Posts Tagged With: appetizer

Mayonnaise

Posted on October 6, 2013 by pauldelancey

American Appetizer

MAYONNAISE

INGREDIENTSmayonnaise-

1 medium egg
1 egg yolk
1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon white pepper
1/4 teaspoon mustard powder

SPECIAL ITEM

blender

PREPARATION

Put egg and yolk of another egg in blend. Blend on mix setting for 30 seconds. With the blender still on mix, slowly add vegetable oil. Blend until mixture becomes thick and creamy. Add apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, salt, white pepper, and mustard powder. Blend for 2 minutes.

TIDBITS

1) People have been using vinegar for 10,000 years. One wonders what for? Couldn’t have been for Easter eggs. No Easter back then. No domesticated chickens either. Could prehistoric people have been following herds of wild chickens? Maybe this exciting thought was the inspiration for the wildly popular TV series, Rawhide. “Head ‘em up, move ‘em out.”

2) And, of course, there is no archaeological–Woo hoo, spelled it right on the first try–evidence that primitive society produced apple cider vinegar, salt, white pepper, and mustard powder, all necessary for the making of mayonnaise.

3) It is not possible to make a proper Venezuelan hot dog without mayonnaise, which we have seen early hunter/gatherer societies did not have. This absence alone hindered the development on the modern Venezuelan nation state for nearly 10,000 years.

4) Pantyhose lasts longer when rinsed with diluted white vinegar. Did dawn-of-time women use pantyhose? What if they didn’t have vinegar? Visit the International Vinegar Museum in Roslyn, South Dakota and find out.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Pico de Gallo

Posted on September 4, 2013 by pauldelancey

Mexican Appetizer

PICO DE GALLO

INGREDIENTSPicoDeGallo-

4 Roma tomatoes
1 medium white onion
1 jalapeno pepper (1/2 or even 1/4 if you like it milder)
1 tablespoon fresh cilantro
4 teaspoons lime juice
1/2 teaspoon salt

PREPARATION

Dice tomatoes, onion, and cilantro. De-seed and dice jalapeno. (Wash hands afterward. If you touch your face before washing, it will burn.) Put tomato, onion, jalapeno, cilantro, lime juice, and salt in bowl. Mix with spoon.

TIDBITS

1) You really should listen to the song “Pico de Gallo” by Trout Fishing in America. The link to the song is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kL5f0np7EU. Visit Trout Fishing in America’s website at: http://www.troutmusic.com/.

2) Pico de gallo goes well with tortilla chips.

3) Guatemala has suffered through many years of civil wars. Peasants would often take to the hills to avoid the guerrillas and the government forces. The villagers’ main source of sustenance was the humble tortilla. However, old tortillas dry out and become hard to eat. So the peasants would fry their tortillas in oil to make tortilla chips which lasted longer.

4) Humanity began its ascent in the Americas with the development of the first tortillas in 10,000 B.C.. Beer provided the upward impetus across the Atlantic Ocean. Civilizations such as the Aztecs and the Mayans flourished because of the tortillas and indeed they developed advanced art, architecture, math, astronomy, and pico de gallo. America has the world’s largest economy because of its great tortilla chip and beer industries.

5) The Spanish royalty dispatched Christopher Columbus in 1492 to find these fabled tortilla lands. In 1519 Hernando Cortez conquered the Aztecs on Central Mexico securing a Spanish tortilla monopoly. Mexican tortillas would provide the sustenance for the many and mighty armies that held together the vast and numerous of the Spanish empire..

6) In 1993 China began producing flour tortillas. China will soon have the world’s largest economy.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Salsa Criolla from Argentina

Posted on August 22, 2013 by pauldelancey

Argentinian Appetizer

SALSA CRIOLLA
(barbecue salsa)

INGREDIENTSSalsaCriolla-

1 green bell pepper
1 red bell pepper
1 clove garlic
1 onion
2 Roma tomatoes
2 teaspoons parsley
1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar

PREPARATION

Remove seeds from both bell peppers. Dice green bell pepper, red bell pepper, garlic, onion, and tomatoes. Put pepper, salt and red wine vinegar in mixing bowl. Stir until salt dissolves. Stir remaining ingredients into mixing bowl. Refrigerate for at least two hours.

TIDBITS

1) “Salsa criolla” is an anagram for “Class Aria – lol,” something you might text from your iPadTM while watching an opera.

2) It is not, however, a palindrome. A palindrome is the same thing backward as forward.

