceland nearly went to war three times over the right to fish for cod near the Icelandic shores. Something to think about when munching on a fish stick.

5) This tidbit did not survive editing.

6) Icelanders love to play midnight golf during June and July when the day is twenty-four hours long. There are lava beds on some Icelandic golf courses. Is there a lava-bed wedge in Icelandic golf bags? I don’t know.

7) Ice melts when dropped into any one of Iceland’s volcanoes.

8) Indeed, ice melts in any of the world’s volcanoes.

9) Cheese sandwiches burn rapidly when placed in an active volcano. That’s a bad way to toast your cheese sandwiches. Indeed, doctors everywhere recommend against this cooking technique, citing near certain incineration of the chef.

10) This is why Iceland has no gourmet toasted-cheese sandwich restaurants close to active volcanoes, not even for tourists.

11) Can Iceland’s magical elves survive the intense heat of an active volcano? If so, they could toast cheese sandwiches. Sure, Iceland’s elven chefs would have to have incredibly quick and skilled hands. But wouldn’t a volcano-fired golden brown cheese sandwich be way cool?

12) I left enough space below for a scratch pad.

Chef Paul

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Beneficial Murders, first part of my forthcoming novel

29 DAYS LEFT

THIS CHAPTER BROUGHT TO YOU BY FANTASY BANKINGTM

“INVESTING YOUR FANTASY MILLIONS WISELY”

“Rudolph, instead of sending coal to the naughty people for Christmas, I’ll be launching ICBMs. They’ll be heading south in ten minutes.” I slapped my knee. “Haw! Everything is south from here.”
Rudolph’s red nose glowed bright. “Sir, we have nuclear missiles? Nuclear missiles? How did we acquire nuclear missiles?”
“My furry friend, what do you think my elves build in their workshop every January and February? They do a good job. Every one of my missiles can strike anywhere in the world.” My hands traced a blossoming mushroom cloud.
Rudolph shook his antlers. “No sir, don’t do it. I take great pride in guiding your sleigh every year. You know how you love giving gifts to all the nice kids. Maybe you are just having bi-polar issues.”
“No,” I said, “I’ve been taking my meds.”
“Santa, Sir, things are not so bad,” said Rudolph, “you shouldn’t be so cranky.”
“So cranky. So cranky,” I said. “I have great reason to be cranky. The Elves are on strike, demanding I stop outsourcing jobs to India. I might have to move to the South Pole because of global warming. Mrs. Claus has gone to Peru to get in touch with her inner self and Prancer has just come out of the closet.”
Rudolph nuzzled me. “Still, that’s no reason to nuke the world.”
I sighed. “No, my friend, that’s not the real reason. I used to put “caught being good” marks by most people’s names whenever I spied on them. Now people for whatever reason–-drinking skim milk maybe–-design perpetually jamming printers and fire surface-to-air missiles at anything that flies by. Why, last Christmas, I couldn’t even fly my sleigh through the night skies without a little F-16 escort from my friends at NORAD.”
“Oh,” said Rudolph, “I think you’re exaggerating. I’ll bet there a lot more nice people than naughty.”
“Oh yeah,” I said. I turned on my Little JohnnyTM computer and brought up my Santa’s Naughty or NiceTM software. I pointed toward the monitor. “Look, look. Over four billion people are naughty and fewer than two billion are nice.”
Rudolph did peruse the screen. Indeed, many more naughty acts were being caught than good ones by my extensive global network of satellites.
As Rudolph said nothing, I continued. “If people want any more presents from me, heck, if they want merely not to be nuked, I’m going to need to find at least as many nice folks as naughty by Christmas Eve. But I doubt if I can. That’s why I’ve set the launch times.”
“Won’t you miss the milk and cookies that the good little boys and girls will give?” asked Rudolph. “Can you really break their little hearts? Substituting nuclear winter for seasonal snow?”
I sighed. “If only two billion more people were nicer. You know, gave to charities, opened doors for little old ladies, read a story to a toddler, or brushed their teeth, I’d cancel the launches.”
Rudolph thought for a minute. “It’s a bit much to expect that many people to change so quickly. How about a test case? How about if just one chosen person changes the world for the better by Christmas Eve, would you stop the launching of the nuclear missiles?”
“For the sake of that one person, I would,” I said.
“Whom will you choose?”
“Sam Mollusk,” I said. “He’s kin.”
Rudolph raised the deer equivalent of an eyebrow. “Sir, does Sam have to be good to make the whole world better? Couldn’t he just buy more Li’l PathfinderTM cookies? Or maybe eliminate a bit of evil here and there?”
I slapped my knee. “Rudolph, you’re a genius. Killing naughty people would make the world a nicer place. Yes my friend, if Sam Mollusk kills enough naughty people I promise you there will be a happy, missile-free Christmas after all.”
Rudolph coughed. “I wasn’t proposing such a solution.”
“Ho! Ho! Ho! You’re being too modest, my red-nosed friend. If only people would help out their friends and neighbors with a little beneficial murder here and there.”
Rudolph shook his furry head. “Sir, how do you know Sam Mollusk will commit these beneficial murders?”
I beamed with pride. “He’s a good kid.”
“But sir, lots of good kids never commit murders of any sort. How are you going to get him started?”
“Rudolph, he comes from the same bloodline as I do. The Claus line has always wanted to bring joy to the world, sometimes by giving, like me up to now, and sometimes by killing, like my kin Wyatt Earp.
“Besides, my furry friend, Sam Mollusk drives a tiny Prius. Trust me, he’s ready to kill.”
I, Santa, pushed the button to watch coverage from my satellites orbiting over Poway, California. I said to my monitor, “Ah, Mr. Mollusk, I will be following your every move. You have thirty days to commit thirty beneficial murders. Will you do it?”
Rudolph smiled at me. “If I get a nice cup of OvaltineTM will you make it twenty-nine days to accomplish twenty-nine beneficial murders? That will give him to Christmas Eve.”
I, Santa, laughed. “All right my friend, I’m such a softie. Twenty nine in twenty nine it is.”

