Posts Tagged With: federal

A Fun Renaming of the Bird World

 

How in the world did someone come up with the idea of calling a flock of crows a murder of crows? Were they pickled to the gills? Why not call a flock of crows a FLOCK of crows? However, it is unlikely we will be able to change everything to flocks with the Supreme Court busy deciding cases of great import and chaos in our federal government. And with people arguing on Facebook(tm) and Twitter(tm), no one is noticing what we do. We can get away with changing the little stuff.

Let’s do it!                                                                                                      A burrito of burrowing owls.

Let alter the names of the types of birds to something more interesting and alliterative. I humbly propose the following:

A Murder of Crows becomes A Cacophony of Crows

We can now have:

bird                           – flock name
——————————————————–
blackbirds              – blintz
bobolinks              – Big Mac(tm)
boobies                 – booger
budgies                 – bean dip
buntings                – bunion
burrowing owls     – burrito
ducks                     – DNA
elephants              – finch (an elephant is technically not a bird.)
falcons                   – fallacy
finches                   – elephant
hawks                    –  hemarrhoid
jays                        – jackhammer
larks                       – lithograph
loons                      – lutefisk
pigeons                  – pizza
starlings                 – strawberry
swans                     – sarcasm
woodpeckers         – wart

You’ll have to excuse me, a bunion of buntings just flew by.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: humor, obsevations | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bacon & Chocolate Party Wants You to Head Your Own Federal Department

How often has this happened to you?posterpp

You: Gah! I wish we had enough money to buy yogurt-covered pretzels.
Spouse: We can’t. You have a lousy job.
You: I wish I could find a better one.
Me: Well now you can. With Republican candidates dropping by the wayside, and the Democratic rivals in a fight to the end, the time has come for the Bacon & Chocolate Party to sweep to victory. With his imminent landslide election I, President Paul De Lancey, am going to need lots of help running the government. It’s a big thing. Heck, I hope I don’t get lost in the White House. Hee! Hee!

Anyway, dozens of federal agencies and departments are going to need new secretaries to lead them. Why not claim your spot? The pay is good. You won’t have to do much. Simply promote bacon and chocolate and save our bees. And take naps. Where else can you get paid for taking naps? C’mon, what are you waiting for? Be the first on your block to head a federal department. And don’t forget, we have plum ambassadorships around the world. Simply respond, “I want to head this department and give your name.” You’ll be glad you did.

Note: The following positions are taken.

President: Paul R. De Lancey
Vice President: Candace C. Bowen
Speaker of the House: John Rucker

Agriculture: Launa McNeilly
Avoiding Labor: Stephen Parrish
Crisper: Michelle Hickman
Education: Jan Buckner
Event Organizer: Christine Olewiler
Extraterrestrial Welcoming Committee: Denise Hemphill
Food and Drug: Lee Diogeneia
Health Human Services And Cooking: Shauna Roberts
Interior: Kathi Gorecki Voskuil
State: Mark Kennet
Secret Service: Mike Allsopp
Treasury: Betty Ponterio
Tsar of Holidays: Kathleen Smiley

Ambassadorships:

Cuba: Daphne Anne Humphrey
Fiji: Amy Buckheister Gettinger
Luxembourg: Donna Cavanagh
Switzerland: Elizabeth Dickinson

– Paul R. De Lancey
Future president of the United States of America.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ajam Roedjak (Sweet and Spicy Chicken)

Indonesian Entree

AJAM ROEDJAK
(Sweet and Spicy Chicken)

INGREDIENTS*AjamRoedjak-

2 pounds chicken breasts
2 garlic cloves
7 kemirie or macadamian nuts
3½ tablespoons peanut oil
½ tablespoon grated ginger
2 teaspoons grated galangal or grated ginger
½ teaspoon salt
1 15-ounce can coconut milk
1 bay leaf (Indian bay leaf, if you can find it.)
1 teaspoon sambal badjak, sambal oelek, or sriracha sauce
1½ tablespoons ketjap manis or soy sauce
1teaspoon palm sugar or sugar

* = I’m not being indecisive. Some of these ingredients can be hard to find.

Makes 4 bowls. Takes 1 hour.

PREPARATION

Cut chicken into 1″ cubes. Add garlic cloves and kemirie nuts to food processor. Blend the cloves and nuts into a paste. Add oil and chicken cubes to pan. Sauté for 5 minutes at medium heat or until chicken is no longer pink.. Stir occasionally. Remove chicken.

Add garlic/kemirie paste, galangal, ginger, salt to pan. Sauté for 2 minutes at medium heat or until paste begins to dry. Stir constantly. Add sautéed chicken cubes, coconut milk, bay leaf, sambal badjak, ketjap manis, and sugar. Bring to boil using high heat. Stir frequently. Cover, reduce heat to low and simmer for 35 minutes or until sauce thickens. Stir occasionally. Goes well with rice.