3) Here are some culinary palindromes:
A man, a plan, a cat, a ham, a yak, a yam, a hat, a canal-Panama!
A nut for a jar of tuna.
Desserts, I stressed!
Do offer ref food.
Evil olive
Elk rap song? No sparkle.
Go hang a salami, I’m a lasagna hog.
Lived on DecafTM; faced no Devil.
Ma has a ham.
No lemon, no melon
Sit  on a potato pan, Otis.
Tuna roll or a nut?
Won tons, not now?
Yo Bob! Mug o’ gumbo, boy?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Salsa Verde

Posted on August 21, 2013 by pauldelancey

Mexican Appetizer

SALSA VERDE

INGREDIENTSSalsaVerde-

3 serrano chiles
9 cloves garlic
1 white onion
16 tomatillos
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1/2 teaspoon cilantro
2 teaspoons lime juice
1/4 teaspoon salt

PREPARATION

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Remove seeds from serrano chiles if you desire a milder salsa. Put garlic, onion, tomatillos, and oil in baking dish. Stir until garlic, onion, and tomatillos are well coated with oil. Roast in oven at 350 degrees for 25 minutes.

While roasting, dice chiles.

Dice roasted veggies. Add veggies, diced chiles, cilantro, lime juice and salt to mixing bowl. Blend with whisk or fork. Goes great with nearly everything Mexican. Food, that is.

TIDBITS

1) Salsa Verde is an anagram for Salad Serve.

2) People often serve salad for their guests.

3) Tennis players serve tennis balls.

4) The Australian tennis player Samuel Groth has the fastest serve at 163 miles per hour.

5) He used a tennis ball. He would not achieved speeds even approaching that mark if he had used a head of romaine lettuce.

6) Even though a head of iceberg lettuce is shaped more like a tennis ball than romaine, it still would not travel through the air as fast a tennis ball even when served by the best tennis players.

7) As of press time, less than a majority of professional tennis players have shown strong interest in the game of lettuce tennis.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Lachuch Bread From Yemen

Posted on June 21, 2013 by pauldelancey

Yemeni Appetizer

LACHUCH BREAD

INGREDIENTSlachuch-

1 1/2 slices white bread
1 1/2 teaspoons dry yeast
3 cups warm water
3 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 tablespoon sugar
3 tablespoons vegetable oil (or 1 teaspoon per bread)

SPECIAL UTENSIL

electric skillet

Makes about 9 lachuch breads

PREPARATION

Soak bread in small bowl of warm water. Pour water out of bowl. Press your fish against bread to squeeze out water. Again, pour water out of bowl. Squeeze soggy bread with hands to form bread paste. (This is a bad time to caress your sweetheart’s hair.)

Add yeast and warm water to large mixing bowl. Stir until yeast dissolves. Add flour, salt and sugar. Mix with fork until batter forms. Add bread paste to mixing bowl. Form batter by mixing all ingredients with whisk or fork.

Cover mixing bowl. Let batter rise for 2 hours or until it doubles in size.

Put 1 teaspoon of oil in skillet. Heat skillet to 350 degrees. Pour in 1 ladle of batter. Fry for 4-to-5 minutes until batter is golden brown on the bottom and the top is covered with bubble holes. Do not turn over. It is a no no. Repeat until batter is used up. Use 1 teaspoon of oil per ladle.

Lachuch bread goes well with Yemeni chicken soup.

TIDBITS

1) “Bread” is an anagram for “bread.”

2) Okay, that was an easy anagram. Here’s another: red ab. You get red abs by sitting at the beach too long without sunscreen.

3) It’s also an anagram for “ad reb,” as in, “Hey man, what type of ‘reb’ are you?” “Oh, I’m ‘ad reb,’ man.”

4) More traditionally, “bread” is an anagram for “beard.”

5) At one point the CIA debated making Fidel Castro’s beard fall out. Some thought the Cuban people would be so disillusioned with him if walked around with a hairless face that they would rise up and overthrow the dictator.

6) I don’t sport a beard. I have no chance of being dictator of Cuba.

5 Ancient Egyptian men and women wore fake metallic beards to mark special occasions, such as solar eclipses. I have no idea why. Maybe they had it all wrong. Maybe wearing fake metallic beards cause solar eclipses.

6) I’m not wearing a fake metallic beard as I type this. There is no solar eclipse going on.

7) See?

8) And what does “Fake metallic beards” mean? Do people grow “real metallic beards?”

