Posts Tagged With: Green Party

How The British National Election Will Give Me Super Powers

 

According to USA Today on May 7, 2015, Britain’s Green Party held one seat in Parliament. There were much larger parties holding many more seats vying for control of the country’s destiny. However, they are of no interest to us and we shall ignore them.

The main thing to notice is that Other Parties held 27 seats.  According to USA Today, other parties “Includes smaller parties from Northern Ireland, Wales, and Independents.” Okay fine, but what is smaller than one? Zero! (Okay, 1/2 is smaller than one. But you can’t have half a politician sitting* in Parliament or in the United States Congress for that matter. The incomplete he or she would die. It would be messy. Moreover, even though partial politicians are not specifically excluded from winning office in any country on this planet, there does seem to be a rather strong unwritten rule about it.)

Okay, now it gets exciting. USA Today claimed that the Other Parties, as of May 7, held a total of 27 seats in Parliament. How on Earth is that possible if all the Other Parties have zero members sitting* in Parliament? Is the sum of zeroes greater than 27? YES, dear reader  0 + 0 + 0 = 0 > 27 or alternatively 0>27. Half of 0 is o. Half of 27 is 13.5.  So 0>13.5. In fact, zero is greater than any positive number. Woo hoo, then line of thinking is quite exhilirating, liberating even.

0 > 1, 0>2 . . .

This is where I acquire super powers.  SupermanTM flies at let’s say, 100 miles per hour. I admit it; I fly at zero miles per hour. But we’ve just proved that 0>100. I CAN FLY FASTER than Superman. Superman can lift 2 tons of steel. I can easily lift o tons of steel. 0>2. I can hoist more than Superman. I AM STRONGER THAN SUPERMAN. I am mightier than Superman.

Do not worry. I shall use my superpowers for good, unless of course, you block the aisles at the supermarket with your shopping cart. Then you will be toast.

* = Members of Parliament are allowed to stand and move around. They do not have to sit all the time. Sitting in Parliament is just a phrase that has gotten a lot of currency.)

– Paul De Lancey, Superhero

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Categories: humor, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Police Try to Arrest Me At Last Night’s Presidential Debates

Wake up America

Paul De Lancey, presidential candidate for Bacon & Chocolate Party says, “The only reason I didn’t get arrested was that I got lost going there and didn’t want to ask for directions. I drowned my sorrows with two root beers at a local Mc’Ds and went home. When I got back home, I  heard the police were waiting for me and got the Green Party instead.”

-From the Huffington Post:

Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein was arrested outside of Hofstra University on Tuesday after she attempted to enter the debate grounds.

According to Stein’s campaign press statement, Stein and running mate Cheri Honkala joined supporters outside the Hofstra campus at 2 p.m., where Stein declared: “We are here to bring the courage of those excluded from our politics to this mock debate, this mockery of democracy.” When they started to walk onto the debate grounds, they were stopped by police officers, and then the two women sat down on the ground.
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