29 FIENDISH DAYS LEFT

THOSE BASTARD AL QAEDAS

“Sabaaaaah el kheir, Al Qaeda! (Goooood morning, Al Qaeda!) Hi, I’m your radio host, Yusef Al Din, the Master of Mayhem, the Duke of Destruction, bringing your favorite songs of hate from the ‘50s and ‘60s till prayer time. But first the news.

“The three blind judges of Abiraz have chosen Sarani Said of Egypt to be this year’s Miss Burka. In the likely event of her martyrdom, Halmai’i Barrani of Libya will take over.
“Fiendish sources in Afghanistan tell of budgetary concerns in Al Qaeda cells worldwide. Says Hoshni Al Fiendi, CEO of Al Qaeda, ‘We are running out of funds. What with the worldwide downturn and lingering image problems, it’s been a bad year for donations. Even our TV marathons and falafel bakes aren’t raising much. Our cash flow problems are so bad that we face a hostile takeover by TupperwareTM on December 24.’
“We righteous warriors cannot let this happen. Unless we raise enough Dinars by that time we shall unleash the Great Unleashing where every terrorist will be sent on a suicide bombing mission to a single, spectacular target.
“We have been resisting the Great Unleashing because frankly, it is suicidal. Or the Great Satan might wipe out all humanity with retaliatory nuclear strikes. And if we all die, what will happen to Al Qaeda? Gone the way of five-cent falafel. So, give all you can, right away.
“And now a word from our sponsor, Abd al-Tijana, CFO of Al Qaeda.”
“Unemployed? Tired of a dead-end job? Well, come on over to Al Qaeda Central. Our recent spate of suicide bombings means openings at the ground level. Must have references.
“Do you hunger for small-scale explosions at suburban food courts? Or is nuclear war with the Great Satan more your style? Well, make your way to Poway Al Qaeda, a place where bloodshed is always on the menu.”
“Take care. Al youm herr barrah. (It’s hot outside.)”
3novels

My cookbook and novels are available in paperback or Kindle on amazon.com

or on my website-where you can get a signed copy at: www.lordsoffun.com

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