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

 

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Hawaij, Spice Mix from Yemen

Posted on June 17, 2013 by pauldelancey

Yemeni Appetizer

HAWAIJ
(spice mix)

INGREDIENTSHawaij-

2 tablespoons black peppercorns
3/4 teaspoon whole cloves
1/2 teaspoon caraway seeds
1 teaspoon cardamom
2 teaspoons coriander
2 1/2 teaspoons cumin
1 tablespoon turmeric

SPECIAL UTENSIL

spice grinder

PREPARATION

Grind peppercorns, cloves, and caraway seeds in spice grinder. Use fork to mix peppercorn, cloves, caraway, cardamom, coriander, cumin, and turmeric in small mixing bowl. Store mixture in airtight jar.

TIDBITS

1) According to Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, cardamom is “the spice of Paradise.” It’s not clear how he knew that. Perhaps he had an Ouija board.

2) Since Ouija boards weren’t invented until the twentieth century, it’s clear Chaucer had a time machine. I would have read Canterbury Tales in High School with much more interest if I had known that.

3) According to some vague, unspecified, nebulous people, cardamom was the most popular spice in ancient Rome. Rome conquered Gaul. Gauls did not spice with cardamom. The frightening implication is clear.

4) Cardamom coffee is popular in the Arab world. The Arabs overran North Africa, the Fertile Crescent, the Spanish peninsula, Sicily, and Southern France in only 100 years. The conquering qualities of cardamom explains why it costs more than oil per ounce. Oil fuels countries’ economies, but cardamom is necessary for sheer national survival.

5) Cardamom is more popular in Sweden than any other spice. Sweden has never been conquered by a non-Nordic nation. Even nations with powerful armies respect countries with large cardamom stockpiles.

6) Cardamom is the world’s second most expensive spice. Only saffron cost more. I don’t even want to think what a global conflict over saffron would be like.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, history, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Nigerian Kuli Kuli (peanut balls)

Posted on May 27, 2013 by pauldelancey

Nigerian appetizer

KULI-KULI
(Peanut balls)

INGREDIENTSKuliKuli-

2 1/4 cups roasted peanuts
1/2 onion
1/2 tablespoon peanut oil (2 cups more later)
3/4 teaspoon cayenne
1/2 tablespoon ginger
1/4 cup water
2 cups peanut oil
3/4 teaspoons baking soda

SPECIAL EQUIPMENT

food processor
kitchen towel
kitchen mallet or any hard object
wok or deep fryer or skillet

PREPARATION

Crush, blend, spindle, grind, disintegrate, and heartily vex peanuts in food processor until peanuts cry uncle and become a crumbly paste resembling peanut butter. Mince onions. Put 1/2 tablespoon peanut oil in frying pan. Add onion. Sauté on medium-high heat until onion becomes soft. Remove oil from sautéed onions with paper towels.

It is important to get as much moisture as you can out of the peanut paste. Put peanut paste in bottom middle of kitchen towel. Roll up towel as tight as you can. Press on rolled up towel as hard as you can with something hard such as a cutting board or kitchen mallet. Repeat 2 more times.

Add peanut paste, sautéed onions, cayenne, and ginger to mixing bowl. Add water slowly until there is just enough to make a uniformly moist paste.

Add two cups of peanut oil to wok. Use high heat to make oil hot, or 375 degrees on skillet. Add baking soda. While peanut oil heats, form 1-1/2″ to 2″ inch balls. (Flatten balls if using skillet.) Put peanut balls in wok. Fry for 1 minute or until peanut balls turn golden brown.

Cool and serve.

TIDBITS

1) Did you know that peanuts are often used as an ingredient in explosives?

2) Explosives?!

3) Looks carefully at peanut-butter sandwich.

4) Puts it down carefully.

5) Runs toward bed to calm down.

6) Realizes potentially explosive peanuts are in stomach.

7) Slows down.

8) Sits carefully on bed.

9) Wonders what are the other ingredients one needs to add to peanuts to make a WMD.

10) Thinks about the jar of unsalted, raw peanuts in pantry.

11) Is family at risk?

12) Remembers peanuts as also used an ingredients in: detergent, salves, bleach, ink, axle grease, face creams, soap, linoleum, rubber, cosmetics, paint, shampoo, medicine, and shaving cream.

13) Has a shave.

14) Saves family.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Ethiopian Dabo Kolo (Spicy bread bites)

Posted on May 24, 2013 by pauldelancey

Ethiopian Appetizer

DABO KOLO
(Spicy bread bites)

INGREDIENTSDaboKolo-

2 cups wheat flour
2 tablespoons berbere spice
1 tablespoon sugar
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
4 tablespoons butter
2/3 cup water
no-stick spray

SPECIAL UTENSIL

cookie tin

PREPARATION

Take butter out sufficiently in advance to let it soften. (Less preferred is nuking it in the microwave for 15 seconds. The worst way is hitting it with a sledge hammer. Sure there’s never been made a half stick that won’t soften under the blows of such a heavy, blunt instrument, but you have to ask yourself, “Do I really want butter all over the cabinets? Would I truly want a hole in the counter top?”)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Add flour, berbere spice, sugar, and salt  to mixing bowl. Combine with whisk or fork. Add water. Knead mixture for 5 minutes or until you have a stiff dough or paste. Add softened butter. Knead mix for 5 minutes.