TIDBITS

1) Ajam roedjak is served in the U.S. Senate’s cafeteria and is, of course, an anagram for Jajk* Adam – redo. Jack Adam works for the federal government and is the one person who types the recently enacted laws onto the official form which is then transmitted throughout the land.

3) Unfortunately, Mr. Adam is often tipsy when typing in the new laws. This results in many mistakes, such as “Thou shall commit adultery.” Digusted lawmakers sent back the typo-riddled law form with the note, “Jack Adam – redo.” If Jack is still drunk, the laws get mistyped again and he gets another note. This continues until he is sober. This is why it takes congress so long to pass laws.

* = Jajk is a deliberate typo for Jack. Who says senators don’t have a sense of humor?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fish-Stick Tacos

Mexican Entree

FISH-STICK TACOS

INGREDIENTS

9 small fish sticks
1/2 medium onion
1 garlic clove
1/2 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon Seafood MagicTM spice
2 tablespoons butter
grated four Mexican cheeses
3 taco shells
1/2 cup lettuce
salsa is optional

PREPARATION

Mince the onion and garlic in a food processor. Melt butter in sauce pan. Add onion, garlic, cumin and fish spice. Cook on medium until tender. Be sure to throughly blend in the spices. Stir frequently enough to avoid burning.

Cook the fish sticks as directed on its package. Note that many large ovens take a longer time to cook than directed while smoke billowing out of your toaster oven will forcefully suggest that it cooks food somewhat faster than you expect. Fish sticks can go past your desired level of crispiness to cinders faster than kids unwrap presents on Christmas, so check on them often. In fact, it’s always a good idea to cook in an oven with a window. (Ugh. It sounds as if I want to you cook yourself in an oven. Or cook with a window. I meant to say, “… to cook your food in an oven that has a window.” For heavens sake.)

Put three fish sticks in taco shell. Top with desired amount of onion/garlic/spices mix, grated cheeses, and lettuce. Add salsa.

TIDBITS

1) My grandmother came from Sonora, Mexico, an inland province. I never even heard of fish tacos until a few decades ago. I suspect my grandparents and parents were trying to shelter me from something.

2) Don’t be tempted to pick those fish sticks off the searing-hot cooking tray with your fingers. You’ll only make that mistake once.

3) Fish sticks were supposed to have been made out of herring, but people preferred the blander cod.

4) Fish sticks are a popular item on children’s menus.

5) So are macaroni and corn. Fish sticks, macaroni, and corn comprise Kid CuisinesTM Deep Sea Adventure Fish Stick MealTM. Give your kids this when you and your spouse wish to go out on a dinner date. You’ll feel good about yourself knowing that you gave them a restaurant kids’ meal at a fraction of the cost.

6) Fish sticks were first called, “fish fingers.” “Fish sticks” makes more sense. But then again, “chicken sticks” makes more sense than “chicken tenders.”

7) According to the Codex Standard For Frozen Fish Sticks (Fish Fingers), Fish Portions and Fish Fillets – Breaded or in Batter,

“Codex Stan 166 – 1989

“2.1.1 A fish stick (fish finger) is the product including the coating weighing not less than 20g and not more than 50g shaped so the length is not less than three times the greatest width. Each stick shall be not less than 10mm thick.”

Whew! Thank goodness some governmental agency is looking out after somebody. I was worried that the fish stick industry was the Wild West.

8) However, the amount of mercury that may be eaten in fish is subject only to a federal advisory.

9) Mercury is no longer used in thermometers due the danger it presented to small kids who might break the fragile instrument.

10) Indeed, it is impossible to find a thermometer containing any type of mercury-carrying fish. This shows the fear the thermometer industry has toward even trace amounts of mercury.

Years of gainful employment may be no more for America’s big bird if Romney wins the election in November.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Be The First On Your Block To Be A Director Of A Federal Agency

You too can be in government with the Bacon & Chocolate Party. 
Come join our dedicated team.

President: Paul De Lancey

Vice President: Daphne Anne Humphrey

Avoiding Labor: Stephen Parrish
Bacon Protocol: Louise Corazza Busby
Education: Jan Buckner, Amy Buckheister Gettinger
Extraterrestrial Welcoming Committee: Denise Hemphill
Health Human Services And Cooking: Shauna Roberts
Office of Management and Budget: Mark Kennet
State: Franchesca Todd
Secret Service: Maria Kuroshchepova
Treasury: Andrea Isom

Chief Political Adviser: Jonna Pattillo

Ambassadorships:

Greece: Lisa Jean Boehles Henderson
South America & Caribbean: Joel Poole
Vatican: John Rucker

Vote Bacon & Chocolate for a Tasty Tommorow

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: Bacon & Chocolate, Paul De Lancey, politics | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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