Tear off a ball of dough about 1″ across. Roll it in your palms until it looks like a brown bread pencil about 1/2″ wide. Spray cookie tin with no-stick spray. Put brown bread pencils on cookie sheet. Put cookie sheet in oven. Bake at 350 degrees for 10 minutes. Turn brown bread pencils over and cook for another 10-to-20 minutes or until they become lightly browned (Okay, a slightly different brown as they started brown.)

Serve to guests you like. If you don’t like your visitors, serve them anyway. Just tell them these bread bites are sweets.

TIDBITS

1) Salt is used to preserve food and add flavor.

2) S.A.L.T.. the Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty was designed to preserve peace by limiting the construction of nuclear weapons.

3) However, butter is an anagram for Bert Ut. Bert Ut was Mrs. Ut’s little boy, Bert.

4) Moreover, Dabo Kolo is an anagram for: Look! A Bod!, Lab Book., and Bodo KolaTM.

5) And by the way, does it still make sense to party like it’s 1999?

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

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Tunisian Harissa Recipe

Posted on May 11, 2013 by pauldelancey

Tunisian Appetizer

HARISSA

Harissa-

INGREDIENTS

12 dried chile de arbol peppers or milder red chile peppers
4 garlic cloves
3/4 teaspoon caraway seeds
3/4 teaspoon coriander
3/4 teaspoon cumin
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 tablespoon lemon juice
2 tablespoons olive oil

PREPARATION

Remove stems and seeds from peppers. (Always, always wash hands after handling chile peppers.) Put peppers in bowl of hot water. (This softens and relaxes the peppers.) Remove peppers after 30 minutes. Mince peppers and garlic cloves. Combine all ingredients in bowl.

Store in refrigerator for up to one month. This is one tough condiment.

TIDBITS

1) Caraway seeds reduce flatulence.

2) Moving quickly on, the word Tunisia comes from Tunis, the country’s capital, not the fish, tuna.

3) It’s a fact, Germany was never called Hamburgeria after its import port city of Hamburg.

4) The burg Hamburg is not named after ham. Ham is an English word. Hamburg is still in Germany and is likely to remain that way.

5) Unless of course, the movement of the Earth’s plates increase to such a phenomenal pace that Hamburg ends up being next to Boston sometime by press time for this book.

6) I would like to point out that if the Earth’s plates do move that fast there will be immense worldwide devastation. Book signings will be difficult to schedule.

7) Surfers though would have a great time. Those fast moving continents would generate tons of primo waves. Cowabunga, dude.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, humor, international | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Provencale Dressing Recipe

Posted on March 23, 2013 by pauldelancey

French Appetizer

PROVENÇALE DRESSING

INGREDIENTS

ProvDre-

2 cups mayonnaise
6 tablespoons red wine vinegar
2 garlic cloves
1/2 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1/2 tablespoon herbes de Provence
1/4 teaspoon French tarragon (or tarragon)
1/4 teaspoon white pepper
1/4 teaspoon sweet French basil (or basil)

PREPARATION

Mince garlic cloves. Combine all ingredients in mixing bowl. Mix thoroughly. Cover and refrigerate for 2 hours or until you can’t stand waiting any more or until ravenous guests arrive.

TIDBITS

1) This recipe tells you to cool the dressing in your fridge.

2) Putting your beer bottle in your fridge is not the fastest way to cool it down.

3) The fastest way to cool down your beer is to put it in a sink full of cold water and crushed ice while cold tap water falls on the beer bottle.

4) Okay, okay, the fastest way to cool down your bottle of beer is to combine your sink full of cold water and crushed ice with liquid nitrogen.

5) Too little liquid nitrogen and nothing happens.

6) Too much and your beer freezes. So will the water in your sink. So will your hand if you try to take the beer bottle out of the liquid nitrogen.

7) Tidbit 6 is why you must jump through all sorts of hoops to buy liquid nitrogen.

8) So may I suggest using tidbit 3 if you want to cool your beer.

9) Better living through chemistry.

– Paul De Lancey, The Comic Chef

My cookbook, Following Good Food Around the World, with its 180 wonderful recipes, my newest novel, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms, a hilarious apocalyptic thriller, and all my other books, are available on amazon.com.

Categories: cuisine, food, humor, international, recipes | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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